good times never seemed so good

Hello! The name's Caleb Henderson Jr. Rockford native who spent a fair amount of time in Chicago before coming back home. Professor at Northern Illinois University, Rockford. Yes, I'm that professor who fell in love with his student, the rumors are mostly true. Mostly. Currently scrambling to find Hanukkah gifts for my friends.

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

etiennejoyce:

Etienne watched him place the cigarette in his mouth, and bit down on his lip. He’d always loved watching Caleb smoke. Despite knowing how it was hurting his body, there was something incredibly sexy about the entire image.  “I know,” he said quietly, hating himself for ever starting this conversation, especially after such a good night when they were both three sheets to the wind. “I’m just afriad,” E finally admitted, holding his hand out and taking the cigarette from Caleb, taking his own drag of it, then passing it back. “I’m afraid that you resent me for all of this and that it’s going to blow up in our faces. I’ve never felt like this before, not even close. Everything between us is so intense and it’s almost like I can feel my love for you in the tips of my toes and the hair on my head, it’s terrifying. But at the same time I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. “I just…” he paused. “I just want to know that this is going to go on for a while. That you’re not going to wake up in a month or a year and decide that we don’t have a future together.” It was a pathetic excuse, he was sure they both knew it. Watching Caleb’s body tense as he fought tears, Etienne had to resist the urge to wrap his arms around him.  “You’re not being shitty,” he said firmly, well as firm as he could be with tears flooding his eyes. “You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. But sometimes I feel like I don’t know you. Like you’re keeping something from me, and I’m trying not to push you, but I can’t help but take it personally when you freeze up about things.” Taking a step forward, he sighed, then slipped on arm around Caleb’s waist and let his head fall on the man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started this tonight.” he mumbled. 

Caleb raised his eyebrows; usually Etienne got annoyed or grossed out when Caleb light up, but here he was taking his own drag. Smoking really was the cure for everything, he supposes. It was strange seeing him smoke, and Caleb found himself wondering if it hurt his lungs. 

He took the cigarette back, turning it back and forth in his hand. It hurt to hear that he was causing Etienne that much anxiety. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you feel that way. I fucking love you, Etienne. I felt dead inside before I met you, I felt like I was nothing. I had nothing. I cam crawling back to Rockford with my tail between my legs, and I figured I would die here, a whisky in one hand, a book in the other. But I found you. And suddenly I could see a future again. Having a future...that’s fucking amazing. With you? It’s perfect.” He felt tears welling again, and he blinked up at the sky. “I’m sorry, E.”

He shook his head. “You’re drunk. I’m sure you didn’t mean to cause a uh, debate. Or whatever. Look, I hate talking about my feelings. I really do. That’s the kind of shit that got you smacked in this house, growin’ up,” he said, nodding at the house behind him. “So...I’m trying. But I’m not great at this.”

[etiennejoyce]

↳ INSTAGRAM 📷 : @etiennejoyce uploaded a new photo: Everyone thinks @calebhendersonjr is so well read. If only they knew that he’s been looking at picture books this whole time! 

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

etiennejoyce:

The emotions swimming around Etienne’s mind were all so sudden and overwhelming. There was one part of him that wanted to lean over and nuzzle himself into Caleb, but the other part was too stubborn and confused that instead he kept himself pressed tightly against the door. He heard Caleb’s words, but didn’t respond.  If he wasn’t ready to be open about his past, then what was E supposed to think.  “I feel,” he sniffled, slowly looking towards the man whose face still made his heart melt. “I just feel like I’m living two lives. One where I have you, and one where I’m with Lawson. I don’t want to push you, but I’m scared you’re getting sic of me, I’m so terrified that you’re going to grow out of me.” The tears hadn’t stopped and Etienne brushed them away angrily with his hands, wishing he had something more to say, a better way to explain himself.  He considered saying no. If only to try to avoid the chances of a fight. But the idea of sleeping alone made him sick. Looking up at him with red rimmed eyes, still glassy from all he’d drank, Etienne gave Caleb a slight nod and got out of the car. The question echoed through him. Why can’t that be enough for you? he asked himself over and over, almost paralyzed by his inability to answer. 

Caleb stood outside his house, listening to Etienne. He nodded, while flipping out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He had considered quitting, again, but maybe he could start that tomorrow. He shoved a cigarette in his lips, struggling to light it against the cold air. 

