Cancer at 21...

My name is Mathias and I have been diagnosed with Stage II Hodgkin's Lymphoma. This page is to record my thoughts and feelings. Hopefully it will inspire and help others along on their journey.

[cancerat21]

Horray!!

I had my check up with my main oncology doctor Today. I would say that I am officially in remission at this point! I was hesitant to come out and say it because it was never specifically said. But now that I have a scheduled appointment for a Pet Scan in September along with another checkup shows me that I am almost out of this 'dark path' I guess you could say. It will soon be a closed chapter in the book of my life, that will hopefully not be revisited. Thank you everyone for your support and I wish you best of luck on your journey through life!

[cancerat21]

Radiation

Well radiation has been over for about a month. I was really just slightly tired after each daily treatment. The only thing visually different about me is that I have completely lost half of my facial hair and a small portion of hair on my neck. What is funny about it is that there is a clear line between healthy hair and the damaged hair. Luckily it will grow back in the coming months.

[cancerat21]

Last Chemo!

I had my last chemotherapy treatment on Tuesday. It will hopefully be the very last one in my life. My nurse who was administering my drugs has the same birthday as I do. We bonded over that and she gave me a hug knowing it was my last chemo treatment. It felt good to leave and know I would not be back in the IV chair hooked up to a machine. I still have another stage of my treatment to go. I will be receiving 3 weeks of radiation. The good news is that I will be reunited with my roommates. One of them will be graduating and I can't wait to see him. There is a strong bond between all of us because we have known each other since freshman year and we have been living with each other for most of our college careers. Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers they helped me get through the process of chemotherapy.

[cancerat21]

One more to go..

I have one more Chemotherapy treatment to go. It will be number 8. I am pretty excited to be at my last treatment. Especially since I was really starting to see the side effects, mainly with my lungs. That drug was part of the team that was taking down my cancer, now that it is riding the fine line of toxicity and effectiveness it makes sense that I would not be receiving a new treatment cycle of Chemo. Instead, I will be recovering for a few weeks then it will be onto a cycle of Radiation. I will receive Radiation on the area of my neck where my lymph node was enlarged, everyday for three weeks. It will bee like getting a X-ray except it will be at a much higher level. No worries though I will not be radioactive or setting off alarms. Dr. L said that it will not be enough to even emit radiation back out of my neck.

This is coming to an end... a positive one..

[cancerat21]

Shortness.. of.. Breath..

Last week the chemical that affects my lungs hit hard.

It was difficult to move around the house with out stopping to catch my breath. I had to slowly get up from laying down in order to avoid having a coughing fit. Sometimes it did not even matter if I took my time, I would cough anyway. The only time I really felt comfortable was when I was laying down. It was easier to breath when I was at rest.

At one point I had such a bad coughing fit that once it was through I noticed that my nails had turned purple. Later, that night it was a hardship to walk 8 feet from the couch to the table to eat something.

Luckily, a call to the Doctor and I was prescribed a set of Steroids that would clear up the inflammation in my lungs. It was  a Godsend, it brought relief to my lungs.

I saw Dr. L before my Seventh Treatment and he decided to remove the drug from my treatment in order to keep it from permanently damaging my lungs and giving my lungs time to heal. He also said that my lungs will make a 100% recovery after my treatment is over. He likes to say that I will need them for the next 60 years.

After this experience all forms of smoking are out of the question. My dreams of being a Cigar Connoisseur are out of the question. I do not want to be struggling to breathe ever again. It is an anxiety heavy situation  when you want to catch your breathe but you can't and a thousand thoughts roll through your head, 'Am I going to pass out?', 'Am I going to asphyxiate and die?', these were thoughts I really had. I had to tell myself to breathe and calm down. I took control and got through it each time.

Breathe..Breathe..

[cancerat21]

Colds..

Colds are the worst. I caught a bad cold a few weeks ago and it was incapacitating. I finally got a call into the Doctor and was prescribed a antibiotic. In the next few days the cold was gone and I was feeling much better.

This cold happened a few days before my Sixth Treatment of Chemo. Usually my parents drive us down to Cincinnati the night before, so that I can get my treatment in the morning and then we can head back Home. Home is a much better place for me during my treatments. I can remain isolated from other people who may be sick and I also have the convenience of a support system with much of my family and friends being close to me.

