a little bit.

20 something. I've never been out of the continent, but I like to think that my mind is like an open map to the world.

[californui]

There are moments of clarity in my life where I know exactly what I want, and then there are times when I discover something completely new about myself.

I think the best part of being with you is that you help me find all of the different sides of me without having to look for them yourself. 

[californui]

"you're so cute. goddamn it."

"you're so beautiful."

"you're so pretty, baby. you know that? you're so pretty."

"I'm so into you."

[californui]

every time I think about you, my heart feels heavy and I get all tingly.

stop doing this to me, you have no idea how I feel about you.

[californui]

Him: "I don't want you to get bored of me."

Me: "I'm not gonna get bored of you. What if you get bored of me?"

Him: "Ha ha ha, that's funny."

[californui]

Him: "You sound so cute right now."

Me: "You think I'm cute?"

Him: "I don't think you're cute, you ARE cute."

[californui]

I'm an idiot. 

I already can tell that I'm annoying you. That you didn't want me to be clingy or attached, and I don't think I am, because you said we can talk, but I can tell you didn't really mean it. 

You're going to get sick of me and then what? Let me down slowly, like it's my own fault for pushing it too far or going to fast.

All I do is text you to hang out. I'm not proposing. But of course, guys get freaked out by this all the time, thinking we're getting too attached or clingy.

All I wanted was to hang out, I'm not asking for a relationship or anything.

At first I thought we were friends, then we were fuck buddies, and then you said you wanted something more, but here I am doing all the work and here you are acting like you don't give a shit.

I should be over you but I'm not. We're not even together.

And that's why I'm an idiot. 

[californui]

We were next to each other in bed. You were looking at me and I smiled at you, and all you could say was, "God, stop being so cute" and you looked away like you were embarrassed to say it. 

You give me butterflies. 

[californui]

I'm a good girl. I am sweet and innocent. But I like the way you make me bad. 

[californui]

"I'm so into you, you drive me crazy." 

[californui]

I wish my lips were pretty enough for lipstick and the way you kiss. 

[californui]

That was my first kiss. I didn't think it would ever happen, and then it finally did. And I was drunk. I was embarrassed and felt like a stupid girl, but we both made it very casual. Everything after that was fine. Nobody was weird. It was like nothing really happened. We acted like nothing happened. Everything was fine.

It was sloppy and messy and all over the place, but I remembered it like I was sober because I wasn't that drunk to begin with. And I didn't think you were either.

The next time we kissed, we were in a bed. I didn't think you wanted anything more, but your fingers were grazing against me in a way that meant something else, so I figured I should give it a shot. Nothing more happened because we were still just friends. Friends don't go too far with each other. 

Everything was supposed to be casual and everything was supposed to be whatever. I tried to be as casual as possible. I didn't think you liked me like that. Maybe it was just a college experience. You weren't supposed to like me like. Why would you like me?

You told me the other night you had feelings for me, that you never felt this way about a girl in a long time. This was after things got far, so I figured it was heat of the moment. I told you I didn't know what to do. We both agreed to just go with the flow. 

I didn't think it would get this far. Now I'm writing this about you and thinking about you. This wasn't supposed to happen. 

I like holding your hand. You don't just hold my hands, you interlock your fingers with mine. I like it when you reach over to hold my hand, because I never know if you ever want to do anything with me, but you always do. 

[californui]

I saw you liked my picture on instagram, is that a confession of love?

[californui]

I remember when you hugged me at that party  you became my booze. 

[californui]

I don't have that person that I can really tell everything to without feeling judged or annoying and I am very sad about that.

[wvnderlst]

Oslo, Norway

[californui]

I can't remember having butterflies until you smiled my name.

[californui]

maybe one day you'll land with the stars, but for now  just lay here with me.