with all my love,

ೃ⁀➷ i'm sorry, i wouldn't want to make you sorry for me

[cardigansandteas]

right. you’re fucking flawless. i’ll remind myself- or better yet, you can remind me over and over again that i am the weight tied to your ankles that keeps you from flying.

[cardigansandteas]

sometimes i wonder what i ever did to you

[cardigansandteas]

loss so bad im listenign to fucking taylor swift

[cardigansandteas]

burn after reading as they say

[cardigansandteas]

did i really have any of that gravity? maybe you’re quicksand because i really couldn’t tell how deep my footprints went

i’m sorry that i roll over to my folks it’s not that i’m ashamed but they keep me on the leash to choke

you’re the infection i am keeping no matter the sepsis you are staying

and i’ve tried to tell myself because i’ve come this far along carrying my zombie arm to the fifteenth grade prom

oh won’t you touch me?

mom will you wash my back this once

i wanna see you with your head wide open empty in the ground gone without a sound

it’s always a head case with you you never had a shot at any of this

when the bell rings my mouth waters

i am a fist without a plan and i’ll break it just because i can

and i’ll forget about it when i wake up late and stupid

i’m catatonic in your arms crying how did i cause so much harm?

you’re the cure you’re the curse you make it better you make it worse you’re the killer in my crime but i’m the one twisting the knife

i swear i’m so fucking sorry i’m not a good person im barely a person at all

honey you are nothing to me i don’t call people anything thought to be so sweet

i’m down pounding my head against the kitchen floor apologizing for my life and ever entering yours

mom am i still young? can i dream for a few months more?

[cardigansandteas]

what do you mean when you say “what do you mean the ‘patriarchal system of the catholic church’” like i think i was very clear with what i said thanks

[cardigansandteas]

paige mahoney dream actress

[cardigansandteas]

i wish i could show you how much heartbreak you cause me

[cardigansandteas]

come on! come on! come on! i said, save me! get me the hell out of here! save me! too young to die and my dear! you can't! if you can hear me, just save me! walk away!

[lunareclipsee2]

“you know the song cancer by twenty one pilots” fuuuuuck am i old now??? is that what just happened???

[cardigansandteas]

bro!!!! my little sister just did this to me????

[cardigansandteas]

this year has been the worst year of my life. i hate everything about my life as it stands right now. i want out.

i want to stop chasing my friends stop begging them for attention and instead have them care about me. genuinely give a shit that i am here and i care so why can’t they return the favor?

i want to quit my job so bad. this place is rotting me from the inside out slowly but surely. it’s eating my passion for my skills alive and leaving behind something dull and dead in its wake.

i want to run away from my life here. i want to wake up in a place where no one knows my name, where i am free to live without the mistakes of my past haunting me until i am consumed with the fear that it is all i ever will be.

i am tired of being ridiculed and bullied and i am tired of letting it happen to me over and over again. i am everyone’s doll to throw around when they want to play. i am full of gashes and dents where they all played too rough, but my eyes still blink and my lips still smile and my voice box still says i love you telling everyone preprogrammed lies because if i don’t then no one wants to play with me now.

i am a carcass that the world has hacked away at taking their carefully molded pieces to enjoy, custom creating versions of me that are easy to digest in small portions for when i settle on the stomach simply enough. hack away at my parts and choose what you will.

i am a bird in a cage with the door wide open and yet i do not fly, the invisible chain on my feather light leg keeping me silent keeping me still. i do not fly away because to fly away would be to disobey my many masters because you see the open door is a trap. this is a test i am meant to pass because a good birdie will stay even when the door is open even when her owner is tired of her chirping even when no one wants to see the birdie even when the invisible walls of the glass cage start to close in, she still does not fly away even as they crush her even as she dies in them even when it’s plain to see and no one helps her be free

the hell is of my own making isn’t it? surely the rules were taught to me, but as a child i was so certainly good at breaking rules so why not these? why are my wings still unmoving why does my voice box still continue to lie why do i still bleed when there is nothing left to hack away at? behavior is learned and i am a dog with a shock collar convulsing at the sound of the door opening shaking at the thought of being reprimanded obeying my many masters to avoid the stinging pain of their rejection burning up around my neck

i am a dog with a bone a dolly with a voice box that cannot lie a bird suffocating in a glass cage an ugly bleeding carcass that has been destroyed by the hands that promised to treat it well

[xenolinguistics-department]

how my job search got me feeling

[cardigansandteas]

[cardigansandteas]

[cardigansandteas]

bend. bend. bend. bend. bend. bend. bend. break.

[cardigansandteas]

no more little ghost i keep around

[cardigansandteas]

the casual demeaning has to relate to a deep rooted hatred, doesn’t it?