“I guess I don’t know what to say here, Etienne. I baby-proofed my house. I’ve never told you that you couldn’t bring Lawson over. What am I doing that makes you feel like I’m getting sick of you? Am I not showing you that I love you enough?” He sighed, taking a long drag of his cigarette before turning around to blow the smoke away from Etienne. “I fucking love you, E. I left my goddamn job for you. I’m openly in a relationship with you, in a city I spent my entire childhood being closeted in.” He closed his eyes, trying not to cry again. 

“I’m just confused here, E. You gotta give me something less vague.That’s exactly what Susan did,” he said, uttering a name he usually hated to say. “Am I being shitty? ‘Cause if I am, you gotta tell me. Susan never told me what was wrong, and just went off and fucked other guys instead of telling me what I was doing me wrong. And you’ve always told me she was wrong for doing that,” he said, taking another drag.

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

you're bright and kind, thank you for being you.

That’s very kind. Thank you. 

[katygreyeyes]

Send me "have you evers" and I'm gonna answer with yes or no

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

claireamarino:

“I have a few stitches.” She answered, glancing around the finger. “I have some anti bacterial stuff and I will come back in three weeks to get the stitches out. I was fine until Lawson made a noise and I lost my focus for a second.” Her voice was tired and defeated. “Could you get Lawson from my sister? I had her pick him up before I went to the hospital.”

“Dammit Lawson!” he laughed. “Honestly, I don’t even cook, so that’s probably the only reason I haven’t done the same thing.” He was sympathetic, he only saw Lawson a few times a week- he wasn’t a full time parent like Claire was. “Of course! Text me the address and I’ll be right there. I don’t have a carseat in my car but she probably has one I can use, right?”

[claireamarino-blog]

“Okay, yes I accidentally cut my finger while I was cooking. I just needed a few stitches.” The young mother shrugged as she wedged her phone between her shoulder and her ear in order to sign some papers the nurse was putting in front of her. “I’m really fine.”

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

“Claire, did you have to get it stitched?! You’re at least taking it easy, right? And pointing anti-bacterial on it?” Caleb, asked into the phone. “You gotta take care of yourself.”

[katygreyeyes]

Send me "have you evers" and I'm gonna answer with yes or no

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

etiennejoyce:

Before Lawson, Etienne had so many plans for his life after graduation. He’d thought about moving to France to meet his family, living a nomad life, or maybe just going off the grid. Before Lawson, his life was ruled by art and opportunities to create. But now he had more important things to worry about, now he was a father and someone’s partner, and even though it had been nearly a year of juggling both, he still felt ill equipped. Suddenly he was supposed to be this stable man, but inside he still saw himself as a scared teenage boy who had no idea where his life was headed.  Etienne couldn’t look at Caleb when he spoke. In part because he was trying to hide his own tears, but mostly because he knew he’d be greeted by one of those looks that would break his heart. “Whenever you’re ready,” he said quietly, wanting to add that he’d rather it be in the next year, but deciding against it.  He felt Caleb reaching for him and flinched. There was something sobering about the tears as they fell chaotically down his cheeks. Glancing at the man quickly, the tears only began to fall faster and harder. “How can I be sure?” he croaked, eyes now fixed on the rubber edging around the window. “It feels like there’s a canyon between us and I can’t seem to cross it.” 

As Etienne, talked, Caleb slowly reached his hand away from him, especially after he had flinched. He blinked in surprise, trying not to let himself cry as well. There was nothing he hated more than crying in front of people, and he hadn’t ever cried in front of E. “I don’t know what to tell you,” he said quietly.

“What canyon?” he asked, genuinely confused. “I thought things were really good with us. What’s going on?”

The cabbie silently turned into Caleb’s neighborhood, and he looked out the opposite window at the old houses. “I just...I love you. Why can’t that be enough for you?” The cab pulled up to the old house, and Caleb handed his card to the cabbie. “Do you want to come inside with me? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, babe.” He wasn’t going to push for it if E didn’t want to. Maybe Etienne needed to be alone, maybe he needed Etienne didn’t want to be around Caleb right now. He hoped he said yes, but Caleb was never the kind of man to push someone to be around him if they didn’t want to. 

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

etiennejoyce:

“Quit school, suck dick,” he replied softly, as if it were a declaration of his future plans. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of it in a sober state. As graduation drew closer, Etienne found himself overwhelmed with trepidation when he thought about his future. It sometimes felt like Caleb was the only thing he could trust to remain constant, and even then he wasn’t sure it was the constant he wanted.  Etienne let out a soft sigh, trying to wrap his head around the idea that there were things this man he’d completely opened himself up to, still hadn’t told him. “It must have been bad,” he said sympathetically. “I’m sorry… for whatever it is.” With his eyes closed, E could feel the effects of the night wearing off. Without the music and energy, the booze didn’t have the same effect, instead he started to feel a kind of emptiness beginning in the pit of his stomach. “But you don’t want that,” he moved his head from the man’s shoulder and looked away, watching the streetlights pass through the window, waiting a few moments before saying anything else. “I always fall harder and faster. But please, just tell me you love me half as much as I love you,” his voice was quiet, the sound feeling tight in his throat and a tear slipping down his cheek. 

