the sinners and the saints

Cami. 30. Social Worker. We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes.. And if there's a reason I'm still alive when everyone who loves me has died, I'm willing to wait for it.

[sweetlittlehale]

[camilablair-r]

florianreeves​

“I know I don’t bother them in theory, but I also can’t help but wonder…if they knew I was going to turn out like this, would they still have adopted me?” Of course, Florian liked to think the answer would be yes. Their parents were far from discriminatory about things like a mental disability like he had, or even if it were physical, but he knew it was much more of a pain than adopting a neuro-typical child. It was stupid to even wonder considering they had adopted him, made no move to give him back, and never complained when he was having a bad day. Florian thought far lower of himself than the rest of his family, he knew that. “No, no, it has absolutely nothing to do with being able to see anybody’s junk, don’t worry. It’s…I’m not going to tell you where I picked it up from, and I can’t explain why, but it has nothing to do with the person I’m looking at.” Florian gagged a little bit at having to explain this to her, but he supposed that was better than letting her wonder about all the things he had seen. Or not seen. “Living your best life with your barbies it sounds like,” he laughed, “I must say, even without all of my twirly whirly issues, I’m not sure I would be able or want to do what you do. that’s insane.” He was proud of her nonetheless. “We could try that. You’ll just have to be in charge of the oven.”

“Of course they would have. You’re not just your illness, flower. You are an amazing person who is strong as hell for handling the road blocks given to you. I look up to you. And I know they do too.” Cami gave a nod. she will never understand the illness like how Florian knew about it, but for him to wake up everyday ready to fight it, she was proud. There were times she couldn’t handle her situation and she didn’t have to deal with it daily. “It’s weird to think like that though. I know they adopted me at thirteen, but there were times I wondered if they ever reconsidered it considering my dad’s...situation. I don’t think I’ve ever met parents like ours. We’re lucky.” She felt lucky for them to take her in and she knew he probably felt the same way.” Listening to one of the tics, the petite brunette thought for a moment. “Well, for some reason, I think guys would take that compliment, though. I wouldn’t know, obviously, but there’s a correlation with guy’s dicks and their confidence. If that makes sense.” She made a face, shaking her head as she thought of it. “My barbies went with me to each home, so they were my ride or die. Honestly, I don’t know how I do it, but I just feel a connection to them. And I think it helps the kids that I understand.” She couldn’t help the smile that formed. “I’ll handle the oven, just keep elvis away from when the oven is open. He thinks he has to be in it for some reason. I get a heart attack each time he goes near it.”

[camilablair-r]

theoneandonlybuzz​

“You know, I would if I could,” Buzz laughed heartily, giving a nod. “I’m tryna’ be a runway model, and I’ve got too much height. Six-foot-two is pushing it. Six-foot-four? Forget it. S’why I couldn’t be a gymnast either. I can flip alright, sure. But hang me from a parallel bar, and my feet touch the ground.” He grimaced, features softening as he listened.. He smiled. “That’s pretty cool, I think. You probably help a lotta kids every day. You’re like a superhero. And I mean, I don’t know a lot about it, but…when you’re a kid, havin’ someone who understands you is a big thing.” He didn’t think he himself had ever really had one. Still, turning his thoughts back to the whole Ouija situation, he clicked his tongue. “But it’s never nothing decent. Like, none of those movies are about a nice roommate ghost,” he laughed. “He’d cheat you on the rent. And eat all your food. Oh, and leave his dishes in the sink all weekend.” Imagining this, Buzz huffed with mock sourness. “I don’t really get those ASMR videos. There’s this lady online who, like, scratches her nails along the table. And it makes me feel like something’s clawing around my walls. Gives me nightmares,” he sighed, resting his chin in an open hand. “I carry everything. Chap-stick, comb, lotion, tissues, compact, concealer…Just no planner. Expect the unexpected I guess since I never write anything down. I’m basically a walkin’ drug-store. The secret is just having a giant bag all the time.”

