No Compromises

17 year old Slytherin Chaser. Chasing life.

[casually-furious-blog]

Dust to Dust--OPEN

[elisgreengrass-blog]

Though it was part of his plan, there was also a part of Elis that genuinely wished to help the young girl. He knew Vincent would scoff at her getting under his skin and in reality, he scoffed at himself. But there was something so genuine about Lucinda that if he were another man, he might have rethought his plan or abandoned it altogether. Elis was not, however, another man and so he merely allowed his jaw to tighten as he kept his hand over hers.

When her eyes moved to his, he offered her what he hoped was a soft smile. “I know you will be fine. But that does not mean that you don’t need help. Or perhaps you don’t need it, but maybe you want it. You are not alone, Lucinda.” He tightened his hand around hers and if it hadn’t been such a somber event, Elis might have kissed her temple in encouragement. But such a thing would be inappropriate now.

“No man is an island,” he quoted, knowing that the poet in question had been a muggle but not caring. “And neither are you.”

“I think that you should do what makes you most comfortable,” Elis finally said, his voice soft and low, only for her. “Funerals are for the living.” And they were - he did not want the lovely woman in front of him giving in to what she thought was proper when it was truly her own time to grieve.

[casually-furious-blog]

Lucinda nodded and looked away, eyes wet with tears both because of the funeral and because of Elis’ kind words.  She hated that she was being so emotional, but she supposed this was the time to be. The only time when the shedding of tears was acceptable for the normally proud Slytherin. Still, she didn’t have to face him while she composed herself again. 

She had looked around the crowd and seen a few familiar faces. Classmates peppered the seats, usually sitting beside their parents. But almost none had approached her, and the few that had were not the ones she most wanted to. Perhaps that’s what made Elis’ not only approaching her but staying with her all the more meaningful.

“I should stand,” she said quietly, moving to get to her feet. With the service over and more people coming to offer their condolences and pay their respects, Lucinda felt at a disadvantage staying seated while others stood. She hadn’t cared before when she was lost in her own mind, but Elis had brought her back to herself again.

[casually-furious-blog]

Dust to Dust--OPEN

[elisgreengrass-blog]

Elis did not enjoy death. He might have enjoyed killing, the rush of power flitting through his veins when he uttered a curse, but he did not enjoy the aftermath. Perhaps it was because he knew little about empathy, perhaps it was because he had little patience, or perhaps it was more because he found attending funerals so very dull. As it was, he’d barely made it through this one without a bored look falling over his face.

He’d known the need to school his features appropriately, in order to best help Lucinda and keep anyone else from the Ministry off his tail. He already had dealt with that Alice Longbottom more than once and he had no intention of doing so again. But still, the fact remained that Elis had little pleasure in being there except to further his own plans with Lucinda.

Lucinda looked put together, almost as if her clothing and makeup was the armor she wore against the world. It was a thought that fitted into Elis’ head and stayed there, permeating the rest of his thoughts even as he sat next to her. The holes had already been dug and he idly wondered if they had been done by magic or not. Sometimes, doing things the Muggle way was strangely satisfying. But thinking on that would help no one and he looked over at the girl next to him.

Elis nodded at Lucinda’s comment, his hand squeezing hers a bit tighter. “Then I will stay with you,” he said, his voice soft and firm. The well-wishers continued to walk by, though few actually said anything to Lucinda, preferring to give pitying glances that he acknowledged with an arched eyebrow. Lucinda might be grieving, but it was not Elis’ intention for her to be pitied by those who walked past. Slytherins did not appreciate that.

He wanted to ask about Hogwarts, wanted to ask about what she would do now, but the words did not come to the forefront of Elis’ mind. Instead, he leaned back and crossed his left leg so its ankle was on his right knee. “If you need anything, ask me. I will make sure you want for nothing. Especially now.”

[casually-furious-blog]

In the back of her mind, Lucinda wondered if anyone else would notice the way Elis’ hand pressed on hers. The way it remained, lingered, squeezing hers. Yes, others had taken her hand today, but it had always been brief.  A polite clasp, a show of support, but fleeting, momentary. All with the rote murmurings of “Whatever you need.” 

Elis, too, said those words, but coming from him, Lucinda actually for some reason believed them. Perhaps because he had been there for her already.  He had calmed her in her panicked state and made her laugh when she could barely smile. He had made her feel normal in a time when her life was anything but. 

