the sweetest pie

You've never been to heaven, have you? Ooh, this the ride of your life. Hold on 'cause, baby, I might just give you a 𝐵𝒾𝓉𝑒 of 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓹𝓲𝓮. We can go fast, I'll drive and you just lay back.🍰

[caramelxcarmen]

starter for: @lcstmarbles

location: topsy turvy.

Carmen was suffocating, the walls of the club closing in on her. All eyes following her as she pushed through the crowd towards the back entrance. It was meant for employee's only, but she didn't care. She needed to escape before she caused more of a scene, refraining from slapping that stupid look off his face. For someone who avoided labels he sure slapped one onto himself the moment they stopped talking. Perhaps it really had been all her fault, that she was simply unlovable. It was proven time and time again, Lloyd, the men who ogled her at the track, and now Swizz. The brisk air whipped against her skin. sending chills down her spine. Once the door behind her closed with a loud thud, she gripped her chest containing the scream within her she wanted to belt out. Sterling Malarkey was dead to her now. Breath shuddering as she tried to wipe her eyes, noticing the liner that had smudged off with it. "Fuck."

[swizzcheese]

He wished he could read her mind. Then again, maybe not. What if he only discovered how much better off she was without him? He was sure it was true. He only ever dragged her down. But, fuck, knowing it would hurt more than he wanted to think about. Did she even miss him? "I— thank you." Maybe she did miss him. The thought made his chest warm, the smallest of smiles on his lips. He didn't say it back, but did he really have to? She had to know. He imagined she had the eyes of every guy in the club on her. It always made him jealous, when they were out. Not jealous enough to do anything about it, to take her off the market. "Yeah. Yeah, my girlfriend's probably at her place." Why did he say that? Were they official? He wasn't seeing anyone else, but they hadn't had that discussion. He was far too good at evading labels. Maybe he wanted to make her jealous. Maybe he wanted to be upfront. What he didn't want to do was ask the question, but it spilled out anyway. "What about you?"

[caramelxcarmen]

At the hint of his smile her shoulders loosened up just the tiniest bit. Maybe things could return to normal. They couldn't be friends, but maybe they didn't have to act like strangers. This limbo didn't have to last forever. That alternate reality, the promise of a better future between them suddenly shattering like pieces of glass raining down. Carmen couldn't believe what she was hearing, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment, disappointment, rage? She couldn't differentiate between these emotions anymore, it all felt the same when it came to Sterling Malarkey. She should've known better. Why the fuck didn't she know better? "Girlfriend?" She sputtered out in disbelief. her thoughts churning like a cog in a machine. Idiot, Idiot, Idiot. She didn't want him to see her cry, not over this, over him. But the rage was evident on her face, her eyes narrowed and her glossed lips tightening into a straight thin line. She needed time to process this revelation, and time wasn't something she could afford in this situation. For a long time she went silent, swallowing again before she pulled down the mask of indifference. "I'm so happy for you." She spat out viciously, each word more venomous than the next. "I'm so unbelievably happy that you found what you wanted! Congratulations Sterling, if only you could've found that happiness sooner instead of leading me on for YEARS. When you could've let me go at anytime, Instead of keeping me selfishly at arms length at all times. Using my feelings for you as an anchor when you temporarily wanted to hold on, then floating onto the next thing when I no longer served you." Silver was lining her eyes now and she hated herself for it, wanted to scream and hit him, but couldn't. "But thank you for the clarification Malarkey, because I was foolishly holding out hope for you. That you could change--that we could change. Obviously I was wrong, and yes I am here with someone tonight and now I finally have the clarity to fucking move on and start over without you." Each word escaping in shattered gasps between tears. Without warning she tossed her drink into his face. "I hope I never see you again."

