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@carolynjoann
Seen at @piashah_
everything happens for a reason...
this quote seemed to be rather appropriate.
whoa, it has been a minute since i have blogged on here; only posting because 1.) that quarantine life, & 2.) i was reminded that i still had this tumblr floating around.
life has been... a new normal as they say? we’re living in a world where we can’t step outside without wearing some type of protective gear to ensure we are staying safe. a world where we cant hug or see our family because we need to flatten the curve during this pandemic. it’s almost eerie to be saying that, but that is our “new normal”.
i decided to write because i feel like there’s so much i have to say, but haven’t really been able to say it all.
but as i type this, i don’t know how to put everything into words, so please bear with me. well, does anyone actually read these posts? this tumblr may just be another stamp in time for me. i’ve had for the last... 7 years i think? & honestly when i logged on i was really surprised i remembered the login itself. but, i think i decided to finally write out my thoughts because i haven’t had time to process. and i am desperately trying to make sure i am living in my truth and allowing myself to feel things.
i have been, for a long time now, not allowing myself to live my truth and to feel and accept the emotions i am feeling at the present time. i’ve allowed myself to compartmentalize emotions, put them away in a box, and deal with them at a later date because 1.) i simply don’t feel like i have the time to do so because there were bigger things at hand (school, work, life) or 2.) i was too afraid to deal with them at the time and face reality.
but, life does not work that way. & it’s a life lesson i am constantly learning about more and more each day. from dealing with the grief that came from the passing of both of my grandparents, to losing relationships i believed would be in my life for the long haul. life is not something we can plan out. we can try to have that “10 year plan” or try to have every single detail planned out as best as we can, but at the end of the day, life happens. and it can hit us like a ton of bricks, but what we choose to do after these life events happen to us is what truly matters.
holding onto grudges, holding onto resentment- that is not the life i want to live. so trying to process and “move on” from past situations is what i am trying to learn to do. to hold onto the relationships that are important. to hold onto the unconditional love i have from the people in my life. the people who are gonna be in your life are gonna be in your life because they want to be.
i don’t want to divulge too much detail, for my own sake & for those involved, but life has some ways of showing you the lessons you need to learn when you need to.
coming full circle to the quote of my post; i am a FIRM believer that everything happens for a reason when they are supposed to. i know people can say that is super cheesy to say, or that there are shitty things happening in our world. this does not make those feelings invalid. bad things happen. but, in the long run, i believe you’ll see the bigger picture. if it doesn’t teach you one thing, it will bring light to something else.
i’m happy. i have an amazing partner who, i can’t even believe that i get to call mine. he’s shown me, through the good and bad what unconditional love truly means.
my family is stronger than ever and i love that through all of the grief, we have been able to stay together and grow even closer.
& i am most thankful for my #BKLadies&Gents ; through the years we have all seen each other grow up & start our lives and families, but at the end of the day, we are all still cheering each other on & providing that support when we do.
ok, eyes have now gotten tired so i think i have accomplished what i wanted from this post. a little way to write out some thoughts i’ve had & to tire my eyes so i can get some sleep. goodnight. <3
Couldn’t end today without wishing the most magical birthdays to my favorite place. Thank you for giving me the amazing memories that you have- countless laughs with people I love, so many magical moments, & a place where I feel at home. Thank you, Uncle Walt. ✨💕 #HappyBirthdayDisneyland #SoManyMagicalMoments #IMissMyPass #OneDay #DisneyKid https://www.instagram.com/p/B0C_qEcgY1kL47Qu8t3laJIATD_w_iSYqq1ucc0/?igshid=j98hxxdqjjvb
Happiest of birthdays to my one and only Unicorn! I could not let today end without sending a special shout out to the yeah to my buddy, @lauramegan_ and wishing you the best Dirty Thirty! The photo on the right was the first time I celebrated your birthday with you, & you turned 21 & had your very first drink! The last ten years of friendship have meant the world to me & there is no other bond like the one we have. UPS for life! Thank you for being an amazing friend, I hope this next year is even better than the last. Love you Unicorn! 🦄🥰💕 #HappyBirthdayLaura #Unicorns #YeahToMyBuddy #UPS https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw8kdy4AV3J7gXNoxfVieDPJ58QiRk7qAykNN00/?igshid=9ehujzu0vncy
Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like it’s been over a year and a half with you, & other times it feels like it’s been years. You have taught me a lot about myself & who I am as a person. I know I can be stubborn at times & we have our good AND bad days, but at the end of the day, I know that this is exactly where I’m meant to be. happy anniversary, mi amor. te amo, para siempre. 😚🥰💕🦞 #MiAmor #FeelingMushy #20Months #HappyAnniversary #HesMyLobster #MCM #MCE https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw2QLrjAuhDR5ufY95bl41LMibo7P7kvejrDKE0/?igshid=18gb1sdd0j5pp
When the cravings are real. Bánh hoi made by yours truly. 😋 #VietnameseLettuceWraps #Homemade #Yummm https://www.instagram.com/p/BwtB9EzAD1AQ-zfnrcaW128-OFZF268nME1y4E0/?igshid=1di28nzhuw99q
Happiest of birthdays to one of my favorite humans. Your friendship means the world to me and I am so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for always being there whenever I need an ear to listen. I love that even if we haven’t seen each other in weeks, we pick up right where we left off, laughing our butts off at the hilarity of life. Enjoy your day today, you deserve nothing but the best. I love you & I CANNOT WAIT for our girls night. 💕 #HappyBirthdayShayde #GoEgg https://www.instagram.com/p/BwSKh3zgQOZ60T3KZsFBHnlpJ1J-A_bOD1jX_A0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=hh1d0qaes8zg
They say it gets easier as time goes by- I beg to differ. It aches my heart knowing it’s been two years without you. But I remind myself everyday that you’re with grandpa & I know how happy that makes you. Not a day goes by where I wish I could just have one more conversation with you- to see you smile and to hear you laugh. I love you, Grams. Give grandpa a hug & kiss from me. 💕 #TwoYears #RIPGrams #WeMissYou #WeLoveYou #03262017 https://www.instagram.com/p/BvegGxSAUNBgTiMtA1a4toI7T9lnbnamTL9XGg0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=gobtiur4dx4b
& of course, happy belated birthday to my other Asian. Life would not be the same without you in it. I am beyond grateful for our friendship. To endless laughter at the most random things to stuffing our faces until we can’t move- I love you so much. Cheers to your dirty thirty! 💕🎎✌🏼 https://www.instagram.com/p/BuhOCLDgWis3u45Un4UoSbjTQtSS3ZrgOHHqTc0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1llt05c0jqe8u
My heart is so full... reunited & it feels so GOOD. 💕 #BKLadies #LifelongFriendships #LoveTheseLadies #Bookclub #NoNewFriends (at Sumo Japanese Restaurant) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuhNakoA6EZ1pjTpq36rgX4-2NYSPiUofjd8JM0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3in843fnx76t
when the days are rough, I’m lucky I have you by my side. te amo, mi amor. 😚💕 #LatePost #ValentinesDayDinner #MiAmor https://www.instagram.com/p/BuX0Qulg6hGT7vHbM6XuHWdf-2g6wDa_uyoW9w0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1qvd1q563i8b7
happy valentine’s day, mi amor. if there’s one thing I know for certain is how much I love you. 😚💕 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt4cU4Eg5H1xdSTedvUAHF9ekiRYGYRcT0ekyM0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=15ahvsygkg0u9
Spent a much needed weekend with the famBAM celebrating Lunar New Year. My body is still recovering but my heart is full. 💕🧧🏮🎎 #LunarNewYear #Family #QT #JustWhatINeeded https://www.instagram.com/p/Bteur8hg63bLOUK6NVo2MS-QbPU8ovhQmM3D1w0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ldv6gdsh3lor
Pretty much sums up our relationship. 🤣😘💕 #MiAmor #SirachaToMyHoisinSauce #Dying #TooReal https://www.instagram.com/p/BtR0dlbnVbFWxTAGjiqnQS9Fj6EBoTCPjdolxE0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=19nugk3s8r3kt
#MCM goes to this handsome fella. thank you for being my person. I love the life we are building together & i can’t wait for what’s in store for us. 😚💕 #MiAmor #MCM #MCE https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs6BtcngEJKwevhwI1M_rx682OQIXn3E5pkzCM0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=d8tlqi8t4066
learning & repeat. 💭🌱 https://www.instagram.com/p/BsjrWKvAFj2vG_uZWkXERsTLSD7fLkWYDvCaUs0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1w3rht93bx89
happy I got to ring in the new year with this fella again. we were in bed by 10pm, took a short nap, woke up just in time for a New Years kiss & then went back to bed. #NoShame needless to say, 2018 was filled with lots of lessons for the both of us; but I am beyond grateful that we have stuck by each other through it all. I am so ready for what this year has in store for us. you’re my favorite adventure always, mi amor. 😚💕 https://www.instagram.com/p/BsJyqiIAxcwAQ2-jeaYY4u67J58z-XaHfAZTXM0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=mju89f5t5wg5