idk if ur still aftive but omg how are u !!!! imy :(
ahh hello hello!! i haven't written on this account in sooo long ;-; i've been so busy with university and my research jobs aaahhhhhh!!! i'm glad to see that you're still active :DD how have you been? :)) it's been a while :')))
note: the way i could only come up with something for my 21st birthday and its tied to my mental illness </3. i'm so sorry i haven't uploaded in awhile, i haven't had much motivation for anything really. but i am going to try and push myself a little more.
also, this isn't very good but i wanted to kinda get something out as a gift for myself even though i won't ever read this again.
anyways, hope you guys are okay and i will try to work on requests asap!!
oh and this fic has wanda in it cause that's gf fr.
warnings: ed fic + semi proofread
. . .
wanda and natasha had been great throughout your recovery process. they always knew just how much to push you and when to leave you be, though not without a few trial and errors.
slowly, things got better. you could eat three meals a day without lying about it, control became less of a battle, and guilt faded more and more as the days passed by.
however, all of this didn't mean you were immune to have bad days or slip ups.
today just so happened to be another one of those days - because it was your birthday.
both wanda and natasha could tell that you were off a week prior. they knew what was coming up. meals were met with a little more resistance than before, time was spent away from them, and your favorite snacks hadn't been touched once in the past five days.
in your mind this was what had to be done in order to celebrate your birthday the 'right' way. you were compensating for the dessert no one else seems to have a problem with eating.
yesterday had been a day wanda and natasha hadn't experienced in awhile. you skipped both breakfast and lunch, only agreeing to dinner because your stomach wouldn't quit growling. but even then you only consumed about a third of your plate.
the night finished off with your back turned away from your girlfriends. you flinched at their touch, too grossed out by your body to have either of them spoon you.
. . .
wanda brushed a few stray hairs away from your face before placing a kiss on your cheek.
"happy birthday my love." she kissed you again, causing your eyes to flutter open ever so slightly. you smiled at the sight of both sets of green eyes staring down at you.
"up!" natasha cheered, "we've got a fun day ahead of us."
you groaned, "what if i just wanted to stay in bed all day with my beautiful girlfriends." wanda giggled. "well that's too bad now, isn't it? now rise and shine! up, up, up! it's your birthday!"
natasha wanted to take you shopping, much to your dismay. but you ended up enjoying the time spent and (very) reluctantly agreed to let both of them buy you a piece of jewelry that cost more than your rent. you knew there was no changing their mind though, no matter how much you told them the only thing you wanted was to spend time with each other.
"okay i have a little request..." you trailed innocently. "natasha might hate it, but wanda i think you might have fun with it."
natasha stood with her arms crossed, a smirk plastered on her face. "is it that photo booth you've been eyeing for the past ten minutes?"
you sheepishly nodded, "it's okay if you don't want to though, natasha. i know it's not exactly your thing."
the older redhead frowned, cupping your face in her hands. "whose birthday is it?"
"mine."
"so it doesn't really matter what i think about cheesy stuff right now, does it?" she smiled, easing your state of mind. "but just so you know i'd be happy to go in that photo booth over there and take silly little pictures with you - both of you." she emphasized.
and so she was.
all three of you took a series of funny pictures, some with bunny ears, a few with your tongues out. but your personal favorite was the one with wanda and natasha kissing both sides of your cheeks, your face scrunched in a fit of laughter.
all three of you left the booth with nothing but love on your mind.
that was until you remembered what day it was. the impending fear of what was to come later slipped back into your mind, resulting in the smile on your face falling down to nothing.
natasha caught on rather quickly and took your hand in hers, bringing it closer to her face to place a kiss on the indentions of your knuckles.
“you’re okay, i promise.”
wanda rubbed your back softly as a means of support. you peered up at her, “lunch?”
both wanda and natasha nodded, sympathy pouring from their eyes knowing lunch wasn't something you'd been overly excited about lately.
but surprisingly the meal went smoother than any of you expected. you chose to focus on wanda's laugh and the way natasha teased her about the movies she liked.
even afterwards you didn't have time to think of getting rid of the meal. your girlfriends had a way of distracting you so that your attention was held on them and not the overwhelming guilt flooding your mind.
. . .
the day slowed down in the evening, all three of you resting on the couch until wanda got up and made her way to the kitchen. you looked at natasha curiously, to which she shrugged her shoulders.
wanda came back with a pink homemade cake in her hands before setting it on top of the coffee table. she hurried back into the kitchen to get a few plates and a knife.
"i know how rough this week has been, but what's a birthday without cake?" she attempted to lighten the mood. "i also know this is going to be difficult for you, but at the very least we just want you to try. if you don't try now, there's a chance you might never try again and we all know what that would mean for you."
wanda was met with silence.
she wasn't wrong though. if you were to go into a full relapse there wouldn't be any coming out of it.
you were too comfortable, you needed to challenge yourself by doing this.
because it was just cake. that's all it was.
it was not the monster you'd created it to be in your head. it was a treat, a way of celebrating your life on this earth, a way of showing you that you'd made it another year.
it was just cake.
and if you didn't have it now then you might miss the chance of ever having it again.
so you nodded your head giving wanda permission to light the candles.
natasha kissed your temple. "you got this," she encouraged softly.
your wish was to be at peace for the rest of the night.
seconds later natasha cut a slice of cake for you with a hopeful smile on her face.
natasha was the first eat with wanda following suit. you could tell they were waiting on you although they tried their best not to show it.
your hands were shaky, but after the first few bites it got easier.
"is it good?" wanda questioned. you nodded, "very good. but anything you make is bound to be delicious."
"what about you, nat? do you like it?"
"how could i not?" she teased, sending a wink in wanda's direction.
when you finished, natasha gathered everyones forks and plates into a pile before putting them in the sink. she came back and scooped you in her arms, carrying you into the bedroom.
wanda crawled up next to you shortly after. her face rest comfortably in the crook of your neck looking up at you. "happy birthday, we love you more than you can even imagine."
"and we're proud of you for not only trying, but doing." natasha added. "now do you want to watch something or go to sleep?"
you thought about it for a second, "you can put on whatever, i just want to stay sandwiched between you two."
note: everyone in this fic is a Lesbian because i said so. also this is for my bff, i love u jasiepoo i hope you feel better soon.
warnings: semi proofread.
🏷: @c-is-writing
mama!nat x daughter!reader
. . .
going to school the day after you got broken up with was one thing, but seeing your ex girlfriend act like nothing ever happened between the two of you was something else. seeing her happy, unbothered face in your classes and in the hallways only made you feel more ridiculous than before. how could she be so okay while you felt so painfully miserable?
you hadn't even told your mom yet, but you knew she could tell there was something off with you. every chance you got you spent it in your room.
today you had caught your exe’s eye and saw that she was wearing one of your favorite hoodies you let her borrow prior to the breakup. it felt like a giant slap in the face and you couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of sadness that ran through your heart.
you didn't bother going to the next class, not when you knew she would be there. instead you hid in the bathroom, phone in hand as you went to call your mom.
she picked up on the third ring.
"mama?"
"yes sweetheart?"
"can you come get me please?" you sniffled, wiping your nose with the sleeve of your shirt.
"what happened? do you want me to call wanda and tell her to meet us at the house?" she questioned, but this wasn't something you necessarily wanted to talk about over the phone in your school bathroom.
"no, no that's okay. can– can i tell you about it when we get home? i don't want to talk about it here." your voice wavered pitifully.
"of course. i'm on my way, hang in there okay?"
you were in her car not fifteen minutes later with your head resting against the window. driving home was a blur, the only thing on your mind being trying not to cry in front of your mom.
as soon as natasha unlocked the door you hurried into your room, slamming your door shut before releasing a sob.
you were so angry and upset. you wanted to hate her, you wanted her to feel as bad as you did, but you couldn't bring it in you truly wish those things - not when a part of you still loved her.
the next hour was spent crying on your bed until you finally wore yourself out.
natasha figured it had been enough time to have for yourself before coming in. she frowned when she saw you curled up on your bed, pillow tucked between your arms.
thinking quickly, she went to grab a bottle of water and two tylenol pills. if you'd been crying as hard as she thought you did, you'd definitely wake up with a headache.
after gently setting the bottle and tylenol on your nightstand, natasha leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead.
she almost made it out of your room when your strained voice called out to her.
"mom?"
she turned around, "shhh, go back to sleep sweetheart." but you sat up, taking the two pills.
"can you stay please? i don't want to be alone." your mother nodded and made her way over to your bed, sliding underneath the covers.
"are you okay princess?"
you bit your lip, shaking your head no. "she broke up with me mama."
"oh darling, i'm so sorry." natasha wrapped her arms around you, bringing you in for the tightest hug you'd felt in awhile.
"and she's completely unbothered by everything. she even wore one of my favorite hoodies today. she knew how much i liked it and she wore it anyway. why would she do that?" you broke into cries again.
"hey, hey shhhh. you're okay, i've got you baby." natasha cooed, kissing the top of your head.
it broke her heart to see you hurting so bad, especially knowing that it was from someone who used to be special to you.
"she said she didn't love me anymore and things weren't the same as they used to be. i don't know what i did wrong, mom." you sniffled, gripping tighter onto natasha's side.
"you didn't do anything wrong baby." she reassured, but it didn't help the situation.
