canyouhearme?amiontheair? @callernumbereight - Tumblr Blog

hug-your-face

via @swatercolor [insta]

hug-your-face

This is the best tag I've ever received on a post, I think

sandmandaddy69

pepemcmichael

I feel like my perception of reality is too colored by my emotions and I don't trust the way I perceive anything or my memory is or even how I feel at this point. I really am a bad person. I don't think I've ever been good. And I feel like I can't say that to anybody you know? Like how do you tell somebody? I'm going to find myself in a psych ward.

I have a horrible anger problem. If I'm angry, or overwhelmed, or feel cornered I will say whatever will cut someone the deepest. No filter, go for the throat. At this point I know I have ruined friendships like this. I guess I'm just waiting to ruin my relationship. I'm trying to get better. It's hard. Everyday feels overwhelming. I am so upset with how my life is going. I feel myself retreating inward more. I am not feeling helpful, or kind. Just absorbed in whatever distractions I'm up to. I just rot my brain with TikTok until Im so high I don't care or I just fall asleep. How do you even apologize for saying hateful shit? You can't. I mean you can say the words but it doesn't make anyone feel better. You still hurt that person. I always do it to the person I'm most close to. I'm too scared to go back to therapy and everybody I know is also going through their own stuff. I feel like at the point of my life I can't feel okay about just dumping my trauma on everyone. It's really hard. And I never feel comfortable venting to my partner. It's not his fault. It's a lifelong problem for me. I was just hoping by this time in my life I would be more mentally stable. I guess it was a pipe dream. It always feels funny to vent like this on Tumblr. Just like the old days. Only I don't need to worry about anybody I know reading it. I mean, I know a big part about being human is having the ability to grow and change, but I don't know how to turn this part of my brain off. The part that reacts with teeth and claws. I've always been like this. I've always been mean. I guess I'm just aware of it now. I just don't know how other people do it. How do you not lash out at others?

It's my 12 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Holy shit.

#12 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone

k-eke

LET ME PLAY!!!!

I'm so happy I wasted 4 years at this job for nothing. All my hard work. All my staying late and covering shifts. I've trained every person that has come through my office since I started. I took over for my boss during 2020, when I was still brand new, so my boss could safely work from home. More things than I can list. Just to be told, second hand, when the management job opened up that the job was being dissolved. That no one in my office was moving up. That we were just taking on her workload. "Maybe if someone steps up that will change." All of this second hand. My new manager hasn't even talked to our office. My boss leaves tomorrow. I wish I had the confidence and strength to walk out. I'm applying for new jobs. I got one in mind. But for now I get to suffer. Co-workers are still coming up to me and asking if I'm excited to take the position. I have to tell them all the same thing. The job is gone. We share the same manager now. All of them have the same reaction "oh". Somehow it's crushing. I already didn't like this job. I already wanted to leave. I didn't want to be the manager bc of how they treat my current boss. It just hurts so much that nobody was paying attention the whole time. Now I'm worried that I won't be able to get something new bc of my learning disability. I feel so fucking stupid. I know I'll be okay but I just feel so defeated.

Now I'm here on my abandoned Tumblr bc it's the only place I don't think my job will see this post.

Never trust your employer.

#work