“That’s kind of you,” she demurred, looking away from the casket, the people, looked at their hands, and then, with a flutter of her eyelashes up at him.  “I’ll be fine.” She was talking about both today--he didn’t have to stay--and his offer of future help.

The bank had released her parents’ money after all. She had enough to take care of herself for now. Though the sound of the Galleons and the Sickles and the Knuts as she had put them into her purse, gathered from her family vault, made a hollow noise, and gave her an even hollower feeling in her stomach.

“Should I stand, do you think?” she asked, an anxious little question that betrayed her desire to do the right thing by her parents one last time. 

[casually-furious-blog]

Dust to Dust--OPEN

[elisgreengrass-blog]

Perhaps it was inappropriate for Elis to be at the funeral of people he had tortured and killed, especially when he was pursuing their daughter. But he’d done his best to ingratiate himself with the young Lucinda, to ensure that she trusted him. Vincent thought the entire thing was ridiculously poetic, but he’d done little to dissuade his friend. Elis thought it was most likely because he had never seen his friend off the rails like this before, willing to do whatever it took to get vengeance for their Lord. But here he was, dressed in black as was proper for a funeral. He’d already sent flowers for the family, though he doubted Lucinda had bothered to read any of the cards.

Elis stood in the back throughout the entire thing, not wanting to call attention to himself. He nodded at the Minister and when the older man came to talk to him, Elis’ lips thinned as he explained what a shame it was that someone had hurt such an upstanding pillar of the community. He saw Lucinda off by herself and thought that he should perhaps pay his respect to her as well. Elis ran his hand through his hair as he began the walk, sparing only a passing glance at the caskets in front of the open grave.

“Lucinda, I am incredibly sorry.” Elis managed to interject the right amount of grievance into his voice, wanting her to think he cared more than he did. “I truly thought we could find them. I…I’m sorry.” He sat down next to her, not bothering to be invited. He didn’t think she had the frame of mind for propriety anyway.

“Do you intend to stay here until the end?” he finally asked her, his hand moving to take hers.

[casually-furious-blog]

Lucinda blinked up at the man, another in the long line of people wanting to offer their condolences, wanting to tell her they were sorry, as if they had anything to do with it. As if they had any control over the situation. Though these days, who knew if they did? But Lucinda was just numbly trying to hold it together at the moment; she couldn’t spare the energy it would take to suspiciously glare at everyone, wondering whether any of them had a part in placing her parents in those caskets. 

She shook her head, clearing it and focusing in on Elis’ face as he apologized again. People liked to repeat themselves, especially when they didn’t know what to say. Lucinda didn’t know what she wanted to hear either, so she supposed that was fair. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault that their oozing, sympathy laden tones made her grit her teeth and want to swear at them.  She just didn’t see the point in them all coming up to her, offering their sympathies. Would anyone actually help her in any meaningful way? No. So it was only their sense of social obligation that had them paying their respects, not to Lucinda, but to the daughter of the departed.  She supposed she understood about social niceties and keeping up appearances. It was why her back was ramrod straight and her dress carefully ironed, her makeup perfectly done. She didn’t give a shit about any of it and yet, even now, she did. 

Lucinda looked down at the hand that covered hers, not quite sure how it had happened, and yet realizing that the warmth from his hand was seeping into her chilled one.  She looked up at Elis again, fully realizing his presence this time. “I’m staying,” she agreed, looking ahead at the holes waiting, and the caskets queued up to be lowered in. 

“I can’t leave till it’s all over,” she added, looking back at Elis. She couldn’t leave without seeing her parents be placed in the ground and covered with earth. She had to leave her flowers on top of the graves.  At least there would be no luncheon or anything afterwards. Her grandfather didn’t have the faculties or the facilities for it, and she was hardly about to host herself. No, after this, at least she could go home. She just had to make it the last few hours. 

[wnq-writers]

With a broken heart that rattles inside her chest, she exists. But is she living?

thevalsworldlove (via wnq-writers)

[ems-vance-deactivated20181031]

"You took advantage of my feelings for you."

“I wasn’t- I didn’t…” Emmeline stumbled over her words as she looked at Lucinda. Casual flirtation, and a good mixture of alcohol and drugs, had lead to the girls developing romantic feelings towards one another. Emmeline had never been certain she was anything more than smitten with the other woman but she could tell that Lucinda had been falling fast. She’d meant to talk to her before and explain everything but she also hadn’t wanted their hook ups to end. Sighing, Emmeline looked down at the ground before looking up at Lucinda again. 