“Kind of interesting how female models have to be taller, yet guy models seem to have to be average male height, if that makes sense. It’s just a weird double standard. I never did any sports. I wasn’t that graceful or talented. I stuck to books instead.” And books were easier for her when she bounced foster homes. It wasn’t like foster families would care to pay for anything. And once she was adopted, she was just set in her ways. “That’s what I try to do. I want them to not feel alone, so I guess being in their shoes as a child helps. And I have a parent in prison, so I also connect to kids that are in that situation as well.” Granted, the kids she worked with had parents in prison for crimes that could be forgiven. Her dad’s could never be. “Or I could have a nice ghost who cleans my place and does my laundry for me. It’s all a mystery.” Scrunching her face in thought, she took a drink of coffee. “Okay that’s weird. I do like sand videos. Where sand is being sliced or pounded into a glass, but it’s not like an annoying sound. It’s once of those quieter sounds that relax me. I don’t like the really weird asmr videos.” A smile formed as she nodded. “I am too. I have everything. My mom said I would be able to survive anything with all I have in my bag.”

[hanaxbae]

caramel macchiato

Caramel Macchiato : You’re travelling the entire world but you can only take one person with you. Who do you take?

“This is so difficult! My mom is like my best friend, but so is my literal best friend, Cami. Can I choose both? Maybe taking them to different places they both really want to go to most so I can give them that great gift. Enjoying their reactions more than anything would truly make it so special.”

@camilablair-r

[camilablair-r]

harrison-bennett​

“You must’ve had a pretty good reason for leaving that behind and moving here to deal with all of this shit.” Harrison chuckled, nodding his head. He couldn’t imagine living anywhere else, he lived for winter, he loved it when it snowed. It had always been his favourite time of year. “Honestly, I always imagined that I’d end up with a big dog, like a German Shepard or a Rottweiler or something. But, Bruce, I saw him and I just had to take him home. So, I get it. Sometimes you just can’t fucking help yourself.”

"I had a few. One was my family moving here. I wanted to be close to them, so when I finished school, I moved here. Then I just got my master’s here. I missed my family way too much to be away from them any longer.” Cami couldn’t help but give a small smile. Granted, her family wasn’t her biological family and the one main reason she moved was because of her biological dad, but she was thankful for what she had now. “I was looking for a big dog. I wanted a dog to protect me since I live alone. Then I saw Elvis. He’s not much of a guard dog though. If I was gonna get robbed, he would be helping the robber out.”

[camilablair-r]

florianreeves

“I feel like I bother them everyday,” Florian admitted in a whisper. He hated feeling the way he did and the entire family, every single member, told him that they loved him and he couldn’t possibly bother them. For some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to believe it most of the time. How could he not bother them? There were so many times that they couldn’t go out to dinner or do normal things because he would accidentally cause a scene. They tended to go and take him anyway, but he felt like an embarrassment. “You can laugh at mine too. Like telling strangers I like their dicks,” he shrugged but reached for the granola she was gesturing to before sticking it in the cart next to his cereal, “That’s really smart of her, but my issue is only when I’m holding them. Holding really delicate things makes me tic hard and they get taken on an adventure.” Florian continued down the aisle chuckling to himself before finally turning to her and murmuring. “It’s why nobody lets me hold their children, but personally, I think it’s better that way. Don’t let me.” He laughed a little louder the next time. “Probably floor cake. Where I take the ingredients and throw them around until there aren’t enough to have an actual cake.”

“Florian, you don’t bother them. Trust me. Please. It’s not your fault,” she gently squeezed his hand, nodding her head. “Trust me, I have enough bother right now and it’s never you. You’re not even on the list.” Of course the one reason she felt bothered was more towards the pile of letters that kept growing from the one man she never wants to talk to. And apparently doesn’t realize that his daughter is happy with another family. “I mean, were they visible? Or obvious. You how some- I’m not going to talk about this with my brother. That’s weird.” Why was she even thinking of that to begin with? “True. The little pillow things didn’t work around a four year old, either. Probably was a genius idea before she had a kid. But I wanted to use it for my barbie.” A small smile formed as he spoke, his attitude shifting to more positive. “I held way too many this week. I feel like this past week was a full moon when it came to work. I had four or five trips to the NICU and it was just rough.” Cami could never understand a parent that puts their child in any position to be at the hospital. Heartless, more than anything. “I wanted to try an angel food cake, like homemade. But It flattened because apparently you have to cool it a special way? It didn’t taste terrible, but it looked horrible.”

