everything happens for a reason...
this quote seemed to be rather appropriate.
whoa, it has been a minute since i have blogged on here; only posting because 1.) that quarantine life, & 2.) i was reminded that i still had this tumblr floating around.
life has been... a new normal as they say? we’re living in a world where we can’t step outside without wearing some type of protective gear to ensure we are staying safe. a world where we cant hug or see our family because we need to flatten the curve during this pandemic. it’s almost eerie to be saying that, but that is our “new normal”.
i decided to write because i feel like there’s so much i have to say, but haven’t really been able to say it all.
but as i type this, i don’t know how to put everything into words, so please bear with me. well, does anyone actually read these posts? this tumblr may just be another stamp in time for me. i’ve had for the last... 7 years i think? & honestly when i logged on i was really surprised i remembered the login itself. but, i think i decided to finally write out my thoughts because i haven’t had time to process. and i am desperately trying to make sure i am living in my truth and allowing myself to feel things.
i have been, for a long time now, not allowing myself to live my truth and to feel and accept the emotions i am feeling at the present time. i’ve allowed myself to compartmentalize emotions, put them away in a box, and deal with them at a later date because 1.) i simply don’t feel like i have the time to do so because there were bigger things at hand (school, work, life) or 2.) i was too afraid to deal with them at the time and face reality.
but, life does not work that way. & it’s a life lesson i am constantly learning about more and more each day. from dealing with the grief that came from the passing of both of my grandparents, to losing relationships i believed would be in my life for the long haul. life is not something we can plan out. we can try to have that “10 year plan” or try to have every single detail planned out as best as we can, but at the end of the day, life happens. and it can hit us like a ton of bricks, but what we choose to do after these life events happen to us is what truly matters.
holding onto grudges, holding onto resentment- that is not the life i want to live. so trying to process and “move on” from past situations is what i am trying to learn to do. to hold onto the relationships that are important. to hold onto the unconditional love i have from the people in my life. the people who are gonna be in your life are gonna be in your life because they want to be.
i don’t want to divulge too much detail, for my own sake & for those involved, but life has some ways of showing you the lessons you need to learn when you need to.
coming full circle to the quote of my post; i am a FIRM believer that everything happens for a reason when they are supposed to. i know people can say that is super cheesy to say, or that there are shitty things happening in our world. this does not make those feelings invalid. bad things happen. but, in the long run, i believe you’ll see the bigger picture. if it doesn’t teach you one thing, it will bring light to something else.
i’m happy. i have an amazing partner who, i can’t even believe that i get to call mine. he’s shown me, through the good and bad what unconditional love truly means.
my family is stronger than ever and i love that through all of the grief, we have been able to stay together and grow even closer.
& i am most thankful for my #BKLadies&Gents ; through the years we have all seen each other grow up & start our lives and families, but at the end of the day, we are all still cheering each other on & providing that support when we do.
ok, eyes have now gotten tired so i think i have accomplished what i wanted from this post. a little way to write out some thoughts i’ve had & to tire my eyes so i can get some sleep. goodnight. <3
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