crushcrushcrush
High school Bucky Barnes x F! Reader - Musician AU Part of For the Record Rating: 18+ because my blog is and because the main series is. Word count: 3K Summary: Bucky tries to work up the courage to go after what he wants; reader has a bad date Content: Insecure teenage Bucky. A potentially upsetting scene with a date attempting to take advantage and be manipulative. Some language A/N: NO ONE asked for this, but I’m indulging. This will probably read better if you’ve read the series. Readers should hopefully recognize this from a mention in Chapter 2.
Masterlist | Library Blog
“Are you wearing cologne?” Steve commented as Bucky approached him in the cafeteria before classes started. Bucky just rolled his eyes, choosing not to respond. Steve wasn’t wrong. He took an extra step in his usual morning routine. “What’s the occasion?”
He grabs for the wrapped-up breakfast burrito Steve handed to him. Courtesy of Mrs. Rogers. It started in junior high when he confessed he never had breakfast before school. There was always plenty in the house, that he’d have to make himself, and sleep was always deemed more important. But every morning, Steve appeared with an extra of whatever he was given for breakfast. Usually homemade.
“Thought I might impress Miss Isaac, trick her into grading me a little better on my algebra test,” he flashed a charming smile; the one that appeared whenever he was up to something. It wasn’t the real reason for the extra effort, but he hadn’t been ready to tell Steve the real reason.
Steve chuckled and shook his head. “Yeah? Let me know how that goes.” His eyes lit up as Peggy walked toward them. She kissed his cheek before sitting down at the table. “Hey babe.”
Bucky couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. The past year or so, Peggy and Steve had become near inseparable. And not like some of the more obnoxious couples around them; it was obvious they were in for the long haul. They had this quiet comfortability around each other, it wasn’t pure passion spurred on by teenage hormones. While he had his share of dates, Bucky still had a longing for what his best friend had. Things never progressed past the date-then-hook-up stage. He had no idea how to even go about finding someone who would be interested in more. He wanted to try, though.
“Are you wearing cologne, James?” Peggy looked over at him, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“He apparently thinks it makes him seem more grown up and impressive to Miss Isaac.”
Peggy smirked and rolled her eyes. “You can’t get better grades by hitting on teachers.”
Bucky flashed the same smile from earlier. “Well, it’s worth a shot. Couldn’t give me a lower grade.”
“You could, you know, study.” Bucky wasn’t stupid. He didn’t fail classes, had a C average. Not great, but could definitely be better. If he actually applied himself more, he’d probably be top of the class. Or, at least, that’s what his parents would nag him about the times they’d actually talk to him and take even a minor interest in how he was doing. His nights after school were spent practicing guitar and writing. It was the one thing that made sense to him. He had notebooks filled with poems and lyrics; some shit, some halfway decent, maybe a handful that could actually be something. Holding that guitar was the only time he felt any semblance of confidence. Felt that he could get out of this town and do something he loved.
He shrugged, eating the last bite of his breakfast, and excused himself to go to his locker. He grabbed the books for his first couple classes; algebra and home ec; along with notebooks (filled with more doodles and song ideas than class notes) and a pencil. As he shut his locker, he spotted her two banks of lockers over.
The first time he truly took notice of her was last year. Before that fateful dance that led to Peggy and Steve. He was in the library. Despite his lack of interest in high school education, he did love reading. He had overheard her talking to Nat Romanoff about Lord of the Rings. He watched as Nat did her duty as best friend and listened to her, despite not knowing what she was talking about; imagined himself in that conversation. He had read the books in junior high before the movies came out, wanting to prepare. Though, he did prefer The Hobbit. She was beautiful and seemed nice and clearly had some similar interest. Instead of introducing himself, like he might’ve done with any other girl he found attractive, he grabbed his book and checked out.
He’d been working up the courage for about a week. It seemed a bit silly to be so motivated by his best friend’s relationship, but it wasn’t as if he picked some random girl. The night before, he decided that this was the day. He was going to stop being a coward and go for it. A small part of him wanted to go over in that moment, say something, ask her out. Get everything over with and hope for the best. But he had lost his nerve in that moment when she looked up. Closing her locker, she gave him a small smile and said hi. All he could manage was a shaky “h-hey.” Determined to work up the courage throughout the day, he made his way to class.
English, his first class after lunch. That’s when everything changed.
“Did you hear who Tyler Campbell is taking out tonight?” one kid asked. “That chick that’s always in the library. Nat Romanoff’s friend.”
“Oh shit, is he doing charity work?” another kid laughed.
“Come on, she’s weird but kinda cute. Plus, you know they’re not going to be discussing books.”
