♡ C ♡♡

[carlyylovee]

Annual Letter 2025

Hello self,

What to say. This year I feel like you struggled when you could have thrived. But I feel like its because youʻre changing and trying to morph into whatever new version of you is coming, and thats uncomfortable. Iʻd rather be uncomfortable than stagnant. It might be something you always talk about but itʻs actually happening this time. Which is why I feel like Iʻm missing something. I feel like I have to work towards something thatʻs coming. Are you just talking nonsense right now, who knows. Anyways, this past year was fun. You traveled to New York, Rome, Florence, Lake Como, Turkey, South Korea, Japan. Look at you go. Iʻm so proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and making things happen. You had a conflicting time in Europe, but overall I think it tested your own personality and view on friendships and Iʻm glad you went. Honestly, knowing where you are now with your anxiety, Iʻm so in awe of you just hopping to random countries lol. I donʻt want you to lose that passion. Your trip to South Korea with your family was the unraveling of you and the trigger for your returning anxiety. It fucking sucks balls. You were just so overwhelmed with everything put on your shoulders and no one helping. Itʻs just frustrating. It was the one time you couldnʻt even enjoy one of your favorite places so I think you need to go back with just you and not your family and fall back in love with it. I love my family but reflecting on it, I also think its completely okay to want to travel and do things without them. You felt so suffocated, now you have random NEW anxieties about the world being too small and wanting to go home. But with anything, I know you'll find ways to get back to "normal" and regulate yourself again. To be honest, youʻre in a very low stress time in your life in terms of rotations for work right now. Part of you is disappointed you havenʻt been able to accomplish more in this time but the other part of you is glad you took the time to rot and be lazy. The rest of this year is going to be hard, but I think you need it. You were always the type of person to shine under pressure and thrive with challenges and obstacles as shitty as they are. And, even though once again you feel like you always say that, I feel like something is changing in you. Youʻre restless. You want change. Maybe thats why you're so anxious, you're uncomfortable, you're feeling strained about the future but also some crazy psychopathic anticipation. Whatever it is, I always believe in you more than anyone else. Work hard. Love yourself. Take care of yourself, set boundaries. Do what you want. Tell me about it next year.

Love you always,

Carly

[carlyylovee]

Annual Letter 2024

Dear Carly,

Hello. Iʻm not really sure what to write right now. Youʻve been without real structure for about 3 months and you can feel yourself losing momentum. 4th year is just like that. But donʻt worry lol.. you will be back in structure a lot sooner than youʻd like. Honestly though, thats good. You need things to do, you strive with things to do. And when you have nothing to do, you fall into laziness. You could be lazy for the rest of your life, or you could do something. You already know the answer to that though. This year was stressful and fun and rocky and amazing. Also right now you think youʻre balding so hopefully that ends soon. That would definitely be something. Anyways, you made it through so much this year. You know that trend where itʻs like "you think you didnʻt do anything this year but..." you have a big BUT haha. You did the hardest thing, and then did it AGAIN. You kept your damn composure the entire time and figured out everything by yourself. You traveled and worked hard and relaxed hard too. I think youʻve grown a lot more than you think. I feel like you always feel like youʻre the same but donʻt realize how much youʻve changed and adapted to the changes around you. Also your dogs cause you a lot of anxiety lol but you really wouldnʻt change a thing. I think you get frustrated that you feel like you canʻt rely on people like they can rely on you but I really donʻt have a solution to that right now. I think this next year you should work even more on letting go and seeing what happens. Do you have ADHD because youʻre jumping all over the place. Anyways, take care of yourself a little more would you. I feel like this year had so many personal things going on and relied heavily on yourself and literally one other person that you kind of shut out a lot of people in the process, including family and friends. I know youʻre stressed still about what things could happen next year but at this point you can only continue to do your best. "Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional" –what may seem like a lame quote but one that got you through pretty tough times this year. ALSO I am very proud of you for going on your friendʻs trip this year to celebrate an important wedding. You could have easily bowed out but I think that was an experience you are glad you were a part of. I feel like you should think of things that way more often. A lot of times youʻre really just tired and want to relax with your boys and decompress BUT I think you should try not to do that a little more next year. You really could be missing out on things that you would enjoy. You could also not be missing out hahaha but youʻll never know unless you actually go out there and do it. Also go work out and do some nature things or something. Maybe something off your to do list. And sidenote, you traveled a lot this year and it made you realize you canʻt not travel. And so I hope that you can continue do those things that make you feel content now and in the future. As to how youʻre feeling now, kind of suspended and a little messy and slightly out of control.... make a to-do list, CLEAN, walk around, drink water, apply chapstick, and get your nutrients in ok. Weʻll see how this next year goes. But, I believe in you. I believe in you so much. Take what you now know, and make some good or bad decisions (: I trust you either way. Have fun. I love you.

