07031992

"I go forth to preach with two propositions in mind. First- that every one ought to give their heart to Christ. Secondly- even if no one gives their heart to Christ, I will give Him mine"

[purplebuddhaproject]

Which do you want: the pain of staying where you are, or the pain of growth?

Judith Hanson Lasater (via ginsengsheetmask)

[militarytabi]

#militarytabi ↪ day #12 into tabi’s enlistment   he knows. 

[bookmania]

I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.

Maya Angelou (via bookmania)

[cashewjam92]

“Confession: I’m afraid. I don’t know how to get my life started again. I’ve put it on hold for some months now, it seems. I’ve been drifting, like a piece of a ship broken in the midst of a storm, just following the whims of the ocean and seeing where it takes me.

Can I make another confession? I’m a Christian that hasn’t been to church in a month; I haven’t prayed in eons; I haven’t even cracked the spine of my Bible. I’ve wallowed. I’ve survived by working, sleeping and watching TV or reading books.

Back at the beginning of October, I ran out of antidepressants and wasn’t able to get an appointment to see my doctor for a refill immediately. And for a few days I was fine, so I convinced myself I didn’t need meds. Then I wasn’t fine at all, and I couldn’t bring myself to care about trying to be better.

I sunk into despair, giving way to my depression, allowing suicidal thoughts to take root and grow in my mind. I picked out a few things to focus on — my stalling academic career and my lack of a love life — and I let those two failures completely overwhelm me. I focused on them constantly, ruminating on them in the dark and in the light and in the hours in-between.

I let them fuel me even deeper into sorrow. I focused on one boy whom I’d loved and who had chosen someone else, and I let the hurt of that “rejection” fester in my heart. I was mad at him, mad at me, mad at God. And I wanted to die. I knew I would never be anything more than a tragic heartbreak story.

Somehow (read: through friends who talked me off the edge) I survived that phase, and what came next was a little over a month of numbness.

It’s almost like, when I was faced with the suicidal thoughts and the depths of despair, I just tucked my tail between my legs and tried to make myself invisible.

I stopped creating, stopped dreaming, stopped trying. I just…survived.

Around this time last year, I was hospitalized and released and I wrote a blog post about how I wasn’t just going to “survive” depression, I was going to thrive through it. I haven’t done such a great job of that.

I’m so scared to start again. I’m scared of what happens when I dig myself out of my hole, when I let myself hope for something. Even this…even these paragraphs that I’ve written, it’s like just the act of typing these words is unleashing something in me, unstopping a tide that’s going to wash over me. It feels good to write again, so good, even as terrifying as it is.

Maybe that’s how it starts. Maybe I restart my life by going back to the beginning, going back to what I love.

Maybe I read my Bible, go back to church, hang out with friends, and I write.

Because as terrifying as life is, as comforting as numbness can be, it’s not going to bring me any joy, and it’s not going to serve a purpose.

But neither is death.

I’ve got to live. Life is hard, guys. So friggin hard. There is so much ugliness in the world — disease, natural disaster, poverty, cruel men taking advantage of people. There’s mental illness and physical illness and illness of the heart.

But there’s beauty, too. There’s beauty in the elegance of a mountain peak straining to reach the heavens, in the way the sun’s rays stretch across the sky at sunset, trying to give us a few more seconds of light. There’s beauty in the curve of someone’s mouth as they laugh and the way our hearts beat just a little more erratically when we’re happy and the way we can take what we’re given and create something unbelievable.

So I’m gonna live for that. I’m gonna live so I can experience the beauty, so I can try to add to the beauty, so I can grow closer to God and my friends and maybe, maybe someday I’ll be in love with someone who will love me back. He’ll hold me close, run his fingers through my hair and kiss me and it’ll be just like it is in the books, except better.

But I’m gonna live so that even if that doesn’t happen, even if my whole life is just me and God, I can die and know that I lived a full life.

I said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m not just another tragic heartbreak story, and I’m not just another broken girl. I feel like my mind is beaten and battered and bent but that’s not the end of me. I’m lonely and sad and unrequited love sucks, it really sucks, but it’s not the end of me. It can’t be.”

[mymodernmet]

[did-you-know]

mymodernmet:

Playful Pastry Chef Turns Ordinary Desserts Into Delightful Mini Scenes

[worshipgifs]

[yesdarlingido]

people face hard things, horrible things, painful things. some people go to therapy to work through these things, and others don’t. they taught us early on in my grad program that a high percentage of both groups will find the resolve they need to move forward in life. what makes these two groups different is the time-frame in which they’re able to find that resolve. here’s why. 

therapy works like a first aid kit. when you get a cut, you can choose to tend to it, or you can choose to leave it. unless it is a serious wound it’s going to heal. but cuts are open to bacteria, open to infection, open to things that makes it harder for your body to heal it. instead, if you use neosporin and a band-aid, these assist in promoting healing by protecting the wound and providing a more conducive environment to heal. 

you don’t have to go to therapy for your wounds. but if you do, you’ll have someone there to look at it from a different angle, maybe seeing things about it you didn’t notice. you’ll have someone who has seen this wound before and knows what its like. you’ll have someone to monitor it through the healing, there to clean out the harmful things that would prevent it from healing. 

the problem with those hard things we face–those horrible, painful things–is that we don’t always notice how it lets in thoughts, beliefs, and coping mechanisms that are harmful to us. subtle things we absorb that stick with us and will influence how we see ourselves, how we see others, and how we handle relationships. you can’t always help how it impacts you because you aren’t even fully aware of it happening. 

therapy isn’t essential, but it is very beneficial. it’s not the only way, but a more thorough, more proactive and more intentional way towards healing. 

