Candida Abrahamson's Blog

A mediator, counselor and therapist, I deal with issues ranging from mood disorders to family and marital therapy to individual coaching to cancer and bereavement counseling, both in person and through phone sessions. Find out more about what I do at http://www.candidaabrahamsonphd.com, or read more of my writings on a variety of topics at http://candidaabrahamson.wordpress.com--and feel free to ask questions or propose topics!

[candidaabrahamson]

World Bipolar Day: the Birthdate of Vincent Van Gogh

World Bipolar Day: the Birthdate of Vincent Van Gogh

After over a decade of – granted, very rocky – general stability, I suffered a mental health episode in my late 30s that both came as quite a shock to me and pretty much knocked me out of the playing field for quite some time.

I had to cause recently to list a number of the things that were different about myself – about my very essence – after that episode, than before.

They were pretty…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

Family systems: Children Acting Out Parental Power Struggles

Family systems: Children Acting Out Parental Power Struggles

Charlotte* was a energetic, exciting, dominant woman.  She chose Charlie,* her opposite. Charlie ate the same menu almost every day: 2 eggs, chicken salad for lunch, chicken or pasta for dinner.  This drove Charlotte wild, and she let Charlie know how boring she thought he was. She loved changes and adventures, gourmet food and fine wine.

Charlotte loved to travel. Even planning the trip was a…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

Blended Families: The L Family Adds a New Baby

Blended Families: The L Family Adds a New Baby

We last left the L family (The Blended Family–Part I: the L Family) experiencing a troubled triangle between Larry* and his second wife Lucille*, who were fighting over his young daughter Lola from a previous marriage.  Lucille was expecting her first biological child and was also the full-time stay at home Mom to her step-daughter. Lola’s biological Mom had quit the scene, so there was no relief…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

Money Matters in Couple Relationships: Early Warning Signs

Money Matters in Couple Relationships: Early Warning Signs

One of my jobs as an adviser to couples is to inquire about early warning signs.

In the Oct. 13 New Yorker I read the story of one Mathew Martoma, whose long-held secret was outed when the feds arrested him, in front of his wife, on insider trading charges. Luckily for his marriage, that wife was the one person to whom he had revealed the secret.

Readers may recall my detailing a husband’s new…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

Blended Families--Part I: The "L" Family

Blended Families–Part I: The “L” Family

The following stories blend the challenges of step-families into narrative-based lessons. I begin with the story from one pair’s meeting, to a moment of a radical change in their lives. Lucille, a nurse, and Larry an accountant, came to marriage in their early 30s.  Both had been married before, but only Larry had a child,  a 5-year-old daughter, Lola. Larry was the full-time parent for Lola,…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

'Money Has Never Made Man Happy': But. . .Therapy Has--Apparently 32X More Efficiently Than Money

‘Money Has Never Made Man Happy': But. . .Therapy Has–Apparently 32X More Efficiently Than Money

“Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Benjamin Franklin knew a lot on an extensively large variety of topics –and pretty much liked to tell everyone about it at any opportunity. It grew wearisome in America–but the French women took to it with surprising enthusiasm. Or…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

US spends more on medical care per person than any country, yet life expectancy isn't higher, Part I

US spends more on medical care per person than any country, yet life expectancy isn’t higher, Part I

  One of my parents’ truisms and favorite sayings is, “You get what you pay for.”

They usually pull it out of their pockets when I’ve really cheaped out on something–and gotten dreck in exchange.

But the funny thing about healthcare in America is that it disproves what my parents have been trying to teach me all these long years, for here, it seems, you pay a lot–and don’t get all that much in…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

Pain Awareness Month-- Estelle and Narcotics Anonymous

Pain Awareness Month– Estelle and Narcotics Anonymous

Twenty years ago a woman we’ll call Estelle* came to my office for coaching. Estelle was 84 and had been living with chronic pain from two failed back surgeries she’d had years earlier.  She’d been on opioid pain medication since before the first operation.

As with my other pain clients, I was struck by the consistency of the suffering despite the meds. Her story put me in mind of a client with…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To--or How We Die

It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To–or How We Die

Kelly had been a real touchy-feely all the years I’d seen in practice, so her choice about how she wanted to go surprised me–but, as I reminded her distraught daughter, it was her choice that mattered.

It’s become trendy nowadays to make our last days into something of a memorial smorgasborg. We’re encouraged to write poems to our grandkids, pen autobiographies, collect items special to us and…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

Understanding Fear: What Are Phobias and How Common Are They?

Understanding Fear: What Are Phobias and How Common Are They?

Did you ever notice that when it rains it pours?

Well around here it’s been raining infographics like cats and dogs.

For real–it takes the two of us who run this blog to fend them off at times.

It’s not that the ones we don’t choose to run (and, hard as it may be for you to believe, there are many) aren’t interesting; it’s more that we start to wonder what in heaven’s name they have to do with…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

"Antidepressant Nation": Stats and Infographic

“Antidepressant Nation”: Stats and Infographic

No class of drugs can beat prescription painkillers for the sheer quantity of prescriptions written, but the meds that place second and third have nothing to be ashamed of.

Cholesterol-lowering drugs are the second most commonly prescribed class of drugs in the U.S. (just think Lipitor, best-selling drug ever) and. . .drum roll, please. . ..

Antidepressants place third. For real.  A studyin the…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

National Cancer Survivors Day--the Good, the Bad, and the Neutral

National Cancer Survivors Day–the Good, the Bad, and the Neutral

There are only three possible outcomes after a major life event: things get worse, things get better, or things stay the same.  Once you’ve had cancer, it’s not too likely that you life will ever be the same.  OK, maybe with a tiny skin cancer.  But I mean the big, scary CANCER, where your existence is threatened, the treatment costs you every last hair, and the mental losses are unaffordable by…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

May Is Borderline Personality Awareness Month

May Is Borderline Personality Awareness Month

The 4-year-old child spills the cereal on the floor when trying to put some in his own bowl.  The mother’s response: “I told you not to take cereal yourself! No one listens to me. I’m a piece of garbage!” Storming, she jams the bowl, the cereal box, and everything else on the table, and then into the trash, then phones her husband at work.

“I can’t take it. I hate this family! I’m leaving now. If…

View On WordPress

[candidaabrahamson]

Words are Fattening; Watch What You Say to Yourself

I was downdog-ing along, minding my business, when I heard a man’s voice break through the gym’s…

View Post

[candidaabrahamson]

Does Your Holiday Family Event Make You Itch?

Well, you made it through Thanksgivukkah.  But don’t relax yet; the big season of joy is coming up…

View Post

[candidaabrahamson]

It's time to stand up to the plate and help the mentally ill. You can start by. . . shopping.

Truth be told, I was always a little unusual, even from way back when.

I (and there’s no need to…

View Post

[candidaabrahamson]

They Actually Did It: Your Mental Health Care Benefits? Same as for Physical Care. Fancy That.

The truth is that if you have a TV or radio, or you get a newspaper, you hardly need me to run through this again for you. But just in case you missed the headline news, or felt too blue to go out and pick up the paper from the driveway, or–and this is as…

View Post