[carlolitos]

hoy giatay mag 2025 na?

I've been looking for an outlet to express and to find inspiration; I might revive this thing

[juansnoww]

I'm talking to the parents here who find it difficult to love their child for being queer. Maybe you could give all the love you know to your child or the money, wealth, and comfort the world has to offer. Maybe you're protecting them too much or worrying for them, but it won't be enough if you can't give them the liberty to love who they want to be with.

To the queer child who reads this and tries their best: You learned to overcompensate to please people for just being who you are. Remember that the struggle you feel every day just to prove your worth will bear fruit one day. But I hope that the pedestal you're trying to climb is meant to please yourself and not for the validation of other people. You will one day find a community and build a family on your own. Maybe you are not related by blood but by the bond you shared, and you will understand the meaning of being seen and being who you are without even trying. Until then, please bear with the world and be kind to yourself.

[carlolitos]

but you know.. where’s the fun in my last post.

Well... life is but a series of stress. and I couldn’t be more stressed out how to continue living my life as a closeted bisexual dude without disappointing the two people whom my life revolved around - my parents.

So I guess that’s going to be the next big mystery I’ll have to figure out.

[carlolitos]

Hello Tumblr!

It’s already almost the end of 2022 and I’ve only gotten back here after almost 4 years. I honestly don’t know how I still kept my access to this account.

So, what’s new?

Since 2018, I’ve spent all of my time trying to break into the industry. I’ve finally moved to Metro Manila (BGC) where I started with a project-based data job to eventually study a new field I want to get into - Data Science - only to find myself back CDO due to the pandemic. Unlike my ECE license, I was able to practice a part of Data Science in my newfound path which is Risk Management (to be general about it). I will always be grateful to the people who have invited me to their world - that first manager and VP I worked with.

Currently, I am back with my Family for almost 3 years now and I’m now a furdad to two dogs who are mischievous in their own ways. I’m 26 and I’ve 98% reached my income target by the time I’m 30 and I’ve just realized how silly it was of me to aim for such thing. Silly that it was all monetary and silly that I underestimated myself not to reach it sooner, I guess.

I have a boyfriend now for one and a half year and I couldn’t be more grateful. A private life with him, and him - in particular, are the two most significant part that’s made this relationship a complete delight. I’m grateful to have found someone I can be myself and also feels the same way. And I’m also happy that we are able to enjoy our little world - just the two of us.

I feel like I understand the world better now and respond to it much better than before. I guess I just faced life as it is and (struggled) strived to find real meaning in it.

I have my own car now and a big savings - both of which I never thought of having a couple of years ago. I am grateful for my privileges and I feel like my way of showing that is to be responsible with it.

So, am I happy?

I saw this video online about a nurse answering this question and I totally agree with what she said. She’s happy at a 9 out of 10 score considering that happiness is also chemically driven and an imbalance to that causes the opposite. But I think her 9/10 answer is a state of joy.

What is Joy?

Joy, in my understanding, is a disposition of understanding, acceptance, and gratitude. I couldn’t be more grateful for this life but I have just started to understand it and I guess I’m more than halfway in accepting that this is me, these are the things I was born into, and this will be my life.

In short, this is a reminder to myself that I don’t have to be laughing or smiling  just to prove that I’m happy. I am more than happy - I am joyful of this life.

CHAR

[carlolitos]

[carlolitos]

HOW CAN I BE IF YOU WON’T LET ME?

[inritum]

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

[bloggernasibatman]

No joke. Every time I reblog this, it just works. Do your magic again!!!

[carlolitos]

Moving to BGC: A Series of Inner Breakdowns and learned-the-hard-way Lessons

Majority of the people moving into the big city would usually get thrilled with new places to explore and food to try. For my case, I wasn’t. Just today, I asked my myself “Why wasn’t I?”

Growing up in an environment where responsibilities are always presented to me, I guess moving into this city made me focus on career and my placement and how I am going to live here and pay for my lifestyle. I started thinking of insurance, going to the gym, monthly savings and medical needs; having zero of all those things plus negative monthly expense stressed me out the entire time.

When I tried to look at the experiences of other people who came before me in this big damn metropolitan, most (if not all) were supported by parents for a few months while I thought of being independent just a month after I moved in. Cue the entrance of anxieties and stresses.

Just a week before Christmas, I have flu minus the fever, I have been working overtime without pay, and my hard-earned Samsung Note 8 got stolen by some prick. Just when I thought going home to my hometown was the worst thing that could have happened, all these unfortunate events plus the falling down the stairs of on a rainy night on Christmas day that left me bruised and wounded was the worst of it all.