“I’m sorry, Luce.” She said softly, frowning a bit. “I never meant to take advantage of your feelings but we both knew it could never be more than just hooking up. My family would never let me marry a half blood or a woman for that matter…” She responded using the same response she gave everyone- her family. It was hard to not fall back on that old crutch. “I-I have to be with someone suitable…”

[ems-vance-deactivated20181031]

Emmeline rolled her eyes before crossing her arms over her chest. She knew why she was being so defensive with Lucinda, it wasn’t to protect the other girl- she was doing it to protect herself. Emmeline’s first and foremost thought would always be for herself and for her family. She would not do anything without first weighing whether her actions would hurt her or her family. She knew they were already under scrutiny because Emmeline refused to marry which is why everything she did for the Order she did in secrecy. “I don’t know if that’s stubbornness or stupidity. That you really believe anything that you’re saying.” She spat back standing a bit straighter as she did.

She noticed how Lucinda’s demeanour seemed to change and she hoped that it would lead to Lucinda coming to her senses. She hoped that Lucinda would run and run far from all of this. “Glad to see you’re finally coming to your senses.” She called to Lucinda’s retreating back.

[casually-furious-blog]

That was the problem with the two girls, they both liked to have the last word. And neither liked to admit when they were wrong. So of course Emmeline couldn’t say Lucinda might have a point about the houses, and Lucinda, well, she had found it difficult but not impossible to agree with Emmeline now. About her leaving. 

She didn’t want to, but what else could be accomplished by staying? If she stayed longer, harsher words would be thrown between them and it was possible that Lucinda might end up in the tears that were always so close to the surface these days. She would hate that. 

Lucinda turned to glare at Emmeline over her shoulder, one hand on the doorframe. “I only wish you’d come to yours,” she whispered.

[casually-furious-blog]

“ i can’t stop picturing you with her ”

“That sounds like a personal problem to me.”

[ems-vance-deactivated20181031]

Emmeline hadn’t exactly thought about where Lucinda might be safe but she figured anywhere would be better than in the middle of all of this. She thought for a moment before looking up at Lucinda again. “Go to Italy, or France. Get out of this. I’m sure any of those Quidditch teams would love to have you. Just get out of here.” While Emmeline would hate to see Lucinda go she’d be much happier to know she was away from all of this.

[casually-furious-blog]

“That’s not how teams work, and anyway, that’s not the issue anymore. I’m not running away from this!” Lucinda said forcefully. “What’s the point? If they win here, you think they’ll stop with England?? You think some people in Italy or France might not think that Voldemort has the right idea?” She shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Here, I don’t have much, but it’s more than I’d have anywhere else.” Besides, they’d already taken her parents from her. What else could they possibly want from her?

[casually-furious-blog]

“I told you I did stupid stuff when I got pissed off”

“Yeah well this certainly takes the cake, Lina-girl.”

[ems-vance-deactivated20181031]

Emmeline had been expecting more from Lucinda. She’d expected shouting or for Lucinda to tell her she’d made the wrong decisions. That she needed to make a choice- them or her. As if it would ever be a choice though. If Emmeline or anyone in her family were to turn their back on Voldemort and his ways the entire family would be in danger- not just the defective one. So Emmeline had to play the part, at least until she could figure out how to keep her family safe.

She chewed on her lower lip while she waited to see if Lucinda would say anything else. When the other girl didn’t, she tilted her head to the side before sighing. One of them would have to break the silence and Emmeline didn’t want to be the one. They were both so stubborn, the silence could have lasted forever but Emmeline couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Okay? That’s it…?” She asked before running a hand through her hair.

[casually-furious-blog]

“I can’t force you to contact me,” Lucinda said with a shrug.  “I can’t force you to care.” She was proud that she managed to keep the catch out of her voice, but just barely. She was going through these periods lately of feeling nothing at all, and then feeling everything far too keenly. Or maybe it was just because she felt so much with Emmeline. Either way, there was no point in wasting her breath or energy shouting at Emmeline. It would only make the other girl defensive and feel as if she was in the right and Lucinda was in the wrong. 

There was no reasoning with her when it came to the danger she believed she and her family were in. So of course they would come first. Lucinda was a friend, at best, but likely one who was expendable. Sure the girls had fun together, they were good for each other--and bad--and they enjoyed each other’s company. But who would risk the wrath of their family--and Voldemort--for Lucinda when apparently even an owl would have placed Emmeline in danger? It was likely only now that Lucinda was standing in front of Emmeline that Emmeline even thought of her. 

