'04. she/her. pisces. bisexual. ferrari enthusiast. english isn't my first language.
â °. masterlist.
â ±. crisis management. (my inbox)
iii. choose your driver. (list of who i write for)
â¶ my latest work.
find my driver!oc series on @motomam1
requests are closed!
who do i write for?
i mostly write for f1 and some of the f2 boys. honestly, i just write for whoever i feel like, there's no pattern or anything. whenever an idea strucks my mind i just look for who would fit best and that's about it.
what do i write?
at the moment, i settled for social media!aus because i think they're fun to do. i used to write fanfiction on various websites (mainly tumblr and wattpad) but i'm currently not comfortable with posting whole fanfictions because i haven't written anything coherent in ages. maybe that will change in the future, who knows, but now i'm just sticking to social media!aus.
can you request?
my inbox is always open for new ideas, inspiration, criticism, basically anything. however, i do this just for fun and whenever i find the time, please don't be mad when i don't immediately pick up your requests. expect some inconsistency in my posting schedule.
â It's night like this when I need your love â
synopsis: and if only one night is meant for the two of us, is it worth falling in love for?
pairing: ollie bearman x fem!reader
warnings: sweet, flirting, making out, angst, google translate italian
word count: 4k
author's note: inspired by 'nights like this' by the kid laroi!
there is a name drop towards the end but throughout the majority of the fic, reader's name is not mentioned.
The gym was packed with loud teenagers, all talking at a rapid speed trying to overcome the booming music that echoed through the big speakers. Everyone was dressed in gorgeous evening wear, most of the girls adorned glittery dresses while the boys stuck to traditional black suits. There was some finger food displayed on tables on the side, bowls filled with alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks quenching the studentsâ and teachersâ thirst.Â
Ollie found himself misplaced among the Italian teenagers. He had only moved there a year ago and since he entered Formula Two, he barely attended any of his classes. He wasnât even sure how exactly he had graduated, just that the heavy burden of getting good grades got lifted from his shoulders.Â
At least one less thing he had to worry about.
His parents were long gone, only having stuck around for the official ceremony until they left him to âhave fun with his fellow peersâ. Itâs ironic, he thought, since he didnât even know most of their names.
The drink in his hand only had a few sips left, the prosecco leaving a bittersweet taste on his tongue. He felt a soft buzz from the alcohol, but ultimately decided against getting wasted with people he didnât even fully understand. It was partially his fault, he never cared enough to pay attention in his Italian language class.Â
âChe tragedia!â (How tragic!) He could hear his Italian teacher in the back of his mind. âYour Italian Ăš terribile!â (Your Italian is terrible!)
Tugging at his tie around his neck, he feared he was close to suffocating from all the noise around him. Placing his drink on some of the tables splattered around the hall, he excused himself to no one in particular before sprinting up the stairs in the hallway leading up to the rooftop. He only found out about the spot a week ago, having got lost inside the school and accidentally ending up there.
The fresh air hit his face, though he immediately noticed that it wasnât much cooler outside than inside. The Italian weather played against his plans, the sun not even fully set as it smiled against his cheeks.
Pulling his tie loose, Ollie still felt more relieved to have left the sticky gym. He felt stupid for not just going home with his parents, why did he decide to stay? Itâs not like he had any friends to celebrate graduation with.
âSeems like Iâm not the only one in need of escaping.âÂ
Only then did Ollie see a girl next to him.Â
She leaned against the railing, a cigarette dangling between her manicured fingers. Her hair fell down her back, framing her face softly. She wore a black dress, way more simple than all the other girls he had seen, yet so elegant. He couldnât help himself but glance at her breasts being pushed together by the dresses neckline. Ashamed, he quickly stopped analysing her.
âCat got your tongue?â She smirked at him, raising her eyebrow as she took a drag of her cig. âIsnât that what you English people say?â
âYou know me?â He asked, perplexed that she knew about his nationality. Did he look that British?
âIâve read about you.â She shrugged. âWanted to know more about the futuro della formula uno, the future of formula one, that is supposedly my classmate.â
âIâm not even a Formula One driver.â Ollie corrected, though he felt the tip of his ears get hot from having such a beautiful girl call him the future of formula one. âAnd Iâm even less of a classmate, probably.â
âWell, officially you are my classmate. Or were.â She smiled. âAnd once youâll become a world champion Iâll brag about having been your classmate. Even if Iâve never seen you in person up until now.â
âNot sure about the world champion part, yet.â He shrugged, his hand gripping the railing as if he was about to fall.Â
âOh, heâs so humble.â The girl teased him, giving him a slight punch in the arm naggingly. âWell, the newspapers seem sure about it. You being champion material, or something like that.â
âThe newspapers say a lot, whether itâs true or not.â He felt his cheek burn in embarrassment. Ollie wasnât one to push his ego, heâd rather prove his worth on track than talk big without having anything to show for.