[swizzcheese]

His mouth opened only to close again, lips pressed into a thin line. It was meant to be a joke, he thought, but he didn't know. He couldn't read her. Since when had he been unable to read her? What was this? What were they? Nothing. Nothing at all. "Good." The word came out sharp, unrehearsed. It wasn't entirely untrue, he guessed. Swizz couldn't remember the last time he'd been good, but he'd been good... enough. He had his job, still, his boss was back. He had Kim, now. He had... alcohol, but not enough in his system at the moment. He could already see how the rest of the night was going to go. Watching her from across the room. Drinking one too many. Leaving blurry eyed once she was gone and he'd been cut off, stumbling into an Uber to go home, crack open a bottle of vodka or whiskey or whatever was sitting around. Pass out on the couch. Maybe he had some coke left over. How else would he handle this, if he didn't self-medicate? How else would he avoid spiraling? His grip tightened on his bottle, resisting the urge to bring it to his lips, finish off the beer in one gulp. "I've been... good, yeah, getting by. How are... how are you, Carmen?"

[caramelxcarmen]

"That's good to hear. I've been fine for the most part, yeah." She forced the sentence out of her mouth even though it was wildly untrue. Wanting to unleash the reality of the situation, but couldn't. No, I'm awful, I miss you, do you miss me? Kiss me. The image of his lips and how they used to be on hers sent her mind reeling. She needed to get back to Pen...he'd be wondering where she went. Instead her feet seemed to be melded into the floor. Carmen could've been wrong--but he looked exhausted. His eyes sunken in and dark, lifeless almost. As if he was operating on auto-pilot. Her heart felt like it was breaking all over again. She just wanted to help him, but it wasn't what he wanted. "You look good." She replied softly, not knowing what else to say. A half-truth. For a moment her eyes wandered around him. To the strangers at the dancefloor and the others that flooded the bar. "Are you here alone?" Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, god why did she have to ask that?

[swizzcheese]

He forgot. For a brief second, at first glance, Swizz forgot that they weren't talking. It had been... what, half a year, now? Seven months? And as soon as their eyes met, the corners of his lips turned up, ready to greet her, ready to fall back into a groove they had left behind. Then it hit him, and his face fell. Even after all this time, after all this space, silence on both ends, after everything that had happened between them, she was still his best friend.

"Carm—en," he said in a choked voice, the second half of her name added like an afterthought, realizing he'd lost the right to use a nickname. He'd lost the right to speak to her at all, but what was he meant to do now? His grip tightened around his half empty bottle, and he found himself wishing it was his fifth or sixth of the night instead of his first, so he didn't feel the pang in his chest so strongly. He had seen her since they last spoke, in passing, eyes never lingering long. But he'd stopped going by the track at all. He didn't hang out in their same group of friends anymore. He'd been doing a good job of avoiding her, or she had him. Maybe both. "It's... hey. Hey."

[caramelxcarmen]

"So formal these days." The words came out before she could stop them, her voice teasing in that easy care-free way she had always been with him. Seven months apart and it was still easy to fall back into old ways. She couldn't allow it though, but surely she could still be civil towards him. Carmen bit the inside of her cheek, debating whether to continue the conversation or book it and run. It wasn't fair. She had missed him so god damn much. "Sorry about your shirt." her mouth beginning to upturn in a faint smile, pausing she took in a sharp inhale. "How--I hope I mean--I just know" The words were getting jumbled, and she wasn't sure if it was his presence or the alcohol that was making her nervous. This absloutely didn't seem like the time or place to have this conversation, but when would she get another chance? He wasn't seeking her out and vice versa. Noticing his absence at the track, it stung more than she thought it would. Had she ever truly mattered to him? Clearing her throat she shook her head softly, meeting his eyes. "How are you?"

[caramelxcarmen]

starter for: @swizzcheese

location: topsy turvy.

Carmen left the dancefloor, promising pen she'd be back with drinks. something fruity and refreshing. she was becoming breathless with the mashing of bodies and the heat it was creating. she wasn't complaining though, this was the first time she enjoyed herself in months. if she was being honest pen was a good dancer...and kind of cute. ordering two peach Bellini's, she whirled from the bar making sure the drinks wouldn't slip from her fingers. instead she crashed into a hard surface instead. that surface being someone's chest. luckily she only managed to spill a little of the drinks, but unluckily it all landed on the strangers shirt. "Shit sorry--" carmen's words immediately evaporated from her throat. the once loud room sounded like a far off noise, like she was suddenly underwater. time moving in slow motion except for them. "swizz." she stated softly, swallowing hard and straightening her shoulders. this was not how she wanted the night to go.

