Captivate With Relish

Foodie Fight Fun! In this blog I try new foods (mostly candy and junk food) and tell you about it. •Eden Gauteron•

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Scändi Cändy: Sweets from Scandinavia (Part 1)

Drop your hygge and grab a dinghy! Because we are taking a voyage to Scandinavia to explore their candy. It er different!

Thanks to Captivate field agent Nouri for supplying the candy!

Dracula Soft (Soft Salty Liquorice Coated with Liquorice Powder)

Product of Sweden

Dracula Soft has a curious taste that is quickly addictive. They are shaped like gumdrops, and have a similar gummy consistency. Pop one in and the surprise is the faint saltiness that oozes over your tongue. There's a whole different taste philosophy involved here. The sugar isn't the front and center like most American licorice (or "liquorice" as it's spelled on the package). It's a more complex savory-sweet release that comes out like salty molasses. And that sticky ooze lingers and evolves on the taste buds. Here's the kicker... the sensation is similar to having blood in your mouth ... in yummy way. Hence the Dracula reference.

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Bonbon’s Rådne Fisk (Råtne Fisk/Härskit Sillit)

Product of Denmark

This fish shaped hard candy is another Scandi Candy with a surpris. The closest analog to these sweets in American confections is Jolly Ranchers. Although Radne Fisk only have one flavor, a sugary watermelon taste. And they are easier to bite through than the super dense Jolly Ranchers. So when you chew up Radne Fisk (or suck on it for a long time) you discover the hidden secret concealed in the core of the fish, you experience a jolt that comes out of nowhere.

On closer inspection, one sees a tiny rod of dark material concealed in the very center of the fish. The sensation it gives is an antithesis to the sickly sweet of the crystalline outer layer. It's a complete flavor shift, a crude awakening, a negation of the sticky teeth-rotting euphoria of the outer layer. Imagine enjoying a piece of moist chocolate cake and then you bite into a piece of chalk. The weird mix quickly melts away leaving you to wonder what just happened.

This key ingredient is called "Salmiak." It's an inorganic compound that includes ammonium chloride . That sudden taste switcheroo is a chemical reaction in your mouth! And it’s a common part in the candies of Northern Europe. From Antwerp to Zierikzee, from Hammerfest to Jokkmokk, they like to mingle sweet and salty nodes.

A translation website tells me that “Rådne Fisk” means “Rot Fish” in English. And the packaging shows a freaked-out cat with a fish in its mouth and surrounded by more stinky fish (see photo above). 

Fish that’s too smelly for a cat. Savory-sanguine gummy yummies. Scandi Candy is full of surprises. It takes you places that you never imagined with candy. Dracula Soft Yummies: 2 Dummies: 2 Rådne Fisk Yummies: 4 Dummies: 1

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Fini Roller

Some of the more faithful CWR readers may have noticed that there has been an extreme time lag in between posts. Clearly additional staff writers needed to be hired and whips had to be cracked, so here I am, out of retirement from my land of limoncellos and swanky Long Island nightclubs—your faithful reporter, Crispin Reynolds.

Fresh from my European holiday on the beautiful island of Martinique, where you can visit the EU without leaving the comfort of the Caribbean Sea, I present to you the pride of Euro Store Le Marin: Fini Roller. As the name suggests, once the taster has indulged the senses in this surprisingly delicious combination of sour patch and fruit roll-up, the scene will be <<fin>> on your need to ever select a candy of any other type.

Behold the lavish display:

The admittedly somewhat gauche neon packaging hides a taste sensation whose sticky sweetness is reminiscent of a fruit roll-up, while aficionados of the sour patch kid variety will be treated to a similar “sour-power!” residue and taste that appears on the outside of sour patch kids. But here, in what can only be described as Fini Roller’s pure culinary genius, the residue appears on the interior of the roll, meaning that each layer can be revealed as if in a sour burlesque tantalizing and teasing your taste buds.

Your faithful reporter was unable to contain my sheer joy at the taste of the extra sour delight, and consumed every bite with extraordinary speed in the passenger seat of a petit Peugeot, even as said Peugeot was making violent turns through roundabouts at its own extraordinary speed. The fact that I may have tasted the Fini Roller twice was a small comfort.

Research suggests that a 24 count of these divine creatures can be purchased via the internet for $9.99 (plus S & H) to any destination in the contiguous USA, but what I would strongly encourage is for CWR readers to spend a few euros on a Norwegian air flight, now flying directly from JFK (although sort of not-directly on the return flight, depending on snowfall) and experience for vous-self all the culture that Euro Store nightlife in downtown Le Marin has to offer—the flip flops! the hair mayonnaise! the machetes!—and get your Fini Rollers at discount while you are there. Bon Voyage!

