Why Mike Wheeler Has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as Someone Who is Borderline
First, I implore you all to go on to research the disorder more in depth as in no way, shape, or form, will I be able to do it justice through ONLY a post about it and personal experience. There are phenomenal borderline advocates on different platforms that speak about their unique experiences, such as @/tierralorain on instagram, who I would recommend following. Additionally, reading research articles/papers written by licensed psychologists about the disorder is always important when it comes to educating yourself about a disorder, though you must remember that BPD has been a heavily stigmatized personality disorder for decades and so recognizing that even said licensed psychologists can AND are biased towards borderline people is necessary. Check research articles/papers sources, check who may be financially supporting certain studies, and more.
Secondly, what is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?
BPD is described as a personality disorder marked by an ongoing pattern of varying moods, self-image, and behavior. To further elaborate, the diagnostic criteria includes frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, chronic feelings of emptiness, emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events, identity disturbance with persistently unstable sense of self, impulsive behavior in some area of your life that is self-damaging, inappropriate and or intense anger OR difficulty controlling anger, pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization or devaluation, recurrent suicidal behavior/self-harming behavior, and transient stress-related paranoid ideation OR severe dissociative symptoms.
Now, why do I feel as though Mike Wheeler can be understandably headcanoned as Borderline AND be seen by Borderlines as someone they can identify with?
BPD is believed to be caused by a complex interaction of genetic, environmental, and developmental factors. We see that in season one of Stranger Things, it is established that the show is not only set in 1980s Indiana but we are also shown that Mike’s family is the average middle-class nuclear/patriarchal family; Ted, the father, is the sole breadwinner and when not working, he is aloof and to himself rather than parenting. Karen, the mother, takes a stereotypically nurturing role and does majority of the parenting, cleaning, cooking, etc.
It is objectively true that Mike did not go through the heavily implied physical and emotional abuse that Will went through at the hands of his father and I feel it’s important to remember that, however, once again it is the 80s. The decade is the most conservative decade outside of the 50s, meaning boys AT LARGE as they grow up are expected to be less emotionally open with others, and teaching emotional regulation is very likely not happening. I want to specify that Karen Wheeler is not a bad parent, she actively is trying her best as a housewife who has to take care of three children—all in different age groups—but she is still ultimately susceptible to gender roles and misogyny as a woman/mother/wife in 1980s USA. For example, Karen—to punish Mike for getting into trouble at school/home in season two—makes him give away two boxes worth of his toys that hold emotional value for him because she truly believes that through punishment, he will learn and start acting more appropriately. She admits that she knows Will’s disappearance and everything that happened in season one was tough on him but she ultimately decided on punishing him because that’s what she thinks is the best course of action when it’s very likely that he’s acting out due to not knowing how to process grief caused by once believing Will was dead and NOW believing El was gone forever, likely dead. By not having access to explore those feelings and even begin to understand why you feel the way you do, it causes a child to automatically try to explain why they are feeling the way they are in an often extreme, intense way as they have no one to tell them that’s wrong or right.
By the time people are around the ages of seven to nine years old, that’s when they start forming a personality—made up of their environment, genetics, and social interactions. We know that Mike has been ostracized for a good while before season one by his peers when he was twelve years old, which will impact a child greatly as they develop no matter if their home life is stellar or not. With all this evidence in season one and two, it is more than fair to conclude that Mike is emotionally unstable as he has emotional outbursts—one famous scene of his literally being that once he finds out El has been alive the entire time he was grieving, he gets extremely angry and emotionally volatile, getting to the point he attempts to kick and punch hopper as he feels SO much and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Talking about his outburst, tied to the emotional part is the impulsive behavior. He is shown time and time again, despite lacking in the fighting department, continuing to act on impulse and irrationally due to not wanting to LOSE someone again and again. An example of this is Mike trying to defend El in season three against Billy who ends up throwing him against the wall. It is not far-fetched to say he has a giant fear of abandonment as he literally puts himself in harm's way JUST so he can protect the people he cares for and ensure they continue being in his life.
