mmmmk

🎶the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair🎶 mostly angsty words here. main blog: peachy-isnt-it (anons/asks always open)

[calling-at-703]

I need my freaking therapist but when I've tried to book new appointments with new therapists they never get back to me. And now idk if we're gonna stay in the state so I'm SOL

[calling-at-703]

Honestly I'm just exhausted. I dont even know what I need but everything takes so much energy I don't even know how to reach out to people anymore other than my husband and family

[calling-at-703]

Getting married without any living grandparents feels like losing them all over again

[calling-at-703]

I just wanna be married, live outside city limits, serve coffee, and flip furniture on the side.

[calling-at-703]

Fun way to spice up grocery shopping- go when you're incredibly dissociated and you won't even know how much you're getting and spending. Makes it a fun guessing game

[calling-at-703]

After so much anxiety and issues yesterday today I'm promising myself to take the time to reorganize my apartment do some [Christian] yoga and relax. Do some prayers and self care. Restore. Tomorrow we jump back in neck deep into wedding planning. We got this, Tilda

[calling-at-703]

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[calling-at-703]

My mental illness is saying I need to just isolate. Take a break from hard work. Don't bother with my responsibilities. Just lay on my bed or couch and watch TV . Forget about contacting the people who love me. Forget about the world outside of my small home.

My response? No. This is when I need to make the extra effort. Giving in is so much easier. But I have to fight it otherwise I'll lose myself. Sometimes self care days are needed but self care doesn't mean isolate from everyone and quitting responsibilities. You can take care of those things AND self care.

Some days just fucking suck and that's life. Im tired as hell emotionally but everyone is. Especially now. And it doesn't matter. We still fight.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk lol

[calling-at-703]

Trying to be healthy is FUCKING STRESSFUL. Just spent two hours crying over the fucking grocery list cause I cant decide how I want to eat and keep my boyfriend happy (he's not super mindful of his food but thats ok its his decision I cant control his diet but finding a middle ground is impossible) and keep the budget ok cause I just dropped so much money on our wedding venue im broke af and still have expenses coming up idk how to do this how about I just stop eating lmao okaaayyyy

[calling-at-703]

Shocked and hurt that my family is letting covid come between our Thanksgiving plans.

Can't even really figure out how to explain this to them without getting too emotional.

I just dont understand this is so idiotic

[calling-at-703]

Am I lazy?

Like what can I do

[daughtersofthesun]

innermade

[calling-at-703]

Can't even look at anymore political stuff. Just too upset that we will likely be living through a civil war. I cant fathom the amount of deciet going on. Or the division of our nation. The real war needs to happen with the media that continues to fear monger. Just kinda feel like laying on my bed and crying for a bit. Or a few days.

[calling-at-703]

I need to go to the boundary waters and hide for awhile. Disconnect. Maybe meditate/pray/do some yoga.

[calling-at-703]

Can't even look at anymore political stuff. Just too upset that we will likely be living through a civil war. I cant fathom the amount of deciet going on. Or the division of our nation. The real war needs to happen with the media that continues to fear monger. Just kinda feel like laying on my bed and crying for a bit. Or a few days.

[poemswords]

[poemswords]

[calling-at-703]

I wish i was more comfortable wearing makeup and taking more selfies again. I dont know what happened but I recently just stopped. Not sure if its an unconscious thing and im not comfortable with myself? I don't feel unattractive I just dont want to put any effort into it. But I dont want to just feel not unattractive I want to feel more attractive and proud of myself when I put effort into myself. I want to go out and take the time to get new clothes and feel sexy again. What happened?