"then why would she break up with me!"
"i wish i had an answer for you, i really do." she whispered.
"i never want to date again," you mumbled, eliciting a laugh from natasha.
"i said the same thing until i met wanda. there's definitely something different about lesbian heartbreak, i'll tell you that. but you'll find the right girl eventually."
you shrugged, "i dunno."
"you will, it just doesn't feel that way right now cause you're hurting."
there was a period of time where all you did was snuggle into natasha as much as you could. her fingers rubbed the base of your scalp, easing some of the tension from your headache.
“when is wanda going to be home?” you questioned, “i want my other mom here to fix me.”
natasha checked her watch, “just a few more hours.” you hummed in the crook of her neck.
"does it ever stop hurting?"
natasha smiled, "eventually it does."
"you promise?"
“have i ever broken a promise?” she teased lightly. you shuffled to adjust yourself against your mom again.
“m’tired.”
“go back to sleep baby, wanda and i will be here when you wake up.”
you were quick to listen to her, shutting your eyes and letting the warmth of your mother become your security.
notes: quick vent fic while i work on other stuff sorry :c
warnings: heavily revolved around restrictive eating disorders, alludes to SA, but doesn’t go into detail, natasha not being very understanding (at first), starts in the middle of a fight bc i didn’t know how else to begin the story lol, semi-proofread.
mama!nat x daughter reader
no tags cause of the topic :c
masterlist
. . .
“you know, i would’ve been grateful to have so much food around me when i was younger.” natasha scoffed.
“i just wish you would understand, or at least try to!” you cried out, tears streaming steadily down your face. “it’s not about food, mom. i-i don’t even know what it’s about, but trust me when i say that if i could choose to live without this disorder i would.”
you felt pathetic as you wiped your tears off your face. you’d been arguing with your mother for a good thirty minutes now, something that almost never happened before your issue became known.
“why can’t you just eat the food? tell me, why can’t you? why, y/n? it’s food-”
“i know it’s food!”
“then eat it!” natasha screamed back at you. “i get it, you need to feel in control of something. but why can’t you just control something else-”
“i didn’t choose to have an eating disorder. and it’s not about control, not anymore. i told you, i don’t know what it’s about.” you sighed, heart breaking with each response you gave your mother.
natasha rolled her eyes. “your life has been so easy, i made sure of that. you never once had to deal with any of the shit i did, so why are you doing this to me? how do you think i feel?”
you could help but laugh at your mother.
“how do i think you feel? how do you think i feel, mom? you’re not the one living with this, i am.” you wiped your eyes once more, ignoring the sting that had been caused from the repeated action.
“you preach so publicly about mental health and how important it is. people adore you for it. so why won’t you listen to your own child?”
your mother shook her head, "you should be grateful."
"i am grateful! i'm so grateful for everything you've done for me, so much so that it kills me to know that i can't just stop this. i feel so guilty for it and when you say these... awful things to me it makes me feel so stupid and worse than i already do." you sobbed, pushing yourself further away from your mother until your back hit the headboard of your bed.
"i wish i could think of it as just food. i wish i could eat without feeling so guilty i have to force myself to throw up. i wish that i didn't feel like the only way i'm ever truly good is if i'm empty. i wish i could tell you what happened, but i feel like everything i say and do disappoints you."
natasha took another look at you, one that really stuck with her. she didn't recognize you anymore, you weren't the daughter she'd raised since the tender age of five. you weren't the daughter she knew just a couple of months ago. it truly wasn't until you passed out at school and ended up in the hospital with your diagnosis when everything changed. she didn't know you anymore and it tore her apart.
the more she studied you, the more she noticed how beat down and exhausted you appeared. everything about you was dull and worn out to the point she wasn't sure how much of you was left.
"i'm sorry," natasha finally let out. "i don't understand. i don't think i ever will understand." you went to interrupt her, but she was quicker than you.
"i don't think i can because i've never struggled with an eating disorder, but what i can do is try. you are my child and i love you endlessly. i don't want anything bad to ever happen to you and i'm sorry i wasn't able to protect you from this. i don't want to fight anymore because i don't want to lose you."
your breath caught in the back of your throat as you listened to your mother.
"i want you to be able to come to me when you're struggling. i want to help you get better." she finished off, taking a step towards you before sitting on the edge of your bed.
"but you still think those things, mom. i don't want your help when i know the only thing going through your mind is how selfish and ungrateful i am," you croaked.
"what i said was ignorant and i know i can't take it back, but i'm willing to do whatever it is that i need to get you better."
"well first you have to know it's not about food. i can't 'just eat it' like you want me to. i can't just choose not to have an eating disorder anymore." you snapped uncontrollably.
"okay," natasha nodded. "i believe you."
"i do want to get better, i think. i'm not sure. i know i have a problem but i don't want to accept that i have a problem..." you trailed quietly. "i don't know how to live without it anymore, i can't remember who i was before this."
natasha tilted her head in confusion, "i thought you'd just been struggling for a few months?"
"it's been years, mom. it's a very secretive disorder, i did everything in my power to make sure you didn't know about it. pretty easy to do when you're gone half the time anyway." you shrugged.
"i'm sorry," she admitted.
there was a beat of silence before the two of you spoke again.
"what happened?"
"what do you mean?"
"earlier, you said you wished you could tell me what happened." she pointed out.
"oh." your heart dropped and natasha could see you visibly pale at the thought of having to say what it was.
"is it bad?"
"depends on your definition of bad."
"did someone hurt you?"
"yeah. but it was a long time ago, it doesn't matter now. i'm over it." you lied pathetically.
"it does matter and you're not over it." your mother stated calmly, desperate to keep her voice from cracking.
"i was 14, it was years ago. i don't want to talk about it."
"i can respect that, but you'll have to eventually. doesn't have to be with me, but it'll only get worse the longer you don't deal with it." everything in her was fighting to not demand you tell her the name of who did it. she knew that wouldn't help you, not when you still haven't even processed it.
she felt like a failure of a mother, but this was not about her. it was about you.
"where do you want to go from here?"
"i don't know."
natasha chewed on her bottom lip. "i've missed you."
"do you miss me or who you thought i was?" you questioned, bringing your knees into your chest.
she pondered for a second, "both i guess."
it was a fair answer.
"keeping it a secret from you was the hardest thing i ever had to do."
"so why did you?"
"i wasn't sure how to tell you, let alone when to tell you... and then seeing how you've reacted up until now i'm glad i didn't."
natasha would never tell you how much your words pierced her heart, but it was her own doing. she didn't have much room, if any, to feel sorry for herself.
"what i will say though, is that i miss being curled up into your side with our favorite snacks and desserts while we watched horror movies. i miss spending our mornings arguing over pancakes or waffles, not over if i would eat that day."
the redhead chuckled. "you know for someone who doesn't eat very much you sure have the energy to hold a fight."
"fear will do that to you."
"do you think you'll ever be yourself again?"
you hummed, “i think i’ll be a new version of my old self.”
“i like that answer. i think a lot of people feel like they will never be themselves again after traumatic events. i know i never felt like i could.” natasha spoke, her eyes meeting yours.
for the first time in awhile you didn’t feel like you were disappointing her.
“i used to think like that, but i don’t anymore because you don’t have to lose yourself completely. you don’t have to start over by completely erasing who you once were. i’d like to believe that i can still cherish those parts of me before they were tainted.”
natasha smiled for the first time that day. “you’re completely right.”
“before you get too happy i want you to remember that just because we’re having a good moment now doesn’t mean we won’t have more days like earlier.” you reminded her.
it hurt to see her face fall, but you were right.
your mother needed to remember that this wouldn’t be going away quickly or any time soon. but if she keeps her word and tries to do better than before, you knew there was a better chance at healing.
req: i was wondering if you could do a nat x daughter reader fic where we are basically overworking ourselves with school and our first job, and get really sick/depressed and nat notices and helps? cuddles and just support and fluff please?
hope this is ok, req is currently my situation and need some nat comfort for it :)))
notes: yass slayy another request down. idk how to feel abt it but i hope this was okay and i hope you like it!!
monday started with a sore throat, but you ignored it thinking it would disappear on its own.
tuesday ended with a pounding headache and a bottle of tylenol by your bedside.
wednesday hit you with on and off waves of nausea, the night ending with you curled in a ball with your arms tucked into your side.
thursday you could hardly move out of your bed, but you trudged through it not wanting to worry about the consequences of not getting up.
the urge to fall in your mothers arms grew stronger every second you were awake. you'd been so stressed lately and she could tell. natasha tried to help in small ways as much as she could, but it only went so far when you were crammed day in and day out with work and school.
you had almost no time for yourself, let alone any time to spend with friends or hang around the house with your mom. it was no surprise natasha had no idea you were sick when you'd been leaving the house before she got up and coming home to her already asleep on the couch, clearly trying to stay up for your arrival.
friday though, was different.
natasha was up before you with breakfast ready on the kitchen table, something you typically didn't have time for before school.
"good morning." she greeted you with a warm smile on her face.
her red hair was tied back into a messy bun and you watched her for a quick second as she finished cleaning up her mess.
"morning." natasha was quick to raise her eyebrow at the sound of your voice.
"you okay?"
"mhm." you nodded, closing your eyes as you took a seat at the table. all you had to do was get through the next two days. that's it.
