silence all the noise

Vienna Ricci - Second child & eldest daughter of the Ricci family - Daughter to the mayor of Rockford - 32 - Pharmacist at Rockford Memorial Hospital Sometimes you need to go, trade your heart for bones to know you need to come back home

[vienna-ricci]

tripp-shephard​:

“Pretty sure that feeling of hitting insanity is a right of passage into parenthood. At least you aren’t like some of the parents who have to come to the ER because of it.” He definitely had his fair share of stories. “You and Evander are not a bother. You deserve a life outside of him. He can still be the center of it while you have some freedom.” While he probably wasn’t the most reassuring person to be giving this speech, it didn’t mean that he didn’t mean it. His hand lingered slightly on her. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe a part of him craved the contact with her. Remembering all the nights that he couldn’t keep his hands off of her, even after sex. “Everyone needs to be taken care of every once in a while.” Though him saying it out of all people was hypocritical. His hand dropped. “Stop apologizing. This is what parenting is all about right? Depending on each other. For Evander,” he tacked on.

“Oh, well I may not be a qualified nurse like you are but I’d like to think my medical knowledge is at least somewhat sufficient enough to know when I am and when I’m not going crazy.” A small hint of laughter escaped. In truth, that one felt like a real joke between the two of them. The guilt was constant however. They both knew that it was no one’s fault. Accidents happened and while it was a joyous one for Vienna, that feeling like she’d done something wrong was one that she now carried with her. Deep down inside, there was a worry that settled there. Like maybe, she’d ruined Tripp’s life in a way. The sadness hit her even harder as he tacked on that last part and a frown made its way back onto her features. His words had almost made her feel better, if only it weren’t for the last part. “I know but this wasn’t something which you signed up for.” She leaned back again, her head feeling like it were spinning again and honestly, Vienna didn’t know whether she could pin that down to the fact that she weren’t feeling well or if it was the guilt bubbling over again.

[vienna-ricci]

tripp-shephard​:

“Does have a way of just ringing in your ear even when it’s stopped,” he agreed. “But soon you’ll be able to get a piece of yourself back. You have plenty of people to make sure that 5 minutes can be longer.” He knew that Vienna wanted this. That being a fulltime mom fit her well but he didn’t want not having the conventional family to make her lose her identity and just be seen as a mother. He didn’t want his faults to be what made her feel even more consumed like she would have something to make up for. When he said he would be there in this he was a man of his word. Maybe emotionally he couldn’t give everything but the rest he could do. Prepping the tea how he knew that she liked it, Tripp made his way over to the couch, setting it on the coffee table. “How about you stop being stubborn for just one night and let someone help you,” his scolding was light. He pushed back her hair, tenderly to feel her forehead again.

“Hmmm, glad it’s not just me going crazy then.” Vienna replied, a nod following his words. “Yeah, I do but you know what I’m like. I hate reaching out and feeling like I’m bothering people.” She shrugged, her eyes falling to the cup of tea that was now perched on the coffee table. “Thank you.” She let out expecting it to stop there. She figured he’d probably take off now that she were settled on her place on the couch and had a hot drink with her so feeling his touch again was unexpected. “I guess I’m just so used to being the one whose taking care of other people. It feels strange to have the roles reversed.” She found herself admitting but her eyes fluttered up to look at him not long after. It felt strange. The simple gesture or the feeling of his touch wasn’t a foreign one but it was one that had been lacking for a while, especially so feeling the tenderness coming from him. “I’m sorry for uplifting your plans for the day.”

[vienna-ricci]

tripp-shephard​:

“You can hopefully find some you time in the mix of it all soon.” He nodded in understanding. Not that he could relate. Yes, he had taken off a couple weeks when Evander was just born but then he went back to work and most of the time he still had his independence. He knew the older their kid got that would change and he really didn’t let himself think about it. He was already freaked out enough about the now. He had a handle of things enough but every day Tripp prayed that the adoration for being a father would kick in. That he wasn’t just going through the emotions. It wasn’t like he felt nothing for his son. It was just that the negative weighed so heavily on him that he could never seem to be that way Vienna was. Finding that joy in parenthood. “The car always seems to settle him. You can always text me on a rough day,” he offered. Hearing the whistle of the kettle he went back to the stove. “Tried doesn’t sound great. After I make this tea I’ll get something for you to take.”

