self-para | redhead
Had he spoken more French and had the redhead leaning on his shoulder quit making semi-racist comments about his thick Korean accent, Jongsuk would have proudly told her that she had been his first female fuck and, if he thought about it, the first person he had fucked that could not benefit him in any way career-wise. He had merely had a go with her because...she was pretty? Or something? She was the kind of female that he imagined he would fuck...if he was ever going to.
So...why did he? Was he having some sort of mental break down? Surely not, having been under intense therapy away on Jeju Island for the last nine months. Was this then some sort of ‘coming to Jesus moment?’ Ha, who gave a shit really?
He was told before he was in treatment that his life was chaos and leftover rubble. His agency wasn't wrong, but god—now it was like he had come home to an empty lot, the rubble having been cleared out, and that all that was left of his life was absolutely fucking nothing but a few teasing blades of grass growing in the cracks of concrete.
It was hard losing Lu, the ‘frenemy,’ yet one of the few people that he had let into his world in a very long time. It was like he disappeared without a trace. But so had Jongsuk, so how dare he have the nerve to get mad or miss him?
Losing Kai was unbearable. He was surprised he hadn't gone on a murderous rampage of innocents (having sex with a woman was probably close enough though), with the amount of passion he was trying to keep inside of himself— with the words he wanted to scream but had not.
People really underestimated how good of a person Jongsuk was being right now. But what was worse was that there was really no one around from last year to even notice the difference.
Ah, well. The girl beside him had freckles on her chest that, when traced in his imagination, formed the nation of Italy. He was drunk, stoned, and on a yacht.
He nudged the girl beside him and made a toast to the little violin playing in his head. She shrugged absent-minded as she slipped some unidentifiable pill on her tongue before downing a bottle of vodka.
Her understanding of his language was tolerable, if you compared it to his comprehension of sex with a woman.