"you don't sound okay."
"i'm okay mom, promise." you mumbled, forcing yourself to take a bite of the food on your plate.
normally you'd be ecstatic that your mom made breakfast because she always made it well, but you didn't have the energy or the appetite to enjoy her cooking.
natasha watched as you shoved the food around on your plate and frowned. "i think you should stay home, you don't look too good sweetheart."
you were quick to shake your head in protest, "no mom i can't. i have school today and work after. i just have to wait until sunday and then i can rest."
"it won't kill you to call in, you know. i'm sure they'll understand. and you can always catch up on school, i'll always help out with what i can." she tried to push.
"i said no." you snapped, despite that being the only thing you wanted to do.
"watch your tone," she warned. "and i'm not asking anymore, give me your keys."
"seriously? i have school-"
"and i'll call them and tell them you're absent."
"and work?" you huffed.
"it's a thursday night at a local craft store, they'll be fine. now hand me your keys."
"this is so stupid. i'm going to get behind and it's going to be all your fault." you rolled your eyes, shoving the keys in her direction before angrily getting up.
you didn't mean what you said to her. you were just so overwhelmed and tired, you couldn't control yourself when you snapped at her.
the next few hours were spent in your room. your muscles ached, your head was pounding and you felt like you were going to throw up any minute.
your only saving grace was the fact that your boss understood your situation and gave you the next couple of days off. now your mind was primarily focused on school and the work you were going to miss. it was only one day, but with AP classes it felt more like three days worth of work to catch up on.
natasha knocked on your door a little past noon with a bowl of soup. "here, it'll help your throat."
you didn't answer her out of guilt from earlier in the day, but when she left you didn't hesitate to turn over and try to provide some relief on your throat. plus it was good, natasha knew just the right seasonings to use that wouldn't bother your throat.
when you finished you tip-toed your way down the wooden floors of your hallway, careful not to make too much noise when you set the empty bowl in the sink.
before you could go back to your room you stopped to see your mom sitting on the couch, blanket wrapped around her body while she watched tv. she looked cozy, safe even.
it was because of that you went over to her, sneaking your way under the blanket and resting your head on her shoulder.
"i'm sorry mama." natasha snaked her arm around your back, gently guiding your body down so that you were laying on her stomach. her fingers found their way in your hair and began massaging the crown of your head in hopes of easing the headache she already knew you had.
"it's okay baby, i know you're sick." she reassured.
"i'm so stressed and i don't know what to do. and i'm so exhausted from everything, i barely have time for myself and i miss you and i can't-"
"hey, hey, shhh slow down. you're okay. take a deep breath for me." she rubbed her thumb over your cheek. "there you go sweetheart, you've got it."
when you managed to calm down a bit more natasha brought up the topic again.
"do you think dropping out of AP classes would help?"
"but what about college?" you mumbled softly. "i don't want to be a failure."
"you're anything but a failure, little lady. and most colleges don't care about AP classes anyway."
you sniffled, "they don't?"
"nope. it's mostly just a thing snobby kids use to boast about on their applications. you're only doing more work than necessary when it's not towards any kind of college credits." your mother confirmed.
"what about work?" natasha tilted her head, "can't you always adjust your availability? you don't have to work every single day of the week, especially not when you're still in high school. i don't like it when you're out so late every night anyway."
you nodded, "i missed spending time with you more than anything. i hate feeling this way."
natasha gave you a small squeeze, "i'm always here. we've got all the time in the world. now lets get you feeling better before we do anything else, okay? c'mon, i'll carry you to my room and we can watch a movie."
"mom i'm 17, you can't pick me up," you giggled as you hopped off the couch.
"you seem to forget that i have a serum running through my veins." she kissed the top of your head before picking you up and bringing you into her room.
you snuggled into her side, the feeling of sickness already starting to become less miserable.
everything would be okay as long as you had your mom around.
note: every single stevenat stan i’ve ever interacted with has been lesbophobic so fuck them and that nasty ass ship. this ones for @starsvck and the lesbians + lesbian nat stannies.
natasha is a lesbian now go cry about it.
req: bae comfort fic w reader and nat where reader comes out as a lesbian after struggling w their sexuality for so long <333 ur so slay and ily
warnings: internalized lesbophobia, but it gets better ‹3 semi-proofread.
🏷: @c-is-writing my beloved
. . .
most of your life you spent being jealous of everyone who could have a crush on a boy. you wanted to feel that desire to want a boy or a man. and you tried as you got older, but it only ever resulted in awkward dates and uncomfortable, half-assed makeout sessions.
being with a man never felt right to you, and it never would feel right. you knew it wasn't wrong, but it was so much easier to say you liked women than it was to accept the fact that you would never be attracted to a man.
you only told your closest friends. none of them had a problem with it, but you also knew none of them would understand the way you felt. it didn't matter if they were straight, bisexual or any other sexuality, they would never understand how isolating it is to be a lesbian. the weight of that had been on your heart for as long as you could remember.
now you were 24 living in a cheap apartment alone. life was okay, but you still struggled to accept such an important part of yourself.
bumping into natasha didn't help, especially not when you hadn't seen her since high school.
"y/n?" her green eyes scanned over your body and you blushed under her gaze.
"that's me," you mumbled shyly.
you'd always had a tiny crush on the woman, she was the very definition of the word gorgeous. all throughout high school you tried to suppress it. clearly that didn't work out too well because natasha could still make you turn into mush whenever she was around.
"i almost didn't recognize you! you've changed so much since i last saw you. not- not that it's a bad thing of course," she rushed out.
you weren't quite sure how to respond to the woman, so you just offered a small nod of the head.
"it's good seeing you, natasha."
"wait! don't go just yet. here," she reached into her back pocket to pull out her phone. "type in your number."
"i'm sorry?" you were taken back by the request.
natasha smiled, "go on, type in your number. we can meet for coffee or lunch or something. are you busy tomorrow?"
you fumbled with natasha's phone in your hands, carefully typing out each digit before triple checking for any mistakes.
"i don't think so."
natasha visibly brightened. "great. i'll text you the details, see you tomorrow y/n!"
you made you way back to your apartment with uncertainty on your mind.
it was always confusing when a girl would ask you to go out. you were never sure if they meant it in a friendly matter or as a date. every time you thought about it though, you wanted to roll your eyes at all the missed opportunities you had because they probably thought you weren't interested.
. . .
the next morning you awoke to a text from natasha.
'see you at the coffee shop on fourth. 12 o'clock. don't be late ;).'
her message formed a smile on your face and all of a sudden you felt like you were in high school again.
you had a little over two hours to get ready. it was perfect timing. you had just enough room to shower, pick an outfit and leave while being right on time.
everything felt fine until you remembered exactly what you were doing and how you've always felt about natasha. the familiar feeling of shame crept into the back of your mind. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and drove to the coffee shop on fourth street, just like the redhead told you to.
11:57.
you sighed, already feeling slight regret. there was no way you could go inside. not when natasha romanoff was in there waiting for you. she truly was the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen, how could you ever compete?
12:01.
shoving your nerves aside, you shut off your car, closing the door before making your way in.
natasha wasn't hard to miss. her fiery red hair and piercing green eyes could be spotted miles away. she looked at you with her signature smirk.
"you're one minute late."
"sorry, got stuck in traffic." you mumbled sheepishly.
"or perhaps you spent five or so minutes in your car before actually coming in." you shrugged, biting back the 'pretty women make me nervous' line.
"i hope you like lattes, i got you chai." she pointed to the cup on the left of her.
"i do. chai is one of my favorites, thank you."
"you're still just as shy as you were in high school," she giggled. "also not a bad thing."
"maybe not a bad thing to you," you responded, taking a sip of your drink. "i kind of hate it."
natasha gasped, a playful look of shock written all over her face. "nuh uh. don't hate it, it's one of the things that made you stand out to me when we were younger."
you frowned, "what do you mean?"
"i mean you were already beautiful. i found a lot of girls to be beautiful, but they were always so annoying in some way or another. stacy, you remember her? she had a bad habit of interrupting me every single time i went to speak. and abigail? she had a thing for never wanting to date lesbians for some weird reason. and of course there were other things about girls in high school, but there was never anything about you that ever rubbed me the wrong way."
your mind froze, "s-so does that mean you're..."
she smirked once more, "a lesbian? yeah. i don't think anything about me screams 'i love men,' do you?"
"not at all."
after that day you began to feel a little more relaxed around natasha. she texted you more often, always having something planned for the both of you to do.
you weren't 100 percent sure as to what you were to each other. she would flirt a lot, do things that only a girlfriend would do, and yet you still couldn't tell if she was just being friendly. the frustration only made you hate yourself even more.
this went on for a few months until one night when you were with natasha everything came spilling out.
you had your head in her lap as you watched some random movie, her fingers tracing shapes on your side.
you couldn't focus though.
"something on your mind?"
god natasha had grown to read you so easily.
"do you ever wish you weren't the way you are?" her finger movements paused.
"what do you mean?"
"like, you know… do you ever wish you weren't gay?"
"a lesbian?" she corrected. "and no, i don't. not anymore."
"i wish i wasn't sometimes." you whispered so softly natasha almost missed it.
"you can say it, you know. it's not a dirty word. you are not a dirty word."