[camilablair-r]

 hanaxbae​

“I don’t know, there’s some pretty cute proposal stories out there.” Hana mildly contradicted as she shifted in her seat. Making sure she was comfortable before getting into the little tale. “Well, I decided to sing a few songs for the kids for our wind down time and sleepy Jake comes over asking for a hug. I let him in my lap and continued and when I stopped he yawned and said ‘Miss Bae, will you marry me? Mommy says you should marry the person that makes your heart feel like it’s warm in a sweater. Your singing made my hear go in a sweater, so…’ Then he yawned again.” Her cheeks were blushing again from the sweet sincerity of it all. “I about died.” Teeth bit over her lip to keep her smile subdued a bit before it fadedminorly with the news of Cami’s recent work. “Aw, don’t beat yourself up… What’s important is, now you know they weren’t the right fit and you keep trying and helping that kid, yes?”

Thinking for a moment, the brunette gave a small nod in thought. “I guess. I think if I keep telling myself the engagements aren’t romantic that I would feel better about being single. Not that I want a boyfriend, but it gets lonely at times.” Cami really didn’t want to date, but there was a time she liked having someone that cared about her in that sense. Now, she was just a cynic. “Oh my god, that’s so cute. I love kids. They are just so pure. They also say it straight as it is, which isn’t good if you have a bad hair day, but that’s beside the point.” Hazel eyes moved back to Hana as she gave a small nod. “I know. Still sucks at times though when that happens. I mean, I bounced four homes till I was adopted and I hated bouncing homes, so I try my hardest to make sure that doesn’t happen, you know?”

[camilablair-r]

theoneandonlybuzz​

“I ain’t ever really worn heels. I mean, I’m pretty tall already, so being, like, super giant might be sorta fun, you know?” Buzz, who already towered at nearly six-foot-five, laughed heartily at this, imagining getting to stomp around and stare down at everyone. “They ought to pay you all more, I think. You do important things,” he continued more seriously. “I just bag up groceries.” Wrinkling up his nose, though, he gave a distant shrug. “But what if, like, you came home drunk one day and bumped into it, huh? And then you accidentally summoned up something bad?” His eyes widened, but leaning forward, he smiled more softly. “That’s pretty. Does it really help?” He hummed, as if now considering seriously going to find one for himself. He offered another laugh. “Ah, well, then you use the planner. Maybe it’s just me then. You have serious places to go, though. That’s important. I don’t go nowhere, so I just end up not usin’ it. S’one of those self-fulfilling prophesies.” 

“I just feel like I look up at everyone’s nose. It’s not something I like to look at in all honesty. You’re really tall. Just donate some of your height to me. I could use it,” she smiled over at him. Giving a small tilt of the head when he spoke about the money, Cami rubbed her lips. “We do a lot. I mean, I was in the system as a child. so I went into this field because I’ve been in the kids’ footsteps. I understand and not a lot of the other social workers do.” Thinking for a moment, she furrowed her brows. She didn’t really think of that situation. “Honestly, with how I live by myself with a dog, if I summon something decent, then it would be nice to have a roommate. And you don’t have to buy them furniture.” That’s one way to go at it. “Honestly, I don’t know, but it’s pretty, so I carry it with me. And calming to look at. Like how people like stress balls or stare at weird calming videos, I look at the crystal and move it and it calms me. I would be lost without a planner, but at the same time, I hate having one because It’s more I have to carry. And I carry enough as it is.”