“Look, since I’m clearly too dangerous to even send an owl too, you probably shouldn’t be seen with me,” she said, a trace of her bite in her voice, a hint of a challenge. But only a hint. She didn’t actually expect Emmeline to stick around, not after this. She was giving Emmeline the benefit of the doubt in that regard anyway; in assuming that Emmeline had even wanted to reach out to her. 

[casually-furious-blog]

Affolé--LE

[elisgreengrass-blog]

By the time Noelle had come along, Elis had been starting school. What he knew of his sister was spent during holidays and odd weekends away for family business. He’d already had his parents’ attention and did not mind that their attention would be on the new addition. Except it hadn’t been. Perhaps that was why he cared for her so much – because he’d been old enough to see and understand that his parents did not dote on his sister in the same way they’d doted upon him.

“I assume so,” Elis finally said, his voice slightly unsure. Certainly Noelle got more attention at school than she did at home, but it was not proper or polite to say so at this time. “She is always telling me of her friends. She actually visited for a couple of weeks this summer, but I won’t see her until December. Unless I’m able to find a reason to visit the school.” By the expression on his face, Elis was clear about the fact that he expected to sneak in to see his sister.

He looked at his watch before looking back at Lucinda. “I should probably check out and get back home,” he told her apologetically.

[casually-furious-blog]

From the look on Elis’ face, Lucinda believed he might find an excuse to be able to go back to France and Beauxbatons. She didn’t think he’d have to try too hard; what school wouldn’t want to welcome back a distinguished alum? It was nice that he was so dedicated to his sister. And touching that he didn’t want to wait until Christmas to see her. Most people were only too happy to ship off the young ones to school. 

Lucinda nodded quickly. She was surprised he had stayed as long as he did. He likely could have accomplished his errands much quicker without accompanying her to hers as well.

“Of course,” she blurted. “Please don’t let me keep you.”

@elisgreengrass

[casually-furious-blog]

Dust to Dust--OPEN

There are a lot of people here.

It was a thought that entered Lucinda’s mind, a detached observation. She wasn’t feeling much of anything these days. She had taken one of the calming draughts that the Healer had given her this morning, before her grandfather had arrived with his caregiver. Her father’s father was old and only sometimes aware of what was going on. Lucinda liked him, and had visited him often. But he was in no condition, even before the news of his son’s  death, to be any help to Lucinda. So she had to go it alone. 

The Ministry had sent a car for Lucinda and her grandfather, for which she was grateful. They had arranged the funeral too. It was the least they could do for someone who had worked so tirelessly in the Department of International Magical Cooperation. That’s what one of her father’s bosses had told her when they came to offer her their condolences anyway. Not much mention was made about Lucinda’s mother aside from that the proper Muggle officials had been notified.

Lucinda knew some of her mother’s coworkers, but she hadn’t really cared that they would not be allowed to attend the magical funeral. She hadn’t really cared about anything since finding out. Since the knowledge that her parents were dead and she was alone in the world had her crying the whole night, huddled in her parents’ bed. She hadn’t cried since then. 

She didn’t cry now, either, though her eyes felt red rimmed and dry. Instead, she sat in the front of the chairs rimming the open grave, her back ramrod straight and hands clenching each other in her lap. She watched as people passed her to pay their respects to the two closed caskets. The line was fucking never ending. 

Lucinda wanted nothing more than for this to be over. She just wanted to change out of her elegant, simple black dress and high heels, and into her sweatpants and a sweatshirt. She wanted to cuddle with Tetu in bed and sleep until she absolutely had to wake up again. 

Lucinda brought her eyes up to look at the person as one of the pairs of black shoes entered her field of vision.

[casually-furious-blog]

“ i can’t stop picturing you with her ”

“That sounds like a personal problem to me.”

[ems-vance-deactivated20181031]

Emmeline looked at Lucinda before running a hand through her hair. She wanted Lucinda in her life- as a friend, as more -but with the world as it was having Lucinda in any capacity was not an option. Emmeline had enough on her plate trying to keep herself and her family alive- she couldn’t add Lucinda to that. She just couldn’t add that extra stress to her own life she was hardly holding on to her sanity as it was.

