Captain Beardlegs @captbeardlegs - Tumblr Blog

Vulture culturists, taxidermists, and the like- I am searching for someone who would like to take on a project. I had to say goodbye to my old lady dog today. Is there someone out there willing to process the hide for me so I can pet her forever?

#vulture culture #taxidermy #rogue taxidermy #furrier #macabre art

So guys are like “I’ll have my steak rare- just saw off the horns and walk it across the grill” because eating blood is hella manly but as soon as I’m on the rag and want a little action, all the sudden it’s disgusting. 😂

I clean an Airbnb

And my favorite thing is when people leave food in the fridge. Today I get burritos and iced tea. Last month it was ice cream and a half-eaten brownie.

I don’t have anybody to tell

These wildfires are making smoke that smells like Afghanistan. Fall is coming and that feeling of fall triggers the worst PTSD of the year. I was in Afghanistan for the changing of the seasons and you could feel fall there, too. Fall is where everything went wrong. I feel very trapped and very helpless and I have no one to tell. Does anyone out there understand?

botanyshitposts

i arrive at the gay bar in full butch getup and i look like super hot like trust me and i start buying chocolate milk for the femmes at the bar…..between my striking good looks and my generosity concerning tasteful dairy products i have impressed them greatly and after an hour of chatting I make my move. i reach into my pocket and remove a large, gorgeous lichen affixed to a piece of bark from its protective herbarium packet that I have concealed in my pants pocket. “it’s a symbiotic relationship between a fungus and an algae,” i begin,

captbeardlegs

Me.

Date idea:

Take your date to a funeral home and try out coffins.

Bonus points if you ask to see two-person coffins and they have one in stock.

If they try to stop you or ask questions, tell them you are planning on growing old together and would like to prepare.

wanderinginnowhere

Fischblut (1898) By Gustav Klimt

Herra the ball python climbed into her tree and stayed there for hours and I thought she was stuck so I picked it up and she slithered right out of there. I guess she just likes it.

#snek #ball python #HerratheSnek

dharmarainbow

onlinecounsellingcollege

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

1. Is this a person who always puts you down? A friend is someone who accepts you as you are – and allows you to be different, and to think for yourself, and to make your own decisions – without an explanation. However, if a person is demeaning or always puts you down, criticises your opinions, or the way you dress or look, then that’s someone to avoid as they’re a toxic friend.

2. Do they gossip about you? A friend is someone you can totally trust. You can share your deepest secrets, and say what’s on your mind – and they won’t tell a person or betray your trust. However, if you always have to watch what you say around a friend, as they’re likely to gossip or let a secret slip, then it’s likely that this person is a toxic friend.

3. Do they constantly mock and make fun of you? A bit of gentle ribbing shows affection between friends. But if they’re always making fun of you, or highlighting your faults, or attacking you in public, then they’re not a genuine friend.

4. How do you feel after being with your friend? Think about your answers to the following:

- Do you feel defensive when you spend time with them?

Do you feel hurt or upset after spending time with them?

- Do you feel as if you always have to justify yourself instead of being “natural” around your friend?

- Do you enjoy their company or do you feel ambivalent?

- Do they undermine your confidence and self-esteem?

- Do you feel attacked and used after spending time with them?

- Does the friendship feel unbalanced and require a lot of work?

- Is it more a competition than a genuine friendship?

Note: If you recognize the signs of a toxic friend, then it’s time to move on and find a different friend. Being with this person will wreak your happiness.

captbeardlegs

I am totally going through losing one of these friends right now. I’ve been really upset about it, but this description puts so much into perspective.

loopy-lesbian

Ugh, the lesbophobia is really wearing me down today…

loopy-lesbian

Past couple days really hit me with a wave of lesbophobia. One asshole gives his “hot take” and suddenly all the lesbophobes are coming out of the woodwork. Now I see the appeal of running away and living on farm with my wife, 5 dogs, and sustainable agriculture.

captbeardlegs

That sounds like a dream come true.