[camilablair-r]

florianreeves

“I know they do, I just feel like I’m burdening mom and dad by asking for help. Especially because of how things were when this all first started. They wanted to include me in stuff, but I’d make a fool of the family, and then I’d lock myself at home when they went out and they felt bad about that too. It was a goddamn mess and I still am. I just live alone now,” he beamed at her while reaching for a box of cereal and tossing it into the cart, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, put up with me so much you demanded to come to the grocery store with me.” Florian tapped on the handle of the cart a few times. Four on his right hand, three on his left, and took a deep breath. “I would absolutely do the same thing but you’ve seen me pick up an egg…bitch gets yeeted almost every time. Which is why I’m getting things to make a cake.” They didn’t seem at all related, but Florian didn’t really care.

Listening, Cami paused for a moment. She wasn’t there when they found out, but she knew that their parents really didn’t know anything and tried to make things as normal as possible. But she knew that the family wasn’t normal to begin with. There was no real reason for them to try now. “Well if you ever feel like you’re bothering them too much, bother me. Trust me, I have zero life besides work and I’ll try to cheer you up as well as be there for you. The least I can do is make you laugh at the stupid things I do, right?” A smile formed as he spoke, she gave an innocent shrug. “You love me.” She pointed up at the top shelf where the granola bars were, hoping he could grab them. “You’re also good for height. I can’t reach half this stuff.” Knowing he was doing the small traits, Cami let him, not pulling attention to it. She didn’t want him to feel self conscious in any way with her. “Eggs are just the devil’s idea of food. You can look at it the wrong way and it will just crack on you. I have severe trust issues with eggs. My-” a pause formed at the thought before finishing, “my birth mom had this little padded thing in the fridge for the eggs. Like little pillows.” It was a rare moment she spoke of her mom. She usually kept it more to herself because it was hard for her to think of what happened to her. “Ohhh, what kind of cake are you going to make?”

[camilablair-r]

florianreeves​

“I do, I just also want to be self-sustaining sometimes, and it’s hard to realize it isn’t that easy. you know? I can handle being on my own, but I also absolutely cannot handle being on my own.” Florian bit back the story about the guy getting upset at him for ticing because he knew it would just make her sad. Or angry, he didn’t really know which, and he wasn’t out here to try and find out. “In my own defense, I do a lot of things that are weird without context. Context that you only have because you’re my sister.” He chuckled as they walked into the store and he grabbed a cart. If he had something to hold onto, then maybe he would have a better time containing himself, it wasn’t that easy. “If we knew in advance we’d be too powerful,” he chuckled, “Also, this is an excuse for me to get you to buy eggs for me. Last time I tried…I threw the entire carton while trying to make sure none of them were cracked. I was mortified. that’s just the perfect word for it.”

“It’s not easy for anyone. But you’re working on it and you’re doing good. And everyone needs a hand. It’s not a bad thing to ask for help. Trust me, I think mom and dad miss when I was in California at how much I call them for help. I asked dad yesterday why my car was making a weird noise only for it to be my flashers making a beep sound,” she shook her head as she thought about that small situation. Maybe that’s one reason she should find a guy. But that’s too much effort. “And I just put up with you,” she teased as she smiled up at him, hoping he knew she was joking. Letting him take the cart, the brunette set her bag in the top part, feeling a little more relaxed to actually look around. “Is it bad that I’m that person who will switch out eggs just for the perfect carton? Or is that not allowed? No one would know, right?”

[camilablair-r]

florianreeves​

“I’ll do my best, but it’s just hard.” Cami had been at college when his tics started developing, and Florian often wondered if that played into how protective she was of him regarding them now. She felt bad for not being there, he guessed. He’d never ask. “I will happily let you do that, then you can watch me tic all night if it makes you happy. Plus, I love Elvis too. We’re pals.” He shrugged as they entered the store. “Sounds like a plan. We can go row by row.”

Giving him a small smile, she gentle rested her head on his shoulder for a moment, giving him a sense of comfort. “I know. But you know I’m here.” A part of the brunette felt bad for not being around, but when she was able to, she came to Chicago. She always tried to make sure that he understood that she wasn’t going to judge him for anything. Besides, he did not judge her for her family history. In a way, they both learned to understand each other, even though it was two completely different situations. “If I wasn’t your sister or friend, I’m pretty sure that would be a weird sentence without context. Or I’m just around kids too much and they rubbed off on me.” That was a possibility. They did introduce her to Tiktok. Now she watches dog videos like there’s no tomorrow. “Good idea. Ugh the hardest part is trying to figure out what I want to make for dinner each day. Why can’t it be easier?”