[lcstmarbles]

"That's probably a good idea," Tootles agreed, his cheeks reddening slightly at being called out. He really should have noticed sooner. "A moonstone? Yeah. Yeah, they do!" Of course, he would probably agree they looked like anything at the moment. Rolling one of the more colorful ones between his thumb and index finger, he paused, hoping he didn't sound like an idiot. "Do you... want to keep one? You know, as a thank you. For helping me not lose them all."

[caramelxcarmen]

"Wait--What? No way, they're yours!" She resisted, until one caught her attention in his other hand. Sparkling like a gemstone amongst the neon lights from the rafters. "Okay hold on, maybe I like that one." She mused, leaning over to uncurl his fingers from his palm. "That one. It's clear with a brown swirl in the middle, and maybe a hint of emerald? Or gold, its hard to tell. Nonetheless its beautiful, it looks like your eyes."

[lcstmarbles]

Leave it to Pentiss to spill his marbles in the middle of his work place. Literally. It was stupid of him to even bring them in, but they were new additions to his collection, and he didn't have time to run home or he'd be late. Now, clocked out, he stared at the mess on the floor for a moment, kicking himself, until he heard the voice, and his eyes lifted to meet Carmen's. She might just be the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. And of course he was making a fool of himself already, before they had ever even been introduced. "Oh, it's... it's okay," he hurried to respond, lowering himself to start scooping the rolling marbles up in handfuls, hoping she wouldn't notice the way his cheeks were reddening. "I'm just... I'm a klutz, sorry."

[caramelxcarmen]

"No need to be sorry...though I'd fix that hole in your pocket before you cause another marble stampede." She grinned, straightening her posture once more. If Carmen had any other talent besides racing it was spotting a wardrobe malfunction from a mile away. "I know the best set of seamstress sisters in town. Just mention a miss DiCarmello sent you and I bet they could give you a cheap deal." She paused, leaning forward slightly as she rested her elbows atop the table. "I think they look really cool, I've never seen ones colored like that before. Reminds me of a rainbow, or a moonstone."

[caramelxcarmen]

location: neverland.

starter for: @lcstmarbles

Carmen was learning how to be independent again. Enjoying the clubs, and race track alone. It should've felt like self-care, and while some days were more bearable than others her heart hadn't fully healed yet. Neverland was her last resort, it wasn't her taste by any means...but watching people sing karaoke ear splittingly bad was kind of amusing. Stirring her straw around her in drink she was content with keeping her focus on the main stage until the sound of something that sounded like glass hit the floor in small pitter patters. Quiet, but loud enough that her ears picked it up. Cocking her head to the side as she leaned her body slightly out of the booth and noticed brightly colored marbles scrawled about the floor. Glancing up in time to watch the stranger kneeling down to collect them. "You want some help?"

[wildcstwinter]

open starter: @evermorehqsstart !!

" sooooooooooooo, not to like downplay the severity of people missing — that sucks, really — but . . . was cancelling our race this weekend necessary ?? i mean, not like any of the racers are missing. not any of the important ones, anyways. "

[caramelxcarmen]

"I imagine the mayor had to do it for publicity reasons. Think about it, it's only a matter of time before people start getting out their pitchforks and breaking down his front door. If you ask me he's lucky he hasn't been strung up on the flag pole by his boxer brief's yet."

[cherrileena]

location: outside sweet stuff ✧ open !

❛ let's be real for a sec , how do we know for sure these ' missing people ' don't just not want to be found ? ❜ leena mused before taking another bite from the licorice candy between her fingers , adding a shrug to her question . she wasn't being mean , if anything she was trying to open up to new possibilities rather than entertain the absolute craze that had taken over the whole town . ❛ i mean , i know i wouldn't miss the chance to go on a two month cruise or whatever if i could . maybe that's what happened , maybe we shouldn't be sending the cops after people who might just be on some spiritual retreat ! ❜ or maybe she was just mad the whole situation had put a dent on her monthly income , either or .

