Clone Wars and Rebels character summaries Part 3:
MAGNIFICENT BASTARD:
1. Biggest asshole in the history of assholes.
2. Most powerful shit lord in history.
3. Big Bad.
4. Pretty badass for an older gent.
5. Is actually Chancellor NotEvil in disguise, shhh, don’t tell anyone.
6. The Galaxy goes to Hell and it’s all his fault.
7. Manipulates everyone.
8. Current apprentice is Christopher Fuckin’ Lee.
9. Planning to replace him with Problematic Fave.
10. Talks like he’s always having an orgasm.
11. DEW IT.
CHRISTOPHER FUCKIN’ LEE:
1. Christopher Lee but in animated form.
2. Used to be a jedi, but turned to the dark side.
3. Was trained by Rare Hairless Gremlin, but now serves Magnificent Bastard.
4. As a jedi he trained Queer-Dong Jinn (who then trained Sassmaster).
5. As a shit lord he trains Sir Coughsalot, Boss Ass Bitch, and Under Appreciated.
6. Excellent swordsman.
7. His beard can cut steel tbh.
8. Gives no fucks.
9. Legless Psychopath’s replacement.
10. Legless Psychopath doesn’t appreciate that.
11. British Villain.
SIR COUGHSALOT:
1. Coughs a lot.
2. Leader of the evil robot army.
3. He’s not a robot himself tho, he’s a cyborg.
4. Has a really cool looking design.
5. Has two extra arms, because There Is No Kill Like Overkill.
6. Sometimes he’s badass, sometimes he’s a pussy-ass bitch.
7. Seriously, his power levels are super inconsistent.
8. Not that important, but still noteworthy.
9. Appears less as the show goes on. Not as badly as Needs More Screentime, but still.
10. Rivalry with Sassmaster.
11. Massacred Boss Ass Bitch’s village.
BOSS ASS BITCH:
1. Was a jedi but her master died, so Christopher Fuckin’ Lee trained her.
2. Then Magnificent Bastard told Christopher Fuckin’ Lee to betray her.
3. So now she wants revenge on Christopher Fuckin’ Lee.
4. Joins the Voodoo-Bitch Clan, but Sir Coushalot massacres them.
5. Becomes a bounty hunter.
6. (Presumably) Unresolved sexual tension with Sassmaster.
7. Her life sucks.
8. Would have grown some badass punk hair had the show continued.
9. Got fridged in Dark Disciple, but we don’t speak of that monstrosity.
10. Forms an odd friendship with Bisexual Disaster.
11. Salty.
LEGLESS PSYCHOPATH:
1. He mad ‘cause he lost his penis.
2. Good at holding grudges.
3. Hates Sassmaster, Magnificent Bastard, and Christopher Fuckin’ Lee.
4. Horny bastard.
5. Angrily rants a lot.
6. I find him hot for some reason?? WTF is wrong with me???
7. Nightmare Fuel’s son.
8. Under Appreciated’s more popular brother.
9. Takes over the planet that Actual Pacifist rules.
10. No one knows how he pees and poops.
11. Fought Bisexual Disaster at the end of the war.
12. Is going to corrupt the Blueberry.
13. Killed Queer-Dong Jinn.