[ripcca]

[camilablair-r]

harrison-bennett​

“Yeah, I’ve heard that California doesn’t have real weather. I don’t know how people live with that. It’s good to change shit up. Personally, I’m a fan of the rain, as long as I’m not out doing shit in it.” Harrison had spent a little time out west, but Chicago was home, and it would always be his favourite place to be. “Sounds like Bruce. He’s an English bulldog, and I love that dog so fucking much. Don’t know where I’d be without him.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty much the same year round, but the one nice thing is you don’t have to worry about if you need a raincoat or not. Or snow. Which, let me tell you, that was the big shocker.” Cami wasn’t a true fan of the cold, so that was really her shell shock. “I love English Bulldogs. They always look like they are smiling. I honestly got Elvis because he was this tiny pure white puppy and I was so amazed at how little he was and i never saw a dog that was just all white with these gorgeous brown eyes. I melted.”

[camilablair-r]

hanaxbae​

Both impressed and amused, a breathy ‘wah’ type of sound escaped her lips that shaped back into a smile. “I swear, you’re a mind reader. Yes, it was! Should I tell you his little proposal? It’ll melt your heart.” It certainly did her’s. Nudging the woman back and shaking her head to the contrary of such a claim about her cuteness. “Honestly? Pretty great. We had a welcome back/getting to know you party last Friday with the kids and parents in my place. It was a lot but so much fun. If only you could’ve been there, too. Just for a visit, of course.” Cami’s work was crucial but often the circumstances involved could be heartbreaking.

“Yes please. I feel like little kid proposals are always much more romantic than what you see for adults. Or maybe I just haven’t found a decent enough guy to think that an adult proposal would be cute,” the brunette thought for a moment, giving a soft shrug. “I wish. This past week has just been like a full moon type situation. I only had one call from the schools, but I had to switch a kid to a different home because of the foster parents and it was just so frustrating. Obviously, I knew I needed to do it, but I’m that person who feels like if I mess something small up, it’s a big deal, you know? And I felt like I didn’t match the kid to the right family,” she pushed her lips to the side. She really didn’t talk about her job much, but Hana was able to understand a little. She worked with kids and knew how it can be at times.

[camilablair-r]

florianreeves

“I know you do, but it’s still mortifying for me to do in public. I don’t like the idea of anybody thinking I’m hitting on them, or you, and they might not know you’re my sister, but it makes me feel weird.” He held his breath for a few moments before letting it out slowly. It didn’t release the knot in his chest, but it helped him feel a little more centered. “I have nothing to make dinner with, and pretty much only a bag of pretzels. Which is great and all, but it doesn’t help me.”

“I know, but don’t apologize, okay? Not to me, anyway,” she nodded, almost firmly at him. “Just take a deep breath and consider me buying us a pizza for dinner. Cause I’m too lazy to make food and Elvis loves you for some reason,” a hint of teasing came from her voice. She really just wanted time with her brother more than anything. “Okay, we need to stock you up. And me. Work has been just a lot lately so I need food also.”

[camilablair-r]

harkenntt​:

Roman tucked the phone back in his pocket, picking up the keys that had fallen between himself and the other. “Excuse me, I’m sorry are these yours? I don’t think you’ll get very far without them.” The Italian hadn’t been in Chicago but 6 months only, still feeling fresh off the plain…although it could be exhaustion from work, still in his scrubs off an 18 hour shift. @chicagcstart​

The petite brunette was scattered at the moment. After seeing one of the kids she worked with in the hospital, the only thing that she truly wanted to do is just go to a bar and get a glass of wine, or two. Hearing a voice behind her, Cami turned around to see the keys. “Oh, shoot. Yeah, I think I might need them. I wouldn’t have realized it till I tried to get into my house,” she smiled as she looked up at him. “Thank you.”

[camilablair-r]

Iced Cafe Mocha :

Favorite thing to do on rainy days?

Sit by the window with a book and my dog.