Taking off the mask
Well, here it is. I’ve thought about blogging for a while, to share the shenanigans of my crazy, never boring family, my latest creations, random thoughts and such. Finally, today I’ve felt lead to write my first entry. It’s probably going to be a lengthy one. I promise later on I’ll post some more “entertaining” stuff, but what I have to share today isn’t supposed to entertain. At the risk of leaving myself a little more out in the open than I’m comfortable with, today I’m “taking off the mask.” Yes, a MASK - for a big chunk of my life, I’ve worn one. I’ve been a hypocrite on many, many occasions. Pretending to have it all together, when in reality...I’ve found myself just “going through the motions.”
If you don’t know me personally, I’m a Christian - a child of God. I realize a lot of my friends aren’t “religious” - you might be rolling your eyes and thinking, “Oh, great, a Jesus freak.” Yes. Yes I am! Got saved when I was just nine, and I was blessed enough to be raised in a good, Southern Baptist church since I was two weeks old. I thank God for that! And thank you, mom and dad, for raising me in church! I’m 45 now...and regretfully, I must confess that a HUGE part of my walk with God has been a roller coaster. Hot one minute, cold the next, and I’m afraid a lot of it has been “lukewarm.” There were even three years of my life when I completely walked away from the Lord, and just did what made me “happy.” I still beat myself up for that constantly, even though I know God has forgiven me. Sure, I go to church regularly - hey, I’m even the church secretary, do the bulletins, sing in the choir, and occasionally sing solos. My husband is a preacher, and fills the pulpit for our pastor or other churches when needed. It might appear that I’m a strong Christian...but most of the time, honestly, I feel unworthy, and I question how God can even use me.
For the longest time, I’ve let “busy-ness” take over my life. I bet I’m not the only Christian that’s ever done that, right? For the past 6 years, I have home schooled our two boys, stayed active in our church, tried to keep up with the house, you know, all the regular mom and wife stuff. But in all this “busy-ness”, God ended up on the back burner. I didn’t make much time for Him. He’s not been FIRST, as He should be. I’m just being REAL, here. Some of my friends, family, church family, and possibly even my husband may be reading this in disbelief, but I’ve worn my mask pretty well. The truth is, I’ve not been consistent in praying, or reading my Bible, the two MOST IMPORTANT things you should do to grow spiritually, and to keep a close relationship with God. I KNOW better. Yet, I’ve been stagnant. Because my fellowship with Him has suffered, so has my sense of security, the assurance of my salvation. Am I even saved to begin with? How could I be so apathetic about my spiritual walk if I really belong to Him? This has been bothering me for a while now. There have been times during the altar call that I’ve almost, almost gone forward...but what would everyone think? I know, that’s a stupid way to think...especially with the super awesome, loving church family, pastor, and pastor’s wife I have. But like I said - I’m just being real.
Last week, my boys started a new journey in a private Christian school. I figured now I should have more time to read my Bible, pray, and get my relationship with God back on track. (Yes, now I have more time, but really, I should’ve had my priorities straight and MADE time before...) So today, after Earnie left to take the boys to school, I went to the gym and spent some time on the treadmill, came home, got another cup of coffee, grabbed my Bible, and a study book by Charles Stanley - “Understanding Eternal Security.” Wow - although I’ve “known” most of the things I read today for a long time, there were a few things that “clicked” that hadn’t really clicked before. So, I thought I’d share. Now that the introduction is out of the way...here are some of the truths I’ve been reminded of today. (I feel like some of the pastors I’ve heard over the years...preached for 20 minutes, only to say, “Now to get into the message...” 😂)
Scriptures I read during my study today, in case you want to check them out: Numbers 21:5-9; John 3:5-8, 14-18; Ephesians 2:1-9; Titus 3:5-7; and Romans 5:6-10. What is about to follow are just some notes / observations I made for myself...I hope they make sense, and possibly even help someone else that may be struggling with their assurance like I had been. (See what I did there? HAD been.)
One thing I noticed in John is several times it says, “whosoever believeth...” What does it mean to believe? I mean, the devils “believe and tremble,” right? It’s not just believing that Jesus exists, but it’s placing your faith and trust in HIM, that He is our ONLY HOPE, and He is the ONLY ONE who is able to forgive us of our sins and save us. It’s placing our eternal destiny in His hands. It’s a simple, child-like faith. Charles Stanley said about believing that “nothing less will do, and nothing more is required.” That’s good stuff! See, there is nothing I can do to save myself. NOTHING. I had a sin debt I could not pay, BUT Jesus died for me...He was the perfect sacrifice, the ONLY one who could rescue me, and now that debt is PAID IN FULL!
Another thing...when the scriptures in John are talking about being ‘born of the Spirit”...the Spirit of God is the One who does the “birthing”. You cannot “make” yourself be born again. Our part is just to BELIEVE, and God does all of the work! Once you are re-born - you cannot be un-born. Once you are His child, nothing can change that. Just like my boys will always be my children, no matter what! The transformation cannot be reversed! Isn’t that awesome?
Also - being saved doesn’t just mean you say you’re sorry for your sin, and decide you’re going to “turn over a new leaf.” You can’t be “good” enough. IMPOSSIBLE. Here’s what saves you - BELIEVE that Jesus died on the cross in your place, to pay for your sins. Accept Him as Savior by placing your trust in Him, because He’s the only one capable of forgiving that sin debt. HE IS OUR ONLY HOPE. We are absolutely helpless on our own. Another quote from Stanley’s book says, “...the transformation of your spirit is the sovereign work of God; you cannot make it happen by any means other than believing.”
In Ephesians, it says that we were “dead in trespasses and sins.” Guess what? A dead man can’t do anything for himself - there is no other option than for God to do the work! No work or good deed we could do would even come close anyway - we are helpless and hopeless without Him. We have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the work of salvation. We only trust, believe, and rely on what Christ did FOR us. Simple, child-like faith. That’s all.
As I said, I’ve known all this stuff for years...but it did my soul a lot of good to let it sink in a little deeper today. Friends...if you don’t know for sure that you’ll go to heaven when you take your last breath, you NEED to make sure. TODAY. None of us are promised another breath.
Thank you, God, that my eternity does not depend on me. It depends on YOU. It’s 100%, completely, in Your hands! Thank you that even though I’ve turned away from You and broken Your heart countless times, I am still, and will always be Your child. Help me, Lord, from this day forward, to please You in all I do and say, and to walk with You daily. Amen.