“I want you to be happy and you can’t have that with me.” Emmeline responded before crossing her arms over her chest. “You’ll be safe and happy once you leave this place- leave all of this behind. Go play Quidditch- be happy.”

[casually-furious-blog]

Lucinda rolled her eyes. The sentiment might be well meant, but the words were over dramatic and cliché.  Emmeline was hiding behind them. “Where exactly am I supposed to go?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. Her voice was dispassionate, though a little curious. She didn’t know where Emmeline thought Lucinda would be safe. It wasn’t as if the other brunette was a magnet for trouble, as if people were placed in danger simply by being near Emmeline Vance. 

“No one is safe and happy these days,” she told Emmeline flatly. “Which is why you find happiness wherever, and with whoever, you can.

[casually-furious-blog]

“I told you I did stupid stuff when I got pissed off”

“Yeah well this certainly takes the cake, Lina-girl.”

[ems-vance-deactivated20181031]

“Of course not. I’m more careful than that.” Emmeline responded thinking of how carefully she had to choose her words and make sure she wasn’t seen by anyone or with anyone that would look compromising. It was exhausting living a double life but it was what she had to do in order to protect herself and her family. “Do you really think I would still be living at home- that any of my family would be living in our home- if there were any doubts as to where our loyalties lay?”

“I did wonder how you’d been and I’d thought of seeing you but…” Emmeline paused before realising whatever she said would just sound like an excuse. There was nothing she could say that would make Lucinda forgive her for being a terrible friend. “Nothing I say can make up for not coming to see you. I’m sorry dear.”

[casually-furious-blog]

Lucinda knew that Emmeline hadn’t told her family. That was the point. The other woman was trying to live with a foot in both worlds. Lucinda didn’t understand how there could be anymore grey area when it came to this. Voldemort and his followers were trying to ‘purify’ society and were willing to go to great, and terrible lengths to do so. Lucinda understood family affection, but to live with people who were committing such atrocities....

She supposed she could liken it to an abuse victim staying with her abuser. Except the only thing Emmeline was suffering from was a conflict of interest. 

Lucinda shook her head in disgust at Emmeline’s rationalizations of it all. But her movements stilled at Emmeline’s apology. She hadn’t been expecting that. She had been expecting more excuses, more reasons that Emmeline thought justified not helping out her--well whatever Lucinda was to her.

She didn’t know what to say. Some acknowledgement of the apology had to be made, but Lucinda couldn’t bring herself to wash it all away by saying that it was fine. Because it wasn’t. Lucinda knew how to act in her own self interest, but if someone she cared about was in danger or hurting, she would find some way to at least let them know she still cared.

So Lucinda shrugged, arms hugging her body in a slightly defensive motion. “Okay,” she whispered, eyes to the floor. What else was there to say?

[ems-vance-deactivated20181031]

"You took advantage of my feelings for you."

“I wasn’t- I didn’t…” Emmeline stumbled over her words as she looked at Lucinda. Casual flirtation, and a good mixture of alcohol and drugs, had lead to the girls developing romantic feelings towards one another. Emmeline had never been certain she was anything more than smitten with the other woman but she could tell that Lucinda had been falling fast. She’d meant to talk to her before and explain everything but she also hadn’t wanted their hook ups to end. Sighing, Emmeline looked down at the ground before looking up at Lucinda again. 

“I’m sorry, Luce.” She said softly, frowning a bit. “I never meant to take advantage of your feelings but we both knew it could never be more than just hooking up. My family would never let me marry a half blood or a woman for that matter…” She responded using the same response she gave everyone- her family. It was hard to not fall back on that old crutch. “I-I have to be with someone suitable…”

[ems-vance-deactivated20181031]

Emmeline couldn’t help the bitter laugh that slipped past her lips when she insulted her lineage. “That’s why I ended up in Ravenclaw because my brain cells have been damaged? You are the one who ended up with my people. What does that make you?” She knew Lucinda didn’t mean her particularly but she had to defend her heritage.

“I think you’re just looking for anything to hold onto.” Emmeline responded crossing her arms over her chest. “You should go.”

[casually-furious-blog]

“Ravenclaws have a desire to learn. The fact that many of them are smart is not a defining trait in the house,” Lucinda replied, not knowing why she was bothering to argue.  “And me being in Slytherin just speaks to my ambitiousness. It means I won’t take no for an answer.” Her response was spirited, but more out of habit and contrariness than anything else. She honestly didn’t know where she stood with Emmeline anymore. She didn’t even know where she wanted to stand.

