My normal routine since the beginning of high school and end of college was working at Ralph Lauren and being a full time student. This past November I decided to change the life I had been living for three years.
Let me tell you, being jobless for a month can get frustrating and depressing real quick. I realize there are people who experience worst issues in life where mine might appear so small compared to them. I have parents that don’t let me pay for anything, not even my own gas. I have a blessed life. My parents are something I am so thankful for and I appreciate that they have given me the capability to save up money for my future.
I had been applying to twenty different companies every day for three weeks and went on only one interview. In that month, I had been looking at universities to continue my education as well as obtain positions abroad.
I realized how much money is being put into an education where if you’re not a doctor or engineer, you will struggle to find a good paying job in your profession once you receive your degree.
In the beginning of December, I had decided I was going to spend $20,000 dollars to receive my degree in Criminal Justice at SNHU online. I started waking up with no energy. It would take me hours to figure out what classes I should take and to call the campus. It felt more like a chore than chasing my dreams.
I started stressing out, getting annoyed at what anyone would say and at that point I realized I need to start doing what I want to do, and not what everyone else says to do.
“Your parents didn’t come to America for you to not \ get a degree.”
I don’t believe that statement in the slightest. My parents came to America because they had no other choice and thought America would be the better choice than going back to Serbia.
The entire month had been too much already. I decided to go to Europe for Christmas and New years, because frankly I needed it .
I was able to do things I’ve never experienced before:
- Saw snow for the first time
- Snow sledded (not a fan)
- I was able to ring in the New Year’s Serbian style -. we danced the night away MC Stojan style and did some epic Kolo dancing
- Attended my first concert (amazing)
- Attended my first Slava!!!! ( No one parties like the Serbs do)
All these firsts made me realize:
That I need to be the only one making decisions for myself.
As well as, only you judge yourself.
Example; Sounds silly, but I was always afaid to dance when a song would come on because I felt people were judging. Even in high school when I took German, I put it in my mind that everyone will judge the way I spoke. I’ve learned to dance as if no one’s watching and I am gaining confidence to speak a third language.
As I counted down the New Year’s I gave myself two choicies for 2019 :
Throw away my parents money, receive a degree, earn a lousy paying salary and be unhappy.
OR
Take what I’ve learned so far in America and try to make it back to Germany. Be it starting a career with the experience I have so far or get an education for free!
The last 3 trips coming back from Europe, I was sad. Sad I couldn’t live in Germany, my birthplace. I am sad about being far from the Balkans, the region where my parents and all of my ancestors had made a living.
I boarded the plane back to the US, with a feeling I haven’t had before. I felt relief and hope that with just enough confidence to speak and do for myself. Learning the language, finding a job and physically moving to Germany will all fall into place.
2087
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