She didnât say anything. Her eyes scanned over him, as if analysing him from top to bottom. He didnât know what was going on in her head, but right now he wished he could read her mind. She took another drag of her cigarette, and even if Ollie despised the smell of tobacco, he somehow liked it when she smelled like it.Â
Gosh, what was he thinking? He didnât even know her, yet somehow he felt so serene next to her.
âWhy do you think so little of yourself?â She settled to ask after a minute of observing.Â
âI donât.â He simply answered, though his voice was quivering, unsure of what he shouldâve said.
âYouâre a bad liar.â She chuckled. âYour posture says differently. Youâre unsure of yourself and your abilities, but why?â
âI guessâŠâ He cleared his throat, her intense analysis of him humbling him even more. âI guess I donât want to put the same pressure and expectations everyone puts on me on myself as well.â
He turned to look at her, finally gathering enough courage to do so. Her head was tilted to the side, her lips wrapped around her cigarette to take one final puff before throwing it on the ground and stepping on it.Â
âWanna get out of here?â She asked instead of reacting to his words.
Ollie was taken aback by her request, admiring her boldness of asking straight away rather than talking around it. Without wanting to sound arrogant, Ollie was used to girls asking him for certain things. Sometimes, he loved the attention, especially right after a good race, but with her he felt shier than ever.Â
So it surprised him when he answered confidently.
âSĂ.â (Yes.)
With another smirk towards him, the girl clearly satisfied with his answer, the two of them sneaked back down again to escape the facility. He sucked in a breath of fear when he saw her grabbing a bottle of prosecco nonchalantly before exiting the school. Ollie was sure theyâd get busted for stealing, however none of the teachers seemed to care much as none of them even batted an eye.
âThey have enough of that stuff,â She said as she saw his face drenched in worry. âDonât act like weâre stealing anything valuable. Also, I bet Ferrari has paid them enough to let you pass so think of it as a little gift.â
He had never encountered someone like her, Ollie realised as she popped the bottle the minute they stood outside. Taking a sip straight from the bottle, she let out a sigh. âThey have the good one as well.â
Offering him a sip, she pulled out another Vogue cigarette and lit it with her lighter. âI donât assume you smoke, but regardless, do you want one?â She said as she held out the pack in front of him.
Ollie hesitated a bit, but ultimately declined. He was sticking to the prosecco.Â
âFigured.â She shrugged and shoved the pack back into her little purse.Â
âSo- uh- where to now?â He asked, taking another sip of the drink. He felt himself growing more nervous every minute he spent with her.Â
She smiled, taking his hand boldly and running off into a certain direction. Ollie stumbled forward, not expecting her approach, but then took off behind her and followed her blindly.Â
At that moment, he wouldâve followed her anywhere.
Giggling uncontrollably, she kept turning her head around to him from time to time. Her hair was flowing behind her as if she was from another planet, somewhere where beauty lit up the night. Her beauty certainly lit up his night.
âCome on,â she slowed down, taking small breaths, her cheeks slightly shiny from the sweat. âItâs not far.â
âWhere are you taking me?â Ollieâs face was flushed, his locs sticking to his forehead from all the running. The summer air was hitting his face and he felt warm under his suit jacket.Â
âItâs a sorpresa!â She just said, opening her mouth slightly and nodding towards the prosecco in his hands.Â
His brain malfunctioned for a second, then started acting without thinking. In a smooth motion, he poured some of the liquid into her mouth, accidentally spilling some. The alcohol ran down her chin, trailing down her chest and inbetween her breasts.Â
Ollie felt hot, and this time it wasnât just the summer heat.
She laughed after gulping down the sparkling wine, wiping her chin with her hand, careful not to smudge her lipstick.Â
âEhi!â (Hey!)
Ollie ducked down, as if he would dodge a bullet, from the sudden shrill voice coming from above. The girl kept laughing, ignoring the old woman screaming at the two from her little balcony.Â
âSilenzio!â (Be quiet!) The old woman yelled at them again, raising her fist as if to curse them. âĂ tardi, idioti!â (Itâs late, you idiots!)
âNon essere cosĂŹ duro!â (Donât be so harsh!) The girl yelled back, still giggling. âVivi un po', nonna!â (Live a little, grandma!) She stretched out her hands like a starfish, twirling around until she stumbled.Â
Ollie was quick to wrap his hands around her waist, keeping her from falling to the ground. Only when she was gripping his biceps to steady herself, he realised how close he was to her.Â
âVai via da me!â (Go away from me!) The grandma kept yelling, Ollie not understanding anything the two were saying. âVoi due piccioncini...â (You two lovebirds...) She mumbled and shook her head, making her way inside her house again and leaving the two on their own.