[cashewjam92]

When I hear the voices telling me that I am not good enough, You always play me a song.

thank You.

“You've brought me to the end of myself And this has been the longest road Just when my hallelujah was tired You gave me a new song

I'm letting go, I'm letting go I'm letting go, [and] falling into You I confess I still get scared sometimes [but] perfect love comes rushing in [and] all the lies that screamed inside go silent The moment You begin [and] I'm letting go, I'm letting go I'm letting go, [and] falling into You You remind me of things forgotten You unwind me until I'm totally undone And with Your arms around me Fear was no match for Your love And now You've won me I'm letting go, I'm letting go I'm letting go, falling into You”

[wordsnquotes]

You ruin your life by desensitizing yourself. We are all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us. Caring is not synonymous with crazy. Expressing to someone how special they are to you will make you vulnerable. There is no denying that. However, that is nothing to be ashamed of. There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occur when you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that girl know that she inspires you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express, express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world, and be bold in who, and how you love. There is courage in that.

Bianca Sparacino (via wnq-writers)

[cashewjam92]

random

I remember when I was younger, I always asked my mom or my sister to peel 귤 for me. Because I didn’t like the way it stained my fingers and made them sticky...

Now, I find myself peeling 귤 for people automatically and just laying it in front of them to eat... 

귤 makes me happy

[eternal-echoes]

Christianity is not a matter of persuading people of particular ideas, but of inviting them to share in the greatness of Christ. So pray that I may never fall into the trap of impressing people with clever speech, but instead I may learn to speak with humility, desiring only to impress people with Christ Himself.

St. Ignatius of Antioch (via yesdarlingido)

[cashewjam92]

11/8/16

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/projects/cp/opinion/election-night-2016/president-trumps-agenda

While I took a shower to step aside from all this madness, I really wondered the thought process in wanting a president like him.  I wanted to sit someone that supported him and have a calm conversation over some coffee and ask them why they thought voting for him would be the right solution.

When I stepped out of the shower, I read this article. My heart is breaking.

My heart breaks for the illegal immigrants, which I was also once before, that are trembling in fear now because they don’t know if they have a tomorrow in this country.  My heart breaks for our Muslim brothers and sisters who are dreadful for the discrimination that they will face because one person said they are terrorists.  My heart breaks for all the people that I helped in the pharmacy that were able to take their medications due to the ACA.  My heart breaks for all the women in this country who will get punished for making the toughest decision in their life. My heart just breaks.

[jspark3000]

It’s really difficult to confront your own ugliness inside. It’s hard because no one wants to say, ‘I’m a bad person, I did a bad thing.’ We want to say, ‘It’s their fault, they made me do it.’ It’s hard to confront your own selfishness; it hurts. But once you confront the truth about yourself in the presence of God, you will be liberated and free from the weight of your own lies to yourself. That’s when God begins the path to healing, when Jesus rolls up his sleeves and by his grace, moves you forward into his goodness. But we begin with honesty.

J.S. Park (via jspark3000)

[novafrenchie-deactivated2024011]

[cashewjam92]

On August 20, 2013, God gave me a vision. That summer was when my parents decided to separate. I had finished my co-op in Boston while my mom moved from Texas to New Jersey. I had witnessed the already fragile marriage break into a million pieces. I mourned for the loss of my parent’s marriage, but my own as well. 

You see, my biggest desire in life was to be a mom. Many people have told me that I have motherly qualities and it’s something I’ve noticed throughout the years as well. I longed to be married and experience motherhood. But, I gave it up that summer. Because I would rather not have my children experience what I did... Because I would rather be single than to be hurt by my husband... Because marriage looked hopeless... 

While I was mourning for all the children that I would now never have, God showed me something. I saw a baby boy with a bowl-cut hair that had the cutest 눈웃슴 that was running towards me. He was yelling “엄마". 

This video reminded me back to the summer of 2013. There were dark months that still followed that vision and moments where I gave up on the dream of becoming a mom. I too thought God was mean for giving me these desires in my heart, yet making me give up on the idea of marriage. But, I’m reminded that God is still writing my story for me too. And one day, I will meet this bowl-cut hair little boy and he’ll call me 엄마. 

[tastefullyoffensive]

(photo by Piouw)

[nanamin-chan]

BABY TABI…SOO CUTE

[cashewjam92]

omg 

i. am. dead.