After months of being apart I finally understand myself and everything that went wrong. I’m fixing myself now as we speak. I’ve tried dating, and even for some that wanted a second date..I just didn’t want to. I keep thinking I do but I don’t. Admittedly I’d take my wife back. Here’s what I discovered, and me and my therapist are making breakthroughs and I’m changing to my old self.
Delayed ejaculation: so it’s a real problem some people have even though they can cum when masturbating easily. I have this apparently. But there are medications for it.
Control: I am a control freak and did not realize it until after separation. Criticizing the other is part of it, because control freaks want to control everything. But I’m aware of it and letting it go. It’s hard but I’m doing it.
Self esteem: part of the reason for not wanting sex and the control part of me getting worse was about 3 years of a domino effect of tragedy in family and other things. It fucked up my ambition, I became lazy, I lost attention for my wife, I became very out of shape. I didn’t even want to go to a job.
Wanting: I always wanted what was on the other side: hence flirting with other girls and such. That’s part of the fact that I tend to take things for granted very fast.
I’m changing myself in all of these traits. Already working out and working, and I’m changing my mind to a new one that is letting go of these problems. It’s working, I’m coming back world.