now i get a holiday

carter richardson | human | eighteen now I can move on to facing BIG GIRL problems no more high school drama; graduated with honours.

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

knowing that carter was in pain was like torture to livia, because she could do nothing to help and simply had to watch as the took away her girlfriend’s hope for a future. she felt the guilt gnawing at her stomach, but she had been faced with an impossible decision: let carter bleed out in the street wrapped around her car or damn her to eternity as a vampire. livia sniffed, hearing the betrayal in carter’s tone, she hated everything about it, cursing herself, wishing the entire day would undo itself. “i’m sorry,” she mumbled, her voice shaking, uncharacteristically unsure. “i couldn’t lose you — - not like that, not so soon…” she was still cradling carter’s hand in her own, stroking her hand lightly. she knew carter would be unable to move and in pain for a long while, possibly days, and she wished she could take it away — - she remembered when she was turned, she had had no one by her side, curled under a pile of leaves in the woods, not understanding what was happening to her. “i never even told you that i love you. and i do. so much i never even knew it was possible,” her eyes were soft and focused only on carter, she knew carter could hear her, livia had to let her know how she felt. she had never said that to anyone before, not in a romantic sense, but it was true, livia’s heart was forever connected to carter.

carter felt livia’s touch. what once would have been cool and soothing was now warmth adding to the pain she felt, carter decided this meant her own temperature was closer to the other girl’s now. the blonde tried to move her lips and  let out the words i love you too in response but instead all she managed was a deafening scream, it hadn’t helped her pain at all, in fact it had made it worse as it made her tense up as the fact she couldn’t communicate set her further on edge, 

[vaticanrust]

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

matthias had taken carter from livia and was resetting her broken legs, after he gently set her down on livia’s bed, while livia stood against the wall of the room, staring at the blood on her hands, feeling tears drip down her cheeks though she did not realize she was crying. after matthias finished, livia was at carter’s side, clutching her hand, feeling guilt flood through her veins like venom now did in carter. she had betrayed carter by biting her, but losing her like that, so violently because of a car accident, livia just reacted and had not considered the consequences. when carter screamed, livia gasped and leaned forward, looking down at her girlfriend, clutching her hand. “you - – – you aren’t going to die, carter.” livia said. she had a damp towel in her hand and had begun to wipe the blood off of her face, hating herself but also relieved that carter was taking to the venom as she should have been.

the clutches of death were suddenly gone. carter was left in the pain of being aware, though she wasn’t certain she even was alive, she couldn’t move her arms of her legs. everything was disconnected. but she could here livia reassuring her that she wasn’t going to die, and carter’s heart began beating as she pieced together the accident, carter was sure she was done for, she couldn’t understand. carter’s neck however seemed to be a source of pain, it started intensifying slowly until it was overwhelming and it was spread everywhere through her body, only carter couldn’t pass out this time. there was nothing protecting her from this pain. carter heard livia’s voice, it was dull, drowned out by the pressure that the pain was causing in her head, but it was still clear. carter gritted her teeth. slowly she understood what was happening, she’d felt that specific stinging heat before when livia had drank from her, only it’d faded, but not now, it was insistent and strengthening. carter understood what had happened. she couldn’t move her arms or legs yet, she could open her eyes but didn’t want to, and she could still talk. it came out weak and quiet, she’d yell if the pain wasn’t still overwhelming her. “you...” carter groaned, “you bit me.” carter said, it sounded resigned and accusatory. but it was all she could manage between groans of pain. 