[caramelxcarmen]

"If that's the case than I wish they would've ask the rest of us if we wanted to come with. Rather rude they didn't." it was probably not the best of times to joke, but she wasn't even sure if she was joking at this point. huffing out a dramatic sigh as she was doom scrolling through the mayor's frantic and useless updates, she locked the home screen and shoved the device into the back pocket of her denim jeans. "Who knows, at this point you could be right. If all these people were missing, and assuming something bad happened...wouldn't they have found something already? A lead, clues, fuck a body even? I don't know. It just all seems sketchy."

[swizzcheese]

"No," he found himself whispering, shaking his head as she spoke, his tone bordering on that of a whiny toddler. "No, no, no." He didn't know what he was disagreeing with. He was only trying to get it to stop, to cut off her words, to refuse to see their relationship for what it was. Even if he tried to let her go, how was he meant to? He had tried. He'd tried time and time and time again. He'd tried as many times as he'd waltzed back into her life and she knew that, she had to know that.

"I don't— I could never hate you, I..." He could feel his mind racing, thoughts trying to upstage his heartbeat, trying to find the words to say to salvage this... but they didn't exist. All that existed was the truth, and the terrible fear that this was his last chance to tell it to her. "I love you." He was saying it before he could think it through, but even as he did, he knew it didn't matter. He wasn't saying it to win her back, to make her change her mind; he knew her, she was stubborn. If she'd made it up, she wasn't going to budge. And it was for the best. How many times had he told her he wasn't worth it, how many times had he told her to give up on him?

He just didn't think she would actually do it.

"I'm in love with you, Carmen." The words felt like the heaviest he'd ever spoken, carrying an honesty in them that he hoped she could tell was real. Not because he wanted her to think better of him, not because he thought it would make a difference, because she deserved to know. Because if this was the last time he ever saw her, he couldn't let her go the rest of her life thinking he never really cared. "You're all I think about. When I'm with other people, when I'm alone... I can only distract myself for so long before it's just you. It's always you. You're always there like this... this... annoying fucking angel on my shoulder, but I'd be lost without you, I am..."

Lost. The word caught in his throat, met with more realizations than he had planned to sort today. The truths he tried running from was wound so tightly around the rest of them that when he pulled one out, the rest seemed to come with it, spilling out. Or maybe it was just the leftover alcohol in his system, the line of cocaine he'd done, the handful of pills he'd tossed back making him unable to shut up. "I run because it scares me. You know that. It's not you. It's... I can't do commitment because I can't even commit to... to... being here."

There was more he wanted to say, but he couldn't manage to find the words. His eyes didn't move from hers, an image still blurry through the tears he didn't realize were falling. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach; something that told him he'd met the end of the line. He'd gone too fast, he'd pushed it too far. He'd wound up alone, and it was only downhill from here. When he left her today, he was leaving a part of himself behind, and any leftover hope he'd clung to that things might one day work out. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Swizz pulled his boot back. Leaving her the option to shut the door in his face. To never have to worry about him again.

"Is this it?"

[caramelxcarmen]

His objections were causing the tears to stream faster and harder, sniffling as she tried to keep her hands from trembling against the doorknob. Carmen knew the moment that the door was closed she'd break down into full on chokings sobs. She just had to keep it together enough until she cut the cord. It was what was best for the both of them, even if it wasn't true she had to for her sanity alone. Only shaking her head lightly in disagreement. "We can only drive on the wrong side of the road for so long until one of us gets hit."

She didn't believe him at first, her bottom lip trembling the moment the words left his mouth. An array of emotions flooded her almost instantly. Rage, Sorrow, Guilt, it all crashed into her like an uncontrollable tidal wave. Why did he wait all this time to say it? Why didn't he say it when it actually mattered? Was saying it now going to change anything? Carmen already knew the answer, it wasn't. "God fucking dammit Swizz." Looking up at the ceiling, trying to wipe her tears away but they just kept coming. The worst part was she knew he was telling the truth. Sober or not Sterling wouldn't say something that big for it not be true. She knew him well enough by now and all the other times he evaded returning her feelings. He was telling the truth, and it was just too fucking late.