♥ Carly

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[blushingsz]

[carlyylovee]

Annual Letter 2023

Dear Carly,

Hi. Another year, another letter. Honestly, this year was pretty good. Sure, these last few weeks have been not so great in terms of health/maybe academics and being where you want to be but you have to remember that you are where you're at now because you had to put some sort of effort in lol. Anyways, yeah this year was maybe not the best in terms of anxiety and having that under control, but honestly you made a lot of progress with the ups and downs of that and kind of understand what might trigger it and the steps to get back on track. I say you're doing pretty well for what you have. This year I'd also say you got to explore a lot. You travelled to places that made you feel happy and spent time with people who you care about. I think though, that you still make excuses for a lot of things and that you still have trouble getting out of holes you dig yourself. This year has taught me a lot about how to be mentally strong and identifying parts of myself that I could maybe work on more. This year was the start of third year, which is supposed to be the hardest year of medical school and probably will be BUT you just finished the outpatient side and the hard part begins in like 2 days. Not going to lie you're really anxious about starting but also excited because I think inpatient is more what you're interested in. I also really hope you're able to narrow down what specialty you're going to go into but we'll see. I believe in myself. I think this past year studying for STEP and taking STEP was one of the hardest, most nerve wracking thing you've ever done. But, it was also the thing that made you feel the most relieved after you passed. I think you could be even more amazing if you just tried a little harder and stuck to a plan, but I know that's always been hard for you. You like to do things (maybe not like but are lazy?) at the last minute and everything always ends up alright which is why you keep doing so but you know its not going to last forever so you need to start practicing self-discipline. Also this year your best friend got married, and that was a whole fiasco in itself and it honestly still doesn't feel real. You are really blessed to have good friends, honestly. I know that medical school has been super busy so maybe hanging out with all your friends has been hard, but try to make an extra effort to keep those connections. Just because you know they'll be there for you forever doesn't mean to take them for granted. Also, take care of yourself. Starting this year you need to get back to a healthier lifestyle and I promise it will help with everything else. This past year has definitely taught you that. I'm proud of you for achieving what you have and pushing yourself to go places and do things even if it scares you. Try not to be so hard on yourself but also learn to practice self-discipline. I have a feeling inpatient will kick your ass lol but I hope you never stop trying, thats all you can do. I believe in you. AND, things will fall into place once you get yourself to where you need to be mentally and physically. (Also be nicer to family even if you get stressed out). I'm proud of how you've been able to be independent and strong, I think a lot of people don't realize how hard it is. I'm glad you have this time for yourself, things will happen when they happen BUT don't just go around expecting things to fall into your lap like fate or something. I believe in fate to a certain extent but now more than ever this past year I've learned to believe in doing things you want and trying hard to reach your goals by working hard and taking risks. I hope more than ever you learn to take risks this next year. I love you. Let's try our hardest next year (#hwaiting lol).

Love,

Carly

[sungoop]

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[sustancy]

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[viindiicta-deactivated20230130]

i believe in the healing properties of just laying down in ur bed n rotting

[outgazes]

[goldpixy-deactivated20230510]

[carlyylovee]

Annual Letter 2022

Dear Carly,

You are currently writing to yourself on January 1st, 2023 from Japan. But technically it’s not yet midnight in Hawai’i soooooo you’re writing it as if you were home lol. Anyways, thinking about how different this New Years was from last year made you realize that it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s nice that you went into the New Year in quietness and in a different place. I think that’s a good summary of how you changed this year. You didn’t make a big deal out of it, you just did what you needed to do and changed for the better. It’s funny how you typed that sentence so easily but the action was in fact, one of the hardest things you’ve had to do in your life. There’s so much that you can write, and maybe future you will be a little angry that you didn’t spend more time going through what happened, but honestly it’s just not worth it. You know the pain that you went through and how much you suffered this year. You experienced those feelings firsthand, And you will never go back to who you were then. You know that it’s okay to be sad and go back to the past but only to visit! You’ve learned to acknowledge your feelings, validating them, but also moving past them. I know you’ve been through so much, but I’m so fucking proud of you. There really is such a difference between you last year and you this year and thats because of you. Sure, there was a catalyst (lol) but the way he handled things was wrong. You were the one that had to pick up the pieces. You were the one who learned how to fix yourself. But you know, you wouldn’t be where you’re at now if it wasn’t for your amazing beautiful friends. You must have done something right in this life or the last to have the friends you do. I know sometimes you feel regret and guilt and even denial or avoidance, but its okay to feel like that, it’s normal. One thing is know is that you will overcome every obstacle that comes your way. Even if it sucks and even if it’s scary, because you’ve been there before and because you have the support of friends and even family with you. But enough about that. Although the whole year was non-stop up and downs, it was also non-stop growth. Sometimes it feels unreal to realize where you are in life, but you worked so hard to get here and you deserve everything that comes to you. This next year, just continue to work on yourself. If there’s something I’d like you to try, it’s to be more calm and sure of yourself. Think through your words before you say them. Set boundaries, and don’t worry about every little things. You are slowly learning and building yourself back up again. Just keep going and never settle (I know I always say this but it’s because it’s one of the most important things). I also know sometimes you get worried about the future and your person, but what can you do. Maybe don’t shut down every opportunity, but like I said, you know what you deserve and you will never settle for less than that. You are an amazing person and I love you so much. I’m grateful for you and can’t wait to see what this next year brings, what challenges you face, and how you move forward. 

Love you, forever and always

Carly 

[timbllr]

[anxietyproblem]

[myvintageanime]