Searching Emmeline’s face, Lucinda saw the stubbornness that both girls shared. It was one of the reasons why they fought so much. Neither was willing to give an inch. Suddenly, Lucinda felt tired.

“I should,” Lucinda agreed softly. Her arms dropped to her sides and she let out a sigh. She turned towards the door. No goodbye or farewell, or ‘see you later’ was necessary. Because Lucinda didn’t know which would be appropriate, and which would be most true.

[casually-furious-blog]

Affolé--LE

[elisgreengrass-blog]

He knew, of course, that Lucinda was an only child. After all, one did not kidnap individuals without knowing everything there was to know about them. Another child was something that would have shown up in the dossier that they’d had compiled – clandestinely, of course. And so, of course he had no need to ask Lucinda about her family – it would probably only make her sad as it was. He did not wish her to have another panicking episode.

No, it was better for them to bond over things other than her emotional instability at the moment. It would certainly serve Elis better in the future if he was seen as the understanding and sympathetic friend.

Elis smiled as he thought of Noelle. He’d always been close with his sister, had always enjoyed doting on her in the ways that their parents didn’t. “I do.” He inclined his head and looked ahead at the toys, picking out a couple that he knew his sister would enjoy for her kitten. “Noelle was born as I started at Beauxbatons,” he said with a smile. “So she’s just turned 12.” He smiled at Lucinda as he picked out a couple more items before making his way to the front to pay.

[casually-furious-blog]

If one had to have a sibling, Lucinda supposed it was better to have one later in life. Of course, it was a reminder that your parents were still having sex when you were old enough to understand it, but once past that, Lucinda could see the benefits.  Lucinda could appreciate what a little sister or brother meant far better at seventeen than she would have been able to at seven. Then, a sibling would have just been a competitor for her parents’ attention and a sap on their resources and energy.  Lucinda knew people with large families often had less money in general. She would have hated to miss out on a travel and learning opportunity because of the fact that the whole family couldn’t afford to go. 

Lucinda could appreciate the affection Elis clearly had for his sister, though. It spoke to his kindness, and that he took his responsibilities seriously.  And the fact that he thought about her and sent her gifts often...well it was just nice. Lucinda didn’t know why she was dwelling on these insights into Elis’ character in any case. She rationalized that it was to keep her mind off of more important, sadder topics and left it at that. 

Lucinda trailed Elis to the front counter, a bag of food for her pets under each arm.

“Does she like Beauxbatons?”

@elisgreengrass

[casually-furious-blog]

Charmsing Night

[tmctavish-blog]

He continued to scan her face, watching her calculated actions move from patron to patron. The billowing spoke gave him comfort, as an aggressive customer stood and stormed out of the bar. As she removed the cigarette, he saw the red ring of her lipstick, and flicked his gaze up momentarily to see if there was an absence of lipstick there. But as he tried to see, she began to speak again, and he turned his attention to the man in the corner, listening to her story.

He chuckled, picturing it in his head and nodding in approval. “Seems about right. I’d say the accountant is a pretty blonde, completely out of his league, who prances around the office and uses her assets for attention. And the poor bugger reckons he has a chance cos she bends over a bit too much round his desk.”

His gaze moved back around the room, landing on a wretched looking woman in the corner. He tapped Lucinda gently on the arm and indicated to her. “Used to be on the cover of witch weekly. Most attractive witch for three seasons before she found out her husband had an affair with another man. – Can’t be sure if it was her brother or just a close friend.”

He knocked back another shot of Firewhiskey, poured himself another along with more for his, temporary, favourite patron. He reached into his pocket, finding his cigarette packet, contemplating as he watched her observe the room. She was young, but she reminded him of what he was once like. Since Vic died, he’d not had the same troublemaker relationship with anyone. But even looking at this girl made him nostalgic.

[casually-furious-blog]

Lucinda turned her attention from her lazy survey of the room to the woman Tarquin had picked.  She continued smoking as he put words to the woman’s story.  It was true, the witch did have an air of faded beauty about her.  But pain and sorrow had sapped that away. Lucinda shook her head in disgust. The young never want to see the effects of life, never want to believe that they are looking their futures in the face. 

She hoped that if faced with similar adversity, she would not let her hair go limp and unwashed, her clothes too baggy and her makeup carelessly done as the other witch had.  But everyone thinks they will face obstacles with character and strength. Until they actually are faced with them. 