“Yeah, maybe. For now my me time is the five minutes I get alone in the shower and even then, I feel like I can hear phantom crying.” Vienna found herself admitting although her comment was meant to come across as a joke even if it maybe didn’t quite hit the mark. The joys of motherhood, she loved. There wasn’t a single regret about having Evander in her life now but she hated the fact that every now and then, she longed for more. Like it should’ve been enough for her just to have her son but there were times and moments where she wished there was someone else by her side to share it with. The good moments and the not so good. Seeing Tripp floating around in her house almost made her long for that once again but those were thoughts she kept to herself. “Yeah, well, you know me. My brain doesn’t turn off.” The truth was she’d been thinking about Tripp, worrying about how he was doing with Evander even though Vienna knew perfectly well that he was capable. Still, it was her motherly instinct to be nervous and worry, especially when she’d flung it on him in such short notice. “You really don’t have to look after me but thank you.”

[vienna-ricci]

kavan-ambler​:

“I wouldn’t say I pulled it off. Not looking to put it back on again to worry about it.” Kavan was thankful for his time in the military. It gave him purpose but it also left him with a different kind of damaged that he couldn’t go back to. Still it was worth it because it made him a better man. The one he was before would never been good enough for her. Her rejection was the right thing back then. Even if she had been single they never would have worked with how he was. Not that now was much different. “I would never get in the way of a mother and her meal,” he laughed gently. “Anything that you have a taste for? I can buy or cook though my skills do have their limits.”

“Oh, but Halloween is right around the corner. You don’t want to pull it out for old times sake? Not even just for that?” The gentle teasing came easily. She was greatful for him. To have him in her life, back then and once again now. That was something that she never really expressed much but Vienna hoped that in a way, Kavan at least knew. “See -- now you’re thinking clever.” Vienna chuckled a little but she pat the spot on the couch next to her, inviting him over. “I’m sure your cooking skills have improved over the years but you’re a guest in my house. How about we watch a movie and then we can order a pizza later? And I promise, I will at least try to drift off for a nap so long as you don’t pick anything too action packed or scary.” She settled on with a small smile forming upon her features.

[vienna-ricci]

tripp-shephard​:

“Speaking of. How is leave going for you? Miss work at all or glad to be away?” There was a lot that Tripp missed about having her there. But that started before she had the baby. He never even realized how much his time there had come to revolve around her until he didn’t let it anymore. The way they tried to time their breaks. How they would come to see each other when they had a chance. When she’d stay a little longer than her shift so he could pull her in to somewhere private and kiss her. He longed for all those times. “He slept fine. I finally got the crib up for him,” he mentioned, looking for the teabags as the water heated up. “No more than a baby usually gives. I was probably the more difficult one.” He looked over at her. “Have you taken anything?”

“I do miss it, a little bit. Mainly the people but this is different. It’s nice being a mother but I do miss being a little more social and seeing people again.” Vienna found herself settling on. Of course, there were many struggles. It wasn’t all glamourous raising Evander and it certainly wasn’t easy but it was worth it. Eventually becoming a mother was something that Vienna had wanted and looked forward to her whole life even if she had always pictured it differently. Still, seeing Tripp move around the kitchen where they’d spent many moments together felt like a tiny bit of familiarity again. “That’s good. He was super restless before I called you. I didn’t know what I’d do if he’d stay up all day.” She found herself admitting. Of course, there were moments of vulnerability and panic that settled in every now and then where she was unsure if she could do it. Yet, as much as she hated reaching out and asking for help, she knew deep down that Tripp would always say yes when in doubt. “I -- I’m okay, really. I took something a few hours ago and tried to get a bit of rest while Evander was with you.” She shrugged.