Waves of emotions had hit him in that moment. He was pissed off over how they were talking about her. Angry he had let himself get so excited and hopeful when they had barely spoken to each other before. Heartbroken for what wasn’t meant to be. Jealous. Bitter. He couldn’t focus through class. He felt sick to his stomach. Why the hell had he thought he might have a chance? Over a guy like Tyler Campbell. No way.
After final class, he ran into Steve and Peggy outside on his way to the bus. “Hey, Buck. My mom’s gonna drop us off to get pizza, wanna join?”
“Nah, I think I’m just gonna head home. Give me a call later.” He couldn’t stand the thought of being around the two of them; it was awful, he knew. He’d be irritable watching them be couple-y. Steve would pick up on it and ask what was up. And he just didn’t want to answer that. So instead, he went home and wrote.
The beginning of the night had been so full of promise. You got home from school and tore through your closet, picking out the right outfit. Something that made you feel cute, maybe a bit older. Something you hoped would impress him. You still couldn’t believe he had noticed you, let alone asked you out. Your parents had been unsure, of course, but ultimately trusted you to make good decisions. The plan was that he’d pick you up at 8. It seemed so weird that you were going out with someone that could drive. Not that you were far off yourself, you had your permit. It just made things seem so grown up. He didn’t say what he had planned after picking you up, but it just made it more exciting.
He was there a few minutes late. But it was ok. He honked from outside, not bothering to come to the door. Your parents weren’t happy, but you brushed them off and rushed outside, thinking nothing of it.
“You look so sexy,” he said when you climbed into the passenger seat. You had bit your lip, avoided eye contact, thanked him awkwardly. No one ever thought that about you. He gave you his signature cool-guy smirk and sped off. You watched as the houses blurred by you. Turning into dark side streets near town. The drive was quiet, a bit awkward. You thought it’d get better throughout the night, after you started getting to know each other. He finally made it to an abandoned parking lot over by the river. Immediately you recognized it. Not from experience, but from stories. It was the spot. The one horny teenagers went to hookup. Nat had told you about it before. She was picky, but still confident around anyone she found attractive. You almost envied her for it.
You had been excited at first. Thinking that this was finally it. But as he put his arm around you, pulled you closer, dread started setting in. You hadn’t even gone on a real date yet. Barely knew him. Was he like this with every girl he took out? You knew he was popular, especially among the girls in your school. You had no delusions that he was as innocent as you. But surely, he must try a bit harder.
A jolt went through you as you felt his lips on your neck. It didn’t feel as good as you had imagined it would. You almost froze. “I-I thought we might go get pizza or something.” The pizza place in town was always packed Friday nights. People would go on dates or hang out with friends. It was cheap, good, and had a jukebox.
He snorted. “This will be so much more fun than some noisy pizza place.” His hand crept up your thigh, inching up under your skirt. You wanted to jerk away but couldn’t.
“I think pizza sounds good,” you were desperate to try and convince him.
He stopped and looked at you, the irritation on his face obvious. “Do you know how many girls would kill to be in your place right now.”
You swallowed hard. You did. You knew basically any girl in school would do anything to replace you in that moment. “I... I’m just not really... experienced.” You had felt embarrassed. You knew you shouldn’t be. But you wanted to seem cool. Wanted to feel like you belonged there. That you weren’t so far out of your league.
He sighed and closed his eyes. “I don’t know if this is some religious bullshit or whatever,” it wasn’t. You just hadn’t been ready at that point. You wanted your first time to be special, not in the car of some dude who didn’t even know your middle name. “If you’re that worried, you can just suck me off. You’ll still be a virgin.” Without waiting, he unzipped his jeans. Quickly, you turned to look out the window. He wasn’t exposed, but it was still too much for you.
“I-I’d really rather get to know you first,” you were still desperate to try and bargain with him. Which was stupid considering he was the type of guy to get that angry that quickly. That his idea of a compromise was a blow job.
He muttered under his breath as he zipped. “Jesus fucking Christ. Just get the fuck out of my car, then.”
“But, we’re pretty far from my house. I don’t have a way home.”
“I don’t give a shit. I didn’t sign on to go out with some prude. I thought you were fucking cooler.” You couldn’t understand in that moment how he became the it guy in school. How many girls had he tricked with that type of manipulation? Even though you wanted to be seen as cool, to be desired, you couldn’t cross that line.
As soon as you closed the door, he sped off, leaving you alone in the dark parking lot. Alone, scared, embarrassed. You found a bench near the waterfront and sat, crying, scared to call your mom. Eventually, your hand had reached for your phone and hit the speed dial for her number. She had been confused but was right there to pick you up
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” You had done your best to stop crying before she got there and you got into the car, but she always knew when something was wrong. At first, you shook your head. Afraid to tell the truth. Worried she might be angry with you. She wasn’t stupid, surely, she knew why kids came here. She hadn’t pushed anymore, but eventually, you had to tell her.