Looking back at my first month (and despite being worried about the rent), I actually made it. Few of the things I am most grateful for is my fighting spirit and resilience that kept me going. I managed to finish Simbang Gabi on my own tirelessly. It was just surprisingly a piece of cake. Lastly, I had friends to spend Christmas with.

My fam is coming for NYE and I think it’s going to be one of the best things that will happen to me.

[carlolitos]

[Verse 1]

Will you ever

Say you love me

Say you want me

Or whatever?

I have wondered

If you need me

It doesn't always

Seem like it

[Chorus 1]

But after all is fine

That you need this much time

It’s obvious what you think

I understand

[Verse 2]

Will you ever

Care about me

Ask about me

Talk whenever?

I've been waiting

Really struggling

Since forever

To make you smile

[Chorus 2]

But if you say goodbye

I won't be asking why

It’s obvious what you think

About us

[Outro]

I'm tired of everything

Let me know

Oh, do you feel the same?

[carlolitos]

One of the few things that give me hope in the corporate world are the people who are thoughtful even in the most little ways. I have this officemate who has been initiating small talks with me since day 1. When she noticed I have been standing up to go to their side to throw my garbage because didn't have a trashbin, she gave me hers and shared trashbins with ther seatmate. (I also don't have a seatmate). When I asked if we had a stirrer and didn't have any, the next day she brought her damn girly stirrer and lent it to me until I finish my project. When she noticed I have been living off of 3in1 coffee, she bought me a cold brew Columbian coffee as a small christmas present!

She inspires me to be thoughtful of others and what I've witnessed is an example of a butterfuly theory.

[capwap]

Damn straight!

[okay]

// I can’t figure out what I want //

ig: cessation_

[cwote]

just be yourself, okay? 

[carlolitos]

I guess this is worth trying - Carl the Data Analyst

[carlolitos]

I'm really here

[carlolitos]

Moved to BGC

Anxiety is real.

For months, I’ve been working really hard to landing a decent job. It is where I got my motivation into studying all day for around three months now.

But I’ve never felt so empty moving to another place. I wanna say I’m fine and that I’m doing great but I’m just not. I moved to the best city in Ph but I’m still not.

I’ve never been anxious leaving some people I love behind at home. I’ve never been anxious doing my job. I’ve never been anxious just being with my gadgets with a decent wifi. I’ve never been anxious sipping coffee or milk tea.

Everywhere and anything I do, I still feel anxious. Anxiety reeks.

I can’t study after work. I can’t even socialize pretty well at work. I’m just not myself ever since I moved here in this city.

But writing this at the lounge area of the dorm I’m staying makes me realize, that when I look around, everyone is kinda lost in their own ways. I want to feel better. I wanna do better. But I just don’t know where to start.

[carlolitos]

Flooded The Heaven with Prayers

I’ve never prayed so many things in just a year.

Back in the days, I’d keep on praying for guidance on few things, but this year is super different. At first, I prayed for a peace of mind and wisdom on what to do for this year. Am I going to aim for a really good career and make use of my license or am I going to find just a decent one to spend a little bit more time with fam? After that, I then prayed for guidance which companies to apply to. I was always THIS close at landing a REALLY REALLY GOOD job in those companies. Hiring managers would give a thumbs up but always got stuck on the HR. Some of them were negligent and some were unresponsive. Despite having really good multiple interviews, I failed to land on one. Just when I started shifting my career to a Data Scientist, I keep meeting people who have been guiding me how to get to where they are. They are really sent from heaven. I can’t believe in just a few months I was able to pick up introductory skills. And while I may not land a Data Scientist job for now, I finally landed on a job I call as pre-entry level position as Data Analyst at a good company. Although the pay may not be as high as I expect it to be, I am really grateful for this. Next, I prayed for place to stay and I prayed to pass my medical exams.

Right now, I’m praying for good roommates and a motivating lifestyle when I move to BGC. I pray for my family’s new chapter hoping that this will inspire us further to have more perseverance.

And just thinking about that made me write this post. While I may have been dismayed for unanswered prayers... I realized all of them were actually answered prayers. Some answer may have been just “no” and some may have been “I have better plans for you”. Sometimes, He even answers as “Not now. But I’ll send these support people who can help you ease the pain.” I know it’s easier to hear than to understand it but it’s really true.

So I’m dedicating this post for God who has been with me the entire time. Thank you Lord for my Fam and Friends and for hearing my prayers.