You May Hold My Hat @captainsmithifyouwill - Tumblr Blog

In every FNAF universe William Afton can't count

Hidan: Puppet-dick, you are fucking up royally with blondie.

Sasori: What do you mean?

Kisame: Remember when we came to you, and explained how Deidara’s young, he’s likely not looking for anything serious right now, and not to do anything that might scare him off?

Sasori: Yes? I feel I’ve done an adequate job of following your advice.

Itachi: *holds up a thick stack of papers* You’ve written him over four hundred poems and love letters. You’ve only been dating for three and a half weeks.

Kakuzu: Our food bill is completely out of control, because you keep insisting on making this brat gourmet meals.

Konan: Deidara mentioned he likes taking naps in your room, and you put in a four-poster king size bed, with real silk sheets!

Sasori: I fail to see the issue. All that I do, is to show my devotion. I really don’t feel as though I’ve done anything excessive.

Sasori: *stands up* Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to finish wrapping his simple yet tasteful Christmas present. *leaves*

Hidan: I’ll bet every cent I have that the “simple” present is some fuckin’ gigantic diamond ring.

Sasori, popping his head back in: For your information, brat, the ring only has five carats.

Everyone else:

yowyowyaoi

*Deidara packing his travel bag when Sasori comes in*

Deidara, over his shoulder: Be ready in a few minutes, Danna, hm.

Sasori: No need for that, Deidara. Our mission has been cancelled.

Deidara: *turns around* Cancelled?

Sasori: Mm. Or rather, cancelled for us. I convinced Pein to send Itachi and Kisame in our places.

Deidara: But … why?

Sasori: *sits at edge of Deidara’s bed, and pats spot next to him for Deidara to sit as well*

Sasori: It’s just, well, two things. One, I’m worried for you, and two, I feel bad.

Deidara: Worried? Why would you be worried?

Sasori: We’ve been traveling almost non-stop for months, now. You’re not getting enough sleep, and … you’ve lost quite a bit of weight. And I feel bad because I know the pace we keep is quite hectic, and I know that’s my fault. I’m a puppet and I don’t have the same physical needs or limitations that you have, and a lot of the time, I tend to forget how tired you must feel.

Sasori: So I think, maybe, it’s time you had a bit of a rest.

Deidara: Danna -

Sasori: And with Christmas coming so soon, well … I thought maybe this could be a gift for you. *takes hold of Deidara’s hands* Just me and you able to stay here and relax for the week. No traveling, you able to sleep in a bed instead of on the ground. We can go to the market and pick out some food I can make for you, so that you can eat well, and —

Deidara: *puts both arms around Sasori and hugs him tightly*

Deidara, shakily: T-that sounds like the best Christmas present in the whole world, Sasori. Thank you!

Sasori: *gently stroking Deidara’s hair* You are the most precious person in this world to me; I’m sorry I’ve been so neglectful of properly taking care of you. But hopefully this week will —

Deidara: *pulls Sasori into a deep kiss*

Deidara, murmuring: There are many ways I’d like you to take care of me, Sasori, hm ~

Sasori: Oh? I’m more than happy to help you out, then, brat ~

*the next week*

Kakuzu, examining Deidara: Well there’s no doubt about it, kid … you have a severely sprained back. If it’s to properly heal you’ll need to stay off of your feet for at least a month’s time.

Pein: I just don’t understand it. I let you and Sasori have this time off because he said you needed rest. I come back and you’ve somehow damaged yourself to the extent that you’ll be out of commission even longer?? Just what in the world did you both DO all week?

Sasori: W-well, we, er, we were just —

Deidara, blushing hard: N-nothing! Just bad luck I guess! Oh, by the way, Kakuzu? M-my bed frame kinda … broke. A-and my mattress needs replacing. Can I get an advance on my pay to buy new ones?

Kakuzu and Pein: