Capatin Crunch

Maniacal unseelie nightmare enby She/they

[ashes2caches]

the cutest transfem in the world is crying in her bed right now… make sure she knows that she’s loved.

[capatincrunch]

its me. Except I'm horrible and worthless and don't know if I'm transfem or not, but other than that, it's me

[capatincrunch]

hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate myself since I began to question my gender

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i think vampires should latch onto their victim's neck like a tick, and just stay there until they bloat & fall off naturally

[jaguarguard]

I- i hate that

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

furthermore i think the supernatural fandom should use this biological quirk to invent vampire sex knotting the way they did with werewolves and the omegaverse

[warpsbyherself]

Since knotting is usually pretty localized to the parts it wants to keep in contact (classic knot -> breeding), I think this implies that knotting vampire penis is now a feeding tool. Maybe it opens like a lamprey

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

no see you're focusing too much on penes as a concept. technically a vampire's reproductive organs are its fangs/whatever it uses to latch onto its victims. which yes could mimic many real-life bloodsuckers including a lamprey, a tick, or perchance...a mosquito? and of course fandom requires an implicit sexual nature to the act, be it one of breeding, feeding, frenzy, etcetera.

now hear me out:

PROBOSCIS DEEP THROATING

[capatincrunch]

just pointing out, by vampire folklore, their fangs ARE their reproductive organs. They suck your blood, then you suck theirs, and you become a vampire

[capatincrunch]

...maybe I do want boobs...

[vampzip]

i need you to watch me sleep, it makes me feel safe.

[capatincrunch]

Okay eridian

[capatincrunch]

doing funny numbers on Tumblr dot com

[lizzytestosterone]

Just a step ahead of it

[capatincrunch]

maybe? Probably? Lately when I put my hands to my chest it feels like something's missing, but that might be me fooling myself, doubling down for attention or maybe I need to feel worse about myself because it's bad for several of my friends.....

[capatincrunch]

maybe I've always been going through shit...

[capatincrunch]

You *are* trans! You are not faking it, you have no reason to fake it, how can someone be fooling herself into feeling joy? The joy you felt is real, do more of the things that make you feel this joy, if you have people you can trust, tell them to she/her you and use feminine terms for you more often

this helps. This really helps. Tysm anon

[capatincrunch]

@this-is-trans-joy @i-suggest-transing-your-gender

[capatincrunch]

You *are* trans! You are not faking it, you have no reason to fake it, how can someone be fooling herself into feeling joy? The joy you felt is real, do more of the things that make you feel this joy, if you have people you can trust, tell them to she/her you and use feminine terms for you more often

this helps. This really helps. Tysm anon

[capatincrunch]

the problem is I have a *thing* for being manhandled, or being the smaller partner, but I'm also 6'3" and built like a tank. This has lead to me lying about my height in reverse. I'm only 6 foot guys. Trust.

[rouxlskaardnumber1fan]

i made a quiz. i dont think anyone will see or take this but i’m posting it anyways. its pretty short if you see this pls take him

just choose.

[the-canary-wives]

this quiz was ominous as hell and you’ve convinced me that you’re an eldritch entity hell-bent on making mortals question their existence. and yeah i’m. i’m so tired, actually. you got it pretty spot-on. also did i mention how ominous this quiz is? i did? NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE OH MY GOD. i applaud you.

choose.

several of the options don’t even let you do that.

so.

[rouxlskaardnumber1fan]

aaaaaaa tytyty i end up being like accidentally ominous a lot of times and also sometimes get weird prophetic dreams so i’m pretty sure i’m like psychic or get possessed by like some eldrich diety or skme shit- YIPPIE FRIENDS IM SL GLAD YOU LIKED MY QUIZZZZZ

[burgermug]

Just took the quiz...

Wtf??

Ominous as hell, and I didn't understand at all, but okay.

[rouxlskaardnumber1fan]

yayyyy not undertsandjng it was the point :D (did i psychoanalyze you correctly i need to know to fix the quiz)

[capatincrunch]

well I wasn't expecting that. Goddamn seven

[gender-trash]

are you nerds ready to see TOP SURGERY KIRK??

[roach-works]

this is one of the more expensive cosplays i've seen but you really can't argue with the results

[mortimermcmirestinks]

hey OP? this is the best cosplay I've ever seen

[capatincrunch]

amazing. Absolute cinema.

[capatincrunch]

What if I was trans?

Would I be happier?

I don't know i don't know i don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know

What if I'm faking it? What if I'm fooling myself?

What if I'm not?

I hate not knowing. I have to have awnsers.

....I called myself herself in a meme I made, that felt nice, I guess....... I would press the button........ when I was a cheap Internet slut I said I was a woman..... but that was just because more people interacted..... was it?........ I always say 'don't call me sir'..... But that's just cuz I'm not comfortable with authority...... But I'm fine with being called ma'am or madame.......

[melancholystar]

All right listen up

Vampires = lesbians

Werewolves = trans

Mermaids = gay men

Witches are just alt people

Wizards = neurodivergent

Warlocks = straight men idk why

The fae = genderqueer/agender/related genders

Anything that shapeshifts = genderfluid (sorry but this is what you get)

Anything that can be described as 'God' = pangender/pansexual

I don't make the rules.

[capatincrunch]

hmmmn.... I have been assigned inscrutable omnipresent alien intelligence, who might be a werewolf.

Interesting

[truestoriesaboutme]

I can't quite explain it, but Clue (1985), The Princess Bride (1987), Galaxy Quest (1999), and Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) are all the same genre

[capatincrunch]

ensemble of weirdos do shit?

[sattickate]

I am not a straight people.

Reblog if you are also not a straight people.