[vienna-ricci]

tripp-shephard​:

“I’ll send my bill at the end of the month.” They had to joke even if it was forced. They had to find a way to have some normalcy. Admittedly for a long time it was like Tripp was waiting for something to go back to feeling the same. That was never going to happen and he was having a hard time accepting it. He followed her until she went to the couch and instead he went to the kitchen, grabbing the kettle to make some tea. “He was good. Getting better about taking the bottle though it still takes a bit. Can’t blame him for preferring it from mom.”

“I’ll be expecting it.” The last thing Vienna really wanted to do was overthink things. They were so far now from what they used to be but their lives had also evolved and completely changed. She knew that talking about Evander was probably just them avoiding talking about the elephant in the room but at the same time, Evander was her life now. Her purpose, so it wasn’t as if she disliked talking about their son. Just disliked the fact that they seemly used him as a distraction now. “That’s good. And how about his sleeping?” She questioned as she curled up on the couch, feeling another headache coming on. “I hope he didn’t give you too much trouble.” Vienna tried to keep her tone normal as she pulled the blanket back over herself.

[vienna-ricci]

tripp-shephard​:

His few hours with Evander was clearly not all that she needed. Despite the fact that they weren’t together, she was the mother of his child and he did feel some responsibility for her. She had majority of the care taking, and in truth her preferred that, but he also felt the need to do his part in this. And he cared about her. The rough past year didn’t change that. “You’re sick and I took an oath as a nurse,” he half-joked, directing her into the hallway. “I don’t work until tomorrow. I’m staying.”

Her lips curved up with the slightest hint of a smile breaking through. “But I’m making you work overtime then.” The least she could do was attempt to joke. He had always been so caring at the most unexpected of times and it seemed that was something that hadn’t exactly changed. Yet still, Vienna gave in. She didn’t have enough energy in her to fight back and tell him that she didn’t need him so she found herself shuffling over to the living room instead. “How was he today?” She let the question slip through, trying to find any means of not having to talk about herself as she slid down onto the couch.

[vienna-ricci]

tripp-shephard​:

Tripp in no way was one to claim that he was starting off this co-parenting and being a father off well. Yet with as many faults as he had and was sure how he’d come short, he was going to be there for his kid and that meant being there for Vienna too. “If anything it saved me from having to do stuff that I didn’t want to do,” he offered the comment. He was gentle as he undid the straps, lifting his son carefully from the car seat to the crib, his motions slow so that he didn’t wake. He turned to look at Vienna. He went up to her putting the back of his hand to her head. “You’re warm. Come on, coach or bed, you choose.”

He meant well but that pang of guilt still struck in her chest with his comment. It was no secret that Tripp had never wanted a kid. In fact, he had made that perfectly clear of that so Vienna figured this was just another thing on the list that list of things that he didn’t want to do. Yet, with her observations of him, he seemed so gentle and cautious and caring when it came to their son. “Oh no, honestly -- I’m fine.” She found herself protesting when Tripp came up to her, his touch unexpected yet comforting. She didn’t feel fine but he didn’t have to know that. “Really Tripp, you don’t have to take care of me too.” The words came out gently.

[vienna-ricci]

tripp-shephard​:

Things had been off for a long time but the party had left things even more so. He never thought he’d be grateful that their son worked as a way to avoid just about everything else. “You don’t need to apologize for being sick. I’m pretty sure calling the other parent is what you are supposed to do,” he commented, making his way back to the nursery.

“I know.” The words left her lips quietly but still, the situation felt delicate. In a perfect world, she wouldn’t have even had to call him. He would’ve just been there by her side but their situation was unique. Calling Tripp and asking him to step in felt like a favour and that relying on him was imposing. “I just hope you didn’t have to rearrange your plans for the day too much.” She kept her voice low, trailing behind a few steps. Not having the energy for the day made her feel useless.