I do wish that I could see my roommates more, especially since Max is graduating this semester but the healing comes first.

Back to my Sixth Treatment...

My brother wanted to know how he could help, immediately after he found out that I had cancer. So he drove my mother and I down for treatment. It was really good to see my brother for an extended time and get to talk with him. He even informed us on a small chain restaurant that has some excellent hamburgers and fries that are all locally sourced. I can't wait to stop there again.

Unfortunately, my Mother and Brother could not join me during my treatment. I was put into a room rather than an open area due to my cold symptoms. My Mother and Brother also had cold symptoms so they stayed in the waiting room. Though there is not much to 'see' when I am hooked up to the chemical drip.

[cancerat21]

S-Bank

I will be quick with this one...

I had to visit the Sperm Bank several times before my Chemotherapy even started. It was a hectic time.

If you are trying to imagine what the office is like.. when I first walked in I thought it was exactly as a Sitcom would have portrayed it.

Awkwardness level: Low, the people that work there are very nice and considerate.

Worried about encounters? Everyone there is for a different reason

The one thing that bugs me is that I have no idea if I was fertile before storing my sailors for future use...

[cancerat21]

Effects

The chemicals are harsh and cancer is weak, but the chemicals still affect the healthy parts of me. Hair loss is still the most noticeable. I got tired of seeing my hair fall out so I shaved it down.

These chemicals can majorly affect my lungs, if I have shortness of breath then I need to inform my doctor immediately so they can change the dose or take out the chemical that is affecting my lungs. If not properly controlled I could have permanent damage to my lungs. Another part of my treatment can affect my heart, which could lead to permanent damage to it.

I believe the biggest side effect from this treatment could be the permanent loss or damage to my fertility. When my doctor told me that I was immediate to say that I do want children or at the very least the opportunity to have them. In order to preserve that opportunity I had to go to a Sperm Bank. Which is something that I never expected to be going to in my life nor in relation to receiving treatment for cancer.

I do not focus on the negative effects of this medicine on my body. It would be pointless to dwell everyday on them when there is so much more about life to be explored. Also, these MAY be side effects, I remember that if I do have permanent damage to my body, I will not have cancer and will still be able to live a normal life. Fearing these damages would only debilitate my healing. I do not concern myself with these negative possibilities, they are in the past and I think of my future where I tell my journey to my children.

[cancerat21]

My Treatment

I started treatment on the 17th of December 2013. (Merry Christmas!!) The treatment is called ABVD. I receive my treatment every two weeks and there will be 4 cycles for a total 8 treatments. After that there may be 2 weeks of radiation or more sessions of chemo.

In deciding how to treat me Dr. L looked at the standards of Lymphoma staging and treatment types. He told me that there are three major groups of thoughts on treatment; American, Canadian and German. My situation was determined to be favorable in the first two but not by the German group of thought. The reason for being non-favorable was because I was male. He used these groups of thought to determined how many treatments I would receive.

[cancerat21]

Chem Port

December 9th

I will be going back to surgery to have a chem port installed in my chest. The procedure was done in fifteen minutes, but waiting for an open surgery room was the long part. I had been around the hospital so much that I felt like a veteran.

The chem port is a very neat invention. The chemicals used to treat cancer are very toxic to veins so tapping them with an IV can cause them to go bad. A Chem port gives access to a larger vein, which is closer to the heart, so it can pump the chemicals without ruining the smaller veins.

I found it ironic that it was a great idea to pump the toxins that cause veins to deteriorate directly into my heart. However the heart is resilient and strong , it can take the abuse. Soon my heart will be back to full health, the chem port will be removed and I will be back to normal.

[cancerat21]

Lymphoma..what?

So I have Lymphoma now what?

Next comes the visits to Dr. L. They blend together in my memory now, but there were more tests of course! One of those tests was a Bone Marrow Biopsy, which is necessary to determine if cancer is present in the Bone Marrow. It is one of the most painful experiences in my life. Basically, they take a core sample of your bone, just like they do to the dirt of the Earth of the Ice of the Polar Caps. Except the Earth does not audibly express pain like we do.

