Candy Massages

My everyday journal as a massagist and beauty specialist

[candythemassagist]

My New Partner

When I was just starting out in the massage business, I didn’t have my own place to work. I rented a place from a very kind lady at the back of a nail shop. It wasn’t a great situation, but it helped me get on my feet, and I actually still have some of the clients I got at that place. The woman I rented off used to help a lot with referrals from her own clients too, and I often reciprocated by doing the same; so all in all it was a great relationship for us both. However, there was one thing that didn’t always work out so well.

She used to have a cat that just sat there in she nail shop, barely moving all day long. I used to call it Garfield, despite its name being Fluffy or Flouncy, or something like that; it was a while ago. For the purpose of this little anecdote, I’ll refer to him as Garfield. It was nice at the end of each day sitting in the nail salon and having Garfield jump on my lap for a cuddle (that was about as active as he got all day long!) So you can imagine just how surprised I was to discover him in my therapy room.

It was far from a pleasant discovery. I’d opened up the room a little earlier than usual because I had a lot of clients in that day and needed to make sure I had everything I needed. I like to have all my cleaning products in easy reach, so I can sanitise after each of them. It’s a bit of a pain in the ass, but it’s a necessary evil. As I said, Garfield never goes in the room. He was discouraged from the very start by my friend, and as I also said, he’s not one for moving.

One of my regular clients came in, changed and got onto the table with her face through the hole as usual. This client had been with me from the start, and she was one of the referrals from the nail shop. I began my massage with some gentle strokes down the spine, not a lot of pressure. I never press too hard at the beginning; people need to be able to warm into their massage in my opinion. Most of the time they last for up to an hour, so there’s plenty of time to get the full benefit, and I’ve yet to have a single complaint.

Speaking of complaints, this is the time that Garfield decided to show himself. I looked to my left and saw him walk directly under the table. I prayed that my client had her eyes closed, and luckily she did. That would have been quite a shock, not to mention highly unprofessional. But… Just hold onto that thought for a moment.

There wasn’t much I could do about getting him out. If I stopped, that too would be unprofessional. So I just figured that I could wake him up from his inevitable nap, and kick him out when my client was getting dressed in the temporary booth I managed to fit in the room. But as it happens, fate decided that life was not going to be that easy for me.

Out of nowhere, Garfield just appeared on the shelf behind me and suddenly jumped onto the massage table between my clients legs. I tried my best to shoo him away, but I was so worried he was going to disturb my client. Then, as I was moving my hands to my client’s shoulders, Garfield decided he would go for a little walk. Starting with my client’s bottom!

Then I heard her moaning with pleasure, like it was me working on her bottom (which I don’t really even do, and I’ve never done to her!) So here was this woman being massaged by me around her shoulders, believing that I had two more hands, the size of cat paws, working on her bottom. I still can’t believe I actually got away with this, without her catching on. She even gave me a tip at the end! All I was doing throughout was praying that Garfield didn’t walk any further, or worse, get his claws out!

[candythemassagist]

Look Who’s on the Table

Today was a day I’m not likely to forget in a hurry. It’s not often that you get to massage someone you actually know, and sometimes it can be a little awkward, but this was an extra special treat for me. It was extra special treat because it allowed me to play out a few scenarios in my head that I’ve thought on more than one occasion about this person!

No, it’s nothing rude, or anything like that. I’m sure some of you may be expecting this to be an account of some form of naughty encounter with someone I used to fancy, but this is not the script of a badly written movie. This was a woman to begin with, and a woman who I didn’t have fond memories of. It was clear when she walked into the room that she didn’t remember me, but I remembered her for sure.

This woman was one of my teachers in school. Someone who was really very short tempered and had given me detentions on more than one occasion. As a teenager I had often thought about throwing something at her head when she had her back to the class, and very nearly did once or twice. And now she was mine!

As she laid herself down on my table, I felt a little like Dexter the TV serial killer. Duct tape and plastic sheeting flashed through my mind for a moment LOL! I’m only human at the end of the day, but I should stress that I’m highly professional, and would never kill anyone on my massage table. I’m just not that kind of therapist!