Once he removed his boot her heart shattered for what felt like the millionth time tonight. He was going to let her go. 'Is this it?' Carmen wanted to say no, that maybe their time was sometime far in the future. When they were both healed and much better people. That there was hope for them, but she couldn't give him that type of offering and for him to think that everything would be okay because truthfully it wasn't. Her feet were already moving before she could stop them, one foot in front of the other until they were chest to chest. "Take care of yourself, please. It's all I ask." She hated seeing him like this, tears--emotions were something she rarely saw from him. He was always the social butterfly, first to jump off the roof into a pool if somebody dared him to, courageous. Yet now, he just looked broken, much like how she felt. "I love you so much." Lifting herself on her tip toes she met his lips softly. Her fists curling around the fabric of his shirt, wanting to cling desperately to him like he was her salvation. But this was just a mirage and the old swizz would return back to normal before the sun would rise. It didn't take long after tangling her lips with his that she had to choke down sobs against his mouth. Pulling and backing away as if it burned to touch him. She had to go, go-go go before she lost herself. Feeling for the doorknob, looking over her shoulder for one last glace. "Goodbye Swizz." With that, she closed the door on him and their relationship.

[swizzcheese]

The more she spoke, the more it was becoming clear to Sterling that this time was different. Every word she said was pointed and honest, and he found it hard to breathe though the guilt that swelled in his chest, sprouting and winding like ivy around his ribcage. His lips only parted to seal themselves shut again, knowing damn well he couldn't deny it, any of it. She could part water for him and he would still find reasons to blow it all up, to run away, to hurt her again and again. This was something he already knew, and something he knew, deep down, she would grow tired of eventually. But she was the only person. She was the only one that had stayed. Throughout all of it, all of his bullshit and their petty arguments and the back and forth. It was a hard concept for him to grasp, the thought that she was done with him too. That the one person that refused to give up on him... had given up.

"Wait, what do you mean? Carmen, what do you mean?" The questions were spilling out on their own, the toe of his boot coming out to stop the door before she could close it. "Wait," he pleaded, wishing she would meet his eyes. It was strange. He'd hit 150 flying down the road, he'd put any unknown substance he could get his hands on into his body, he'd thrown fists with men that could stomp him into the ground, he'd drank so much he couldn't remember his own name and none of it... none of it filled him with the fear that he felt now. The fear of losing her for good.

He had always been able to smooth it over before. Say something sweet, pour a little bit of his heart out, give her just enough to keep hanging on. Pull her into a kiss to distract her from any concerns she voiced. But something told him they were beyond that. Their time apart, time that had only made him miss her more, had given her the strength she needed to close their chapter. "It's not my top priority, it's..." His mouth felt too dry to continue. Was it not? What was his top priority? He'd lost sight of it along the way. He'd had a future, possibilities, and now it seemed so bleak. Now his life was nothing more than getting out of bed, getting wasted enough he didn't have to think for more than even an hour awake, getting through the day until he could finally crash into black nothingness. The only place that felt welcoming anymore.

"Don't do this." The words came out in a whisper, realizing only as the vision of her before him blurred that there were tears in his eyes. "I can... do better, I can..." He had never begged before, he had always just let her go. But he had always known she was coming back. His hands reached out again, reached for her for half a second before falling limp to his sides. "Please, Carmen. Please don't do this."