[carterichardson]

ivyrenault:

enhanced strigoi

spencer cullen — empathy and mood control TEAM CULLEN

livia cullen — pain upon eye contact TEAM CULLEN

kelan cullen — electric skin TEAM CULLEN

rebecca hale — compulsion TEAM CULLEN

gwen hale TEAM CULLEN

taeyon mars — premonition TEAM CULLEN

carter richardson — earth elemental control TEAM CULLEN

wolves

poppy dawson — uley pack TEAM CULLEN

angus ragyle — uley pack TEAM CULLEN

moroi

lex ozera — fire affinity TEAM ALCHEMY

liza dragomir — spirit affinity TEAM ALCHEMY

tessa dragomir TEAM ALCHEMY

dhampirs

jenny ????? TEAM ALCHEMY

alchemists

felix ??? TEAM ALCHEMY

ivy renault TEAM ALCHEMY ( FUTURE TEAM CULLEN )

benji flynn TEAM ALCHEMY

sahar coyne TEAM ALCHEMY

witches

amy acker fc TEAM ALCHEMY

PAIRINGS

spencer cullen +  rebecca hale

livia cullen + carter richardson

kelan cullen + taeyon mars

gwen hale + poppy dawson

angus ragyle + ivy renault 

lex ozera + tessa dragomir

liza dragomir + jenny starkweather 

felix aston + benji flynn 

sahar coyne + liana fitzgerald

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

livia had never been happier, at least not in her vampire existence at all, she was smiling so much more often that everyone in the household was surprised by it. there was no doubt in her mind, carter was her soulmate, who she was meant to love for the rest of her immortal existence. after saying goodbye to carter, livia went to her room to clean up and get into a change of clothes, planning to meet her girlfriend at her house in just a few minutes. it was routine for them, livia spending her nights with carter as she did homework or watched tv or anything really, livia just enjoyed being around her. she had arrived at carter’s house a few minutes ago and knew carter should have been home yet, the ride was not this long at a normal speed and carter always drove like a maniac. with a nervous feeling in her stomach, livia began to retrace the road between carter’s house and her own, trying to tell herself that carter was fine, maybe tonight she decided to go the speed limit. then she smelt the blood. it was familiar blood, it was carter, livia would know that smell anywhere, and her enhanced vision spotted the car wreck a few hundred feet away. “no,” she said under her breath, sprinting towards the car, feeling sick to her stomach when she noticed the license plate belonged to carter. “no, no, no,” she was almost whimpering at this point, running to the driver side and ripping the door from its frame. what she saw was horrible; carter was bleeding and broken, her heartbeat was slow and barely even present, minutes away from death, there were so many injuries livia couldn’t assess them all. so concerned was she for carter that the blood did nothing to her senses, she had no desire to drink from carter, and she reached in to gently pull carter from the car, using her bare hands to push the car out from where it had crushed her legs. “please, no, don’t die on me,” she begged, sitting down on the road with carter in her lap, stroking the girl’s hair quite tenderly as she looked down at her. “we were supposed to have more time, please,” her lip was quivering, her happiness seemed like liquid in her hands, spilling out to be gone forever. carter didn’t want to change, she was supposed to die when she was an old woman, still by livia’s side — - this was cruel and too soon. she gripped the girl’s hand and looked down into her eyes as her girlfriend moved in and out of consciousness, her heartbeat slower and slower. livia had to act fast. “i’m so sorry,” she said quietly before she leaned down and sunk her teeth into carter’s neck, making sure to fill and seal the wound with venom. it was wrong, it was against everything carter wanted and believed, but livia couldn’t let this be how carter died, she deserved better than that, and maybe livia was just being selfish but at this point she didn’t care. “please, i love you, don’t leave me,” she continued to plead, and then stood up, holding carter secure against her chest, and began to race home, screaming out for matthias and francesca.

carter felt the cold embrace of the darkness, it was comforting, she started looking forward to it. she preferred it to the discomfort and pain of being aware. it wasn’t much of an awareness either, all it was, was pain. carter couldn’t tell where she was or that livia had taken her, all she could see was a black cloud in her vision that came in waves of whether or not she was conscious. she hoped she’d just die already. she really had no reason to keep holding on, so it was frustrating for her when the discomfort begin to outweigh the coldness that could only be death. soon carter felt alive, not better, but definitely alive. eventually, she was able to let out the the piercing scream that she’d been holding in. “god when will i die?”

