Pokemon Types Rated by Fuckability
Normal: Most normal types are pretty fuckable, but like... c'mon, how many of them are gonna blow your mind? Snorlax? Arceus? Melotta? There's plenty of good lovers, but not many great ones. 7/10.
Fire: A collection of the most fuckable pokemon, arranged for your pleasure. From Cinderace to Arcanine to Volcarona to Magcargo, there's something for everyone. One point deducted because you will get burned somewhere sensitive. 9/10.
Water: There's just not that much to say about water. There's a few very good options, a few very bad ones, but mostly just a lot of boring ones. Honestly I'm taking two points off for the vaporeon memes. 3/10.
Electric: Some fantastic options for you in Zebstrika and Luxray, with added points if you're into electrostim play. If you liked getting trained with a shock collar, you should become an electric type's pet. I'm not sure how you're going to fuck an Electrode or a Magneton, though. 7/10.
Grass: Tsareena! Grovyle! Ogerpon! Tangrowth! Surely, Grass must be the most fuckable type of all, right? Yeah, actually. With vine whip, a plethora of status moves, and a variety of diverse body types (looking at you, Victreebel!), Grass tops the charts, whether you're looking for a vanilla, humanoid type, or a mind-bending experience by a creature that drugs you out of your mind and oh my god i'm just talking about HDG god damn it. 10/10. Sadly.
Ice: Already a small group of pokemon, ice types rate pretty low on the fuckability scale in general, even before accounting for the sheer unpleasantness of the cold. Saved by Froslass being willing and able to freeze you in ice, and, presumably, do things to your unmoving body. 1/10.
Fighting: Okay here's your next task; go to the nearest gym that offers a kickboxing class and start giving your number to everyone who walks out of it. Functionally the same experience as hooking up with a fighting-type. A good lay, but nothing special. 4/10
Poison: With pokemon like Salazzle, Tentacruel, and the Nidoran line, you might think that poison deserves a pretty high rating. Wrong! All of the most fuckable pokemon in the typing are dual-typed with another, more interesting type. They get a little credit for having Poison Fang and Poison Jab for people who are into intox play. 3/10.
Ground: Great Tusk, Mudsdale, Hippowdon... A great type if you like being overpowered and enveloped, but not too much else going for it, and not much variety. 5/10. Middle of the road.
Flying: Well. It's not BAD. But you're dealing with a lot of dual-typed pokemon. At least you've got the Forces of Nature, they're literally therians. 2/10.
Psychic: You do not fuck the psychic type pokemon. The psychic type pokemon fuck you. Every single one of them up to and including Wobbufett is capable of ruining sex with anyone else for you. 10/10. 15/10. I'm not being mind-controlled to write this, I promise. But, hypothetically, if I was, it would be a 20/10
Bug: Honestly, the main downside to the bug type is that they don't have ovipositors, as far as we know. We can still hope, though... There are plenty of misses in the bug type, but if you're into it then you'll find plenty to be happy with. Even if you're not into it, there's plenty that will give you a good time. 8/10.
Rock: Lycanrocs have been known to bite and convert unwitting trainers. Nihilego can take over minds. Geodude is a rock. Plenty of decent options in Rampardos, Terrakion, and Tyrantrum, but plenty of ??? options like Corsola. 8/10, surprisingly, but there are some real standouts carrying the typing. (Call me, Diancie!)
Ghost: A lot of overlap with the appeal of psychic-types, just worse at it. Some really strong standouts with Hisuian Typhlosion, Cofagrigus, and Spectrier, but also- wait, shit, Hisuian Zoroark is there. 9/10.
Dragon: I'm not entertaining this discussion. It's 10/10 or higher. Shut up. 30/10. Leave me alone. I'm strapping you to the belly of a Salamance. I'm calling a Goodra with a dinner bell. They're the most fuckable category and it's not even close. Latios, Latias, and Necrozma are the only Dragon/Psychic types, which is a relief, since if there was a non-legendary one then humanity would be their pets.
Dark: Honestly a lot more consistently fuckable than you'd think. Mightyena, Houndoom, Thievul, Liepard, Hoopa, Urshifu, Sableye, and so on and so on and so on. Can't justify anything less than a 10/10.
Steel: Steel type is mostly useful for making other types more attractive; it's a surefire way to make a dragon, or a fairy, or a psychic-type even more attractive. That said, there are a few good options within the metal typing; Melmetal, Skarmory, Corviknight, to name a few. Lots of points lost for being best as added spice, but points granted for having a few really strong contenders. 4/10
Fairy: I mean. Come on. It's like Dark, but you actually expected it this time. Fairy is filled with some of the most fuckable pokemon around. 10/10, it's just hotties all the way down.
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