Borderline people are more likely to be in unstable relationships due to rapidly switching between idealizing and devaluing the people they are in relationships with, especially romantic/intimate ones. No matter what your opinion is on El and Mike’s relationship, it’s very obvious that Mike idealizes El: he puts her on a pedestal, denies she has negative characteristics as everyone does, yet he also devalues her by calling her ridiculous, blowing up on her when she calls him out on the fact he is unable to say I love you, etc. A great example of the idealization and devaluation is El and Mike throughout season three. Starting season three, we know through dialogue and implication that they had spent all summer ditching their friend group to hang out together—most of it being just kissing most of the time. Mike wants to spend every waking hour with El, and believes El is fascinating and everything good. That is until Mike is found out to be lying by her and she breaks up with him; she’s upset that he broke a rule that she views as important and with the influence of Max, she thought dumping him would be the best course of action. This is unexpected to Mike, and he reacts by frantically questioning why she broke up with him and how he could fix it, instead of attempting to look back on his actions and discussing it with her. In the midst of doing so as well, he devalues El by referring to her as a part of the “female species”. He starts spewing misogynistic rhetoric in order to justify why El reacted the way she did to avoid what he fears most: abandonment. And worst of all, abandonment that is HIS fault. So, from the point of view of him being Borderline, his self-esteem and self-image were likely threatened in this situation. The issues that arise in their relationship result in him scrambling to find a reason why he feels the way he does, why El feels the way she does, and why things aren’t working out for him in a way that is too intense and not nuanced. With Borderline Personality Disorder, there is little to no way to simply tell yourself, “Oh it’ll be fine!” Even while being emotionally intelligent, with this disorder, feelings will always be black and white—intense to a fault. I also feel like it’s important to mention that having BPD doesn’t mean what he said was okay nor does it mean every borderline person you meet is misogynistic; men/boys who have BPD are still men/boys.
Continuing, that is why he reacts on his intense emotions and goes from having an open discussion with her in season four, trying to understand her, to calling her ridiculous, and asking her where this is coming from. This goes into attachment and “favorite people” when it comes to BPD; Borderline people, especially when undiagnosed and they have no idea they might have this personality disorder, will be unhealthily attached to one person or more than one in different periods of their lives. These people are referred to as favorite people, as the person with BPD will rely on them for emotional support and validation along with the need to have them to yourself in certain ways in order for these people to not leave you and no longer love you MOST. Once again not far-fetched to say that the way he acts with El is similar to that dynamic. Especially as someone who views Mike as a gay man, these types of obsessive/deep feelings could easily be misconstrued as romantic ones since they are so extreme (as you can tell from what I have said so far, Borderlines tend to be labeled as “too much”).
Moreover, Borderline people are prone to appearing like they believe they are superior when in reality they doubt themselves so badly that they just want to be validated and praised; NEEDED. This is confirmed through his venting to Will in the van in season four where we see him admit verbally for the first time that he believes El has never needed him and will never need him, and once she finds that out, she will leave him behind. Textbook definition of abandonment issues.
If we look at another important relationship of his, which is with Will, we see these fears arise as well to the point its even verbally confirmed in season four when Mike admits that he felt as though he had LOST will. Which to him, is literally the worst thing possible. We see him time and time again in season one and two step up to make sure Will is safe and protected—he wants to be useful. He NEEDS to feel useful. That is why Will telling Mike that he will always need him (disguised as El’s feelings toward him) is SO impactful to him. Those words are genuinely just what he wants—to know and feel that he is not replaceable, that he is someone worth staying for. Someone worth needing.
I also think Mike being Borderline intertwined with internalized homophobia makes a lot of his actions make sense when it comes to Will. For example, he splits (fast switch from idealizing to devaluing him) on Will during the rain fight scene before realizing that what he had said was wrong and came from a sudden belief that Will was coming after his self-image (having a girlfriend, being straight, and being normal). Even before the rain fight when Will gets mad, he immediately scrambles to fix things in the most extreme way by jiving about the D&D campaign rather than actually confronting the fact that he has been ignoring all of his friends that summer and became obsessed with only spending time with El. Not only because he thinks that what normal boys SHOULD do, but also because he thinks that's what will make El stay and need him (If he continues acting in romantically in love, El won’t leave).
Once again this is a headcanon, I don’t think the brothers wrote Mike based off the disorder, but I think it’s so interesting how a lot of his actions can be better understood by applying BPD on him alongside internalized homophobia. Feel free to tell me your thoughts and thank you for reading!