He laughed, but he knew that Etienne had concerns about what he was going to do after college. He was such a talented artist, but currently didn’t have anything lined up. Maybe he would just move in Etienne after graduation and take care of him. Then again, that would be a situation that could cause a lot of problems. Maybe Caleb was just as concerned about the future as E was. 

He shook his head, trying not to cry. He hated talking about it. Hell, for years he pretended it had never happened. “I can’t talk about it now, but some day I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you about uh, Caleb Sr.”

His eyes widened, reaching towards E as he looked away. They were both emotional drunks, and this wasn’t a good conversation to have right now. “Etienne, I’ve never loved anyone more, my darling. Please,” he begged. “You have to know that, right?”

[charles-aulette-blog]

“In your opinion, are book tours overrated? I’m planning mine and I feel like no one is going to show up, especially since I made people wait ten years for a new book. Maybe I should do a TED talk…people watch those, right?”

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

“The thing about TED talks, is depending on what it is, it can be played in classrooms, which is pretty cool. I showed a lot of TED talks when I was a TA in grad school. A book tour is just a one time thing, but TED talks are forever.”

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

Texts||Alec & Caleb

Alec: The more of these papers I grade, the less faith I have in humanity.

Alec: Help.

Caleb: Oh god, I'm right there with you. I just had a student refer to Native Americans as "savages" and I don't even know what to think. I had half a mind to fail him.

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

etiennejoyce:

“D’ya want me to be your sex slave?” He purred in a sort of exaggerated porn star way, his head still lazily resting against Caleb and his eyelids heavy, “It’s probably because I’m always up for it. Or because whenever you’re up for it knowing your up for it turns me on.” Etienne shrugged, knowing it was a useless point to dissect. 

Etienne loved the way his boyfriend smelled as he nuzzled his face into the man’s neck. He loved the warmth of his body underneath him and even though the world felt like it was spinning around them, he was perfectly content. “I want you to tell me about it someday,” he mumbled, one hand drawing invisible patterns on Caleb’s thigh. “Y’know if you asked I’d marry you,” he slurred, letting out a happy sigh, his eye still closed and his breathing becoming shallow. He had no concept of what he’d just said, and in the moment he was too happy to worry about anything. 

He rolled his eyes. “Uh, the only thing stopping you from being a sex slave is that you wouldn’t get to go to class. I need to have some sort of restraint with you, my love.” 

“One day I’ll tell you everything,” he said softly, the guilt eating me alive. He knew everything about Etienne-his mother’s past, his girlfriend’s death, everything. Yet he still hadn’t brought himself to bring up the abuse, or why his sister doesn’t talk to him. He felt horrible about it. He chuckled. “Oh yes, my love. I’m well aware that you’d marry me tomorrow if you could.” Part of him wondered if he could ever marry anyone again. 

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

etiennejoyce:

Hearing one of his biggest fears spoken aloud, Etienne grimaced, scowling up at his boyfriend. Every word made him cringe more. “You’re cruel,” he cried when Caleb told him he was kidding. “You can say that now, but that’s because I always work for you. It’s like the flick of a switch, you walk in a room and I’m ready to go.” Shaking his head as if the whole thing was a horrible curse, but eventually cracking a smile.  “I said again,” he reminded him eagerly. “I fell in love with you again. Just like everyday, I fall for you more.” Drunk and cheese, Etienne couldn’t wait to get home and managed to flag down a taxi. “I love your house,” he reassured Caleb once they were settled in the back seat, his hand on the inside of Caleb’s leg and his head on his shoulder. “I would never want you to leave it. It’s perfect for you.” What he didn’t say was that he wanted to spend everyday there, with the man who was becoming the love of his life. But Etienne would never admit that, the idea of stepping on toes played in the back of his mind at all times. In some ways Caleb seemed so reserved with his feelings and that scared him more than anything. 

He laughed, shaking his head right back at him. “No...that makes it sound like you’re my sex slave or something. That’s weird. It’s more like, every time I’m up to having sex, you also happen to want to fuck, coincidentally.” Caleb wasn’t even sure if his drunk mind quite made sense, but it made sense to him.

