All the venom you spit to tarnish my name only proves that you never bothered to know my heart.
I remember having to make so many apologies to you for not wanting to live anymore and reaching out for your help. I kept it to myself eventually and got punished for that too.
Yes. I’ll own that I left you crying that time. It was because I was so emotionally numb from fighting with you that I couldn’t even laugh or cry myself, but that always gets left out of your victim complex narrative. No one else is allowed to be hurt. Just you! At least I wasn’t scrolling reels on my phone and told you “Sounds like mental illness” the morning after you had a mental breakdown and were thinking of the best way to kill yourself.
It’s really fucking telling that my therapist can quote you verbatim after I only give her the bare bones of your personality.
I finally walked away because I was tired of you making my struggles about yourself and ignoring any good I tried to do when you were mad at me.
I tried talking it out with you. You were “livid” after my first fucking sentence. I ACKNOWLEDGED YOUR FEELINGS AND APOLOGIZED MULTIPLE TIMES FOR HOW I WAS MAKING YOU FEEL, despite all your accusations to the contrary. I made a specific point to do it because I always strived to be the best I could for you and to love you the best I was able.
I was never good enough and you couldn’t wait for us to fall apart so you could spiral again. You’re addicted to the drama. Just like you’re addicted to self-harming behaviour. How long did you wait to go buy another vape? Or is it back to cigarettes this time?
I still dream about you, but I’m over this. I can’t ever stop loving you (I’ve been fucking trying), but the toll it takes on me is too much. I’m not your past men. You always put me on their level. But I’m not an abusive asshole. I wasn’t “playing” you. The fuck did you even have to offer me? Being with you was the peak of stress and inconvenience and yet I was still willing to push through because I wanted you so bad. But your callous nature any time something didn’t align with how you thought it should be and your temper tantrums when I dared to tell you no, made it no longer worth it.
So have fun trashing me. I know you’ll get a lot of emotional mileage telling half the story to anyone who will listen.
Call me “cruel” all you want, but I’ve been done with cruelty since I was in my 20s. If I had half a mind to be cruel to you, you wouldn’t even dare to speak my name again. You’ve experienced ACTUAL cruelty at the hands of others. How fucking dare you even think to compare me to them? You want to see the face of cruelty? Take off all that makeup and CLEAN YOUR FUCKING MIRROR.
May our paths never cross. May our hearts never touch. If you still care, don’t ever let me know.
titsay
2087
turnnoffyourmind
discoholicmusic
stormborns
ellievsbear
baratheonpilled