[caramelxcarmen]

carmen wasn't sure why she assumed swizz would just agree; that it was better just to call it quits and cut their losses altogether. but he was still here, trying to salvage the broken pieces of their relationship. she had never pictured swizz fighting for her but she had to remind herself that he was doing it all for the wrong reasons. "I mean, exactly what I'm saying Swizz. Surely even you can see this isn't good for either of us? Me getting my hopes up every time that you'll miraculously turn around, pick me for a change. You having to deal with the aftermath of how I feel about you in the fallouts of our fights. It's toxic, you know it is. I was just stupid enough to play along for so long. I want you, and you want--whatever you need in that moment. I'm not blaming you for it either, I know it's hard for you--I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't care about you--about us."

she knew this probably wasn't making any sense to him, that being apart would better for the both of them. If anything he'd see this as her abandoning him but carmen didn't have many options left. swizz would still have his vices but he'd have to find someone else to take her place. she kept her vision on his boot, not daring to look up knowing she needed all her willpower left to close the door. "I'm not asking you to change, the sad thing is i fell in love with you the way that you already are, and that's probably my fault. I should've known from the beginning you weren't ready for that or any of this, and I'm sorry."

finally she met his eyes again, noticing his eyes had gotten just as glossy as her own. her heart felt like it was shattering all at once. "you can, but you won't baby." carmen replied, a sorrow filled smile taking hold of her lips as tears stained her cheeks. "I know you, and i unfortunately know myself even better. we'll play out this cycle until we run ourselves into the ground. if we keep going like this you'll start to hate me, and i'll resent you. We can't let it get to that point Sterling. Let me go, Let us go."

[swizzcheese]

The slap caught him off-guard, not realizing what he'd said or how it had sounded until she was taking a step back. "Shit. Fuck. I guess I deserved that," he mumbled, rubbing the sting she left behind on his cheek, missing the seconds before when her touch had been there, soft and warm. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like... like that," he tried to explain, hands dropping back to his sides. He couldn't actually remember why she was angry with him... but he knew that it was for good reason. Honestly, he had given her far too many reasons to cut off contact before. Whatever the final straw had been hardly mattered, because he should have already crossed that line.

"I just... miss you, Carm. Why do we keep doing this?" Because of him. He knew this. Because he always fucked it up. Because he always pulled away. Because he always said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, left her high and dry. But right now, it was hard to remember why he did any of that. Against his better judgement, he reached out, taking her hands in his. "I'm tired of fighting. I don't want to not be able to call you every night and send you snaps with weird ass filters for you to make fun of. I don't want to laugh at a meme and have no one to send it to that I know gets it. I just... I just want to watch your dumb shows again, and do those gross face masks and spend all night getting my ass kicked at Mario Karts, and..."

Losing his train of thought, he frowned, eyebrows scrunched in the middle of his face. "You could've been one of them. I could have been one of them, right? I mean, I could do some stupid shit and die tomorrow and we just keep wasting our fucking time over... shit that doesn't matter." To him, because he was the problem. "I just want to be with you. Why can't we just... be?"

[caramelxcarmen]

"Mhphm, deserved is more of an understatement." carmen mumbled in return. agitation edging her tone, crossing her arms over her chest as if she was creating a barrier between them. Usually she'd interject but she wanted to hear his reasoning--his excuse. sterling had let her down many times over the course of their friendship and not setting boundaries caused this riff in their relationship. she allowed herself to be a walking doormat and swizz happily wiped his feet upon entry anytime he needed a quick fix. her pupils widened at his words, almost blotting away the mahogany in her eyes. 'I just... miss you, Carm.' her attention shifted towards the floor after that because she knew deep down, what was true all along. he was never going to change.

knowing what she had to do it didn't change the fact that his words stung, knowing she could just as easily fall back into step with him like always. gods, she was so fucking stupid. carmen kept her gaze focused onto the floor until he was finished. letting a small silence ruminate between them before lifting her chin and meeting his gaze.

"Swizz, I'd give anything for us to just be. I don't think you truly understand how far I'd go or what I'd do to have that with you. The simple fact is that I love you, but I can't keep tearing myself apart for an ounce of your attention. Waiting for you to show up on my doorstep only when you need me. We want different things, and its clear partying, strangers, and substances are your top priority. We could just be, but your possessiveness would get in the way, MY jealousy gets in the way. You won't stop drinking just because I tell you too. I love you too much to see you put yourself or me through any more torment. I think it would be the best for both of us to let each other go."