[voyeurvoyage]

From “Car Crash Studies” series by Nicolai Howalt

[carterichardson]

carter spent most of her days at the cullen’s house. after talking to livia more, she felt more comfortable in the fact she’d still get to be a part of all of this without having to change to be one of them. she left there each time beaming. really, carter had been the happiest she’d ever been. carter got in the car waving to francesca who’d insisted on cooking food for her and for poppy too, and drove off knowing she’d probably see livia in a few minutes at home anyway. carter always insisted on driving home alone, it was her alone time, and she always loved the thrill of speeding so fast that she felt she bordered on being out of control. today, carter was still driving down the road at high speeds, but she was in such a good mood and had loud upbeat music playing –– - she was distracted. carter drove down the road as she had done so many times before, only today something was different, coming towards a bend, a deer jumped straight onto the road. carter slammed her foot on the brake and jerked the steering wheel to the right, hitting the dirt on the edge of the road had caused her to lose all control of the car and she was sent head first into a line of trees. the deer was unscathed, but carter certainly wasn’t, she’d been propelled forward and cracked her head against the dash, the car’s crumple zone had crushed like an aluminium can, carter’s legs were jammed into the car tightly, they were broken, and she couldn’t move and it was hard to breathe, she hurt everywhere, she had injuries she couldn’t even comprehend. the pain kept overwhelming her and swallowing her whole. she’d pass out every few seconds, but even when she did regain consciousness it didn’t matter. she couldn’t move or even think, she hadn’t even screamed, it was too much for her. she was trapped, it was cruel, she was just waiting to die. 

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

after grabbing carter a glass of water, liv made sure she was physically stable before lying down in the bed beside carter and facing her. she smiled when she saw carter blush and listened to her respond, growing even more fond of the girl if that were even possible at this point. “you thought about me biting you?” she teased with a raised eyebrow, before carter had looked away from her, and livia’s attention shifted, mood becoming more serious as carter spoke. livia had never broached the subject before, it wasn’t her right to, but she had often wondered carter’s thoughts on vampirism, if she would want that. livia focused on the girl’s heartbeat too and nodded her head with certainty. “then you don’t have to become like me.” she said simply, sitting up and looking down at her. “i’m never gonna force you to do that, okay?” she clarified, placing a comforting hand on carter’s arm. the idea of carter one day dying was nauseating and livia immediately shoved the thoughts away, now more certain than ever that carter was her mate. carter wanted a future with livia, something she had never had before with anyone, not in all her centuries of life.

“i know, and if things work out for us i’ll be with you till the day i die, if you even want me when i’m old and wrinkled, but i don’t think immortality is for me.” she said quietly, hoping she wasn’t disappointing her girlfriend. carter grabbed livia’s hand and linked it with her own. “i could change my mind,” she mused, “but that’s in the future and i just... yeah, the future is a fair way away, so we’ll see.” 

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

seeing carter come back to consciousness sent relief flooding through liv, who was kneeling nervously still by carter’s side. there was still blood on her clothing and skin, though she was completely healed now. i would have let you. the words stunned livia, their gravity leaving her speechless for a moment while she processed and then shook her head. “don’t say that,” she said quietly, then stood up and easily hoisted the other girl into her arms. “come on — - you need to get some rest now.” she walked up the now familiar staircase in carter’s home and set carter down on her bed, her hand staying protectively on the other girl’s arm. “i’m sorry you had to do that. i shouldn’t have been so careless.”

carter let herself be hoisted up by livia. she didn’t mind being carried around by livia, really, she didn’t mind any sort of contact with the girl, it was nice. it was nice to feel like someone was protecting her, especially since she was always left home alone and her own father never cared about her too much. carter curled up and nested herself into livia, it was where she belonged, it was how she was most comfortable. “stop apologising.” she said wearily, “i’m dating a vampire, it comes with certain occupational hazards, it’s not like i hadn’t thought about it before... ‘sides i couldn’t just let you die at my feet.” she said, turning over to face livia, carter looked livia’s eyes that had turned a murky brown colour bordering on red since she’d fed, and flushed, carter felt that it was awfully intimate that her blood was circulating through livia’s body right now. carter sighed and looked away from livia, “i want us to have a future together.” she said quietly, “i mean, when i think of my future i think of you.” she clarified, she became self aware of her own heart beating, “but i don’t think i could do it. i don’t think i could become like you...”