“I didn’t know he was bringing me here.” You watched the town pass by out the window. Without asking, she was heading to pick up pizza. Knowing you could use a pick me up. “I kept asking to go do something else. He just got angry and kicked me out of the car.”
You could see her hands gripping the steering wheel. Her voice had been calm, though. That scary calm that meant something was bubbling under the surface, but she kept composure. “Did he do anything.”
“Not really. He kissed my neck.” You sighed and pulled your knees up to your chest on the seat. “I swear I didn’t know this is where he wanted to bring me.” You wanted to keep reassuring her that you weren’t that girl. That she didn’t have to worry about you or your decision making.
She pulled up to the pizza place and parked. “Sweetheart, you’re not in trouble. I trust you. Did he do anything else.” More than anything, you remember the worry and fear in her eyes. You shook your head. “Let’s get some pizza, then. We’ll go home, have a girl’s night, watch a movie.”
“Are you going to tell dad?”
“Not if you don’t want me to. Not tonight anyway. I’ll just tell him you aren’t feeling good. But he’ll have to know eventually. He’s not going to be upset with you.” You nodded and made your way into the building.
Over the weekend your mom did everything she could to cheer you up. You knew it was just as much for her as it was you. That she wanted to keep you close by to make sure you were okay. That more didn’t happen than what you said. The two of you did some shopping, went to lunch, went to visit some of her friends. And you did eventually tell your dad before the weekend was over. He didn’t say much, but you knew it was because he was holding back anger. Not at you. He was never very good with emotions, so you spent the weekend acting as if nothing had happened. Things went back to whatever normal was.
Monday morning, she dropped you off at school, checking for the fifth or sixth time that you were okay to go. Assuring you that you could stay home for a day if you needed. You didn’t want to. Eventually you’d have to go back, there was no avoiding it.
You saw Tyler with his arm around another girl. One that appeared to be a freshman and your stomach churned. She looked comfortable, not like she wanted to get away, but you still felt uneasy. You found Nat and went to sit down. She already knew what had happened, of course. Her eyes were shooting daggers in his direction.
“What a piece of shit. If I didn’t know he had the principal in the palm of his hand and I’d no doubt get suspended, I’d be over there dragging him by the hair away from that girl.”
“He’s not worth it, Nat,” you responded quietly. Honestly, you just wanted to forget and move on.
“Well, as long as you don’t keep beating yourself up over it. He’s a manipulative asshole, you didn’t do anything wrong.” She spent the time the two of you chatting or talking on the phone listening to you talk about how stupid you felt. That you fell for it. You should’ve known someone like him wouldn’t have a real interest.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m gonna go grab a cookie before classes.” Why did the school sell cookies to students in the morning? No idea, but they did and you indulged probably a little too often.
“That’s not a real breakfast.”
“If it didn’t count, they wouldn’t sell them. I’ll see you third period.”
The morning in the cafeteria before classes started, Bucky spent distracted. He noticed Tyler with his arm around another girl. Some freshman. He probably didn’t have much room to talk, but he was annoyed at the thought of him hurting her. She was sitting with Nat on the other side of the room and definitely didn’t seem happy.
Later on, before class, they were both at their lockers at the same time. She seemed distracted, opening and closing her locker a couple times, forgetting things. She closed it one final time and turned his direction to walk towards class, offering a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes and a hi.
“H-hey. Uh. How was your weekend?” The question had even taken him by surprise.
“Oh uh, well, I’ve had better.” She let out a small, sarcastic laugh to herself. “But I marathoned Lord of the Rings with my mom, so it could’ve been worse too.”
He tried not to seem too eager. “Great choice, I love those movies.”
She smiled. Not like before, an actual smile. “I wouldn’t have taken you for a nerd. Anyway, I have to get to class. I’ll see you around.”
His heart fluttered, a feeling he wasn’t used to. He grabbed the last of what he needed and closed his locker.
“Jaaames.” A pair of arms wrapped around his back. He turned to see Whitney Bailey. One of the more popular girls in their grade. Blonde, cheerleader, always got great grades. She was nice enough. Neither of them were really interested in each other outside of physically, though. She appeared usually whenever she broke up with another guy.
“Hey, Whit.”
“What are you doing later?”
“I don’t really have anything planned...”
“Great, I’ll be at your house tonight after 7.” The two of them had been doing this dance long enough she knew when she could stop by without his parents being home. They were always out weeknights, leaving at 7 like clockwork. Her timing was always on point. He could use the distraction, find a way to not think about how lonely he is without putting in actual work. It was easy, they’d both move on by the end of the week. And hopefully by then he’d be over whatever feelings of disappointment that still lingered. She kissed his cheek and turned to walk towards her first class.