Tears were streaming now, and she was finding it hard to make eye contact with him. She knew one look from him and she'd fall back into his arms, and she wouldn't allow it this time. carmen started backing up until her apartment door was between them. with her hand on the doorknob she found that same spot on the ground again to stare at. "i think you should leave sterling."

[swizzcheese]

"I'm fine. My boss," he only seemed to remember then, a frown tugging at his lips. He liked his boss. He was pretty cool, always easy on him and trusted Swizz enough, for whatever reason, after all this time, to give him a key to the place. His job sometimes was the only thing he had to look forward to, the only thing to give him any structure, and it was him that he had to thank for that. "I don't... I don't remember anyone else." He couldn't remember a single name on the list outside of Jarred, attempting to pluck his memory only bringing more fog to his mind. "Did you?"

His hand lifting, Swizz pressed his against hers, holding it to his face. "I missed you," he spoke before he could stop it, his filter non-existent at the moment. He wasn't even sure what concoction was swirling inside of him, but it was making it harder than he'd like to focus. His eyes flickered over her entire face, trying to take in her features, to drink her smile in. With her standing in front of him like this, it was hard to remember why he'd gone so long without texting her, calling her, coming by... or how he'd even had the self control to push her out of his mind, no matter how many distractions filled her absence. "Are you done being mad at me?"

Well, he had to say something stupid eventually.

[caramelxcarmen]

"oh fuck." instantly flew out of her mouth, to think that it could've been swizz instead of his boss. how close he came to being plucked into the abyss with the rest of the names on that list. at his question she shook her head gently. "no, at least not anyone I knew closely. a few names felt familiar but that was about it."

carmen indulged herself into his touch, feeling her worries melt away like they always used to when he was near. for a very, VERY brief moment carmens heart fluttered at his words because it felt like he was being genuine. "I missed you too." she whispered back, hoping this was the start of an apology. alas it was just like sterling to ruin any sentimental moment they ever had. her smile fading as her brows furrowed together. her free hand was already moving before she could even stop herself. slapping his cheek maybe a little too hard with the back of her palm. stepping back the rage was evident on her face, rouge flushing her cheeks as she threw hands up in defeat. "you are fucking unbelievable swizz. un-FUCKING believable!"

[swizzcheese]

It never felt like the last time. Somewhere in his head, whether it was true or not, Swizz always kind of assumed they'd end up together again. Not together-together, but... together. Maybe that was why he took Carmen for granted so much; he was so used to having her, to her just being there, that he never accepted a possibility of life without her. Or maybe he was just a shitty person, or maybe it was a bit of both. But now, seeing her fling open the door, and fling herself at him, he felt his breath catch in his throat. He hadn't really stopped to think about her actually not... being there. If he never had the chance to tell her goodbye, to hug her one more time. Even as he left work, he figured she'd be there to open the door. It wasn't until their eyes met that he realized how much any other possibility stung.

He was smiling as his arms lifted to catch her, to pull her as tightly against him as possible. He could smell the conditioner in her hair, the familiar laundry softener and perfume, and he didn't stop to consider if he still smelled more like booze than cologne he had forgotten to apply in his rush out the door. It been a hours since his last drink. Not his last of... other substances, but she didn't know anything about that. And at the moment it didn't matter, none of it mattered, because she was right there, close enough he could feel her heart beating against his own chest. "My face has nothing on yours," he mumbled into her shoulder, still not pulling away. The moment he did, he knew reality would come crashing down. They never had long before it all fell apart. "I don't know what I'd do if you were gone, you know."

[caramelxcarmen]

carmen let out a huff of air against his chest that she didn't realize she was holding in. she missed him, that much was obvious but this scenario rang different. over the years she had imagined his ending in a million different ways and circumstances. him driving recklessly under the influence, the drugs finally catching up to his heart, and plenty of other things. which was a morbid thought but anyone who knew sterling malarkey understood her fear. but losing him out of thin air? to go missing without an explanation like those handful of people on that list. it was unimaginable. she was mad, but damn it she was in love with him.

his words stung, but she felt the same. at least that feeling was mutual. lifting her head from his chest, she pulled away slightly to examine his features. "are you sure you're okay? do you know anybody on that list?" she asked, palm reaching up and caressing his cheek with the pads of her fingers.