"i just wish i could be like the rest of the world. i wish i liked men sometimes, i wish i could go on dates with them, i wish i could find myself attracted to them. i wish i didn't feel so alone. why did i have to be the only sexuality that can't like men? it's so infuriating to see everyone else happy and embraced when you're not."
natasha hummed, bringing you closer into her hold ever so slightly. "maybe you're just not meant to like men. maybe you're the way you are because it's what makes you special. being a lesbian isn't and never will be a bad thing. it doesn't matter how many times you get silenced, shoved away or disregarded. being a lesbian is such an ethereal, unforgettable thing. it's something to be celebrated, not changed."
there was a beat of silence before you finally managed to come up with something to say.
"you make me happy to be a lesbian."
"oh?"
"yeah."
"well you should always be happy to be a lesbian."
you sat up from her lap, feeling brave for the first time in your life. "i have something to tell you."
natasha already had an idea of what you were about to say. she'd been waiting for this for awhile now, but she wanted you to figure things out on your own time. she wanted you to be comfortable enough with yourself, and now you're right where you needed to be.
"i've had a crush on you since high school." you admitted shyly.
natasha raised her eyebrow, "are you implying that you still have a crush on me?"
"i am."
"well let me tell you a little something, i like you too." she smirked, fully taking in your nervous state.
"really?"
"i have for awhile. why do you think i told you that stuff when we had coffee all those months ago?"
“i wasn’t sure how to interpret what you were telling me,” you giggled.
natasha’s nodded, letting her eyes dart to your lips. “well it was definitely a hint. can i kiss you now?”
your breath caught in your throat.
“yeah, sure. uh go ahead-”
her lips were softer than you ever imagined them to be. so was the touch of her hands as she cupped your face.
she only deepened the kiss when you opened your mouth, granting the access she craved so dearly.
it wasn’t long before you needed to pull away for air.
“sorry… i haven’t done this in awhile. i’m sure you can tell.”
“no apologies necessary. i enjoyed every second of it.” natasha confirmed, brushing her thumb across your lips.
“me too,” you admitted. “can we do it again? just a little slower this time?”
“of course. we go at your pace, okay?”
“how long have you wanted to kiss me?” you questioned, breath shaky from adrenaline.
“quite some time now, sweetheart.” natasha didn’t hesitate to answer.
notes: uh. Hi? so sorry for not writing for awhile, i’ve had some health issues that i’ve had to deal with. i hope this is okay !! send in any hurt/comfort prompts and i’ll see if i can write them :3.
just reread this and oh my god its so bad im so sorry
warnings: not proofread, rusty writing, bullying :p
🏷: @c-is-writing ‹3
mamma!nat x adopted daughter!reader
masterlist
you knew somewhere in the back of your mind what they said to you wasn't true. you knew your mother loved you, cared about you, would do anything for you. but their words never failed to make doubt yourself and the love your mother had for you.
sure, you got some of the best grades in the school, you hardly ever went out or lied about going to parties. you never got into any kind of trouble, always doing your best to be what you thought to be expected of yourself.
but still, there was a part of you that felt like you could be better, like you weren't quite good enough to be natasha's kid.
"you alright?" your mother's voice snapped you out of your thoughts. you looked up towards your mom and smiled. "of course, why wouldn't i be?"
"i don't know, you just seem off today. i can't quite place it either, so i was just checking in."
"i'm okay, just stressed over homework." you didn't mention the fact that every day you were teased or walked over just for being the black widow's daughter. it was rather ironic to you because if natasha taught you nothing else she taught you how to defend yourself. you just never used it against other people, no matter how much you wanted to. getting in trouble didn’t seem worth the hassle.
"what's going on in your world?" you questioned, redirecting the conversation elsewhere.
natasha leaned over the kitchen counter, scrunching her face as she thought. "not much. i miss having you around though, it seems like you've always got school work and i don't see you as much as i used to." she pouted, sticking out her bottom lip.
you tensed at the mention of school, although you tried not to let it show.
fail.
natasha furrowed her eyebrows. "what's wrong?"
"nothing," you rushed out. "i just remembered i have a huge test tomorrow so i'm going to go study for it!"
you snuck past natasha before she could catch you, heading straight for your room. you locked the door behind you just incase.
it wasn't your homework you were stressed over, it was the insane amount of other people's homework you felt pressured to do. you were one person doing a workload for ten.
chemistry, english, history, physics and geometry were on your get-done list for tonight.
you cracked your knuckles and sighed, finally realizing just how overwhelmed you felt. you couldn't back out now though, you'd already told everyone you'd do their work for them.
but the nagging worry that you weren't good enough for natasha crept back into your mind not long after you'd already started.
'you'll never be good enough,' you remembered your peers saying. and now you'd heard it so many times it had to be true, right?
natasha couldn't love you as much as you wished she did. you still had to prove yourself worthy of her love and you had yet to do that. and you were beginning to feel as if you never would.
the familiar pain could be felt in the back of your throat. there wasn’t any delay when you started to cry.
all you ever wanted was to be enough for someone to love. you weren't enough for your birth parents, weren't enough for the many failed placements you had before, and you definitely weren't enough for those around you at school.
it was one thing to think you weren't enough for natasha, but if the words ever left her mouth it just might kill you.
a knock was made on your bedroom door and you quickly wiped away your tears before answering.
"yeah?"
"can i come in?"
you hesitated before turning off your lamp and unlocking the door. natasha noticed the way you immediately turned your back towards her when you let her in. something was wrong and now she was determined to find out what it was.
"kinda dark in here, don't you think?" she joked.
"maybe." you mumbled, making your way back to your bed.
it was a mess. papers were strewn everywhere, pencils and pens were scattered across your blanket. you wouldn't be surprised if a few ink stains could be seen on your sheets.
you flinched when your mother turned on the lights. her worry only grew when you continued to refuse her stare.
"just have to finish up school work, sorry. um, was there something you needed?"
"you could look at me when you're talking." she spoke, voice firm enough to let you know she was serious.
your eyes finally met hers.
"sweetheart..." natasha cupped your face, wiping her thumb across the tops of your cheeks. "what's going on? talk to me, you know i'm here."
you sniffled, desperate to bite back the second wave of emotions threatening to spill.
"do you regret taking me in?"
natasha frowned, "no, not at all. you're my daughter, nothing could ever make me regret you. where is this coming from?"
you shrugged, "it's just kids at school..."
"what do they say to you?" natasha's eyes ran cold and you couldn't help but feel that it might be directed towards you.
"that i'm not enough, that you don't love me. they also force me to do their work. i'm sorry, i know i should be able to stick up for myself but-" your mother cut off your panicked rush of words.
"hey, hey, no apologizing. you have nothing to be sorry for. i love you so much, so much that i can't put it into words. and i promise you're enough, you will always, always be enough for me." natasha brought you in for a hug, letting her eyes roam the papers on your bed for names that weren't yours.
natasha kissed your forehead and brushed away the stray tears that fell down your face.
"i love you," you whispered through a shaky breath.
"i love you more, sweetheart. let's forget about school for now, okay? you won't be going back there. we'll work something out like we always do."
Thank you for the requests! I had two of the same requests for this so I made it a little longer 💞😂
Blurb Creation: Tending to wounds + enemies to lovers
-Word Count: 1.2k; Wanda x Reader
1k Celebration Prompts
“You are a freaking idiot,” you hear a voice come from behind you as you limp into the Compound, over an hour after your team came back.
Glancing up from your hand pressing into your side, you glare at the auburn haired witch standing in the kitchen. You had gone on a quick mission with Nat and Wanda. You stayed behind for their getaway to act as a distraction and it worked, you were just a little late coming back to the Compound.
“Thanks for that warm greeting. Really, I’ve never been happier to see you,” you grunt, trying to pull your jacket off with one good arm, “Where are the others?”
Wanda leans against her hands on the counter, “Working. Waiting for you to stumble back inside. I thought you pinned Nat once, why’re you coming back looking like that?”
Dropping your dusty and bloody jacket on the floor, you carefully cradle your arm as you limp for a glass of water, “Almost pinned Nat. I was fighting with one arm behind my back,” you wiggle your throbbing arm with a grimace.
Wanda watches you carefully try and reach for a glass, think about if for a moment as your fingers wrapped delicately around the cold glass and then reach for a plastic cup instead. You’re glad you did it because as you try to pull it down from the cabinet, a jolt of pain explodes through your side and it clatters to the ground.
“Alright, that’s enough.” Wanda sighs and reaches for you, gently pulling you with her quick steps. You don’t object as you try to follow quickly behind her, the stinging pain starting to cloud your vision. “What happened?”
The door to the med bay slides open and Wanda lets you sit yourself down in a chair, sliding down the seat as your head hangs limply backwards, “Not sure what happened. I took a nap before coming back, maybe an animal got to me.”
Wanda touches your arm and you flinch away, freezing when you see her hands hovering over you as her green eyes soften slightly. Clearing her throat as she reaches out again, she breathes carefully as she leans closer to your wounds, “Really? That’s the excuse you’re going for?”
You watch her glance up at you, the pounding of your heart sending pain through your arm and bloody side. She stands up to gather the medical supplies she needs as you try to sit yourself up. Pulling up your shirt, gasping as you pull your arm through the armhole, you dab your finger against the sticky bloody from your side.
