This week is Asexuality awareness week! It’s my first since realizing I am ace.
My journey through asexuality started with incredulity. Not the normal disbelief of not having a sexual orientation, but one of the other most common complaint while looking at asexuality, the nomenclature. The choice of “asexual” turned me off to the whole idea of it. I was young and thought I knew everything, so naturally I thought it was a dumb choice because it already had meaning in the world of science. So that, plus an over active libido made me dismiss asexuality in general in my mind.
Though now that I’m really contemplating it I think at that point I recognized that I could relate to some of the things the ace community were talking about.
At that time, when I first heard about asexuality until I actually looked it up, I was heavily into the idea of marriage. So much so in fact that I just planned to keep my personality malleable so that I would fit my future wife. That made me afraid of becoming asexual and not being able to be that person for my theoretical future wife. I also thought that I couldn’t be one at the time because I always wanted to have sex. Luckily, I have since learned that people who are asexual can also like having sex, as well as become comfortable with the fact I may never have a relationship again.
Would I like to have a relationship? Yes, yes I would. Do I NEED one? Not at all.
Before I go into detail about how I found out, I just wanted to bring up some stories of how painfully obvious an ace I was even before I looked into it. The biggest thing was that I didn’t really get when people called someone “hot.” I also go on dates once every 3 years or so. I have on multiple occasions had leading sexual jokes go right over my head. Especially if they’re out of the blue. This last thing is mostly because of my social ineptitude, but I once had a girl, who I had a crush on as it happens, semi-loudly exclaiming to her friend that she was single and looking for people to date. I was the only other person in the room. I got up and left to give them their privacy.
The first thing to prick my aversion bubble was Bojack Horseman. The way they handled Todd coming to the realization wasn’t exactly like my own. It was more of the fact that he was my favorite character and in my head it made it an okay thing that was out there.
As time went on I kept up my search for the person I would spend my life with, mostly on Ok Cupid and the like, looking for people that might go on dates with me. I also let extended family know that they could introduce me to people they think I might get along with. That’s how I met Jane (I’ll call her that for anonymity). My cousin gave me her number and we texted a quite a bit at first. As we were (and maybe a bit before then), it was increasingly apparent to me that maybe a relationship wasn’t for me. I let Jane know that’s how I was feeling and she told me that she identified as asexual. Because I still had a slight aversion to asexuality and still craved physical intimacy I STILL thought I wasn’t.
It wasn’t until a little bit later, when I found AVEN, that I finally realized I really don’t experience sexual attraction. It’s more that sexual situations get me going.
That’s how I finally realized I was asexual! A bit anticlimactic. It just goes to show, look it up before you dismiss it. I still kind of have issues with the nomenclature, though I can accept it thanks to the realization of just how much the English language does that.
I need to think of a sign off.
