private usfw-ish sideblog. please do not follow or interact without permission, even we're mutuals on main. if you happen upon this anyways, please just respect the boundaries until i say it's okay. thanks
tags: essential posts. headcanons. prompts. writing. reference. core. out of character.
mandatory guidelines:
i'm not to advertising this blog widely because quite frankly, i have a weird fuckin time about everything and certain characters of mine tend to attract certain people that i don't want perceiving her (f*tishists). more details about my boundaries in this post.
i prefer to keep things iconless and ask that you do the same if you reply to anything. if you have an usfw sideblog separate from main, this is a good place to utilize it. but i don't mind if you stick to main blog either, whichever makes sense and is comfortable for you.
i guess this is an usfw blog but it might not be strictly sexual content. sometimes it's just hey this one really specific thing that happens inside her brain and here is why it has everything and nothing to do with sex. and also #thesickness #thecurse #themortifyingordeal and whatever i feel like putting here. it's probably going to be very unsexy. unless any of that appeals to you. we do not judge.
that being said, i will occasionally allude to her negative sexual experiences. sometimes they're not that negative, but just not especially thrilling or that enjoyable. i don't care to write about it in explicit detail, but that context is sometimes necessary in order to understand what a positive experience is like for her. will be tagged as "trigger tw /" or "trigger mention tw /" when applicable. most content is usfw by default, but with stuff that may need an emphasized tag (like if you open apps in public and i include an image), it will be "usfw /" or "suggestive /"
subjects that are featured in default and are usually applicable: mentions of grooming, csa, dv, coercion, exploitation, misogyny, body image, and eating disorders. all these are crucial elements of the story, which i never want to talk about more than i have to and do not enjoy reading gratuitous depictions of. will still be alluded to and warned if needed.
you already know but i will not be writing any threads with n.oncon, d.ubcon, domestic violence, or anything that infantilizes/fetishizes her. she's not usually into anything with a large age gap or power imbalance, but i believe it can be situational, so i'm not totally strict about it. if you're ever unsure about if something is okay, just ask.
if you need any suggestions for how to interact with her, she's usually prepared to talk about any of these. idk what else
sorry this blog sounds really bleak and So Unsexy. it might still have actual good things here? but that's for me to figure out later. it's just the catch-all blog for anything not on main.
if i write stuff and you want to reply but don't feel the need to put on main, you can utilize your sideblogs or let me know if you want to write it on discord. (appreciate the head's up with the latter so i can remember!) replies aren't necessary anyways.
and yes i know that sourwaters defeats the whole point of fight club. this makes me ugh because it would have been GOOD but i can save it for something later.
also i notice that i keep expecting any usual people here but some are not and i'm forgetting that so i wonder why they didn't say i was funny yet 🤔 (everyone will be here when they need to be i just forgot)
i feel okay saying this here and not on main since idk how many people i let be here i think it could just be 3-5 and definitely low numbers. but since emlix and i all agree too i can say that alice and nick d.unne @fearmeter's version would sleep together and have that be a consciously bad choice they are making for themselves as punishment that doesn't progress interestingly enough to write in any thread. which is insane but i need to say (for my sake of not remembering things until i put them in a post and not even then as we learned today thank you emmy)
1.) is that i know alice would only sleep with an older man if she hated herself that day. i don't let her for a reason but she does do that and 2.) nick could be the same in reverse if he wants to feel like "the bad guy" especially since real ones (me and emlix) no there isn't actually villain in his story if you are smart and yes men are terrible but so is [rocky voice amaze amaze amaze] and we don't have to absolve her feminism. i actively hate "good for her" opinions unless it is just to be funny and i do not ever want anyone to that with alice unless it is earned by her and not by just hating any man as default. yes this matters to her and me and everyone defaults to #girlbossing which i can understand but think lacks nuance.
anyways this is my way of saying we are not so mean to ourselves that we let alice and nick do something that realistically would happen to them. everything would consensual anyways because we are not monsters. but if we did it, no one really gets anything interesting.
and also a reminder to myself that we have an even better version of the alice and nick dynamic that i need everyone to appreciate because one night stand that is fine but actually regretful for aforementioned reasons and not worth it ever again so everyone moves on and it becomes a footnote¹
¹ alice and nick are probably familiar through work but only allowed to do that to themselves once when they both hate doing well and realize after that it will not even fulfill them in terms of "worthy" punishment and there are more effective ways to seek that out. and they can move on and look at each other like why did i do that ugh fine back to work.