Yummies: 6 Dummies: 0

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Mexican Candy Part 1

True Believers! CWR correspondent Pretzel World was on assignment in Mexico City and came back with a bag full of wonderous and edutainifying candy hecho en Mexico. So strap-in and get ready as I tackle the first batch of these foreign goodies:

Kranky Krankys, or the things in the bag that says “Kranky,” are tiny crunchy chocolate confections looking like smushed chocolate-covered raisins, about the size of a dime. I don’t know if there’s cereal flakes or rice crispies underneath the choclate, but they are tasty. Each one has a slightly different shape making them look homemade. Each bite starts with a crunch and finishes with a smooth chocolate denoument. The tag line on the bag is “Krujiente Kombinacion” (words in Spanish normally spelled with Cs). But the triple K combo was too Kawesome to resist!

Bubu Lubu Sticky sweet strawberry jelly plus marshmallow plus chocolate covering equals yummy times tonight!

Rocka Leta Bites + Polvito Now we’re getting somewhere! The last two were slight variations of candies I’ve had before, but this one is in a whole new category. These little balls have a solid, chewy consistency. Pop one in your mouth and feel a dull tamarind sweetness that blasts off with a chili powder dazzle that lingers for several seconds! Sweetly spice, oh so nice! And what’s more: Enter the Polvito! which I think means dust (Polvo, the name of one of my favorite bands, means dust). Maybe Polvito means dusticles! Anyway, at the bottom of the bag is a pile of sugar mixed with chili powder for added value. Maybe this powder was residue leftover from the manufacturing process that PepsiCo (I think) could have left on the factory floor. But, instead they scooped a bit into each bag and now it’s a spicy side dish. Wet your fingertip—dip it in the bag—kiss the sky! Google translate could not comprehend the name of this candy, so I’m going to assume the name means LET’S ROCK BITES!

And the tally is:

Sabroso (Yummies) Kranky: 3  Bubu Lubu: 2  Rocka Leta: 7

Tonto (Dummies) Kranky: 1  Bubu Lubu: 8  Rocka Leta: 2

Stay tuned for Part 2!

[davidneallevin]

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CWR approved!

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Ode on a Beanee Weenee

Twaint yonder can Dost thou 7.75 ounces relate thy truth hereins? Thyne “white beans” are not so pale to myne eyes “Extractives of Paprika” toll to visualize yon ruse Ist legumes o’ kidney too rich in thyne conception? Narry Pinto nor Black Bean suffice? Nay, yon flavors derive from opposited realms …. The celestial “Natural” abrunted bewith the profane “Artificial” … In a most unholy concoction only known in this plane as “Beanee”

Me-sees “Mechanically Separated Chicken” upon thyne lab’l What malchemy used in transferring the noble fowl to this? The flighted soul of the wing’d besmokes the v’ry essence of transcendence Dost this soaring spirit reside after such processes? Yon appellation “Weenee” bespokes it thusly Nay, never, also naught

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COCK Flavored Soup Mix

Cock A Doodle DO!

I’ll have what zie‘s having!

What flavor is your soup?

Am I really doing this?

Do cocks taste very different then hens?

There’s only one way to find out.

Does this contain natural and artificial COCK flavoring?

I didn’t actually buy and prepare this. The packaging is just too rich by itself.

It’s small world after all.

I only think in cliches.

6 (imagined) Yummies 0 Dummies.

[captivatewithrelish]

J.R. Dippers

Well I already ate 2 of the 5 packs of these J.R. Dippers. Stay tuned for more developments on this story. This could go anywhere. I mean we’re dealing with “REAL CHEESE” here.

Here’s my review: The dipping sticks are slightly more tasty than Yan Yan sticks. They have a tiny hint of sugar, but nothing that’ll distract from the orange stuff that minimally fulfills the physical requirements to be called cheese (in a court of your mouth).

There’s a fun little feature about the packaging: it’s in English and Spanish... so I learned that the Spanish phrase for “Cheese Dip” is “Queso Untable” which literally translates to “Spreadable Cheese.” You can choose to read into that what you will.

Another thing (nothing gets by me!): they printed little burn marks onto the bottom of the sticks making them resemble tiny baguettes. If you want your Barbie to have a French picnic you can accessorize with these. They are the perfect size!

2 Yummies 3 Dummies

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YAN YAN mAniA continues to rage across the cyber stream and onto to your display shelving!!! A San Francisco artist has made custom vinyl Yan Yan dolls. Remember the band Pop Will Eat Itself? Well here's little dudes eating themselves. Sort of. But they don't have mouths... so really they are walking containers for your gluttonous lust fetish. But they don't walk... you figure it out! They can't get away and you can control them completely. Like a junk food despot sitting on your throne of McDTLs containers. Hurry up, they are selling out... you perverts! http://zardapuyaart.storenvy.com/collections/493999-food-inspired/products/5407558-yan-yan-munny

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This means something...