âArrivederci!â (Bye!) The girl giggled, waving the old lady goodbye as if she didnât just curse at them.
âNow the last bit I got.â Ollie joked, stepping away from her again. He took a sip from the alcohol, feeling like that was the only source keeping him stable for now.Â
âLook at you, little Italian.â She joked back, brushing her hand against his chest before reaching up and loosening his tie even more. She had to step on her toes to reach him, despite being in heels, then patted his chest when she was done. âDonât want you to suffocate.â She whispered, giving him a flirty look before stepping away and nodding towards the end of the small alley they were in. âThis way, follow me.â
When she turned his back to him, he threw his head back and prayed to whoever to help him get through without losing his mind, before following her yet again.
Eventually, and without any other disruptions, the two of them ended up outside a small pizzeria, which surprisingly was still open. There werenât many people inside, just your local neighbours and a few drunks getting their snack.Â
âAahh!â The owner smiled as he saw the girl enter. âLa mia piccola stella!â (My little star!)
âZio Enzo!â (Uncle Enzo!) She greeted him, sharing their kisses on each cheek as accustomed in Italy.Â
They continued talking in Italian, Ollie gathering one or two words here and there from his lessons, but not enough to properly follow their conversation. He realised his teacher would normally talk at a much slower pace, probably to help him understand each word clearly, though now it seemed of little help to him.
â... FormulaâŠ?â The owner looked at Ollie, eyeing him up and down. Ollie felt uncomfortable, not knowing what exactly they were talking about, and awkwardly smiled at him. He waved at the owner, not sure what else to do.Â
âHeâs your friend, no?â Finally, the owner switched to a language Ollie was able to understand. âIl tuo ragazzo?â (Your boyfriend?)
âNo, no.â She shook her head, side eye-ing Ollie quickly to see if he had understood what Enzo had asked her. He didnât seem so, as he stared cluelessly at her.
âWelcome, welcome!â He reached over the counter to greet the young boy, patting his cheek before stretching his arm out to his co-worker. âA pilota di Formula uno in my pizzeria! Francesco, can you believe it?â
âIâm not a Formula One-â
âUna pizza napoletana da asporto per favore.â (One Pizza Napoletana to go, please.) She interrupted him, smiling at the owner sweetly.Â
âOvviamente!â (Of course!) The owner smiled brightly at the two young people. âPizza Napoletana to go, Francesco, did you hear that?â He turned back to the couple. âReady in about fifteen minutes. You want something to drink?â
Ollie held up the half empty prosecco bottle, making the owner laugh out loud and nodding in encouragement before getting back to the other customers.Â
âSo, thatâs your uncle's shop?â Ollie asked, trying to open a conversation while waiting for their pizza.Â
âOh no,â The girl shook her head, laughing a bit. âEverybody here calls Enzo their uncle. Heâs been here forever, we all grew up eating his pizza.âÂ
âOh.â Ollieâs face got hot in embarrassment.Â
She laughed at him, slightly punching his arm when she noticed how red he got. âIs that a British thing?â
âWhat do you mean?â He was confused by her question.
âYou get red all the time!â She exclaimed. âI look at you and youâre flushed. At first I was honoured to make you blush, but now I think youâre just like that constantly.â
He was like that constantly just because she was there. But she didnât need to know that.
âYeah, I guess itâs a British thing.â He scratched his neck, his face hot again, lying to her face since he didnât want to admit how flustered she makes him ever since they met.
âItâs a cute British thing.â She slightly pushed him, grinning from ear to ear. âDonât stop.â
He couldnât even if he wanted to.
âPizza Napoletana for my little stella!âÂ
Taking the pizza carton, the two bid their goodbyes to Enzo before continuing their way down the small alleys. Along the way, Ollie felt her hand intertwining with his again. He didnât protest.
