whining monkey @caged-flyingm0nkey - Tumblr Blog

I was usually called a monkey during abuse because of the way I would cry. I still get made fun of it to this day.

#txt #did system #dissociative identity disorder #ramcoa #tbmc #oea survivor

I don't feel too much embarrassment from my life honestly. Most of the time, I feel like I'm watching my memories from a TV, like a fictional movie, like it's not real.

The only time I do truly feel somewhat embarrassed was the fact that I was conditioned from an extremely young age to be racist despite being half Filipino. My father (main abuser) conditioned it in me from a young age to be severely racist to everyone besides white people.

I snapped out of it when I was about 9-10 years old, luckily. But before those ages I said extremely racially prejudice things I seriously regret, and when I did, I was usually rewarded and told I was doing the right thing.

It makes me so insanely uncomfortable knowing that my awful, racist behavior was once rewarded and encouraged. I never wanna be like that anymore.

#I don't wanna say programming because we honestly don't know if we're programmed 100% or not #we know we were from a young age conditioned though #txt #ramcoa #tbmc #oea survivor

Estranged from myself

#txt #did system #dissociative identity disorder #ramcoa #tbmc #my art #oea survivor

Introduction to myself because I can!

Hi, call me Lex!

I am our second in command gatekeeper, main protector, caregiver, soother, trauma holder, anger holder…. etc etc….. I have so many roles I’ve stopped counting. I’m one of the first ever fragmented alters in our system to exist from our early childhood.

The art in this post is a self portrait ! I am 95 years old (turning 96 in November), but i permanently have the look of a 12 year old. Please do not call me a child I am not one!

Our likes are collective, but we like dolls, reading, writing, drawing, history, Cinderella, etc.

i HEAVILY dislike home fries due to personal reasons. All other potatoes are fine

We are collectively taken by our boyfriend/partner system and I am dating Stanley Pines

Ok that’s it :))) be my friend!!!

#lex.txt #did system #dissociative identity disorder

Bum ass alters couldn’t have even made a pinned post for us smh

-Lex

#this is a joke #I love my system #lex.txt #did system #dissociative identity disorder

My headmates can’t say shit to me if they wanna keep this blog having a “anonymous front status”, I am the boss. The big, second in charge of this system gatekeeper.

What are they gonna do? Kick me out of front? Baby I control this brain!!!!!!!!!!

Muahahahahahaha

-Lex

#lex.txt #did system #dissociative identity disorder

One thing I really wish more people talked about is cult/organized abuse from mainstream organizations like MAGA, the KKK, Freemasons, Church of Scientology, Mormonism, Jehovah Witnesses, NeoNazis, etc etc.

I genuinely feel like these organizations have been so heavily "seen" by the media to the point that people genuinely forget that abuse happens. Not every single trafficking/abuse circles is hidden underground and shunned away where no one can find them, sometimes they can genuinely be right in front our faces, but it gets so popularized by the media, that everyone turns a blind eye.

Idk, just food for thought

#I'm saying this because my father (aka my main abuser) was and still is heavily a MAGA supporter #if you relate to this post at all you are not alone #<3 #txt #did system #dissociative identity disorder #ramcoa #tbmc #oea survivor #organized abuse

Part two of my old diary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was going through all of this while my groomer was breaking up with me,,,,, holy shit,,,,,,

#I'm keeping these on this blog for record keeping purposes btw #idk I feel like I should explain myself #lol #txt #did system #dissociative identity disorder #ramcoa #tbmc #oea survivor

My diary from when I was 13-14, before I fully realized I was a system :/

#txt #did system #dissociative identity disorder #ramcoa #tbmc #oea survivor

Why the fuck does my dad want me to date so badly. I've been identifying as aroace since I've been like 10 and I already have a [secret] boyfriend I've been in with for 3 years.

It's like he's fucking obsessed with me dating because it's the "natural way of life" or whatever. I'm only 18 but since I've been like 14 they've been asking if I'm gonna give them grandkids when they're older...... um?! NO?!?!?! and even if I did have a child I'm NOT gonna let them see my kid after what they put me through.

Literally YESTERDAY, there's this guy about 1-2 years older than me who goes to our church, I talked to him a few times and he's chill. But my dad said: "he's only about 2 years older than [MONKEY], they could start dating!1!1!1!!!!"

What the FUCK?! NO??????? leave me ALONE. I am not INTERESTED! Holy FUCK!!!!!!!!!

#txt

caged-flyingm0nkey

I dislike looking at pictures of my younger self because I know she was in so much pain

caged-flyingm0nkey

Me 10+ years ago vs me today

I literally took this picture today lolol

#txt #eridan ampora #he's basically my bf #homestuck

I dislike looking at pictures of my younger self because I know she was in so much pain

#txt #did system #dissociative identity disorder #ramcoa #tbmc #oea survivor #my pictures

Why are my parents bitching about me buying something with my OWN MONEY?????? First of all, it's mine, second of all, I didn't even use my debit card, I used a Visa gift card my brother gave me!!!!!!!!!!

Literally what the fuck is their issue. It technically isn't even "my money", ITS A VISA GIFT CARD 😭😭😭 my debit card was out of the question, I didn't even wanna use it...... And even if I did wanna use it SO WHAT?!?!! It isn't their fucking problem!!!!!!!! ITS A GIFT CARD.

#txt

Monday eat my ass (ASS!)

Tuesday eat my ass (ASS!)

Wednesday eat my ass (ASS!)

#floptropica #txt #song is sloppy joe by cupcakke

caged-flyingm0nkey

endogenic willogenic how about suckmydickgenic

caged-flyingm0nkey

WHY is this my most popular post on this blog 😭😭😭

endogenic willogenic how about suckmydickgenic

#txt #anti endo #did system #dissociative identity disorder

I think if I was a fictional character on some fucked up movie every preppy popular girl ever pretending to be self proclaimed femcels would kin me despite never watching the actual media

And then the movie would be canceled on tiktok for being "too disturbing"...............

#txt

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

whining monkey