“Don’t touch it!” Wanda throws a cotton ball at you, widening her eyes as she scolds you.
Holding up your good hand, you breathe out carefully as Wanda kneels in front of you. You watch as she carefully places the gauze onto your thigh, her green eyes focused on your wounds. In the silence, you follow Wanda’s cold fingers run across your body as she cleans away the blood with light touches and your mind going back to the mission.
You had turned a corner, glancing back to see where Nat had gone and completely failed to see the Hydra soldier on the other side. Before you could even pick up your gun, the world had slowed as his gun barrel exploded with a bullet headed straight towards you. Instead of your world turning black, it glowed a bright red as Wanda grabbed you and a protective screen of her magic shot out from her extended hand. The bullet struck the shield and you watched as Wanda exploded the magic towards the soldier and he flew through the wall.
Pulling in a sharp breath as Wanda swipes an alcohol wipe against your side, her green eyes flash up to yours. For a moment, the two of you realize how close she’s leaned into you, elbows resting on your thighs as her warm breath washed over your torso.
“I would have died if it wasn’t for you,” you whisper, Wanda turning over your good arm to place strips of gauze for you to hold for her.
Her eyes glances quickly up from wrapping your torso as she lets out a quiet chuckle, “Is that gratefulness I hear? How much blood did you lose? Oh no, you hit your head didn’t you, lost a couple more brain cells?”
Instead of your usual glaring, tight jawed sigh, you shake your head with a side grin, catching Wanda by surprise. The two of you had been at each other’s throats since you joined the team. Constantly disagreeing during planning meetings, snapping at each other during missions and refusing to sit next to each other during team bonding nights unless forced to.
But this mission wasn’t the first time either one of you had saved each other. A quick moment staring down at her when you yanked her away from a booby trapped door and blocked the explosion with your back. A whispered sentence breathed against your ear as Wanda grabbed you before you whipped around a corner. The one moment that was burned into your memory was just the other day when Wanda slammed a box of your favorite snacks into your chest, saying you were out and she couldn’t steal them.
Adjusting yourself carefully, Wanda’s eyes finally separating from yours, you let her take your bruised arm, “How come you’ve been so nice lately?”
Wanda’s brows raise as her fingers run down your arm, “I just called you dumb. Are you sure you’re okay?”
You point your good hand at her, “See? Your little insults aren’t distracting me from your concern.”
Wanda pulls sharply on the gauze on your arm, sending a jolt of pain through your arm, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Ever since you walked in here, you’ve just been an annoying burden that I’ve had to-,”
Ignoring her words, you reach forward and gently place a piece of her hair behind her ear, “Just…let’s call a truce. Just for tonight.”
Wanda clenches her brows as you can feel her hands grip tighter against your thighs. You glance down away from her staring eyes as you feel the heat in your face, your fingers poking at the covered stitches on your side. Cool fingers wrap around yours,
“I told you not to touch it,” she whispers, gripping tighter as your thumb strokes against her skin.
“When have I ever listened to you,” you let out a breathy chuckle, pushing up out of the chair with some effort as Wanda follows your movements.
Wanda rolls her eyes, letting go of your hand as you place it against her waist and her arms pull against your belt, “Would it surprise you if I said, I’ve been waiting for you to say that?”
You hum, “Why didn’t you say it than?”
Her fingers tease along your waist as her lips just skim yours, “I wasn’t going to let you win. But,”
Your brows rise with a smirk, “There’s a but?”
“But,” she repeats firmly, pressing a finger against your chest, “I think we’ll need to prolong this truce. We don’t want to rip out your stitches tonight.”
“I wouldn’t oppose to that,” you whisper, “But,”
Wanda’s fingers run up the back of your head, “But hurry up and kiss me.”
In a rare moment, you don’t argue against her as you grip her waist tightly and press your lips against hers. Sighing as your mind finally forgets the pain in your body and clings itself tightly to the woman in front of you, you hope this truce lasts forever.
note: i’m projecting SOOOOO HARDDDDD rn. so sorry i have mommy issues
blame mitski and a scarlett edit with her “why not me” lyrics. im in Pain. also if ur adopted this ones for you fr.
prompt: reader’s always getting in trouble and hoping to push away nat, but nat reassures them she’s never leaving. idk im awful at summaries.
🏷: @c-is-writing ‹3
masterlist
. . .
it was never big news when you’d gotten in trouble. from vandalism, skipping class, to fighting, your mother didn’t exactly know what to do with you.
natasha had already taken away your phone, given you an early curfew, grounded you from extracurricular activities. she even thought forcing you to get a job would help teach you a few responsibilities, but that only proved natasha wrong.
almost every week there was something new, whether it be a detention or saturday school. you just couldn’t help but do something wrong.
“i don’t understand why you can’t just stay out of trouble. i don’t have enough fingers on my hands to count what number detention this is.” natasha exasperated, sending you a glare.
“yeah well next time my teacher shouldn’t have such a stick up his ass.” you grumbled.
“you can’t just throw a fit every time something doesn’t go your way!” she fussed once more. you only rolled your eyes knowing she didn’t know the full story.
“it wasn’t even a–”
“don’t start with me, i’ve had enough of you right now. when we get home just do me a favor and go to your room. i don’t want to deal with you.”
ouch.
you didn’t bother telling her you had work in an hour. you’d just walk and if she happened to check on you she might get the hint. right now you didn’t care.
. .
several hours later and you were almost through your shift at the ice cream shop. the atmosphere at work was completely different from the one at home, and you’d almost forgotten the trouble from earlier in the day. between the jokes you cracked with your coworkers and all the customers that came in, you didn’t have time to even think about it. well, that was until your mom showed up.
“here you go, little one. don’t tell anyone, but i put extra sprinkles on top just for you.” you gave a playful wink to the kid before handing over the cone in your hand.
“you guys enjoy!”
before you could do anything else the voice of your coworker caught your attention.
“dude, is that your mom?”
“um yeah, i’ll be right back.”
natasha’s face showed no direct emotion. she’d only ever showed up once at your job before, so you weren’t really sure why she was here. it wasn’t like days like today hadn’t happened in the past.
“mom? what are you doing here?”
she glanced at her watch, “you’re off the clock in 45 minutes?”
“yeah-”
“you can leave early if you want, it’s dead anyway.” you shot your coworker a glare, not wanting to deal with your mother at the moment.
“let me just go clock out real quick,” you mumbled.
“i’ll be outside.”
a groan left your mouth. “why would you let me leave early?”
“you know most people want to leave early.”
sighing, you typing in your employee code at the pos stand. “yeah well not me.”
“see you later, y/n.” you playfully flipped him off on your way out.
natasha wasn’t surprised when you said nothing to her. she said something awful and it would be awhile before it left your mind.
“i didn’t mean what i said. you know that, right?”
you shrugged, making your way towards her car. “it’s fine, you were just angry with me. i get it.”
i wouldn’t want to deal with me either, is what natasha knew you were thinking.
“it’s not fine, not at all. i shouldn’t have said it just because i was angry. you’re my kid and i don’t ‘deal’ with you, i love you.” you let her words sink in as you got into the car. so many insecurities were starting to rise all at once, you were beginning to feel overwhelmed.
“i just want to know why.”
“why what?”
natasha looked at you, head down, fumbling with the sleeves of your shirt. she’d never seen you so small, so vulnerable before.
“why you act out, why you do the things you do, why you’re so afraid of being loved by me.” natasha answered simply, waiting for a reply, but when you didn’t speak she took it as a sign to push a little more.
“i took you in four years ago and i told you i’d never give up on you, or let you go, or think you’re too much to handle. you’re doing everything you can to test my limits, to see when i’ll snap, but it’s not working, sweetheart. it never will because i’m not leaving you. so why are you trying to push me away?”
by now you were trying to wipe the tears off your face before natasha could notice.
“i’ve never had anyone stay in my life as long as you have. i’ve never had anyone care for me in the way that you do. it just seems to good to be true. it can’t be true.”
natasha pushed your hair away from your face. “nothing you do will ever change the fact that i love you. there will never be a second where i think i don’t want you. a good mother’s love will never break, just as it will never end.”
“i’m sorry,” you croaked, desperate to keep yourself together. “i know i’m bad, but i’ll do better. i promise.”
“you aren’t bad just because you’ve made a few mistakes in your life. you’re good at heart, i know you are.” she murmured.
“how are you so sure?” natasha couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face.
“i saw the way you handled that child in the shop. and i’ve seen the way you help other people without even realizing it. all those times you’ve held the door? or the times you’d give something up for someone else, even though you’d tell me you didn’t want whatever it was anyway? cooking dinner for me when i was too caught up with work?”
you sniffled, “but that’s just what other people would do too.”
“no, sweetheart. you’d be surprised by how many people don’t care in all the little ways you do.” she kissed the top of your head, “i’m so proud of you.”
you shook your head, finding it hard to accept something you’ve always wanted to hear, but never felt deserving of being told.
“don’t say that.”
natasha frowned. “why not? it’s true. in fact i’ve never been more proud of something in my life – calling you my kid.”
“i love you mom,” you whispered, just barely enough for natasha to hear.
Summary: A routine mission goes wrong when Clint and Y/n are overwhelmed by Hydra. Y/n struggles to survive as Natasha and Bucky collect the intel they’re after. What awaits the future for Wandas loved ones? Lets find out….
