This is probably a little personal, but from one asian woman to another, how are you able to balance pleasing family and pleasing yourself while juggling a career? I’m struggling to find ways to commit to obligations and my own desire to be my full self. Any tips?
Ok so I am a notorious people pleaser (so can relate) but the most important thing is for you to mentally get to the crux of what it is that you think your family wants of you.
I think the most important thing that I’ve understood in adulthood is that your parents don’t want you to follow a particular career path because they think that it’s an honourable profession, or anything like that. What they see for you is financial stability, which is how they qualify you being able to have a good life, and you being happy and ok. It comes from a place of love and concern. Obviously, this might be at odds with the path that you see for yourself, but if you can demonstrate to them that you are or are coming to be financially self-sufficient and that what you do makes you happy, that’s the same endgame that they want for you - just a different means of getting there.
From an everyday life perspective, one of my favourite things about my Chinese heritage (and I know this can be said for a lot of ethnic backgrounds), is the family unit at the centre of one’s life. That doesn’t mean you need to be dictated by their ideas for your life, or their principles. It just means that you need to place them in a place of importance from an emotional perspective in your day to day. Family for me is paramount, and I speak to my parents every day: even if it’s a voice note, a 2-minute call. It’s important for your parents to feel like they’re a part of your world (particularly if you live away from home), not because they want to control it, but because they want to be able to visualise you going about your day, and know that you’re safe.
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