But I do confess, as I was giving her a shoulder massage and working my way up, I couldn’t help fantasising a little about tightening my hands around her throat and squeezing her last breath from her body. No… really, I’m not psychotic! I did, as I always do, a thorough and professional job, and I have to say she was very impressed with my work (for the very first time!)

“That was truly marvellous, you’re very talented!” She said with enthusiasm. This was the first piece of positive praise I’d ever gotten from this woman.

“You don’t remember me, do you?” I asked, with a smile.

“I’m sorry, no, I don’t,” she replied. She paused to wait for my answer, and all I could do was remember just how she would do this when I was a teenager; except she used to look a lot less patient.

“I was a student of yours, years ago,” I said, not sure what to expect. I went about my business and took away the towels and started to wash my hands.

“Well then,” she said with a smile, as she walked to the changing room, “I’ll consider myself very lucky indeed.”

“Really? What do you mean?” I enquired, already flushing a little red, worried that she was some kind of mind reader or something.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly the nicest teacher, was I? I wouldn’t blame you if you tried to throttle me!”

I contemplated telling her what was going through my mind for a moment, and then thought better of it. She was clearly a very nice woman, and if my memory serves me well (which it usually does), I wasn’t the easiest of students to get along with. It’s funny what perspective can do, isn’t it?

[candythemassagist]

Gone With the Wind

Being a massage therapist can be gruelling sometimes, and by the end of the day I’m pretty much in need of a good massage myself! Imagine massaging clients quite literally all day long. I love it, don’t get me wrong, but it can be really tiring! When I can’t get a massage myself, I tend to rely on yoga and meditation at home. Not only does it relax me and sharpen my focus, it also helps me keep in great shape; I’ve never been one for the gym really! So, with all the aches and pains of my job, it’s always a pleasure when something funny happens. Today, something happened that doesn’t happen often; and I always love it when it does.

So, I’m busy working on this guy in his late fifties. He has a good body, and he clearly takes care of himself, but I think it might be getting a little too much protein in his diet. Some of you might know that a high protein diet can give you a little extra gas! Especially if you work out often and use things like protein powders and so on. Then the gas can be almost chronic! And yes, you guessed it, that’s exactly what happened. As a masseuse, this is s perfectly natural thing to happen, but it doesn’t happen often; and you never really get used to it. When it does, it’s very funny. Any massage therapist that tells you they have a good poker face when it comes to accidents like this, is almost certainly lying to you!

I’m moving my hands along my client’s abdomen and applying only a little pressure (because it’s not always the most comfortable place to be massaged) and there’s this loud and long - almost “parp!” - sound. And I’m telling you with no word of a lie, that this was really LOUD! The poor guy must have been mortified. It reminded me of a trombone. It was the classic sliding trombone sound, the type you hear in cartoons and comedy sketches when you see a fat person walking or someone fall over. I managed to ignore it initially, but couldn’t help glancing at his face, which had turned a very deep red colour as he stared at the ceiling. It was then that he looked down at me and saw me smiling. Perhaps it was because he saw that I wasn’t disgusted by his windy accident, that caused him to laugh out loud, and yes… I joined him.

Now comes the even funnier part. No sooner had he begun to laugh and lift himself into a semi sitting position, whilst trying desperately to apologise between his giggling, he did it again. And then again. It was like he was trying to play a tune down there. By now we were both laughing like drains, with me trying to stop, if only to tell him that he shouldn’t be embarrassed and that it happened all the time (even though it didn’t); the usual stuff a masseuse would tell a client who farted! It was then that his mortification, turned into my own, as I let out a massive bottom grunt myself. Talk about us both being loosened up! You’d expect the room to smell awful too, but luckily it really didn’t. These gasses were more than likely disguised among the all the essential oils that I have. Honestly, sometimes it smells stronger than The Body Shop for goodness sake!

So, that was a nice way to start the weekend, I won’t lie to you, it really cheered me up! I’m not saying that I want all my clients to come and pass wind in my room though!

[candythemassagist]

Hi, I am professional beauty and massage specialist.