caffeine addicted society

type of people posts, playlists, photography, dark academia, studying things and bad poetry

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

When you go to a counsellors office

And you sit and tell them you are insecure or hate yourself

They normally smirk and ask

Well what’s one thing you like about yourself

And that twisted smile shows they think they’ve caught you off guard

But I can always confidently tell them I like my soft hair or the way I make people smile

I can happily list a selection of things I like about myself

The issue is I’m not sure I like myself

And that word ‘things’ is pretty fundamental

Because I am not ‘things’

I am a ‘thing’

And I can’t tell if my soul is a good one

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

teenage upset

I grew up on thorns

my feet embellished with callouses and storms

my arms decorated in bruises of jewelled purple and green

from my thoughts an entwined scene

and so, this moss is

odd

I stumble a little on this ground of fraud

it’s soft and sure and too good to be true

and so I stay alert for a tilted skew

my brain does not rest

and so a new unrest unfolds

a world of caution and confusion

beauty embroidered with old

squinted watching and empty brain

it’s odd to not have thoughts to tame

it feels wrong not to have a panicked heart

and wipe your sobs away in the dark

the moss is quiet

and the forest is empty

it’s guilty to wish for the mind of before you hit twenty

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

compatibility

‘no we’re so compatible!’ 

she laughed and hit her friend

‘we are!’

‘oh’ her friend replied

‘let me guess, you both like watching films’

she giggled

‘and sunset walks along the beach?’

‘no no no’ 

she defended

‘this is more than that

we see the world with the same vibrant light

we look forward together and the same path lays ahead

at the end the same ending occurs

the fabric of what we know is held together by the same thread

we’re compatible’ 

her friend was silent.

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

diary entries upon brick

disregarded diary

the words are hidden between the cracks on the walls

for each room has seen too much

my emotions pour

and soak the walls

with secrets and triumphs 

and horrors and ends

if these walls could talk

i believe they’d be silent

for what we have shared together

is not far from that of a close friend

confidant 

and family. 

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

shape-shifter

glassy smears mark my skin,

your finger prints on my reflective surface,

my shape it sees you,

and transforms

into what you need,

and need me to be

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

I run off the adrenaline of fear and dread

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

Do you do requests?

honestly my creativity/writing is not as good as it used to be but ask away and I’ll see how it goes!

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

‘I’m not brave. I just wasn’t in the mood to be a disappointment to everybody.’

- The French Dispatch, Wes Anderson (2021)

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

why is it always the tiny blonde girls? 

(no shame to the nice tiny blonde girls, you’re great)

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

glittered organ

all those moons ago i swore you had a golden heart. i wrote you had a ‘glittered organ’ and i confessed it all to you in a happy birthday letter. 

many burning suns have passed since then. my bruises are still fresh. they’re violet and khaki but not enough to disappear into my skin. they sit there. staring in the face every day i’m met with. and without fail, they always ache. 

each word from you i search for a glimmer, beneath the blood and tears i’ve stained you with. i hope it’s still there. but fuck i’m so so tired of searching.  

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

a phone call with someone that isn’t you

jesus christ you make me want to scream

and cry and shout and bellow and give out

because you say you care with wide eyes 

but then your forked tongue trails off the lies

and i sob because i don’t understand

and you feed me with a baby spoon some half-arsed explanation

and i lap it up starving and swallowing

because, well, it’s better than nothing

and i cry down the phone for more

anything you’re willing to give

and each word soaks into my bones as the answer

and my brain takes your tone and twists it

grasping for something within nothing

just to understand anything

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

splashes into stars

dear old moon,

let me ask for the truth,

you’ve seen his rotten confessions, 

his vile acts,

you’ve shone beams upon where his hands have touched,

and where his lies have hurt,

so why dear old moon, 

did you watch me stain the sky with tears each night,

and never tell me?

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

but i’m trying

my fresh weeping wounds

are not healed with a ‘i’m trying’

they seep over your apologies

and bleed into my opportunities

the dusk stained with tears

and the sun marked with numbness

i’m not sure which will come first

that i’ll bleed desert dry

or the days will become too stained to see

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

cause all those things you put me through,

well it seemed like nothing.

and now it stops me

from being something.

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

daunt books, london

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

I want to be mad at you,

And do the things I want,

The things you’ve done to me.

But instead I want to comfort you,

And do the things for you,

You didn’t do for me.

[caffeineaddictedsociety]

I just feel like I loved her as much as I could and it was still not enough.