âWeâre here!â She yelled laughingly, letting go of his hand to run forward. âCome on!â
They found themselves at the beach, the small town behind them glittering in the water as the lights reflected on the surface. There were nearly no people on the beach, surprisingly, and Ollie had to hold back his laughter when he saw the girl getting rid of her shoes to feel the sand between her toes.Â
âI love the beach.â She said when he came up to her, pizza in one hand and prosecco in the other. He placed both of it carefully on the ground before taking his jacket off, laying it down onto the sand to somewhat protect them from the sand.Â
Sitting down, he realised just how close they were to fit into his jacket. Though he wouldnât ever complain about it. Sharing the pizza, the two of them were silently enjoying the view and food, sharing a sip of prosecco every once in a while, emptying the bottle.Â
Itâs gotten late. More and more of the few people around them started packing up their stuff. Ollieâs phone had no more battery left, so he was unsure just what time it was. Looking to his right, he also didnât care what time it was.Â
The two were now laying on the beach, their heads sharing the space on Ollieâs suit jacket. Next to them was the empty pizza carton next to the prosecco bottle. Theyâd clean it up later.Â
â... and thatâs Andromeda, named after the Ethiopian princess saved by Perseus. She was chained to a rock, being sacrificed to the sea monster Cetus.â She pointed towards the sky, tracing the star constellation she just talked about. âYou see?â
He couldnât really decipher any of the constellations she pointed out to him, Ollie just liked listening to her talking about something she was passionate about. So he nodded, humming in agreement.
âYouâre not paying attention!â She scolded him jokingly, shoving his shoulder with her own and giggling when she noticed how she ripped him out of his trance.Â
âNo, no, I was!â He tried to defend himself.Â
âReally? Then where is Andromeda?â She raised her brow, her lips stretched into a smirk.Â
Clearing his throat, Ollie turned his head to look at the stars again, randomly pointing at the bright points decorating the night sky. âSee, right there.â
Laughing at his attempt, she just shook her head and took his hand into hers. Stretching his pointy-finger out, she helped him slowly trace the Andromeda constellation. âSheâs right here, glowing beautifully above us.â She whispered, her eyes soaking up the beauty of the stars while his eyes were drowning in hers.
Slowly, her hands holding his traced each of his fingers. They went over his knuckles, following the lines on the palm of his hand before stopping on his wrist. None of them talked, enjoying the silence and the feel of each other's skin while the waves splashed softly in the background.Â
She felt him staring at her from the side, finally turning to him and meeting his eyes. Their hands were still up in the air, though she dropped hers when he felt his hand coming down. He cupped her face gingerly.Â
His thumb traced her cheekbone, just as her fingers used to trace his hand, until they stopped at her lips. Her lipstick had been long gone after they finished the pizza, though Ollie found himself enjoying her natural lips just as much as her painted ones.Â
He softly swiped over her lips, feeling the shaky breath she let out on his thumb. He couldnât stop staring at them, wondering what theyâd feel like on his lips, what theyâd taste like.Â
What she would taste like.
âNow or never.â She whispered, making his eyes snap back at hers.Â
He leaned over her, using his elbows and free hand to stabilise himself to not crush her with his weight. âSĂŹ?â
âSĂŹ, Oliver.â
Ollie groaned, his full name sounding so appealing when it came out of her lips, and suddenly heâs never felt so sure about something.Â
He leaned down, pressing his lips against hers. He was sure he'd never felt so many butterflies going around his stomach. He had goosebumps all over his body, his face flushed yet again and the nervosity fading away with every passing second.
His hand cupping her face moved to her hair, his fingers entangling with her hair and his body moving more and more on top of her. He felt her hands wandering up his back towards his neck, pulling him towards her. Her hands settled on his chest, her nails scratching over the fabric of his dressing shirt.Â
His hand, previously holding him up which now his knees did, settled on her waist, tracing small circles over his dress. Her legs wrapped themselves around his waist, her back arching upwards and pressing against his chest.
Ollie felt himself going crazy when he felt her whimpering against his lips, his mind on autopilot as he kissed her down the neck, sucking on her pulsing point which had her moaning and panting. Her nails scratched against his scalp, the slight pain making him groan against her skin.Â
âOllie-â She gasped, throwing her head back as she felt one of his hands tracing the curve of her boob. âOh DioâŠâ (Oh GodâŠ)
Hearing his name, Ollie snapped out of his trance. Breathing heavily, he pulled away from her slightly to calm down for a second. âFuckâŠâ
Her taste lingered on his lips, the feeling of kissing her consuming his whole. He knew they needed to stop before things got out of hand, he figured she realised that exact thought as he looked into her eyes.Â
Ollie rolled over, leaving the space on top of her and settling down next to her.
There was silence between them, the sound of the waves mixing with their heavy breathing. Suddenly, she started giggling beside him. Not knowing why, Ollie felt the urge to just join her.Â
Both giggling, neither of them sure why, and yet the two of them understood each other.
