[makinginfinity]

[yesdarlingido]

If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don't tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don't understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions.

Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

The four agreements: 1) Be impeccable with your word, 2) Don’t take anything personally, 3) Don’t make assumptions, 4) Always do your best

[yesdarlingido]

Life transitions are tough because it’s essentially impossible to smoothly relinquish whatever your norm has been and the role that went with that. It’s choppy and difficult because it requires flexibility, humility, and a deconstruction of how the pieces used to go together. With those pieces, you have to make something new--discarding old pieces that used to be necessary, but no longer are, and adding new pieces you aren’t familiar or comfortable with yet. That is tough.

[girlgrandpa]

“men dont like that. its such a turn off” good . turn off . where is ur off button . shut up . please stop making noise

[cafe-solo]

Source: instagram.com/brittanyxavier

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

There comes a day when you realise turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realise there’s so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.

Zayn Malik

[yesdarlingido]

UNDERSTANDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Both partners view the other realistically, recognizes that the other is an imperfect human being, and learns what is realistic to expect.

Both partners take responsibility for their own personal growth. 

The better each person is at self-care, the more they will be able to let their partner be their natural self.

Both partners take responsibility for their own emotional state. This is a matter of practicing self-awareness of how our thought patterns create corresponding feelings. Healthy partners avoid inappropriately acting out of a “child ego state” when past wounds get triggered, communicate appropriately, and find a way to return to an adult state.

Both partners approach problems by focusing on how to resolve the issue most efficiently. Both take responsibility to resolve the problem.

When one partner expresses needs and wants, the other can be supportive without sacrificing their own self-care and without doing their partner’s work.

Both partners can negotiate and accept compromise. As people experience increased levels of self-value, self-empowerment, and abundance, they can surrender the need to get their way all the time.

Both partners can communicate simply and directly, and do not expect the other to mind-read. Each partner takes responsibility for making clear, direct statements concerning needs for intimacy and support.

[whatiadoreonly]

Pinterest • https://www.pinterest.com

[angelaeleni]

“Observe your pain and life’s lesson will unfold.”

— Growth Getters

[yesdarlingido]

GUIDELINES FOR BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP

Don’t assign blame when you’re in conflict

Don’t keep score on your partner

Speak for yourself using “I” statements instead of “you” statements

Don’t argue perceptions or facts

Don’t threaten abandonment in the face of conflict

Communicate in four sentences or less

Repeat what you hear them saying to make sure you heard it right BEFORE responding

Avoid critical remarks, blaming the other, or justifying your actions

Don’t worry about whether your partner is adhering to these guidelines--take sole responsibility for yourself and hold yourself accountable to healthy communication.

[yesdarlingido]

I want a Jake Longstreth painting in my home so bad

[yesdarlingido]

Okay, almost done with Love Is Blind on Netflix and phewwwww. The couples therapist in me is dying. 

If I had to sum up the origin of nearly all conflict, it is largely tied into 1) personal insecurities and unresolved past experiences of shame that get triggered, 2) misunderstanding, and/or 3) unmet expectations (often, but not always, due to lack of effective communication). I would be wiling to bet that every issue that pops up for these couple’s falls into one or more of those categories. 

Ginannina and Damian are so mean to each other. She confuses intensity for passion, so when the “butterflies” go away, she starts arguments for the sake of feeling intensity and hoping it will convert into passion. They both fall into destructive patterns--criticism, defensiveness, and contempt. 

Amber and Barnett are chaotic, but I don’t think they’re doomed. One huge barrier to them having a mutual relationship of respect is their imbalance of responsibility. Amber projects a tough and confident exterior, but you can see right passed it. She’s insecure about her background, and you find out how irresponsible she is... $20k in debt, not paying it off (in collections), not going to work, says she wants to be a stay-at-home mom ***but isn’t even married yet*** wtf. Barnett is currently blind to the red flags bc all he wants is someone to have fun with and who will love him for him. She does that for him but those two things are not strong enough pillars to handle the weight (and the natural consequences) of her irresponsibility. 

Lauren and Cameron forever. I stan. He is a little clingy, but he seems so sincere and deeply in love with her. The rap was cringe, but he has no ego--I love that he was willing to do it. The meeting with her dad was intense, but Cam held his own and I don’t blame her father for being concerned. It’s a weird show and he has no idea whether this guy has any clue about the black experience. I really hope they make it. Lauren seems to have more reservations than Cameron so I hope she opens up more so he can give her the clarity and assurance she likely needs to feel confident in their relationship. 

Jessica is a fucking psycho. Mark needs to run for his life. Side note: did y’all see her share her wine with her dog............... umm. Honestly, I am embarrassed for her. She is making an absolute fool of herself. She is a perfect example of someone who falls into thinking that “the grass is always greener on the other side” and the only reason she wants Barnett is to resolve her own complex of feeling unwanted, meanwhile totally missing the value of Mark wanting her--to a fault, might I add. There’s nothing noble at this point about continuing to pour into her when she is so clearly disappointed in him. It’s so sad to watch. 

Kelly and Kenny are perfect for each other. Period. 

[fleurjardin]

[yesdarlingido]

It takes a lot of courage to stop patterns of retraumatization. It takes a lot of guts to realize you have agency over who and what you are willing to struggle with, and when to walk away. Set appropriate boundaries while you heal. Protect your integrity by learning how to stand up for yourself. Value your well-being enough to stop continuing old ways of living that hurt you, minimize you, stifle you, or abuse you. When you’re stuck in a toxic dance, instead of waiting for the song to end, you’ve got to realize that sometimes the only way to make it end is to stop dancing. You’re allowed to walk away. You deserve to heal. Care for yourself and do whatever it takes to make that happen.

[yesdarlingido]

Let me tell you something, that planner I’m holding is truly amazing. First time using Golden Coil and really have been loving it. Also I miss being blonde.

[yesdarlingido]

This being human is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

-Rumi

[erratik-behaviour-deactivated20]