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

livia hated this. she had not fed from a human in years, and did not want to relapse on that accomplishment — - but it was feed off of carter or die in her arms, and livia couldn’t die, not when she had only just found carter. logically, livia knew that she had impeccable self control; centuries of living and having matthias train her had helped enormously with her ability to willingly stop feeding. but the part of her, the irrational part that had only thoughts for carter and keeping her safe, worried she might kill her. the trusting look in carter’s eyes was so clear and definite, livia felt a wave of affection for her. the second she pushed aside her hair and exposed her neck, livia in her weakened state was drawn to the pulsing of blood. she looked carter in the eye and held her gaze for a moment, feeling her body grow weaker, she knew that she could be dead in a matter of minutes, and so she leaned forward and sunk her teeth into carter’s neck. and everything went blank for a few moments while pure animal instinct took over for livia. she had started trying to drink slowly and carefully, but she found herself pushing carter over, kneeling with one knee on either side of her, holding her down like she was some sort of prey. the blood was working, livia could feel her body growing stronger, the wounds stitching together. she closed her eyes and saw herself with the volturi, draining innocent people, blood red eyes —— but then a new thought appeared, it was carter, stunned, after livia had saved her life in the parking lot. it was carter talking. reminders of livia’s strongest connection to humanity. her eyes shot open and she became aware of herself again, and with horror she realized she was already completely healed – - she had to stop. in the last seconds she sucked all the venom out of the wound to avoid turning carter, and jumped backwards, pulling carter up into a sitting position and holding her gently up. “my god, carter, i’m so sorry,” she stumbled over the words, relieved as she heard the slow but steady pulse of her heartbeat. “— - i could have killed you.”

in the first few minutes carter found the experience to be something like a blood test. it was uncomfortable feeling her blood drain from her, but eventually, the discomfort faded and a rush took over. she gave into it. there was nothing else in the world but how good it felt to give herself up for livia to survive, she sighed as she felt livia push her over, carter was in complete and utter bliss, and if she had to die this way, she didn’t care she took comfort in the fact livia’s arms would be holding her while it happened. when livia pulled back finally carter was still dazed and groggy, she furrowed her eyebrows as she realised livia had stopped. carter hadn’t wanted her to, in fact she was disappointed that she had. “ –– - s’okay livvy.” carter said, sitting herself up against a wall for support. carter listened to livia’s concerns and pursed her lips, “i would have let you.” she said offhandedly, still buzzing.

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

livia was so angry with herself, she felt stupid. it was nearly impossible to catch livia off guard —— being alive for centuries, one tends to become very keen of who and what is around them at all times, especially knowing how dangerous some people could be. but she had not eaten in a while, spending so much time with carter, and was primarily focused on the bear in front of her while she stalked it through the woods. so focused she was, livia failed to notice stepping into wolf territory. she was crouched down, eyes on the bear, her meal, and she ran forward to grab the large animal — - until a massive, furry body slammed into her. livia slammed into a tree and growled, standing up to see…nothing. clearly a wolf had hit her, nothing else can push a vampire that hard, but they were apparently hiding, toying with her. meaning to get the hell out of this territory, livia spun and tried to run but she was met with a very angry looking wolf, snarling at her, before it bared its teeth and lunged at her; she felt teeth sinking into her shoulder and screamed in pain, shoving the wolf away from her. the wolf was not discouraged and came back, swatting at her with a giant paw, its claws ripping right through the side of her shirt and grazing her skin, despite livia ducking to the side. when the werewolf turned to attack her a third time she met its eyes and focused all her attention on making it feel pain, and she didn’t stop until the whimpering wolf was passed out from the intensity of her power. she had to go home, she knew that, werewolf bites were fatal and livia could feel it already, but she had not even eaten yet and was so weak she wasn’t sure if she could get home. carter was much closer. using the last of her energy, livia somehow found her way to carter’s house, knocking on the door with a bloody hand. “carter,” she mumbled hazily when the door was opened before she tipped forward, collapsing to the ground. “i got hurt..” she mumbled, half awake at this point. “werewolf….fatal.” she managed to say, trying to sit up. from here, so weak and desperate for nourishment, she could smell the blood beneath carter’s skin, in her veins, could hear every heartbeat as it pumped the blood through her body. “i need to feed.”