She sat up, looking down at him sideways. âI think itâs time to go.â
Ollie wasnât sure if she knew how crushing her words were. He wanted to freeze this moment, freeze this moment with her. If it was up to him, heâd never leave this night.Â
But it wasnât up to him, so he stood up and helped her do the same. Dusting the sand off of themselves, Ollie grabbed his suit jacket and shook it before placing it on her shoulders. She smiled at him, and he was sure her eyes sparkled as much as the sky above them.Â
They disposed of the carton and bottle in a trash can in front of the beach. The alleys ahead of them were completely empty and Ollie was sure it mustâve been the early hours of the day by now.Â
Neither of them shared many words on their way home. He was dreading the moment they separated, and feared making conversation would only speed up the time until then. So he settled for just holding her hand, and she settled for clinging onto his arm.Â
But talking or not, eventually they reached the hotel Ollie was staying in.Â
âI guess this is it.â She entangled herself from his grip. âPilota di Formula uno.â (Formula One driver.)
âDoesnât have to.â He whispered, his eyes searching the depths of hers. âEngland isnât that far away, you know. And there are races here in Italy.â
She just smiled at him. âDonât forget about me when youâre on top.â
âI donât think I could ever forget about you.â He breathed out.
âForever is a pretty long time.â
âNot long enough.â
She chuckled at his response, shaking her head. âYouâve gotten a lot bolder ever since the beginning of the night.â
âLearned from the best.â He winked at her, making her laugh out loud. He felt himself grow prideful, he made her laugh again. Oh how he loved her laugh.
âYeah, your future girlfriend can write me a thank you postcard from England.â She teased, though her joke fell on deaf ears. He didnât laugh.Â
Awkwardly, she looked at her feet. Now she felt herself grow hot within her.
âI donât even know your name.â Ollie realised out of the blue.Â
She looked up at him, now grinning again and feeling relieved at the topic change. âYou didnât figure it out?â
âFigure out what?â He asked cluelessly.Â
The girl outstretched her hand. âIâm Andromeda.â
Playing along, he took her hand, slightly bent down and softly kissed the back of it. âPleasure to meet you, Andromeda.â
âThe pleasure is all mine.â She chuckled at his antics, lightly bowing back at him. They both laughed at their situation.
âDrive safe, Oliver.â She smiled sadly at him, both of them knowing it was now finally the time to say goodbye. âAnd if you ever find yourself back here, maybe stop by Zio Enzoâs pizzeria, alright? Maybe youâll find me there.â
âIâll be looking for you.â He breathed out before taking one final step towards her.
Cupping her face again, he pressed a lingering kiss against her lips, cherishing this moment one more time. She melted into him instantly, her hand falling flat against his chest.Â
Parting, they breathed each otherâs air. His thumb traced her lips again, his rough skin tasting salty against her tongue. He looked deeply into her eyes, memorising their sparkle just like the star constellation she was named after.
Just found your dua lipa au and omg I love the way you portray everyone you write about. Huge fan of your work but maybe Dua should make a comebackđ€
aaiiii thank you so much babes! and i agree, dua needs to have a comeback sometime
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the bad bunny smau ;((( baby ilysm it sooo perfect
my spanish is absolutely horrible since i only started learning it a few months ago but his new album is soooooo good and just sparked new inspiration and motivation!
i'm really glad you've enjoyed what came out of it (even if it's more sad than anything)
SOCIAL MEDIA!AU bad bunny x sainz!reader (fc: paulina chavez)
notes: i'm sorry for this. i'm also sorry for my badly translated spanish
notes pt2: accidentally posted this on the wrong account and had to copy and paste everything lol
⥠liked by badbunnypr, carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 12,394 others
y/nsainz me encanta puerto rico (i love puerto rico)
view all 273 comments
user1 my favourite couple
user2 they're so hot together i'm in love with both of them
‷ user3 definition of bi panic
carlossainz55 ¿mås que españa? (more than spain?)
‷ y/nsainz esto no es una competición (this is not a competition)
user4 everytime i see you two on my fyp i start giggling and kicking my feet
user5 i love you two please don't ever break up
⥠liked by badbunnypr, carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari and 15,384 others
SOCIAL MEDIA!AU
drew starkey x fem!hamilton!sister (fc: doechii)
odessa a'zion x fem!hamilton!sister (formerly)
notes: i've been so obsessed with doechii so badly lately (i mean look at her and her performances), she's awakened something within me and i fear the same has to be said about drew starkey i meeeaaaaannnnn
notes pt2: disclaimer: this doesn't has a lot to do with formula one i'm sorry (but also not, this is my page i can do whatever i want)
⥠liked by 39,384 people
tagged: y/nhamilton, odessaazion
celebs_news Rapper Y/N Hamilton and actress Odessa A'Zion have reportedly called it quits after two years of dating. The couple broke it off officially this week after photos of Odessa with actor Drew Starkey roamed around twitter about a month ago. If she actually cheated on Y/N is unclear, the definite reasoning behind their break up remains unknown as well.
