a kiss, ever so gentle and loving (every move, every action, every little thing shuu does is always so... delicate and affectionate whenever naki is concerned), lands upon naki’s crown as arms wrap themselves around his waist from behind. no words are spoken as the two stand together, swaying as if to some unheard music that only they, in their little moment frozen in time, can hear. another kiss, but this time on his cheek and then another at the corner of his mouth.
laughter bubbles past petal-soft lips at the younger ghouls huff, his unspoken and almost shy request for a real kiss. shuu hums—it’s a familiar tune, nameless but classic—as he frees one hand from his lovers hip to gently turn his face towards his own, eyelashes fluttering as lips (shuu can’t help but smile into the kiss) finally meet. “ah, mon amour—tu fais sourire mon cœur,” he finally speaks, voice softer than even the kiss they just shared. “je t’aime.”
Compared to Shuu, Naki’s always been different.
Initially, he’s had his cheek practically smashed into the taller ghoul’s chest with shoulders in a hefty hunch. Eyes were forcibly halfway shut due to his selfishness (but he didn’t care. as long as he could stay this close to shuu forever…? he was happy.) of claims, own arms firmly and tightly wrapped around the other male all the while. It was only when he felt lips draw closer that he’d raise his head away from its original spot, Naki timidly craning his own head in order to peer up at Shuu.
Eyes pinched shut, at first, in response to chaste kiss. It’s placed softly (tenderly. naki’s not used to softness.) upon top of head, something that Naki’s, admittedly, found hard to understand. These actions… these expressions of love– it frightened him at the start, because he thought he’d have to return them twice as much. And he’s never been good at that sort of thing.
He’s never been good at much of anything, he’s come to realize.But with Shuu? He felt like he could be good at… a lot of things.
If he could be as bold, he felt that, maybe, he could be good at anything.
Mere seconds ticked by before he opened his eyes, peeking through thin layers of lashes as he subconsciously breathed out a huff. It was quiet and subtle in nature (hard to miss but impatient nonetheless.), Naki squeezing his embrace slightly tighter in an attempt to hold Shuu closer and closer to him. Tip of chin had wanted to press itself into Shuu’s chest, the younger ghoul holding a strange, innate desire to drop down to his knees before the Tsukiyama without a further word.
It was strange and scary, he had to admit; it should have been borderline unthinkable for someone like him to want to willingly forfeit their confidence, their own experiences, and their freedom in exchange for a humble thing known as love.
But Naki’s always has been well-known to do the unthinkable.
He doesn’t sink away, though. Instead, he leaned in to these touches– these simple, little displays of affection that, otherwise, would have had him grimacing away out of sheer impulsive terror. Right eye loosely pinched itself, crinkling at the corners in retort to the kiss to cheek. Another huff escaped, louder this time yet not loud enough to be acknowledged. Gaze only left Shuu’s own once peck was placed (it had to be carefully planned, didn’t it?) upon corner of his mouth, own lips falling open to say something anything.
(i love you, i love you, i love you!)
All that came out, though, was another huff. It must have worked, regardless, because as soon as Shuu started to laugh, Naki felt his heart nearly stop. Its beating fluttered within his ears, thumping against his rib cage in a foolish attempt of escape. Eyebrows furrowed, rising at the tips to create an expression of both aching want and numb happiness.
Difficult, was it not…?To be with someone that could make you so happy but so sad in the same breath?
Being with Shuu made Naki realize what life should have been like. Being with Shuu made Naki understand that, sometimes, life wasn’t kind. Being with Shuu made Naki learn that bad things happened to good people all the time.
It’s enticed him into feeling certain ways (and it’s scared him. he remembered sitting alone once and having to cry, wondering if he was good enough and wondering if shuu simply pitied him.) only to be comforted once spotted, encouraged with soft niceties and equally as tender affections. Each and every time Naki’s always felt like a burden, but, as practice makes perfect permanent, he’s learned to feel less and less bad and more and more good each time.
Tsukiyama Shuu… he was amazingly magical in some ways, wasn’t he?
There have been times where Naki was angry, morbidly curious why Shuu had accepted him the way he did. They would sit alone within a room, Naki staring at Shuu from across the room with a distant look. Occasionally, he’d see him look up and acknowledge him with a sweet smile (naki thinks that’s where it started all that time ago. the first time he saw shuu smile at him… he thinks that’s where it began.), and all Naki could do was…? Panic internally and look back down, lips pulling selves into a thin line as red flushed itself all the way up to the tips of his ears. One time he thought Shuu was done looking at him and dared to look back up, only to be greeted by a much more devious grin. It only made him panic to the point of wanting to cry.
There have been times where Naki stood in the corner of the room of these “get togethers” Shuu’s hosted or merely participated in, feeling the urge to leave and cry in solitude. Without fail, though, he’d be noticed by the other man (and naki always felt his heart lift out of his stomach and right up into his throat, lodging itself there.) and pulled over. He’d be introduced with overwhelming love, with no idea what to do and if he was meant to be here save for light, encouraging whispers of, “You are doing so well, mon amour,” from Shuu himself. As such, he remembered only standing still, somewhat at the alert, and trying to be on his best behavior. And after the party was finished and the guests took their leave, Shuu would whisk him off to the side and kiss him. It only made Naki want more.
They all shared a similarity, though– one that involved Naki wanting Shuu and no one else.
“I-I…” he tried to start, blinking rapidly to pull himself back into reality once he’s recognized the warmth of fingers upon his chin. After wards, all that was managed out was a light whine when lips connected with his.
(i don’t want you to go.)
Without realizing, he had squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn’t out of fear nor was it out of distinct distaste, but rather… it was out of a want to freeze time. He’s been subconsciously swaying with Shuu this whole time, moving in a somewhat slow and fluid motion. An attempt to disrupt was only made once the kiss was broken off, Naki’s eyes opening halfway with one, lone tear tearing itself away, exposing itself, and quickly running down his left cheek. Baring teeth in slight grimace, Naki chewed at his lower lip as he let his head drop forward.
Foreheads butted against each other in a soft thunk as Naki dared himself to be bold. He dared himself to never break his gaze from Shuu’s. He dared himself to never forget the smell of Shuu. He dared himself to never forget the gentle but pleasant tickle Shuu’s laughter brought to his ears. For once, Naki dared himself to want to be happy.
To be happy with Shuu. Only with Shuu.
Mouth hung open in a light slack, Naki’s mind gradually registering what it was that Shuu had just said. He recognized certain words (mon amour. cœur. ah… only shuu could make anything sound so beautiful.) within commentary, Naki feeling his breathing hitching itself for but a moment before returning to normal. Another tear escaped from eye opposite of before, rolling down skin slower than previous and leaving behind crackled, wet stains.
“J– Je…” he began, lower lip quivering all the while (he’s afraid. he’s never been very good at reproducing languages like shuu was, but he– he wanted to try.) before he glanced away. Stopping for a but a moment, Naki swallowed the huge lump in his throat before returning his gaze onto Shuu’s. “Je… Je t-t’aime.”
Breath expelled from mouth mere seconds later, Naki’s entire body revealing its anxiety in steady quivers, shivers, and tremors before he finally allowed for his eyes to shut.
He wasn’t sure if he said it correctly, but he hoped that the thought of it mattered more.