carter was terrified. not because of the fact a vampire was going to feed from her, but instead she was scared about the fact a werewolf could hurt livia this badly. carter’s heart started beating faster at the mention that she needed to feed. and silently she nodded and tilted her head to the side and pulled her hair out of the way of her neck. carter then looked deeply into livia’s eyes “i trust you. you won’t hurt me.” she wasn’t scared of this. she’d heard about how difficult it was for a vampire to stop feeding, but she trusted livia. it might’ve been foolish but she didn’t care. she wasn’t worried about the outcome, either she survived and got to have livia back to her normal health, or she died and she’d feel at peace while it happened. her number had been up long ago anyway, livia had saved her before, many times, it only made sense that if something had to kill her it’d be livia. it made sense for this to be how the universe would get its revenge. “go for it.” she encouraged.

[carterichardson]

carter was home alone. it wasn’t unusual, and most nights she had livia there to keep her company, but tonight she’d told livia to stay away for the night because she had school work to do and wouldn’t be able to cope with the distraction. she heard a knock at the door, it was urgent and demanded her attention. she hadn’t been expecting anyone so it terrified her a little bit. carter checked her phone, and not noticing any text messages that said someone was coming over she decided to check the door. carter pulled the front door open and smiled upon the first glance when she saw that it was livia “i told you not-”, but she froze slightly instead of letting out a scream when livia fell through the crack in front of her. shaking she dropped to her knees. “what’s happened? what do i do? how can i help?” it was terrifying to see livia who seemed so indestructible, like this.

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

when carter confirmed that she believed her, livia smiled at the girl and nodded her head a bit. “they don’t hate you, i promise. they’re worried about you — - but we don’t have to go back inside if you don’t want to. we can go for a drive if you’d like. that usually calms you.”

carter felt very small and vulnerable. it wasn’t at all how she wanted to feel when on her first date with livia. carter wanted to seem confident in front of livia’s family and it made her feel horrible to realise her first impression had been ruined all because of one silly mistake. she wasn’t really upset at kelan, but instead she was upset at herself and how childish she’d been when she should have known what to expect and reacted a little better. carter wanted to be comforted by livia, but they weren’t quite there yet. instead she still listened to what the other girl had to offer and decided that a drive sounded alright, carter didn’t usually drive like a maniac with other people in her car. but considering livia was indestructible carter decided giving into the coping mechanism wasn’t a bad idea. “can i meet them again please? maybe later when kelan’s a little less hungry? i really want to get to know them.” she had the urge to grab livia’s hand but instead she reached for her keys and put them in the ignition. “ –– - hop in, i’ve got a few secret spots i could show you.” 

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

seeing carter cry was heartbreaking, and livia felt even worse that she was the cause of those tears, when she had hoped on the perfect date. i’d probably let you. livia shook her head, denying that she would ever hurt the girl in front of her. a smile pulled at her lips when carter mentioned that livia was perfect for her, and she stepped a little closer to her. “kelan is young. very young, but she’s a quick learner. we won’t — - i won’t let her or anyone else hurt you. you’re important to me, i don’t ever want you to feel like you’re in danger here.” livia said, feeling vulnerable putting her feelings out there but knowing that if she wanted to be with carter, and she wanted her more than anything, she would have to learn how to be soft for her.