** Graphic Spoiler Alert **

The process beings with plenty of needles for numbing you to the bone. Then they insert a metallic rod through the layers of your skin to the hip  bone, then they start to screw through the bone. Being younger means that my bones are at their strongest so this procedure is rough, even Dr. L was sweating after taking over for his fellow who wasn't making the 'cut'.

This uncomfortable procedure feels like a life time, I remember thinking this pain is just now, when it is over the pain will be gone. The Doctor, and his Assistant know what they were doing, I trust them. They were trying to get me to talk through it asking about school and my projects, taking my mind off pain is a way to make the path out of it easier. Even my mom caught on, I knew she was cringing.

Now that this tube is in my bone they exact the secondary tube that contains the core. It makes this beautiful metallic sound, imagine the sliding of two hollow tubes within each other, then imagine it resonant within your own bones. I cringe even recalling it makes my spine shudder. Once they have the core they also collect the liquid marrow which has that beautiful suction sound once again.

** End Graphic Alert **

Luckily though it was painful the results were good, I had no Cancer in my Bone Marrow which means an easier Treatment. After that needles do not scare me anymore.

I also had to have tests done to establish if I was healthy enough to start Chemotherapy. They were done on one day, but of course no food or water the night before. These tests included a PET Scan, MUGA Scan (HEART), and Pulmonary (Lung) test. It amazes me every time that some nurses can get an IV into a vein and others cannot, though it does not help them that I am starved for 12 hours by the final tests and my veins (that roll) have retreated. There were at least 8 tries at veins that day.

All these tests were to establish not only the stage and type of lymphoma but also if I am healthy enough for treatment.

The Results?

-- Stage 2 Hodgkin's Lymphoma --

-- Healthy for treatment --

[cancerat21]

My Journey so far..

I'll catch you up..

For some time I had noticed a small swelling in my neck. I noticed it off and on and thought nothing of it. At the time I had no idea that it was my Lymph nodes which may swell when fighting something off. Eventually I did go to my doctor in March 23, 2013 and got started with some tests because it was time to figure what was truly going on with my neck.

During this time my Grandfather was very sick. He was too sick to be able to fully diagnose his condition. We were told that he had a lymphoma and they had found tumors throughout his body. He passed away on March 30, 2013 and I miss him very much.

I had my first biopsy on May 2, and the results were benign. In the back of my mind I was concerned that I might have what my Grandfather had. I know that my family had the same thoughts. So it was a relief to hear that it was not cancer. However the healing from the surgery took a lot of time, it was nasty and it took much of the semester [Co-op] to fully heal.

During one of the breaks between semesters my family doctor moved to the next course of action which was to pursue that an Infectious Disease was causing this growth. He ordered some more tests but suggested a specialist in Toledo. However the Specialist, seeing that I was going to school at the University of Cincinnati, suggested a Doctor down there.

So I went back to school and during that time I saw Dr. P and he had some tests ordered and also sent me to the Infectious Disease Doctor there. I saw the Infectious Disease Doctor once and he had a list of about 7 or 8 blood tests, they all came back negative. It was good to hear that these tests were coming back negative, but not so good because the swelling was increasing in my neck and I still had no answers. It was very frustrating.

After the many tests came back negative, Dr. P did a second biopsy on my neck. He is not only friendly but did a great job and my neck was healed within a week compared to my previous experience it was very pleasant to be healed so soon.

Later, I received a call one night while I was in my Studio working. It was Dr. P and the results had come back. He said that I have Lymphoma. He asked if I was alright, he was calling so that his colleague Dr. L and I could get started on identifying and getting my Lymphoma treated. I said that I was okay, I thought I was prepared this whole time to deal with the 'you have cancer' speech but really I was in pure shock. He asked if he should call to tell my mother and I said yes, because I knew she would have questions for him that I would not know the answer for.

I am not sure what happened after his call.. I went back to my desk but I could not focus or work so I went home.. I closed my door then the call from mom came.. There were tears on both lines.. I don't remember the words that were said but I remember that even though there was obvious sadness that there was hope at the end.

..The two days following Dr. P Phone call and the subsequent calls from my Mother and Father were the hardest ones.