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THESE COLORS DONT RUN

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Soooo I took the plunge and looked inside to find that the cracker sticks have things printed on them. Each stick has a caricature of an animal, the name of that animal (e.g. "COW" or "FROG"), and then some other words. Here's where it gets inneressing. Some of these secondary words are scientific terms or categories for the animals like on the FROG stick it says AMPHIBIAN, and ZEBRA gets HERBIVORE. Cool. That's good for kids to learn new words, make learning fun, and all that crap. Some of the other sticks have phrases that describe the animal's behavior: OWL with ACTIVE AT NIGHT, HORSE with GALLOP AWAY, COW with MUUUUUU (yeah, that's how it's spelled). That gives the kids some more experiential knowledge of the animal world (the kind of learning that doesn't come from a goddamn book... you can only get that kind of science from real-world, fresh-air observation of the dangerous dance that we call life OR from these stale cracker sticks.) Then there's some sticks that defy explanation or Cartisian semiotics. On the SHEEP stick, they printed WOOL SWEATERS. Why not? STARFISH gets STAR+FISH. Oh yeah. And then my two favorites from this package of vanilla Yan Yan: WHALE with BIGGESY MAMMAL STAG BEETLE with LOVE IT

Ya gotta love it. But it makes me think if there's something else going on here... So I photographed unfrared spectrometer (see the results above) to try to discover any hidden substances or compartments or elements that might be clues as to the Meiji Corporation's true intentions. Are these sticks messages to deep cover operatives in enemy territory? Is the message "STAG BEETLE    LOVE IT" an order to assassinate a rival R&D snack scientist at Nabisco or Frito-Lay or the NSA? It's just too weird to NOT be a spy message! I never even heard of a "stag beetle" but refuse to google it... I've said too much. In conclusion, Yan Yan Vanilla gets 1 Yummie and -8 Dummies.

[captivatewithrelish]

Gentle Face Stuffers, Yes, we here at Captivate With Relish® are finally reviewing Yan Yan! What is Yan Yan? Yan Yan is sweet snack manufactured by Meiji Co., Ltd. You can file this one under "stick foods" in your snack-o-dex. Yan Yan is basically a bunch of crispy cracker sticks and a dipping sauce packaged in a paper cone. Now you might be wondering, isn't that like the popular Japanese confection Pocky?!? Yes it is, but with Yan Yan you have to dip the tasteless sticks yourdamnself. It's like a poor man's Pocky (or a rich man's eating frosting with your finger). The first flavor I tried is Vanilla, or "smooth vanilla creme." The dipping crème (also spelled "crèam" on the packaging!) tastes a lot like Oreo filling, but a tad more buttery. And the sticks themselves have almost no taste. So Yan Yan isn't revolutionizing the snacking experience in taste. The real fun with this stuff is the packaging! See the cryptic messages in the photos above... "Snail Mail?".... "Look Inside for Fun Words." OK, I will! To be continued...

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WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

my cheese slicer

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A friend of mine saw this at a thrift store in Ohio. Talk about the skills to survive.

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Lucky Charms Treat

Well they went ahead and did it. Made one of your favorite childhood breakfast cereals into a candy bar. I haven't had Lucky Charms in years (and rarely ever had it. We were mainly a Kix household). But here it is anew... in bar form! Basically what they did was compress all the cereal bits into a bar with a sugar coating and of course included the "charms" which are really multicolored sugar contructs, added a sweet candy frosting to the bottom of the bar (to really get the point across that this is a candy bar and not cereal or any sort of cereal bar, or anything nutritious). And then they spackled the whole thing in a fructose varnish to make it shine like polished trumpet.

I like how they hide the ingredients under the flap. GENERAL MILLS, DID YOU THINK A FLAP WOULD THWART THE FACT-FINDING ACUMEN OF THIS FOOD BLOG?!? Nice try. Even damaging my finger while turning the flap did not stop me finding out that this product contains oats, milk, soy, corn syrup and a tiny bit of glycerin. Now I'm no chemist or "expert at knowing what things are" but isn't glycerin mainly used in skin lotion? Maybe that's why this thing is so shiny. And don't even get started on the "Percent Daily Values" chart (seen "above" the flap) and what the hell that's supposed to mean to you, the humble consumer.

Oh, how does this taste? It's pretty sweet. I give it 3 Yummies and 6.5 Dummies.

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There's my girl!!!

[captivatewithrelish]

Shhh... hey... I'll hook you up cuz. Shhhh... hey... This right here.... This shit right here... you never had shit like this.... Shhhh... come back.... stop playing.... I'll hook you up bro...