“i believe you,” carter said earnestly. truth was, she had overreacted slightly, but it was an unprecedented situation and she didn’t understand how else to react. “where do we go from here?” she asked, “i don’t want to go back inside, i’m sure they hate me for running off on them.”

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

everything carter was saying was true of course: livia had done monstrous things in her lifetime, things she was ashamed of and would never be able to clean her bloody hands of, and she wanted carter to only know the best of her. “carter, i have done terrible things.” she looked down, not wanting to see the expression of disappointment or disgust carter would probably have in a moment. “what i did in there, to kelan —– that was riding with training wheels compared to what i can do, have done. i can make people hurt just by looking them in the eye and… my gift was exploited by a very powerful group of vampires who used me as a tool for centuries to torture people.” she took a deep breath, because the cool air outside felt nice even if the oxygen was useless to her. “the truth is — - i’m not good enough for you, carter.”

carter tried to hide the fact she was scared, but she was still crying. she looked livia in the eyes, “i don’t think you want to hurt me. truth is if you wanted to, i’d probably let you but... livia i wasn’t expecting all sunshine and rainbows from you. you’re a vampire, frankly i’d be concerned if you didn’t have some kind of dark and gloomy past...” she smiled lightly then pursed her lips, “you’re perfect for me livia. –– - i just... if anything i’m not good for you, you deserve someone who can be around your family without making kelan... do that” 

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

hearing carter consider herself a dumbass human, livia shook her head in disagreement. she watched the door open and faced carter, unsure of what to say or to do — it was unsettling, being so hesitant. “carter,” livia said in a serious voice when the other girl had finished speaking, “i think you are extraordinary. you are one of the smartest, most headstrong people i know. this wasn’t a stupid idea,” she continued, folding her arms over her chest, refusing to take the gift back. “— - i should have been more honest with you. about kelan.. about my powers.”

“i underestimated you, i guess... i put a lot of faith in you, and the possibility of getting hurt... i just wrote that off. i have a lot of trust in you. probably too much.” carter said, “i guess i just assumed the second something started to go a little wrong it’d be all taken away and this’d be over before it had a chance to start.  but if that’s not the case...” carter said, holding the present gently as she shook her head, “you left too many things to be interpreted by me, i think you did that on purpose, you want me to know about the good in you but you can’t do that by hiding the bad, you have to be open, i have to know what to expect, what you’re capable of.” 

[carterichardson]

livcullen:

eventually matthias and antonia were able to pull livia off of kelan, who collapsed to the ground, shaking and looking quite terrified of her sister. livia stepped back, horrified with herself, disgusted. she hadn’t used her power for anything but self-defense since she had left the volturi. she had vowed to herself to never hurt someone with it unless she had to. but kelan could have been restrained, they had enough vampires to hold her back, and livia was distraught that she actually had wanted to hurt kelan, to punish her. slowly, she turned around, nervous to see carter’s reaction, and felt her heart drop when she realized that the girl was gone. “i have to go, i — - i’m so sorry, kelan,” livia stumbled out the words nervously, before she sprinted out the door, seeing carter simply sitting in her car. she walked up to the car and very gently rapped her knuckles against the window to get carter’s attention. “i bet you really think i’m a monster now.” she laughed humorlessly.

by the time livia got to the car carter already had tears falling down her face. she looked up at livia knocking on the door and laughed as she wiped her hand at her eyes, the one con to wearing such heavy eye makeup was that it came away so much when you cried. carter shrugged before opening the door, “bet you really think i’m a dumb ass human now.” carter shook her head, “i shouldn’t have stuck around, i’m sorry, you should have just let me die, maybe you were meant to let me die... i’m just a complication. i’m sorry.” carter toyed with the present in her hands and held it out to livia, “here. i’m no match for you, i shouldn’t have asked you out. it was a stupid idea.”