Word count: 3428 Masterlist
It was supposed to be an average mission with Natasha, Clint and Bucky. You were to infiltrate the base, stealthily take out some Hydra soldiers, download the needed intel then leave. Unfortunately it would seem that todays mission would not go according to plan.
You weren’t sure who was spotted, Clint or you, all you knew was you now had at least twenty Hydra soldiers on your asses with more en route.
“Don’t worry about us Nat, we can handle this.” the archer says over comms as he fires one of his explosive arrows at a group of Hydra soldiers
“He’s right. We’re currently, and unfortunately, the perfect distraction. You and Bucky will have plenty of time to grab that intel.” you add as you shoot a few more
“Are you sure?” your girlfriend asks, you can sense the unease in her voice
“Positive babe.” you reply, smirking as you picture the dopey smile she always wears when you call her that
this was purely a self comfort fic, so sorry if its ass.
warnings: self harm, talk of cleaning wounds, not proofread. don’t read if it’ll trigger you, please.
no tags as the subject is a sensitive one!
masterlist + check out my wlw natasha and slow nat playlist?
. . .
the thought wouldn't leave your mind. over and over again it looped like a broken record. you didn't want to act on it, not after having quit for so long.
but it just wouldn’t go away.
you tried to shower, tried to read, tried to write out your feelings, even tried to watch a movie. nothing worked. so eventually you gave up on trying to distract yourself and just followed through with it.
now you were dealing with the aftermath. your arm stung and having to readjust the band aids a few times, the adhesion pulling on your wounds, wasn’t helping.
you just hoped you cut high enough on your arm where natasha wouldn’t be able to notice. you could still wear short sleeves as long as your shoulders didn’t show. easy enough, right? at least that’s what you told yourself.
deciding not to be stupid about your choice of clothing, you chose to sleep in a black t-shirt a few sizes too big. that way the ends of the sleeves would go down to your elbow and any blood that leaked would disappear into the fabric. natasha wouldn’t notice a thing.
later that night natasha’s arms wrapped around your body as she pulled you into her embrace. not once did she think anything was wrong.
why would she? you’d been clean all these years it was almost like you were over it.
the next morning you pushed yourself away from your lover, opting to shower before she woke up. if you were quick with it, natasha wouldn’t be able to join you.
you carried on with your day, doing the absolute best not to wince every time someone patted your arm.
nothing seemed out of the ordinary to natasha. that was until she noticed bloody band aids in the trash can of your shared bathroom.
“did you get hurt?” she questioned you, seemingly out of nowhere.
“no, why?” you furrowed your eyebrows together, feigning confusion.
“i found bloody band aids in our bathroom. care to explain why?” natasha was offering you a doorway into explaining what you’re sure she already knew, but you weren’t so easy to crack.
how could you have been so stupid?
“nope. no idea. c’mon, lets go get dinner with the rest of the team.” you attempted to pull her into the main room, but the redhead didn’t budge. “naaaaat.”
“why were there band aids soaked with blood in our trash can in you’re not injured?”
now you were starting to get frustrated. why wouldn’t she just drop it?
“i don’t know, maybe wanda came in here and used our bathroom. it’s not a big deal, natasha.” you huffed out, annoyance clearly laced within your words.
“can you be honest with me?”
“i am being honest.” you scoffed. she licked her lips, pausing to consider the fact that maybe you were being honest, but she knew better.
“where did you do it?”
“just let it go, natasha.”
“there’s no ‘letting it go’ here. you’ve hurt yourself and i need to know where.” she replied firmly, eyes inspecting your body.
you were wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. your forearms were clear of anything, causing her to wrongly assume you’d cut your legs.
“was it your thighs? or your stomach?”
“neither. they’re both clean, i’ll even change into shorts if you want me to.” you mumbled, raising your shirt to show her your untouched skin.
“so where did you do it?”
you sighed. nothing inside you wanted to show her the damage you’d done the day before.
“i don’t know why you wont believe me.”
“because i know you, and i know when you’re lying to me. so i’m going to ask you again, where did you do it?” her voice was soft. she didn’t bother hiding the desperation behind her words.
you didn’t bother speaking, simply lifting your sleeves to uncover the top of your biceps.
“they’re not too bad. not as bad as i was wanting them to be. and they probably won’t scar as much as my other ones.”
natasha frowned at the sight of your half closed-half open wounds. they weren’t cleaned up at all, she could tell by the dry blood that stuck to your skin.
she didn’t say anything either, only moving away so she could get a damp rag to clean the surface.
“i’m sorry,” you whispered. “i should’ve come to you. i don’t even know why i did this. it just sort of happened. and i just feel so pathetic because it’s the first time in years and now all my work is for nothing…”
“that’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. it’s not for nothing. so you had a slip up, maybe you’ll have another one or few more, but every day is still progress. each day you’re alive is worth more than any set back you run into. i promise you this.” she finished, wiping off any remnants of blood left on your arm.
“i’m going to rub some antiseptic on these and put some new bandages on, okay?” you nodded, feeling more at ease with the situation.
“i’m sorry, natasha.”
“no apologies, darling. next time try and come to me before acting on any urges like these. we don’t have to talk about it, but i’d rather be sure you’re safe than a danger to yourself.”
“i’ll try.”
natasha gave you a smile, “let’s watch something, yeah? take our mind off of everything for now.”
you spent the rest of the night under natasha’s eye, but it didn’t bother you too much. as long as you weren’t alone you’d be alright.
note: you don’t know how sorry i am that this is short :(
warnings: none other than the fact that this isn’t proofread </3
request: Hi! May I please request a Nat fic where r is lowkey touch averse. Nat sees they sometimes tense up when touched and asks about it and reader kinda off handedly explains that she's mostly fine with touch (etc hugs, cuddles, holding hands) but sometimes she just doesn't wanna be touched and whereas some find a hand on the back touches comforting then they dislike them and overall the not necessarily touches that are sometimes given when ppl pass. And Natasha actually listens and pulls back after that conversation and reader is like ??? because in the past family/partners have not respected the boundaries bc "cmon it's how I show love", and thinks mby Natasha is mad now, but Nat is very considerate and r is just relieved and thankful.. Idk if any of it makes sense, by now I'm just venting tbh. If you're not comfortable or don't have time/energy to write it then it's totally cool!! Thank you for your fics anyway, they all always make me feel better. Hope you're doing good!
🏷: @c-is-writing
. . .
it always started out the same with everyone, well, almost everyone. you'd befriend them, you'd get comfortable with each other, then they'd do small things like rest their hand on your shoulder or give a friendly pat on your leg.
you tried not to let it bother you, but sometimes it just became too much.
you'd already had to deal with wanda's need for affection earlier in the day and now natasha was sitting next to you, her arm slung on your shoulder. it was hard not to tense up every little move she made, and you hoped natasha wouldn't notice, but it was inevitable that she would.
"you alright?" she questioned, head tilting with her eyebrows furrowed.
you sighed. "i don't want to seem rude or anything, but i'm just not necessarily in the mood to be touched right now. would you mind moving your arm?"
“that’s okay," she whispered before adjusting herself. both her words and actions surprised you.
could she be mad?
a moment of silence later and it was still bothering you how calm she reacted to your request.
"nat?"
"yeah?"
"are...are you upset?"
"what? no, not at all. why?" she asked, pausing the movie you were watching.
"well, you know. it's a lot of people's love language"
"but why would you asking me not to touch you make me upset?"
your fingers caught your attention and suddenly you weren't so sure of yourself. natasha cut that short though by placing her hand below your chin, cupping your face to bring your focus back to her.
you bit the inside of your cheek, emitting a nervous laugh. "people never seemed to care about my own comfort when it came to showing their love language. and it's fine i guess, you know. i'm okay with holding hands and cuddling, but only when i want to. but sometimes it's a little overwhelming? and i know i shouldn't be surprised because you're so considerate, always, all the time, about everything, i don't know... no one's ever been so considerate over something like this though." you finished awkwardly.
natasha softened, "i'm so sorry no one ever took into account about how you felt, but it does matter, to me especially. you matter to me. any time i ever do something, or if you just don't feel like being touched just let me know. your comfort will never be an inconvenience."
she gave your a quick kiss on the lips before pulling away. "want to finish our movie?"
you smiled, nothing but love showing in your eyes.
Requested by anon: I really loved how you portrayed Nat in your last fic and saw you'd like requests. I keep wondering how she'd react if reader was an empath... Wanting to be in a relationship but also afraid that this person saw right through her.
Masterlist
A/N: Small and sweet. Hope you like it <3.
You didn't want to be here. Well, maybe that was a stretch. It's not that you didn't want to, you just didn't know what you could possibly add to the team.
Tony was a close friend of yours, you had known him for years. And I mean, really know him.
You have a gift, that you didn't consider a gift the first time you discovered it. You considered being an empath a curse for a long time, feeling so many emotions all at once, emotions that didn't belong to you. It was overwhelming, and it cast an unimaginable weight on your shoulders.
But then, you learned how to control it. You learned that you could choose to take in other people's emotions, feelings, and lingering fears. Or, you could just choose not to.
You also learned that you could take those emotions away, not make them forget, but make the weight a bit lighter. And then, you started to see your gift as something that could be good.