view all 2,394 comments
user1 oohh odessa fumbled the bag badly
user2 easy solution: they should just become a throuple
user3 an angel just lost its wings
user4 my absolute power couple broke up i can't is love even real?
user5 it's 7 in the morning, i'm on my way to work, my day is absolutely ruined
⥠liked by feliciathegoat, lewishamilton, sza and others
y/nhamilton "ALLIGATOR BITES NEVER HEAL" out now on all platforms!
spent a lot of blood, sweat and tears on this album. it's been such a personal journey the past few years and i'm happy to present what feels like my diary to you! wrote some songs a long time ago, some i added literal hours before the release since i've been through some stuff the past few weeks. it's messy, it's emotional but most of all, this album is all ME
view all 3,284 comments
user6 hang this album up in the louvre, it's a literal masterpiece
user7 can't believe i live in the same timeline as y/n hamilton
lewishamilton i'm so incredibly proud of you! the artistry you bring to the music scene is out of this world, i love you sis
‷ y/nhamilton ily bro, wanna hit up the studio together soon?
user8 i don't think my ears have been this blessed in such a long time
user9 y/n carrying the rap industry on her back as always
sza the creativity, the realness, this is a MASTERPIECE
‷ y/nhamilton stahp ily babes
user10 get this woman her grammy NOW
⥠liked by charles_leclerc, drewstarkey, lewishamilton and others
y/nhamilton what happenes in vegas stays in vegas or something along those lines
view all 3,492 comments
user11 MISS Y/N WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON
user12 you can't just drop this on us
user13 y/n getting with the guy her ex girlfriend cheated on is so iconic yet questionable
user14 nobody is talking about the face cards they're both serving hello??!!
user15 dating rumours aside; nobody does fashion the way the hamilton siblings do
⥠liked by drewstarkey, lewishamilton and others
y/nhamilton My body do things for you that I've never seen her do
I open my spleen for you
And I can do shit that you wouldn't believe
I'ma surrender my body to please you
synopsis: and if all is too late, is there still a way to salvage what we once called love?
pairing: lewis hamilton x fem!reader (formerly), theo james x fem!reader (mentioned)
warnings: angst, heartbreak, (some) vulgar language, lots of dialogue, no use of y/n
word count: 2.1k
author's note: yes this is inspired by billie eilish's song 'chihiro' and also a bit by nicole's and lewis' relationship/break up!
tried to be experimental, please give me your honest opinion about this i beg you. this is also not proof read since i hate reading my own stuff!
Youâre fine.Â
Everythingâs fine.
Youâre so close.
No one can take this away from you now.
Taking a deep breath, the only thing you could concentrate on were your shaky hands in front of you, the many voices behind you overlapping and blurring into each other. You couldnât distinguish your motherâs voice from your sisterâs, or your bridesmaidâs from your friendâs. Your dad was out there somewhere, getting everyone to take their destined place to take one worry off your mind.Â
The dress you picked out months ago suddenly starts to suffocate you, the white blinding your eyes in an uncomfortable manner. You couldnât decipher what happened. A minute ago you felt like the most beautiful woman on earth and the next you felt like ripping off your own skin.Â
You have cold feet.
No, no I donât.
âI think I need some fresh air.â
The voices behind you stopped at once. There was a split second of awkward silence before you could hear some feet shuffling over to you. Your motherâs concerned face appeared in your view. You could tell she tried to hide her worry.Â
âAre you sure my darling?â She asked. You just nodded without looking into her eyes.
âYeah, I'm fine. Donât worry.â
Donât worry, your daughter is just having a panic attack.
âShould Savannah accompany you?â She looked at your sister, waving her over to help you up. You shook your head no.Â
âI just need a moment to calm down from all the excitement.â You lied to their faces, sending them your most believable smile you had in store. You were a great liar, the perks of being an actress.Â
Throwing over a soft robe to at least conceal some of the wedding dress, you hurried out of the suffocating room. You smiled and nodded at some of the people you passed by, trying to hold up your act of a happy bride. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life after all.
Getting out of the small house next to the main one, you fled the eyes of the guests and escaped into the big, blossoming garden, finding your way into the massive maze that adorned the centrepiece. The old mansion behind you disappears from your sight and with each step away from the buzzing preparations of the wedding, your breath starts to normalise again.Â
Bending over and holding yourself up by your knees, you caught your breath. The heavy feeling started to disperse, your mind clearing up. Closing your eyes, you tried to focus on your surroundings.
The mild wind breezed through your hair and caressed your face, you could hear the leaves from the many hedgerows making up the maze and the water splashing softly against the fountain. Birds chirped in the distance and you could faintly make out some peopleâs voices up at the mansion.Â
And some footsteps approaching you.
