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A dude being told by an angel

👼

that in fact he was conceived by the Holy Spirit, and therefore he doesn't really have a biological father.

🥜

And the dude, holding a bowl of peanuts in one hand and fingering them with the other, is like "REALLY?",

taking the unexpected, supernatural news pretty fucking well, actually ! ! 🥜

The fucking SHREW wants a new Misery book? 💢 I'll give it to her, the FUCKING SHREW ! ! SON-OVA-BITCH ! ! !💢💢

Another day at the office, fucking bored and up to my eyebrows in checking my eyebrows: OUT OF THIS WORLD ! ! LADIES, BEWARE CUZ I'M A DISH ! ! 🍝

Somewhere, in a line, and suddenly, out of the pink, for some obscure feminine reason that ONLY women can fathom, she wants to conjure up a hot flash 🥵♨️ REAL, REAL BAD💢...

Go figure !

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ women, huh?!

A boy seeing his mother's bush for the very first time ! 🌮 (≬)🌳

A mix of trauma and fascination.

🫣

Later in life, he became

highly regarded as a taco chef ! 👨🏿‍🍳🌮

Hopin' to play 🌭 hide the weenie by sendin' her my weenie:

"Snapshot sent, whoo, I'm psyched ! !"

🌭

A surfer dog 🐶 from Cali. 🏄

Hangin' loose 🤙 and therefore refraining from taking anything too seriously, especially his HAIR ! 💇❌

No wait, that's not it...

That could be a tumbleweed on a windy day, actually... 🌵𓂃"𖡎

or a freakin' MOP looking for its BROOMSTICK ! ! ! 🪣

When she says: 2️⃣ "Second Base Only for now, let's take it slow 🐌, mkay?"

And you think to yourself:

🤔💭 "Yeah, lemme see, that's a legit protein shake right there 🏀🏀🍼,

but I want my home run NOW 🐱🐰,

NOT TOMORROW, BUT NOW 🐱🐰! !

I'm a WINNER 🏆🐰 and I want my SHAKA-LAKA🐰 ! I'm a GO-GETTER and I want my BOOM-BOOM🐰 ! I'm SPICY and I want my ZIG-A-ZIG-AH🐰 ! !"

Th-They farted on my face...

Th-♀️They passed GAAAS💨 on me,

THEY LIII💓IIIKE ME ! !

And then, they made me take drags on their cigarettes... which means they want to blow me ! 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩𓂸

🚬🐸💣💥

When you finally get the hang of why your raunchy bronco busting husband is always jizzed out and tired all the time !

😴😪

💦 = 0,00ml

... And then it dawns on you that he was always saying things like:

"I busted tha motherfucka ! 🩹

I BUSTED HIM GOOOOD ! !" 🩹🩹

SH-SHE'D RATHER TAKE A TAXI...

THAT BITCH ! ! 🚕

This lady is applauding, but she is NOT laughing ! 👏✅😂❌

Look carefully, she isn't laughing ! !

🔎 😂❌

I'm telling you, she isn't:

your mind is fucking with you !

🍔

SHE SUFFERS FROM A "BURGER KING" CONDITION:

Her last BIG KING XXL was indeed her last one ! ⏳⌛🔚

Since then, she carries a bib everywhere she goes, so I'm told ! 👶🏻🍼

Now, her husband has to nourish her

like a mother bird feeds

a GOD DAMN tweety bird ! 🐥

TWEET, TWEET ! ! ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ"

THE OLD HAG IS BUSY OUT:

PORN TIME ! ! 🔞

TGIFSD : THANK GOD IT'S FOOD SHOPPING DAY ! ! 🛒

When your hip-hop baby 🧢 has watched way too much MTV 📺 and blabs on about the chicks 🎀 at daycare with a serious swag about him !

👶"FOR REAL B !"🍼

The fastest and cutest way to get

PINK EYE. 💩👁️🩷

When that zookeeper's

🍑🦍

🫱(‿¤‿)🫲 unforgettable ass is on your mind so bad 💢, and you won't stop brooding 💢 until you find your way to it !

When your girlfriend knows you're gayer than the Rainbow flag 🏳️‍🌈 and wants to do you with a strap-on:

RIGHT NOW, IN THE STREET ! !

And you try to act offended and shit 💩, but before you know it, the CROUCHING TIGRESS 🐯 in you gets the upper hand, the pretense drops and,

OUT OF THE GAY CLOSET🚪🌈,

IN BROAD☀️DAYLIGHT,

you look forward to this Silicone DRAGON being HIDDEN ! GRRRR ! ! 𓀐𓂸🐉

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