Lucinda smirked a bit and pulled the shot towards herself. She did not throw it back right away this time, though. Her index finger traced the rim of the glass as she raised an eyebrow at him, noticing his contemplation. 

“Thinking up another juicy story?”

@tmctavish

[casually-furious-blog]

Where do you go when-- (repost and repurposed for Miriam & Lucinda)

[miriamstroutrr-deactivated20160]

Had the incompetent idiots she worked with not even told this poor girl the name of the Healer that would be treating her?  She struggled to deal with the quick, efficient, and relatively heartless way they dealt with trauma patients.  There was a balance she wasn’t sure they would ever quite achieve.  “Miriam,” she answered quickly.  “Miriam Strout.  My apologies, I thought they would have told you.”

She bit down on her lip, trying to find it within herself to calm this frantic girl.  “I promise there’s nothing funny going on here.  I’m 27, and I was a Gryffindor at Hogwarts.  I had a cat too.  Her name was Salem, but she died last year.  Your cat is much more handsome though.  Salem was fat and old.  She never moved from the back of my couch.  I’m not convinced she’d move all day sometimes.”

She was going to give the girl another minute to calm down on her own before she was forced to take other kind of action.  She didn’t want to restrain her, but she also didn’t want to her pass out.  “Just breath, I promise you’re safe here.  What can I do to convince you it’s okay?”

@casually-furious

[casually-furious-blog]

Lucinda could see that the Healer--Miriam--was trying to convince her. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was so guilty she was desperate to appear innocent, or if it was because of how agitated Lucinda herself was.  Her heart was pounding so quickly, it almost hurt, and her throat felt tight with a lump that she felt could choke her. 

She let Miriam’s words wash over her, listened to the slow yet urgent rhythm of them, and the soothing cadence of her voice. She knew she was embarrassing herself--even if she was in danger, she should be able to deal with it calmly and logically, without flying off the handle as she was.  Trying to get control of her breathing, and herself, was more difficult than it seemed in her current state. And suddenly, her fear was not of the Healer with the calming draught--because honestly Lucinda, what else could it be?--but of herself. Of the way she couldn’t quiet get enough control to calm herself down.

Tears started rolling down her cheeks. She fell forward a bit, and her shattered breathing turned to sobs. 

“You can’t. I don’t think it’s okay. I don’t think it will ever be okay,” she cried. Lucinda was letting loose of her tenuous control, but also letting go of her paranoia, of her fight or flight response. She was allowing the shock to wash over her and the tears to fall.

@miriamstroutrr

[tmctavish-blog]

☽ = wandering alone at night

@casually-furious

Hedespised graveyards. They reminded him of his constant andunavoidable phobia, but it was the last resting place on his father.Not that his father deserved someone to visit his grave when theyfound out who he really was. Mister McTavish was an excellentgentleman, a well brought up Pureblood with golden manners and awinning charm. Oh, and he liked to murder, torture and mutilateMuggles on the side. And he was completely in to physical abuse on awoman who didn’t know her place. But other than that…

Noone left flowers at his grave, there’d even been vandalism a fewtimes, not that Tarquin blamed them. But blood was blood. And he had…somewhat raised him. But it did nothing to aid his fear of  theuncertainty and possibility of nothingness when death inevitablycaught up with him. Knowing that his father, that Vic was there, gavehim a small amount of comfort.

Hewas wandering back through the dark fog that lingered aroundforgotten graves, smoking his usual cigarette, when he saw her. Thedark silhouette of a woman, although her actions were unclear. As hewandered closer, unafraid and half intrigued by the mysteriousness ofa woman out on her own at such an hour.

Oncloser inspection, he realised it was a Hogwarts student he’d met nottoo long ago during one of his shifts. The sassy little thing withthe air of superiority and the undeniable talent for trouble.“Talkalot?” Tarquin asked with slight concern. She was only ateen after all, and these were not good times to be out by ones self.“Lucinda, what are you doing?”

[tmctavish-blog]

Tarquin watched her as she seemed to scorn herself for allowing the closeness between them. It was no closer than how they were in the Leaky Cauldron the night they had met, but there was a new wary nature about her. The grasp on her wand, the distrust in her eyes – he couldn’t stand the sight of the defiant yet clearly broken young witch. He didn’t know how to comfort, half the time he hated it. But, even against his original judgement of her, he became fond of her when he served her.