[tripp-shephard]

@vienna-ricci​

“Hey,” he said quietly, holding Evander in the car seat. “He fell asleep in the car. Want me to just put him in his room?”

[vienna-ricci]

“Thanks, that’ll be fine.” She stepped aside to let them both in, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as Vienna forced out a small smile. “I’m sorry about the last minute call. I would’ve taken care of him myself or asked someone else but I’ve been so under the weather lately and I just needed some rest. I didn’t know who else to call.”

[vienna-ricci]

kavan-ambler​:

“No? Not looking to throw some camouflage into your wardrobe?” Kavan was glad that she accepted the help even if she had her little conditions. He cared for her, more than he should but he just wanted to be a help. “I promise I won’t let you sleep the evening away but I think that short is something we will have to debate here for a bit.”

“Oh no, it’s a great idea but I’m fairly certain I’ll never be able to pull off camouflage quite like you do.” Vienna settled with a slight nod. The truth was, she appreciated him. Maybe more than Kavan knew but they’d also been tiptoeing around this weird state of limbo since before Evander was born, none of them acknowledging the kiss that had happened before. Perhaps it had been long forgotten about now but Vienna figured it was better not to bring it up and complicate things further. “If it means I can eat dinner at a reasonable time, I’ll settle for that. A woman’s got to eat, you know.” She figured he couldn’t argue with that.

[vienna-ricci]

kavan-ambler​:

“Well I think that your chances are pretty good since I don’t see a draft happening anytime soon but I’m sure you could pull off the uniform,” he smiled. “I know that and he isn’t up yet. That gives us some time and I can stay for a little after if you want. We can get some dinner.”

“Mmm, somehow I feel like you’re just being nice about the uniform. Definitely not for me.” Vienna dismissed the thought before pausing to think for a moment. “Okay. Sure. I like the sound of that but promise me you’ll wake me when it’s close to dinner time? I don’t want to oversleep. My sleeping partner is already a nightmare but this is purely just going to be a nap. And a short one at that.”

[vienna-ricci]

kavan-ambler​:

“How about after I have some time with Evander we can compare notes on what is actually worse,” he jokingly suggested. “Yeah exactly. Here for you. Meaning what you need. I want you to be able to rest. Take advantage of the help. Let me be here for you.”

“Well, I’ve never been in your situation. Hope I certainly never have to either so we’ll have to go off of your accounts.” Vienna responded lightly. “Oh, but you know, I just feel so bad. I don’t want you to think I don’t want you here if I’m sleeping instead of talking to you.”

[vienna-ricci]

kavan-ambler​:

“Oh you have never been in a shelter with 12 other men for 8 months. More similiar than you would think,” he smiled. “Vienna I have cleaned a lot worse but if you aren’t comfortable with it then that is okay. The point is to get you to rest but if you’re not ready for me to watch him, I understand.”

“Okay, so you may be right but the thought of being stuck with 12 men for that amount of time? Sounds more scary than this.” Vienna gently shook her head at his comment before she quickly interjected. “Oh my gosh, no, no -- trust me, I trust you perhaps the most out of anyone. I just hate the thought of sleeping on you when you’ve made the time to be here for me.”

[vienna-ricci]

kavan-ambler​:

“I used to deal with whining fellow marines all the time. I think a couple hours with a baby is something that I can manage.”

“Kavan, I think you’ll find this is a lot more different. They’re small. You panic when they start crying. Plus -- I don’t want you to have to deal with a poop explosion.”

[vienna-ricci]

kavan-ambler​:

“Are you quizzing me right now to make sure I can take care of a baby?”

“Oh no, I definitely know you can take care of a baby. it’s more like... maybe you might panic if he does.”

[vienna-ricci]

kavan-ambler​:

“Then how about this. You feed him when he wakes up but then you give him to me and you take a well deserved nap.”

“And what if he starts screaming, hmmm? What are you going to do then?”