Okay I’m procrastinating schoolwork so. No game timeline memories let’s fucking go. I tried to keep it in chronological order.
TWs for CSA, p/dophilia, mentions of drunk driving/car accident bullshit. The world didn’t have trolls & all the betas lived where we started out in canon.
When I was little, I think since I was born? A neighbor would come babysit me whenever my mom wasn’t around or if she was drinking. So pretty much all the time. He was like family to me, a good bit older. Early fifties or something? He started sexually abusing me, sexually grooming & raping me, when I was six or so. He moved away when I was nine, and I never heard from him again at that point, thank god?
I never thought it was bad, not until I was in seventh grade or something. He’d never really hurt me, no hitting or yelling or anything. Even once I knew it was wrong I still invalidate myself over it, just because he was never violent. Every time he did that shit to me, he’d tell me it was “our secret” or some fucked up shit. I never told anybody, I didn’t want him to get in trouble. It was really hard for me to see that he’d hurt me, especially whenever I was still pretty young.
In middle and high school I started to try to change my appearance a lot. I cut my hair off by myself the summer before I started sixth grade, I know my mom laughed whenever she saw it and took me to get a proper haircut. It wasn’t mean laughing, though. I was probably eleven at that point. I lost a good bit of weight through middle school, and I had a period somewhere through middle/high school that I was barely eating. I wore dark makeup, and you bet your ass my brows and liner could kill a bitch.
Without a doubt, I did self harm at some points. I don’t have distinct memories of it, but I do know almost for sure that it happened.
I met the rest of the betas probably in sixth grade. I met John first, and he introduced me to Dave and Jade. We all hit it off pretty quickly, and kind of grew inseparable from that point on. I think we started dating in pairs; first me/John and Dave/Jade, then we just.. Merged, for lack of a less disgusting phrase. We all did video calls and shit all the time, which was really terrible due to timezones. Definitely a mess, but no way in hell was I complaining.
We were all planning on living together after high school. I think we were going to move to John’s and get an apartment out there. He was the only one of us with a reliable guardian, I guess? Hell, even if my mom was a perfect parent, I would’ve wanted out of there. I still hadn’t told anybody about the abuse, and I was still desperate to distance myself from it all.
I didn’t do great in school or anything, I just liked doing things on my own time? I’d read and write on my own, I’d halfass homework and projects, but I think I just kinda shut down during school hours. I know that I didn’t like being around that many people, and some of it was probably the types of jokes that were thrown around. Homophobic ones, ones about rape, explicitly sexual ones, etc. I hated it.
I cut contact at some point, either during my last year of high school or just after. I didn’t want the rest of the betas to have to see me in person. I was scared to tell them what happened, scared of them laughing at me or being disgusted. Logically I knew they wouldn’t, but I was fucking terrified. Even if they did know, I still didn’t want them around me. They were the loves of my life, they deserved better than hugging and kissing somebody who’d let herself get raped over and over.
So yeah, I cut contact. I moved out, but I couldn’t really support myself. I’d finally just.. Given in and let myself fall into this shitty depressive slump. The amount of effort I went through to make sure the betas couldn’t find me was ridiculous, though. I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to stay away if they did find me.
My mom definitely was not poor, meaning that she could afford my apartment and bills on top of her shit. All I had to do was pay for my own food and other necessities. I’d work where I could, but I usually got fired pretty quickly for various reasons. Usually skipping work, I guess.
I did a lot of drugs, a lot of drinking, and had a lot of sex. Anything to fucking. Drown out the fact that I’d left the betas without warning, that and what I’d “let” happen.
I died a year or two later in a car accident. I really don’t know how much later, I just know that I was driving drunk. I either died on the spot or later on in the hospital, but I know I didn’t wake up. I’m glad I didn’t; there’s a chance that I killed the people in the other car, and I don’t deserve to live after that. I honestly didn’t.
There might be some details that I fucked up [age we met, when we started dating, etc], but the general idea is there.
yousharknotpass
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