Snuggling into E in the taxi he sighed. “Yeah, it’s a beautiful house. Lotta dark history, though. Pretty messed up that I won’t let go off the place...the place that sucked for a while.” He shrugged, trying to be mindful of a much drunker Etienne resting on him. “I love my house too. And I love you, a lot. You’re my favorite thing, Etienne,” he said. He wondered what it would be like for Etienne to move into the big house. To set up a little nursery in one of the many empty bedrooms that used to be filled. To set up a studio, all for Etienne to paint in all day long.

 He imagined those things, but he also wondered if they were possible. with the live he had. He leaned his head on top of Etienne’s. “I’m really excited to go home. Uh, my home.”

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

etiennejoyce:

Etienne grinned and shrugged. “It’s when you drink too much and your dick stops working,” he explained. “I can’t have my dick not working for you. I mean would you even love me if my penis stopped working?” he looked at Caleb with an air of seriousness. In his drunken state it seemed like the most important of issues.  “I think I just fell in love with you,” he chuckled, his lips against Caleb’s neck. “Again.” he added. “Are we going to my home or your home? Have you ever thought about how weird it is that we have two houses? I mean we spend every day together but we still have to go home to get clean clothes.” Etienne babbled, his hands still in Caleb’s pockets. The idea of kissing more than a little, delighted him and if he’d had it his way they would have started right there on the sidewalk. 

He suddenly got very serious. “Oh no, I could never love you if your penis stopped working. What am I suppose to do, with no dick to suck? Sounds ridiculous. Nope, I’d totally break up with you if you lost control of your dick,” he said, barely able to hold back his laughter. “I’m kidding, love. I don’t care about that and you know it.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Huh, I wasn’t aware that you weren’t in love with me before?” He listened for a minute. “I dunno, I like my house. It’s over a hundred years old, and my grandparents saved for years to be able to buy it. Maybe one day,” he sighed dreamily. 

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

Noodle Night

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

sylviarodakrp:

“Who knows? Caleb, Youre an amazing teacher, and you didnt get demoted, you made the choice to leave and you fucking love it there” She said narrowing her eyes at the man “You know, I dont know that. I think your life is pretty amazing” She told her and shook her head

Sylvia was quiet for a moment, letting it mull over that he knew she took risks “Why didnt you tell me you had feelings for me.. like when it washappening?” She paused looking up at him “We could’ve been something Caleb..”

He sighed. He hated making his friends angry, but here he was upsetting Sylvia. “What’s so amazing about my life, huh? I’m a goddamn orphan, my sister won’t talk to me, and I’m stuck in my career. How is that fucking amazing? You have a family that loves you,” he spat. 

He sighed again, he was worried that Sylvia was going to bring that up, ever since he first told her. “What? I had forgotten I ever even told you that,” he lied. “What does it matter now? It’s too late,” he shrugged. “I’m with Etienne now, I’m really happy with him. And you’re...” he trailed off, gesturing to her. “You’re doing your thing.”

[calebhendersonjr-blog]

gradymacknight:

Grady had expected to feel something more as he visited his father’s grave for the first time since his funeral sixteen years ago but all he felt was a void. He felt silly talking to someone who wasn’t there so he stayed silent and simply stared at the inscription carved on the marble headstone. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t feel his father’s absence but instead of the unbearable pain and anger which used to consume him these days he was simply numb. 

It had been so long since he had seen his father, he had almost been alive as long without him in his life as he had with him and there were days he worried that he didn’t remember the sound of his voice or the deep, belly laugh he would give when something amused him. But he did. He always would. There were some things you just never forgot. He missed him but he was gone. He had accepted that and visiting his grave wouldn’t help him face his future in Rockford, living in the city he was raised in without the man who raised him. 

So after a few minutes he simply rose to his feet with a nod and turned away knowing he wouldn’t return. As he turned to leave he noticed someone close by and nodded again not wanting to disturb them by speaking, just because being here didn’t help him it didn’t mean he wanted to intrude on any comfort it might give to someone else. If there was one thing he had learnt it was that grief was personal and everyone dealt with it in a different way.

Caleb noticed the man rising and leaving, and he shook his head. “You don’t have to leave on my behalf,” he said, nodding towards where the man had been standing. “I just like to visit every six months or so and make sure that their graves are still pretty. No offense to the groundskeeper, but I don’t trust the shitty kids of Rockford, y’know?” He sighed. “I should’ve visited some time around Hanukkah, but I basically ignored them.” Caleb didn’t know this stranger, so it felt a weird confessing such a thing to him.