will not bother to do a poll since there are [counts fingers even though there are so few people following but i have that thing with my brain where numbers are not real to me] but CHOOSE UR FIGHTER! (for a url)
axewomen - been wanting to use this one even though it should be singular i think it was unavailable when i saved this. but it's just about axemen by heavens to betsy (recommending everyone the mackenzie davis and carrie coon cover too because mack is a close personal fellow canadian legend too)
interloser - interludes was not available, which is ideal because of becomes the colour by emily wells ("i had hunger / a mouthful of interludes"). technically the current url byhunger is also from that same song too so it works. and yeah she's always losing out on something if you think hard enough. i also want to call her a loser
sourthyme - literally sour times by portishead (links to my preferred live version which us more important to us) but yeah make it herbal. let's be cute
sourwaters - would actually be hilarious for portishead and parody reasons. but i don't think it is a good one if i want to keep things lowkey because it is too on the nose. rare instances of portishead and water motifs of backfiring
i could potentially come up with many urls from just these songs alone but if you want to give suggestions, you can help us think of other options from most of the playlist too. there are so many good ones so i got overwhelmed but please give us any suggestions if you have
also tell me if you have a favourite. and also why. i can make solid arguments for them all
i guess the bonus with sour times references is that time she was referred to as having a sour personality (by ash² because yeah that's true) and i think it's fitting for branding but my hesitation to be Seen here
there are funnier aliceashton things i need to put her eventually and i think we can all agree because there is something wrong with them individually and together. working on this later but reminding myself because it is essential to my life and lore sometimes
there are funnier aliceashton things i need to put her eventually and i think we can all agree because there is something wrong with them individually and together. working on this later but reminding myself because it is essential to my life and lore sometimes
and the nicest thing you can ever do for me is to ask any kind of question like what is some absurd thing about alice, sexuality wise or not, that just seems like we should ponder. idk any questions but ask if you have any and it can actually be a normal one like would she do this and whatever. i am not going to be eloquent as she expects me to be always 🙄
will not bother to do a poll since there are [counts fingers even though there are so few people following but i have that thing with my brain where numbers are not real to me] but CHOOSE UR FIGHTER! (for a url)
axewomen - been wanting to use this one even though it should be singular i think it was unavailable when i saved this. but it's just about axemen by heavens to betsy (recommending everyone the mackenzie davis and carrie coon cover too because mack is a close personal fellow canadian legend too)
interloser - interludes was not available, which is ideal because of becomes the colour by emily wells ("i had hunger / a mouthful of interludes"). technically the current url byhunger is also from that same song too so it works. and yeah she's always losing out on something if you think hard enough. i also want to call her a loser
sourthyme - literally sour times by portishead (links to my preferred live version which us more important to us) but yeah make it herbal. let's be cute
sourwaters - would actually be hilarious for portishead and parody reasons. but i don't think it is a good one if i want to keep things lowkey because it is too on the nose. rare instances of portishead and water motifs of backfiring
i could potentially come up with many urls from just these songs alone but if you want to give suggestions, you can help us think of other options from most of the playlist too. there are so many good ones so i got overwhelmed but please give us any suggestions if you have
also tell me if you have a favourite. and also why. i can make solid arguments for them all
i guess our first lesson here at fight club is that malice is really mean and if you do something stupid she can only respect it if you commit hard enough and succeed? i am learning things about her as we speak
expanding on a thing i literally wrote in my own stupid post and fucking FORGOT and asked emmy to explain it to me like i am five.
if you ask alice to send nudes sometimes she will be like "send me a picture of you crying first" or "jaywalk across a busy road without getting hit by a car" and i really need to stress that she is joking but idk sometimes if she is. because if anyone is stupid enough to try the latter (i know at least one of you could be), she would honour that only after calling you a desperate loser.
i mean she'd still call you a loser for asking nicely and there is a chance she would actually send anything. but it is also not a guarantee. i would argue that not getting hit by a car would get you a higher guarantee because she has to respect the commitment. also it would make her laugh if you got hit by a bus and died for that. either way, tell us if you know someone who is stupid enough to try, and what their chances of survival are.
tbh i don't like this url at all for this particular blog, but i happen to have it so it's here until i think of one i like.
also do i have permission to crash out here later when needed because very few people will see. and if you think that's actually bad please tell me no just use a journal, idiot
this is a heavy one, i will be careful with this. but it is also DEEPLY FUNNY to me when i remember this her way of telling people to shut the fuck up if they want to see her sexualized so bad. an essential headcanon about her experiences with having a human body that is seen as feminine and conventionally attractive (re: thin, white, cisgender), which itself the real issue if you think about it. how even the privilege of being a pretty cis white girl is backfiring no matter what because everyone has to be weird about all women and especially young women and think of how much worse this could all be if she didn't fit the western society ideals.
at the very least, we know she will make us super uncomfortable in ways that are only funny to her and you will laugh to keep yourself from [redacted].
tw for mentions of body image, eating disorders, misogyny and the male gaze, the hypocrisy that even women are complicit in, sexualization of her in a way that i woukd send people to jail for if it were up to me (she's still a kid when some of this is happening) + everything you might expect when a weird girl tries to do something weirder in response to how you talk about her body.
