Day to Day Sentiments

It's all about love, life and addictions

[callmeenna]

I hope that in my next life I will be someone’s everything.

I hope I will be with someone who truly love and respect me. Someone not perfect but genuine.

[callmeenna]

Fucking tiring relationship.

He is arrogant. Pathetic asshole.

[callmeenna]

BLANK STARE

I wish I could read his mind or possibly have the courage to ask him about what or who he is thinking of. He smiles and he laughs yet I know it is just a facade and I could feel that he is an empty soul. I know something is wrong and I know he is lonely. I sometimes convince myself that he is just tired yet I can feel it is more than that. I know he is not happy, I can see it in his eyes. His mind is wandering and his soul is empty. He has a hollow soul. I wanted to ask him yet I know I am scared to hear the hurting truth. I can feel I am nothing to him. I can feel he is not happy with me. The way he treats me, talk to me, and speaks about me shows no emotion, love, or care. I am doing my best to become the person he needed yet I know for a fact that no matter how perfect I would be, still I will be nothing to someone who isn’t into me. I know in myself that I am willing to give him his freedom and would want to see him truly happy and living the best days of his life even if not with me. I just hope he will have the courage to tell me then, that way, maybe, we both can live happily. I want to see him happy though I am not sure if I will be living happily then. I don’t know what the future brings but I always know that everything will and could happen for a reason.

[callmeenna]

RESTARTING

After the longest time, I finally reopened my account. I know I just needed someone or somewhere to vent out everything that is in my head right now. My heart would want to stop beating, my body is tired, and I can’t feel anything aside from the fact that I am totally drained. I am at a point wherein I just don’t care what people will say about me, the fuck how will my “husband” think and feel about me. I just simply don’t care anymore. I am not happy yet I don’t have any plans or don’t know where will I be going. Everything seems to be pointless. I am tired of all the routines. I’m tired of doing my best for everyone yet still they only treat me like a doormat. I was happy to be here in a place where I wanted to be for so long yet I never expected that I will feel this kind of aloneness, not just physically but emotionally.  Today is my birthday technically since it’s the 11th of November in the Philippines, where I was born. Yet, I am alone, receiving birthday greetings from everyone from the Philippines but my day here is empty and lonely.

Too many things to say, a lot of things on my mind but I would have to end it here for now and take a rest and pray the sadness will be gone when I wake up.

[callmeenna]

It’s the feeling you get when you aren’t physically tired but emotionally exhausted instead. The feeling you get when you are just tired of listening to senseless talks and abusive words. The feeling you get when you are tired of all the nagging and “I’m a victim” statement dialogues. The feeling you get when you aren’t feeling anything at all. The feeling you get when you wished you have taken a different path. The feeling you get when you came to the point wherein you are asking God’s purpose. The feeling you get when you just want to be gone in a blink of an eye. The feeling you get when you are as if dead for a long time.