You perfected your abilities over the years, helping people around you the best way you could. And Tony was one of them, on his worst days, you lightened the weight.
The doors of the elevator opened, you took in a deep breath. Backpack straps tightly grasped on your hands.
And now, here you were. Avengers headquarters. Tony convinced you to at least spend some time around, telling you how all kinds of messed up everyone's mental health was. You couldn't blame them. You also didn't believe you were capable to handle them.
Tony was waiting for you right outside the doors, a huge smile on his face. He made sure to introduce you to everyone as you went along, the reception was better than you thought it would be.
"I'm happy to finally meet you." Captain Rogers extended his hand for you to take, his smile was small yet genuine. "Tony has talked a lot about you."
You shook his hand. You felt the weight of too many years on his hold, years he should have lived but didn't. You felt the weight of leadership, but this was one he was proud to be carrying. It happened sometimes, this you couldn't avoid. Feeling some sparks of emotion here and there whenever you were in someone's presence.
"All good I hope." You chuckled to him.
Doctor Banner was the one you met next. You felt kindness when you shook his hand. Some uneasiness was also there, as if he was always expecting something to happen.
Wanda was one of the kindest, her smile was bright and she seemed happy to have a fellow girl with her. She was also surrounded by grief, your sympathy towards her was immediate.
Bucky was very guarded. You sensed how shy he was, he shook your hand with a fear of breaking it. You made a mental note to tell him later about the amount of goodness you felt in his heart.
Tony was on his way to show you your bedroom when you felt her.
You felt her before you saw her.
You stopped in your tracks and slowly turned around, seeing a redheaded woman walking through the living room doors.
The weight on her shoulders was a heavy one. Sorrow and loneliness that had lasted a lifetime and were still brewing. Memories of a past she was not proud of, brought her pain and regret. Actions she desperately wanted to take back. An everlasting feeling that she could never be good enough, that she would be forever stained.
Her posture was immaculate, with light steps and a serene expression on her face. You had no idea how she did it, how she was able to hold all of that in and still look so well put together because one glance into her soul and you felt your heart thundering and your breath shaking. You felt like crying.
"Ah, there's Romanoff." Tony landed a hand on your shoulder as the other motioned for the woman to come closer. "Natasha this is Y/N, the-"
"The empath." She cut him off as she came to stop right in front of you. You saw her clench her jaw and purse her lips, you felt the uneasiness.
"Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you." You managed to croak out.
"Same. Welcome."
Before you could extend your hand for her to shake, she nodded her head once in your direction and turned around to leave. Disappearing before you had the chance to say anything else.
________
After six months living amongst the team, you could safely say you had a good friendship with almost all of them. They warmed up to you pretty fast and you found yourself liking them more each day.
Natasha was the hardest. She liked you, you felt that. You also noticed it. She would sneak in glances towards you from time to time when she thought you weren't looking. She would save you a seat at the table beside her every time. You went on walks together and watched movies. But nothing more.
You fell for her, you knew she did as well. Yet she always kept you at arm's length. You had yet to touch her skin.
There were times when she would just move away when you came too close. Other times she would verbally tell you she didn't want to be bothered.
She never allowed you close enough to feel her, not really. It hurt your heart that she was protecting you from herself.
The weight of her past was always there, lingering on her shoulders. And you wanted nothing more than to make her feel better, to show her just how much kindness you saw inside her. How good you knew she was. She never let you.
Rain was pouring down today, the afternoon was ending and you could feel a cold breeze coming through your window. Natasha didn't like the rain.
You couldn't place exactly why. You just knew it made her feel more anxious and alone. Whenever it started to rain you always saw her curling in on herself, arms hugging her own body until she retreated to her room and didn't come out until the next day.
Today the rain was exceptionality hard, you couldn't bear the thought of her being by herself.
You found her in the kitchen making tea, she was wearing a fluffy hoodie, searching for warmth wherever she could.
"Hey Nat." You greeted her gently, fingertips running along the marble countertops.
Her eyes snapped towards you and then softened. Her hands fidgeted with her mug. You saw her gulp. "Hi... You want tea?"
You shook your head and stopped right beside her. "Just wanted to make you company."
Her mouth opened, her eyes searched your face before she looked down. She moved just an inch away from you, but you noticed.
Natasha's fingers lightly tapped her mug, she could feel a familiar lump forming in her throat. As much as she liked you, you scared her. The fact that you could see right through her facade and into all the bad and heavy burden inside her, was terrifying. She wanted to let you in. She also didn't want to lose you.
"You don't have to." Her voice was tight, her words going beyond this one moment.
"What if I want to?" You whispered only for her to hear. You regarded her carefully, the way her body was tense but you could feel her aching for comfort.
You took a deep breath, shaky fingers raising up to touch her. Your movements were careful and slow, giving her time to pull away.
You saw her eyes swimming with tears and her jaw setting, but she didn't move.
With utmost gentleness, you touched her hair first. Threading your fingers through her red locks and tenderly putting them behind her ear.
Natasha let a trembled breath escape. She closed her eyes and you visibly noticed the way she relaxed and melted against you.
Your hand found her jaw next, cupping her face delicately. You felt her first tear hit your thumb, and then her second, and her third. You wondered for a moment when was the last time someone held her.
She was sobbing when you pulled her to your chest. Your hand moving to the back of her head and the other encircling her waist, holding her tightly against you.
With her pressed against you. You felt her burden fully. Your own tears escaped as you shared her pain. It was indescribable, the amount of it that she was carrying. But she was also unbelievably strong.
Her hands clutched the fabric of your shirt, she buried her head on your shoulder. Natasha felt guilt filling her chest, for tainting someone as good as you with her sins.
You pulled away. She almost felt her heart shattering right then and there.
But then your hand moved to the crease between her eyebrows. Soft fingertips traced her features, moving from her forehead to her cheekbones and her jaw. Natasha sensed a strange fluttering feeling on her ribcage, it wasn't unwelcomed though.
"You are the most beautiful person I have ever met." Your quiet words resonated in Nat's ears. She touched her forehead to yours, longing for closeness now that she had a taste of it.
"I can feel your heart, it overflows kindness." You bumped your nose on hers as a sign of affection and placed your hand right over her heart.
Natasha let out a mix between a chuckle and sob. She pulled you in a long-awaited kiss, telling you what she was incapable of putting into words. All the fear she once felt, and all the love she was feeling now. She knew you could feel her, and she wasn't afraid anymore.
The weight was lifted. Natasha believed you.
***
Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are very much appreciated. <3
Summary: For the 1k request hehe R is an overachiever student, top of the class, MVP/Lead of your chosen sports team, always trying to be active with events, many hidden skills such as painting, singing, playing an instrument (your choice) while being the center of social circles. Natasha finds R presumptuous until she realized that R didn't even like doing all those things and she's so tired of always trying to be so perfect for her parents :) You decide how their relationship will go hehe
A/n: This one is specially for @theperfectlovestory ;) Carol and Peggy are coming soon. Two posts in a day it's...weird for me but...could be a thing now...
If there was something Natasha hated the most, was people who liked to get attention and believed they were better than everyone else. 2 years in school and she was done. She believed that everyone had their own skills, and no one was meant to be perfect, but y/n y/l/n definitely believed she was the best in the whole school; she believed that girl even believed she was the best in the whole world.
It was frustrating sometimes, seeing her getting medals and diplomas, recognition from teachers and even the principal. She was not the typical nerd that every school had. She was…beautiful. She was…good looking. She was truly the center of attention not only academically but socially.
Not only was she the best in classes, but she was also in every social event the school had, she was president of the students council, she always prepared the events or parties, any activity the school had she was involved. Also, she had such a beautiful voice, she could play guitar, piano. And to top it all off…she was the team leader of the volleyball team.
How could she do all that? Why would she want all the attention from everyone? Why would they admire someone like that if she only wanted everyone to treat her as a queen? It was annoying…how could she- why would she-
“Why she thinks she’s so perfect?” Natasha said as she leaned against the lockers, waiting for Maria to finish putting her books in the locker and staring at y/n who was surrounded by people.
“Why don’t you ask her? I don’t have that answer and it seems like you want to know.” Maria smirked as she looked at Natasha.
Natasha looked at her with furrowed brows. “What?”
Maria laughed. “Why can’t you get over it? So what? She’s good at everything. Let her be, this will end sooner or later. She’s leave for the perfect college, Yale, Harvard, whatever she wants, and you’ll be free from her kingdom.” Maria closed her locker and shrugged. “Get over it.”
“It’s not that, I just-“ Natasha shrugged.
“You have a crush on her?”
Natasha’s heart dropped at the question. She laughed and shook her head. “Are you out of your mind, Hill?”
“Well…it seems like it.” Maria smirked. “Let her be then. And let’s get to class.” She started walking to the opposite direction from where y/n was.
Natasha looked back at her for a moment before she shook her head rapidly and followed Maria.
No. She didn’t have a crush on her. She had already way too many boys and girls, why would she want to join that stupid club? In no way she would want to ever be near any of them, let alone talk to her. She had gotten to avoid her for years now, so why would she want to be involved with her? Then stop thinking about her. Right.
____________________
Y/n laughed as she walked into one of the classrooms waving at some students that had followed her. As soon as the door closed, she sighed and closed her eyes for a moment to take a deep breath.
