broken | heartless

sw: 178 cw: 128.6 gw: 120 ugw:100 TRIGGER WARNING: this blogs purpose is to VENT. i do not promote eating disorders | twenty four year old suffering with anamia | virgo | artist

[btterswett]

[lainna]

[caffeinexangel]

12:51pm | 21 October 2023

i don't think there is anyone that exists that can actually handle me. maybe people just weren't designed for it. every time my spouse comforts me over some manic episode regarding my body and the dysmorphia i see/feel/touch, i can feel it withering away at our relationship.

i mean, everyone has a breaking point, right?

[caffeinexangel]

6|5|23 6:18pm

when it comes to my personal life, sometimes all i feel is numb. i feel like there's a lot to carry and a lot to help others carry. it feels like i carried in too many grocery bags at once, leaving my arms feeling like jello. it's every day. no rest. if it's not that, then it's this.

at the same time, im honored that people think of me as someone who can handle all of it. im honored to be a haven for others. all i have ever wanted to do was to help everyone with everything.

but when the day comes to an end, that honor i feel turns into an emptiness. a hollow shell with nothing left inside. no energy to care about myself. but wouldn't caring about myself be selfish? internally i am forever conflicted.

i am simply exhausted. And yet even in typing that out, i feel terribly guilty. guilty for not having the energy. guilty for not having the answers. guilty for not being enough even when i am giving my last ounce of self. i feel as though i can't stop to catch my breath, even though everything in me is screaming to "rest".

i do not know when that day will come. but i hope it is soon. just one day would be heaven.

[caffeinexangel]

6|4|23

sometimes i just simply don't understand. everytime i try to make something better i end up battering it even more - often to the point of destruction. i have burned my past relationships and now, my current. it makes me think that it's my fault. i mean, im the only common denominator here. maybe i was meant to be alone all along.

[angelgirly777]

[skinnybish20]

[coffeteawater]

chce

[aestheloot]

Perfect in pink... 💗

[chemicalories]

The arm is so triggering

[caffeinexangel]

starting optavia again today - last time i was on it i lost 18 pounds, hoping for more this time! goal of 30 pounds down by June hopefully!!!

[caffeinexangel]

i miss him so terribly lately. it's been 6 years since we've seen each other, hugged each other, laughed with each other, kissed each other - but everyday my heart aches in his absence.

we're older now, with separate people, living separate lives... jobs, kids, houses... but he still lives deep down in the home of my heart. i don't think he'll ever leave ❤️‍🩹

[heavenlydelite]

[le-bronzage-est-delicieux]

Aina Velasco

[vegan-curlyfries]

[gxrlcrxmb]

s4dgvrl

[miserableshark]

I'm so jealous of them </3