âThe centrepiece of the hedge maze might not be the most convenient hiding spot.â
You tensed, your eyes snapping open and you straighten your back. He was behind you, so he couldnât see the shock written clearly all over your face.
âI didnât think youâd come.â You still hadnât turned around.Â
âIt would be rude to turn down a wedding invitation without a good reason.â He answered, and you could hear his steps getting louder and louder behind you.
He slowly came into view. You had yet to turn your head into his direction, but from the side you could see him sitting down on one of the stone benches next to you.Â
Finally, you turned your whole body to him. He wore a black suit, classic yet he made it seem so chic. His hair was braided back, his beard trimmed neatly and you could see some of his tattoos peeking out from underneath. Gold jewellery adorned his ears, his neck and hands.
He looked absolutely ethereal.
âAnd I figured if you didnât want me to be here, you wouldnât have invited me.â
You felt your body burn out of embarrassment. You didnât answer him, you just kept staring at him with your most neutral face you could muster.Â
âTheo was the one who suggested it.âÂ
He chuckled, and part of you wanted to melt right there.Â
âHeâs always been a gentleman.â
Silence. Birds chirping, leaves blowing, water splashing, the occasional yell from someone up the mansion.Â
âI see youâve got the venue you always wanted.â He looked around. âThe waiting list mustâve been long.â
âThey made an exception for us.â You kept your answers to a minimum.
âRight.â He nodded and kept admiring your surroundings. âThe perks of being rich and famous.â
His eyes found yours again, you felt your heart stop for a second before returning to a rather fast speed. You hoped you kept your cool at least from outside.
âYou look beautiful.â His eyes soften, the smile on his lips genuine.
âThank you.â You gave him a nod.
âTheo is a lucky man.â
You couldâve been that lucky man.
âSo they say.âÂ
He chuckled again. âYou used to be more talkative.â
âMaybe I just donât want to hold a conversation with you.â He laughed at your words, shaking his head.
âSay the words and I leave.â
You kept silent. He smiled.
âYou have cold feet.â You felt like an arrow just entered right in the middle of your guts. âThatâs why youâre out here and not up there.â
He analysed your body language.Â
Fuck, heâs always been good at reading you like an open book.
âYouâre scared.â He finalised his conclusion. âIâm just figuring out why⊠You always wanted this. Big engagement, great wedding, grand marriageâŠâ He placed his chin on his hands, his arms resting on his upper legs. âWhat are you scared of?â
You bit your lip, your arms felt heavy on your sides, your fingers started to fiddle with the material of the robe. You felt so naked in front of him, so insecure and exposed. Your breath starts to pick up again.
âWhat are you running from, my love?â
He felt your body language change up in pace, your neutral stance completely flipping over. He stood up, his face painted in worry as he approached you. âHey, I didnât mean-â
âFuck you, Lewis!â You took a step away and he stilled instantly. âDonât fucking call me your love!â
You breathed heavily, as if you were close to exploding from all the emotions flowing inside you. Maybe you were.
Youâre fine.Â
Everythingâs fine.
Youâre so close.
No one can take this away from you now.
You calmed yourself again.
The birds are chirping.
The leaves are blowing.
The water is splashing.
The wedding is happening.
âIâm sorry.â You apologised. âI shouldnât have said that.â
Lewis looked at you, you avoided his gaze. You could sense him sitting down again.Â
âI think you swearing at me is the closest Iâve seen from the you I know.â
âWell, you donât know me anymore.â You snapped. âYou havenât in years.â
He sighed. âYeah, I guess I havenât.â
You sighed too, your hands dropping to your sides again. You know you should just leave and return to your girls. They were probably already looking for you.Â
Yet you took one step after the other and sat down next to him.Â
âI am scared.â You confessed. You didnât know why you were telling him this. Maybe because you felt like he was the only person you could talk to. âIt was supposed to be you.â
Your mother would kill you for having such thoughts and your friends wouldnât understand. Your sister would roll her eyes at you and god forbid your future mother-in-law knows about any of the doubts you had about marrying her son.
âI know.â His words made you smile sadly.Â
You looked at him and he looked at you. You donât think anyone has ever looked at you the way he did. No one, not even Theo.
âYou were always meant to be a bride.â He twirled a strand of hair of yours between his fingers. âI just wasnât meant to be a groom.â
You looked away and he let go of your hair, his hand lingering for a second in the air before dropping onto his lap.Â
âI know.â Now he was the one smiling sadly.
