I don’t believe in trying to change the person you’re dating. You see them, as they are, and decide if what you’ve learned about them shows that you’re compatible. It’s why when I date a person, before getting into a relationship, i don’t give people a list of what I’m looking for. I don’t get into a relationship with a man who isn’t generous, and then try to make him generous. I don’t get into a relationship with a man with no ambition, and then get mad when he doesn’t get a job. I don’t get into a relationship with a guy who has relationships/friendships that make me uncomfortable, and then think when I get into a relationship with him he needs to cut off the people that make me feel uncomfortable.
If you date someone, see who they are, and realize hey aren’t what you want or need or deserve, I don’t believe in taking on the project of molding them into the ideal person for you. I believe in paying attention to who the person is, and severing ties when it’s clear this person isn’t for you. And to do that requires that you sharpen your spiritual discernment and that you trust yourself and your judgment to know who is and isn’t good for you.
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