[swizzcheese]

LOCATION: carmen's place FOR: @caramelxcarmen

Her name wasn't on the list, but did that mean she wasn't missing, or she just hadn't been reported missing yet? Swizz hadn't stopped moving since he hopped out of bed, half-wasted still from the night (er, morning) before and running incredibly late for work. His boss wasn't there yet, which wasn't entirely unusual, since it was his opening shift, but he was surprised he hadn't called to see why the doors were still closed at noon. It didn't take long for the news to reach him, and it filled him with more dread than he would have expected. He liked to think he did a good job of not getting attached, but there were a couple of names that came to mind while he was scrolling through the posters, and one of them texted him while he was pushing through the front doors, hauling ass to someone else's house. Shooting a quick response to Kim, he was breathless by the time he reached Carmen's, banging frantically on the door, not considering or caring that he'd be scaring her. He hadn't seen her, had not talked to her since the last time he'd showed up at her place, drunk and high and bloody and bruised. At least this time he wasn't bloody and bruised. "Ten seconds, I'm giving you ten seconds," he yelled, "before I'm busting this door down."

[caramelxcarmen]

even before the mayor dropped his psa, carmen had been feeling uneasy of late. she had noticed people go missing before the announcement even hit the public. not anyone she knew personally. just in the small bubble of her world. a sugar racer hadn't show up to a competition, one of her favorite barista's wasn't at his usual place behind the counter. it was like the people of evermore were being plucked out of the town one by one. she wouldn't have noticed if she had been with swizz, he took up so much of her attention that with their time apart she had gotten better at just observing.

while they weren't communicating due to a boundary carmen set when the list dropped she couldn't help herself. she needed to know if he was okay. grabbing her purse and throwing on whatever was the quickest to get into and setting out to sterling's apartment. before her hand could reach the doorknob she was jolted back by swizz's voice booming through the wood. immediate relief flooded over her, fumbling with the locks as she tried to swing the door open. she couldn't stop the tears already welling up in her eyes when they were met face to face. in no time she was already throwing herself into his arms, just like clockwork. "you have no idea how nice it is to see your face."

[swizzcheese]

He had made a mistake being so... real with her. Talking about his family, admitting his feelings ran deeper than he had before. Swizz hadn't noticed Carmen keeping her distance because he'd been keeping his own. It was dangerous territory, he was getting too close, and if he was a smart man he'd do what was best for both of them and end things then and there. But Swizz had never been a smart man.

He didn't even mean to end up at her door, really; he was stoned out of his mind and drunk, among other things. Just a mixed bag of vices tonight. It made sense he'd seek out yet another one. He almost hesitated to knock, still some common sense left in him, but the voice in the back of his mind was much easier to silence than his desire to see her. "There's my girl," he grinned, only remembering as he did so that his lip was split. Shit — he looked like shit, didn't he? He'd gotten in another fight, over what or with whom, he couldn't remember now. It hardly mattered. "You know, it's been awhile... I missed you."

[caramelxcarmen]

Once the barrier of the door between them was removed it was hard to ignore the stench of alcohol that seemed to be radiating off him in fumes. It was becoming increasingly hard not to punch him, or to slam the door in his face. The words 'my girl' bouncing around in her head, trying to silence the impulse to throw her arms around him and whisper all is forgiven. But it wasn't. "Don't say things that aren't true Malarkey." The words came off harsher than she intended. Carmen didn't want to be cruel but what else could she do? Keep repeating the same cycle with him forever? It was senseless, and stupid. Even if noticing the spilt in his bottom lip caused the tension to release in her shoulders. It was like she was fighting her inner monologue. Fighting the urge to bring him inside and patch him up. Instead she kept still as the words flowed from her glossed lips. "Who'd you get into a brawl with this time? looks like you loss." His words made her swallow hard, fuck this was harder than she thought it was going to be. "Do you miss me, or do you only miss how you feel when being with me?" She wasn't sure if his drunken stupor was going to register the difference, but there was one. And it was important.