𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔬𝔰 𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔞𝔩𝔪 @capshawlogia - Tumblr Blog

capshawlogia

I'll never forget

the way she looked at me...

capshawlogia

turns out i forgot KKKKK god that's so embarrassing being a teenager and falling for your teacher, thank god it passed

i'd probably be ten feet down if it wasn't for one direction years ago or their solo careers nowadays

somethings... just can't be fixed

looking back, wondering why

i lost what i was never able to find

a change of my perspective now is too late

i know that today i'd do anything

to make you stay

you used to call me love

and i worried cause i thought i didn't feel the same at all

it's such a shame i was so afraid

just coz i wasn't used to feel loved that way

i know that i didn't show before

is it too late to show you i opened up my heart?

i'm so sorry for keeping you out

you're all that i'll ever be dreaming about

i listen to our old audio conversations

i read our old messages

nothing is the same

you used to call me everyday

remembering it brings a sad smile to my face

'cause now, if i don't do that, we'll never speak again

it's been more than a month since i've seen you

and the last time you didn't kiss me as i was used to

got my chest aching for keeping this hidden

so tough to try to feel okay when something is missing

gladly, it will pass

like it did for you

i'm holding on to this

trying to give my mind some peace

i was so naive...

think i felt more than you ever did

today is my birthday and it's only 1:24am and im completely... lost. i'm 20 years now and i feel like i haven't archived anything. but that's not the point most of my thoughts are about. the thing is: since i was 14yo i had to turn into 2 to attend my father and my mother for my bday and now for the first time in what feels like ages, i don't have to do this. i'm not in town coz im visiting my cousins with my grandma n' im expecting so much for today that im afraid it might suck. i have to be awake at 7 to make my dad's test and im afraid he won't remember which day today is... im missing my mom, but i dont want to come back yet. i've had amazing few days around here so i don't want that feeling to go away. i want to cut my hair but i dont want to spend money with it.

i'm a mess. a completely mess turning 20.

im holding back tears for 1 hour n' 35 mins for now coz "whatever tears you apart, don't let it break your heart". time takes time to heal it. hope this pain in my chest goes away by the morning, i don't want to feel like this the entire day. i've always treated my bday like any other day, i shouldn't be expecting something new for this one. i need to put my feet on the ground again, i just don't know how.

happy birthday, 20 me. hope you get that 2020's new year vibe of peace and happiness again.

it's 1:42.

if i could fly...