You fiddled with the bow holding together your robe. Your thoughts were racing, but none made sense.Â
âYou shouldnât be scared.â He took your hand in his, his fingers playing with your engagement ring. âYou wouldnât be wearing this if it was wrong to marry him.â
âSometimes I catch myself thinking what ring Iâd be wearing if you had been ready at the time.â You breathed out, leaning back against the bench. âAnd then I feel silly thinking that way about a man who has broken me in a way I thought I was never going to recover from it.â You snatched away your hand from his grip.
You heard him sigh next to you. He held his face in his hands and you could tell he was ashamed of his past actions. âI was an asshole.â
You chuckled at his words bitterly. âYeah, you were.â
There was some understanding silence between you. This time it didnât feel uncomfortable, no, more reassuring. He knew, you knew. There was no need to focus on your surroundings.
âI donât think I want you at my wedding.â You breathed shakingly, unsure how heâd react to your words. You looked at him on your side. He was already staring at you. His eyes were sad, yet he understood you. He always did.
âCan you do me a favour?â He asked. âCan you show me your dress?â
Without any further words, you stood up and unveiled yourself from your robe. He sucked in a breath.
It wasnât particularly extravagant. The simple cut hugging you perfectly as if it was custom made for you. Maybe because it was. The designer of your choice had outdone themselves, keeping it the exact same way you had envisioned it.Â
Elegant, modern, ethereal.
It took Lewis a minute to compose himself. He never thought heâd see you in a wedding dress. Part of him regrets that he asked you to show yourself to him.
âYouâre an angel.â You donât look like an angel, you are an angel. You blushed.
You took your robe again, covering yourself up as much as you could. âThank you.â
For a second you stood there and took a deep look at him. The way he sat there, it had changed. Before, he looked so confident, so sure of himself. After he saw you in your dress, you werenât sure what to make of him.
He looked small.
âI should go.â You couldnât bear it any longer. Youâve already talked too much to him.
Why were you still here?Â
You turned around without waiting for his response. Taking the ends of your dress in your hand, you made sure to not get any dirt on it as you stepped away from the man you once loved. Once.
âI think-â
You staggered, halting in your movements. You were a few feet away from him, already at the entrance of the maze to make your way out of it. Turning around, you saw him as he stood up.Â
âI think maybe I wouldâve been ready.â He nodded unsure. âAt one point.â
You stared at him, your lips pressed against each other.Â
âI think I was overwhelmed by it all. My career, my team, you⊠Thatâs why I ran away.â
You kept staring at him without uttering a word, your dress still held up slightly. He continued.
âI think I see that vision of yours now.â He took a shaken breath. âItâs really beautiful.â
You felt your stomach twist and your hands grabbing the material of your dress more aggressively. Why did he tell you all this now? Was he trying to sabotage you? Heâs done it once, you needed to make sure he wouldnât do it again. Not this time, never again.
You cleared your throat. âI meant it, donât come to my wedding.â
âWait, I-â
âLewis,â You interrupted him. âMy love isnât yours anymore. Youâre the one who needs to let go now.â
And with that you turned your back to him, your face looking up at the mansion that stood upon you. Your future lay there. He couldnât stop you anymore.
Hello, I hope you and your family are well. Can you please help me recycle the post on my account? đș And help rescue my family from the war in Gaza? đđ
Hello everyone, I am Karam Al Nabih from Gaza. All my dreams have been shattered now in Gaza. I am a software engineer in my last semester, but now my home, my dreams, and my university have been destroyed.
All my dreams have been destroyed đ I hope you share , support and donate
Repoooost & donate please after read my story, that's urgent! đ”đžđ
Please don't skip helping me and my sick mother to rebuild our lives. Any donation, even a small one, will make a difference đđ
Donate even if it is 10 euros or 15 euros or moreŰ The smallest donation makes a difference in my life
is currently at 11000âŹ/20000âŹ
I sincerely appreciate your help and look forward to your continued supportđ„șâ€ïž
https://gofund.me/7c433301
Vatted by @nabulsi @90-ghost
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I write to you with a heart full of hope and faith, and I ask for your urgent help. My family is in great danger due to the war, and I am running a fundraising campaign to save them.
Please, can you reblog my campaign post on my account? Every participation can make a difference in my family's life.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for any help you can provide. đ”đžđ”đž
The campaign was documented by@nabulsi @90-ghost @el-shab-hussein
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Hello dears ! I am asking you to support my campaign to help me to reach my goal. I am now in bad need to your support to help me stay alive and safe. Gaza is a very dangerous place either on the level of livelihood or on the level of souls. I need your monetary support to ensble me to get the basic needs for my family till Rafah crossing point reopens to move my family to safety and peace.Pleasd help a family be alive through your small donations or througn your shares to others.Thank you so much for your stand beside people in need .
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