beloved sanctuary

[castlebunnee]

I asked for juice.......

He whole ass came back with groceries, liquor, edibles and food.

I'm soooo sucking his dick.

[castlebunnee]

Found my love R2 at the food trucks, picking out his lunch <3

2016

[castlebunnee]

[castlebunnee]

Just found a old journal I used to keep a while back detailing how I felt the first time I had sex and my struggle transitioning between relationships.

Finding little writings and notes I’ve written over time really has helped me figure out my thinking process overall and how I have grown(or not). I always thought it was useless and corny in a way but as an adult I’m grateful that I did it.

[castlebunnee]

Haven’t updated in a while due to multiple gripping circumstances..but I think I’m ready now...

These past few weeks have genuinely been some of the most stressful I’ve endured in a long time and I’m genuinely proud of myself for pushing through despite everything. As previously posted, I’ve been extremely anxious and homesick since the start of our trip to Mexico. I’d been excessively calling my sisters, boyfriend, and friend..talking on chat rooms, drinking heavily and anything I could do to have some sort distraction and human interaction. It was difficult because not everyone was available for me when the anxiety flared up the most, which in turn made things and my need for a bottle all the more. After the first one and a half weeks of trooping through it all, I genuinely still had a very nice time. However after coming home from our mini trip within our vacation, my blessed grandmother in law passed away..to which the entire rest of our family fun trip came to a hault and turned into a grief filled funeral. After burying my grandmother(which wasn’t long after she passed) myself and my poor mother in law unfortunately fell very ill. We both became very tired, feverish, nauseous, had headaches and stopped eating almost all together(no, it wasn’t due to COVID. We checked). Although, for me..I hadn’t been eating much the whole trip and it was a big concern for the family, especially when we fell sick. I’d also started shaking horribly and couldn’t stop for almost a day.

It’s been a few days but we are now recovering and because I did much quicker then she, I take care of my mother as best I can. Tonight, at long last we are FINALLY packing up and headed on our two day long trip back home to Cali. I can’t say that I’m not excited but even more so, proud because I finally ate something today after days of only liquids or very light nibbles. I’ve also been sober and plan on trying to keep it that way for a little while.

I know to most this accomplishment would seem highly insignificant, however..I am genuinely soooo happy that I’m trying my VERY HARDEST to eat..even more so then before and it’s paying off. Be proud of yourself when you actually accomplish a goal that seems nearly impossible. No matter how big or small. YOU DID IT, BOO!! 🥳😁✨

Now👏🏼Keep👏🏼Going👏🏼

[castlebunnee]

I’m not an idiot. I know BetterHelp wasn’t going to be free of course. Still I feel slightly robbed and betrayed because I went through that whole questionnaire process, even finding some issues that I didn’t know I might have along the way, just to be flashed the payment screen.

It really sucks because nearly everyone I know suffers from some sort of mental illness and guess what? We. Are. Poor. Most aren’t able to afford the luxury of a customized therapist. And the therapist that ARE free, likely aren’t a match for you specifically. So basically we gets no help which is why we all post our problems on social media and cry for help.

If at all possible in the future I would love to be able to attain a therapy license and create something like Better Help but for free or at the very least, stuuupid cheap. We have to do better than this if we all want to heal.

[castlebunnee]

I wonder why..despite having the need for someone to talk to and be a friend, we all ignore each other and complain that no one understands how we feel.

[castlebunnee]

Not really one to post willy nilly about my constant thought process and feelings, but during this trip I’ll be doing just that. At least try anyway. 😏

Should be interesting for me to read back later on..

[castlebunnee]

It’s funny..annnd a little scary. When you realize how much of a whiny piece shit you really are in certain moments and just how desperate the need is to vent and feel important and/or loved.

Currently on my way to Mexico again and tbh the start of my trip has been..well, stressful.

Truth be told, though I’ve always wanted to travel it up I’ve never been on a real road trip before(5-6 hrs tops in the car) but being on this trip I realized that being stuck in a car for two days(not knowing how long *cough* Manny *cough*) traveling to Mexico was just didn’t sit well with me at all. Truthfully, I was sooo excited to finally revisit my MIL’s home town again..this time having even more time and money to spend! Still despite that believe it or not, I’m a seriously nervous/anxious person and my obsessing over every detail of the trip made me feel like SUCH a buzz kill 😔🙄. Literally the last thing I want is to ruin the whole trip for the family. I’m aware that with travel and trying something new comes sacrifice and absence of one’s potential comfortably. I never imaged it would be this difficult for me tho.

As we’re still in the car doing our last hr(s) or so, I hope I can keep things together till we head home. Got a little help from my good friend Tequila soo we’ll see! 🙃🙂🙃🙂

[castlebunnee]

It’s a fucked up realization that once you finally own mostly everything you’ve always wanted, you’re still not happy..

[castlebunnee]

the thing is, I don’t think I’m on a social media level anymore

[castlebunnee]

The struggle rn is trying to appreciate my boyfriend more. Dude has the sweetest heart and the best intentions which is really all a twisted little shit like me could hope for. 

[castlebunnee]

I don’t want to be an enabler. But I don’t want to be toxic either. Literally hard to find the middle ground here...

[castlebunnee]

My cat is so effin kneady 😔

[castlebunnee]

I mean, fr..almost everything I own is either pink, flowers, unicorns or teddy bears. Toootal opposite of me in grade school.

When are you supposed to grow up again???

[castlebunnee]

Anyone know the best way to wash your pussy? I’m a new owner and mine keeps spazzing out when I try. 😣

[castlebunnee]

Ganna start trying out this whole “web diary” thing.. 😶

..try.