stage one.
alice's early career was a very particular image. there was nothing revealing or scandalous about her yet. she mainly wore light colours, long flowy fabrics, and dressed appropriately for her age. it wasn't necessarily a choice she was making, but professional stylists had the tendency to lean towards an ethereal look, inspired by the stage name "liddell" (also not her choice of name) and its association with alice in wonderland. easy to market, whimsical and delicate, aesthetically appealing to most tastes, elegant and timeless even for a teenage girl.
alice is already described as having "haunting" qualities, but she was not leaning into that as much yet. she was taught not to make others uncomfortable, without yet understanding what it was about her behavior that could incite that reaction.
everything is as wholesome and age appropriate as it can be with her, but that does not stop people who will do whatever they can to sexualize a conventionally attractive teenage girl's developing body. there is a lecherous gaze to a lot things published about her appearance in press, social media, and generally discussed within a lot of conversations. while being just careful enough not to explicitly say "yeah we think this girl could be fuckable but aren't allowed to publish that for legal reasons." it is not only men who apply this to her, but it is mostly men.
women sometimes play a different role here. alice is seen as "bad representation" to some who feel that she is too thin. there have always been debates about whether or not she is promoting eating disorders by being too thin. it does not matter that she is young and still growing, or that she has an untreated eating disorder that is not known to the public (officially UFED because they can't be expected to diagnose her more specifically; too much work for some doctors). they were going to say something about this anyways.
stage two.
alice was aware and resentful long before she can understand what it all means, which if course, lead to the wrong influences in men exerting/abusing their power dynamics. this was not the only reason she was groomed, but it doesn't help. at the same time, she was hyperaware of wanting to contradict the stage name and present herself as something more unsettling as a response.
the more recent"ghostly" image started to become more heavily associated with her at seventeen, as she was attempting to seize what little power she has over her life through an image. embracing aesthetic elements of long nightgowns, dark undereyes, textures and colours of mold, viscera, and dark bodies of water. (motifs that can all easily be representations of a decaying human body if you think about it too long like i have made myself do.) she still clings to things that she feels are difficult to sexualize in the context with which she uses them. it is still treated as artistic and pretty, but she has purposely made herself less appealing to men on a surface level. they will still do it anyways, but less. and they will just say how she's "not as hot anymore" which is weird because she actually got older and matured!
[note: i often and unfortunately think of many real world situations where this happens. the list is too long, but you know which ones. for $1 you could name any woman with a public childhood labour i mean career who had that happen in some way and you will be so rich.]
stage three.
yeah it it is expected when alice turned eighteen, there would be more noise. she already knew that it would happen; at this point, she was making even more attempts to look visually disturbing in her acts and lyrical content. rather than face the experience of her body being publicly violated from a hidden camera or sneak attack, she decided to just post the image herself. probably for free because she might as well. like lol you guys keep asking so fine i will do it this one time. (i think it would have been cool to charge and make it non-refundable just to see the outrage. but she is not as financially ambitious as i am.)
instead of a c*quettish or sexually appealing image that people hoped for, she gave them an image of herself standing nude in a room that basically looks like a murderer's basement. the only makeup applied is make her look more emaciated. you might see a couple visible bruises on her knees calves that were already there from something like knocking a chair or something else that anyone could easily have, but adds a sinister implication. it is not a pretty image. it makes people uncomfortable. (she still is laughing about it to this day.)
there was the inevitable backlash, not only because it wasn't the sexy nude anyone wanted, but that it appears to depict sexualized image of an abused young girl. there were criticisms made that it romanticized something like human trafficking, child sexual abuse (because she has a young looking face and almost no tits), eating disorders, or domestic violence. (really ironic stuff happening. she's got 3/4.) alice decided not comment much further than "it was the image of my body i wanted people to see" and that's about it.
her instagram got suspended for it, but enough people would have seen it by then for it to spread, and they reinstated under the condition that it was removed. she really wanted it to be a permanent ban but apparently her name has "influence" that could convince officials to reconsider. not that she used it, but other people advocated on her behalf about how she neeeeeeds to have instagram like everyone else and it is sooooo important to her job. this is one of the reasons why she isn't allowed to have the password or use it unsupervised anymore. they know if they let her she will make it worse on purpose.
if you ask her right now to send you a nude, she would if she even liked you but she will usually ask for something first like send her a picture of you crying in return or see if you can make it across a busy road while cars are driving and survive. don't actually listen to her, she is mocking you if she asks. just be nice or whatever and then eventually she will be like whatever freak and give you one that isn't actually terrifying. i can't say that she wouldn't still send the scary one as a way to kill your hard on though if you pissed her off enough. yes she thinks everything is a fucking joke and i do not support her at all.
i hope that you know she bites people. it's not exclusively sexual. but i can tell you that is usually not not sexual. did i phrase it correctly. idc anymore