He watched as she took the cigarette from between his fingertips with such speed, as though it was the only thing keeping her breathing. He watched her inhale, eyes lingering on the wisps of smoke that passed her lips. A guilty pleasure – watching those take part in an addiction he had. After a moment of staring, he turned his attention back to the grave.

He reached into his back pocket, brandishing his wand. For a moment, he was concerned that Lucinda would see it as a threat, so he made quick work of saying, “Orchideous.” – And conjuring a wreath onto the graves of her loved ones. Almost immediately after, he placed the wand back in his pocket, almost to indicate that he meant no harm. “I know it doesn’t help.” He told her honestly. “But it’s something.”

She handed the cigarette back to him, and he took another long drag before stubbing it out on the side of his jeans and chucking the stub in the opposite direction of which he was standing. Disrespectful to others, maybe. But he was hardly going to drop it on the grave that his companion was currently mourning. “Who were they?” He asked quietly, trying to make his voice gentle. He wasn’t good at this part.

“Yeah.” He said shortly. “Every now and again I found it therapeutic to be around dead people. With such an uncertainty on what happens after death, it’s nice to remember that many other people have done it too.” He paused before adding, “I don’t know what you believe in, Luci, but if it comforts you, I’m sure they’re watching over you still.” – He wasn’t quick to knock the thought of an afterlife out of his mind. He wanted to believe in one, didn’t want to believe that this was it, but he didn’t believe humanity, wizards or witches, were important enough in the grand scheme of things.

His father was rotting in his cell. Nothing more. But he would never knock what Lucinda believed, especially now. On other times, he would have, mostly because of scepticism and his own irrational fear of the inevitable. But now was not the time.

“How long do you intend on staying out here. Times are getting dangerous.”

[casually-furious-blog]

Lucinda tensed for a moment when Tarquin pulled out his wand.  Despite hers being lowered, she still clutched it tightly between numbing fingers. He seemed to realize that she might be threatened by it, as he hastened to cast the innocuous spell he had intended in the first place. The unexpected kindness of the gesture had her blinking back tears. She bit her lip against a sob.

“They’re my parents,” Lucinda said shortly. She still referred to them in the present tense. Because even though they were dead and buried, those were her parents. That wouldn’t change, whether they were alive or dead.  They were all she had in the world.  They were it.  Friends would come and go—as many had proven of late—but they…her parents were supposed to be there for her forever.

It was nice of him to try to comfort her with his talk of an afterlife. Of her parents watching over her. When she was very young, Lucinda might have believed in God, might have taken comfort in the notion of a Heaven. But Lucinda had abandoned those beliefs long before this. Her parents’ death did nothing to change her natural skeptical nature. Shit might happen to her, but she created the good stuff. She did not believe in someone up there fucking with her life or anyone else’s. There was some element of luck and chance, but that was only because the universe was random. Some had to get more luck than others in that case.

She wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic when he said he found it therapeutic to be around dead people, so she merely gave him a bit of a look. But she said nothing. If it really was a comfort to him, she wasn’t going to take that away from him. She was realizing how important small comforts were.

Drawn out of her thoughts again by his words, she looked startled. Misunderstanding, she immediately began to take off his jacket. “Not long. Sorry, you must be wanting to get back,” she apologized. It was late after all, and even if he did enjoy being in a graveyard after dark, there was likely only so much morbidity a person could stand. Of course he would want to take his jacket and take off. She was not the brash, bold company from weeks ago after all.

@tarquinmctavish

[casually-furious-blog]

Searching for Eden--Lucinda and Regulus

[regulusblack-sonandheir]

Regulus sighed. “I suppose Mother can be off-putting, yes. Hold on.” He apparated them straight through the wards and into the front hall of the house. Regulus led Lucinda into the sitting room so they could sit down. “Have you…you haven’t been at home for the last few days much? Are you hungry?” Regulus bit his lip, unsure of what exactly Lucinda’s circumstances were at the moment. 

[casually-furious-blog]

Lucinda bit her tongue to keep from saying that both of Regulus’ parents could be a little more than off putting. She wasn’t about to insult him or his family when he was offering her some shelter, however temporary it might be.

Lucinda sat down, wrapping her arms round herself in an unconscious gesture. She felt jittery. And she couldn’t help but wonder just how much Regulus knew about her parents’ disappearance. 

“Yes, a little,” she admitted, not willing to tell him that she was in fact ravenous. Her appetite came and went. Clearly the adrenaline from when he surprised her had kick started it again.