“You should definitely study as an actress. You’d succeed and you already have fans here.” Kate grinned as she ate her chips.
Y/n squinted her eyes as she stared at her. “You know, my mother would hate if I went for that.” She laughed.
Kate nodded. “That she would.” She sat at the desk as she stared at y/n. “Are you okay?”
Y/n shrugged. “3 weeks for spring break and…this weekend is the game. My parents will be here.”
“I thought- I thought they were in LA?”
“They’re coming back for the game. For once, they want to see it. And they’ll bring friends.” Y/n chuckled. “I don’t…I can’t do that.”
“C’mon, y/n/n. We’re gonna win this because we have you.”
Y/n rolled her eyes as she smiled. “I have the best team.”
Kate raised her arms in a cheering way. “Well of course! I’m in it!” Y/n laughed. “Okay, okay…I’ll leave you so you can breathe, and I’ll see you at practice, okay?” She stood up and bumped her shoulder with y/n’s. “I’m proud of you, man.”
“I’m proud of you.” Y/n smiled as she looked at Kate before she left the classroom.
Y/n sighed as she looked around the classroom. After school was the only time she had to be on her own, but then it was practice time, so Kate knew that y/n liked to have some time for herself until then. She sat on the desk and looked out the window, smiling as she saw a group of friends laughing as they left the school.
If only she could have some time to do that, actually socialize and not only…in events. But go out and have fun. She still didn’t understand how Kate stuck with her this whole time knowing how her parents were. Sometimes Kate had to sneak on her room so they could actually have a girls night, other than that, it was hard for them to ever go out or see each other outside school. Unless it was a school trip or their parents going out for lunch.
She was too distracted in looking outside the window that she didn’t hear the door opening. The raspy voice coming from the door was the one that finally made her turn her head, freezing for a moment.
“I’m- sorry. I didn’t know-“
“I was just-“ y/n got off the desk and cleared her throat as she smiled. “You’re Natasha…aren’t you?”
Natasha raised her head and looked at y/n. “You know who I am?”
Y/n laughed. “We have three classes together. You also had an amazing presentation on history class. I was impressed.”
Natasha rolled her eyes. “That was nothing.” She said under her breath and then looked away. “I’m just gonna-“
“Can I ask you something?” Y/n bit her lip nervously.
Natasha looked back at her and shrugged. “Sure.”
“Do you hate me?”
Natasha stopped for a moment as they stared at each other. “I don-“ she was definitely taken aback, she did not expect y/n y/l/n would ever ask her directly. This was their first real conversation. “Are you asking because I don’t follow you like a dog like the rest do?”
Y/n felt her heart stopping at her words, looking down at her hands. “I uh-“
“No. I’m not like them, and I’m not falling for that good girl persona you give to everyone. Have a nice day.” Natasha closed the door before y/n could say anything.
Y/n just stared at her hands for a moment, trying to shut her mind before she started crying. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath before she decided to leave the classroom.
____________________
Natasha was sitting outside the school with her book on her hands, school was now over but she liked to stay outside in the grass under a big tree that she had decided it was now her favorite place. Her surrounding had been quiet, until she heard laughs and girls screaming. She rolled her eyes as she remembered the volleyball team stayed every day after school. She looked up to notice everyone was now leaving, meaning she would now stay completely alone.
After a few minutes, she noticed her concentration was completely gone and she decided she now wanted to go home. As she stood up and grabbed her things, she heard someone crying just a few feet away from where she was. She furrowed her brows as she looked around, she could’ve sworn that everyone had left, the last people who left the school were the volleyball team so why would there be anyone here?
She walked slowly to the entrance of the school, hoping she wouldn’t find anyone, and it had just been her mind making it up, but the moment she appeared in the entrance, she found y/n sitting on the stairs with her head buried on her knees. She furrowed her brows and looked around, confused as to what was happening.
“Y/n?”
Y/n looked up and gasped as she noticed Natasha. “Romanoff- what are you…what are you doing here?” She wiped her face with her sleeve and sniffed.
“Don’t do that. I heard you crying.”
“As if you cared anyway.” Y/n stood up and grabbed her things before she started walking to the opposite direction.
“Hey!” Natasha followed her. “I’m not a bitch like you, okay? I didn’t…I didn’t mean to say that that day. It just slipped.”
Y/n turned as she laughed. “Oh please.” She looked at her. “You were dying to tell me that, I noticed you always staring at me, I can tell you hate me, and I don’t fucking know why.”
“Oh…the perfect girl curses.” Natasha teased as she grinned.
“I’m not perfect! I’m tired of everyone thinking I am, I’m fucking not! And I am so fucking tired that everyone thinks I am, I am so done!” Y/n cried out as she ran her hands through her hair, trying to breathe. She sobbed softly as she noticed what she had said.
Natasha’s smile disappeared as she stared at her. “What?”
“I’m so tired, Natasha.” Y/n sobbed. “I can’t do this anymore. This- this pressure.” She looked away as she wiped her face. “My parents make me do all this. So they can talk about me and be like ‘I have the perfect daughter’ and I don’t wanna be that girl anymore.” She groaned. “I’m freaking 16! I should be enjoying my life, I should be enjoying high school! I don’t want to waste it anymore in studying and social events and fucking ted talks and shit.” She let out a shaky breathe.
Natasha looked at the floor, embarrassed because of what she had said before. “I’m sorry.”
Y/n shook her head. “You have a right to hate me.” She laughed. “I’m annoying.”
Natasha laughed. “What you do is annoying…not you.” She slowly looked up at y/n.
Y/n looked at Natasha as she furrowed her brows. “What?”
Natasha shrugged as she stared into y/n’s puffy red eyes. “I don’t think you are annoying. And no…I do not hate you. I was mad about something and-“ she swallowed. “I was jealous.”
Y/n laughed. “Jealous of what?”
“Of other people being all around you. And me…just standing far away.”
“You could’ve said hi.” Y/n raised her brow.
Natasha smirked and walked closer to y/n. “Hi. Wanna go eat some burgers?”
Y/n chuckled as she blushed. “Is this you inviting me on a date?”
“Could be our first date.” Natasha grinned.
Y/n stared at her for a moment as she grinned. “I never thought I would be able to get your attention. I hate attention…but I wanted yours.”
Natasha smiled. “Now you have it. You always have.”
Y/n nodded. “Let’s go for burgers.” She chuckled as they both started walking together.
____________________
“Who are you looking for? Your parents are staring at you.” Kate whispered as she stood beside y/n.
Y/n shook her head. “I don’t care. Just-“ She turned to her side and smiled as she noticed Natasha standing a few feet away from you, smirking at you. “I’ll be back.” She said walking to Natasha.
Kate furrowed her brows as she turned and gasped, jumping. “Yes! She finally got a girlfriend.” She clapped.
“Were you waiting for someone special?”
Y/n smiled. “No. Just for a pretty girl.”
Natasha grinned. “You’re gonna do amazing.”
“Well-“
“No. You’ll be amazing, and I’ll be here cheering for you.”
Y/n smiled. “Just what I needed.”
Natasha rolled her eyes. “Don’t get too excited. We only had one date.” She smirked. “And if you win, you’ll have a second one.”
“What if I don’t win?”
Natasha squinted her eyes. “You will win. I’m sure.” She leaned in and kissed y/n’s cheek. “Now go win.”
Y/n blushed as she nodded. “Sure.” She chuckled as she went back to her team.
Can I request something with Natasha? Just something about her having feeling for the reader and it’s the first person she’s loved for a long time, but she’s scared about admitting it. Then they go on a mission and Nat thinks the reader was killed, and when she sees her, Nat hugs her and holds her super tight for a long while, because she really got scared. Later the reader talks to her about it because she noticed the feels. Thank you :3
A/N: i fee like i didn’t do this one justice, but i hope you enjoy it!!
You always told her that you were nothing special. That you were always questioning why they wanted you on the Avengers. She remembered you chuckling and telling her that you were just a simple hacker, that, that was all that you could give to the world. You made sure people got money when they needed it, and got exposed when they deserved to get exposed. Natasha kept reminding you, that was why you were an Avenger, because you helped people, and your skills were not matched by anyone’s out there. You helped the Avengers with targets, you helped hack into their security systems and took them down for the others to get in. You definitely rivaled Stark, though Natasha always believed you were better at it than Stark, but she’d never say that out loud. She loved the way that your tongue would stick out between your lips when you were hacking, when you were concentrating. It didn’t just happen when you were hacking though, you did that a lot even when you were reading, or trying to win at a game of chess against Bruce. Natasha never believed in love, she always believed that it was for children, believed that it was just some fairytale that would never become a reality. She’d seen people in love, and then see them move on to someone else. She couldn’t remember when she started feeling it, she just remembered how she got to feel it. How it crept up on her out of nowhere. She didn’t want to say anything to you about it. She was afraid of explaining it to you, of coming out to you with how much she loved you that it consumed her. She found herself unable to sleep because you were just clouding her mind, she found it hard to think with you sitting right next to her. How could she love someone like you? You were good, and pure, and sure you were a pain in the ass sometimes, but she loved that about you also. The way your eyes would light up when you were excited about something, the way you would stammer when you were trying to get your words out, but you were so excited about it so you couldn’t get the words out. Just thinking about you had a smile gracing Natasha’s features, had her palms sweaty.
