to the people who don’t trust their own memories, who don’t always believe themselves, who get imposter syndrome when it comes to being a victim/survivor…
i believe you. your feelings and experiences are real and valid.
don’t argue with or challenge the delusion—attempting to disprove someone’s delusions is not helpful at all and will result in that person not trusting you
assure the delusional person that they are safe; be open and honest at all times
encourage them to verbalize their feelings and offer protection to prevent injury to themselves or, possibly, others
start building a trusting relationship with them rather than acting on a desire to control their symptoms
do not confirm or feed into the delusion by asking questions about it when the person is not experiencing a psychotic episode
what it does not mean:
insisting to a psychotic person experiencing psychosis that what they’re experiencing isn’t real
I don’t mean to trivialize psychosis by making a weird comparison, but this guide also serves as a handy checklist for helping someone through a bad drug trip. In both cases your number one priority is to get the person through whatever they’re dealing with unharmed.
i don’t think it’s trivializing at all, nor a weird comparison—as a psychotic person who has had psychotic episodes inadvertently triggered by drug use and/or worsened while trying to self-medicate with drugs, i think this is an important addition.
Things Your Fat Partner Might Want You to Know: A Letter to Skinny Partners
(This post contains thoughts and opinions that are influenced by my perspective. The content of this post is not reflective of all fat individuals and should not be assumed as such. Approach with caution.)
When you're leading your partner somewhere, it can feel humiliating for them to try to squeeze through the same tight places that may be easy for you to walk through. Please make sure your path is wide enough for your partner to follow without worrying about whether they fit.
Being bigger than your partner means that your clothes will often be shared with them but not the other way around. Make your partner feel special by giving them something of yours that isn't restricted by size (jewelry, bandanas, blankets, stuffed animals, etc.).
On the same note, if possible, keep clothes in their size in case of unexpected overnights or emergencies!
Don't assume your partner knows you love their fat body. When being told they are attractive, fat people often hear they are beautiful despite being fat, not because they are fat. Have a conversation with your partner about whether they are okay with specific parts of their body being complimented (stomach, thighs, arms, etc.) and tell them how much you love their body.
Eating around others can be a huge trigger for many fat people. If necessary, make sure your partner feels comfortable and safe when you ask them on a date involving food. Reassure your partner them that what/how much they eat isn't an issue and that it is a judgement free zone. Fat people are often judged no matter what they are eating, so please make this a safe space for them and show your support.
Understand that your fat partner may be restricted in doing certain physical activities. Make sure that they feel comfortable and are going at a pace that works for both of you. Make accommodations when necessary.
Being fat can come with a lot of physical discomfort and pain. Offer your partner massages, powder, lotion, and other forms of support to help them feel comfortable.
Overall, your fat partner is a unique individual. They may agree with everything on this list or absolutely nothing. Have the conversation with them to ensure that their needs are being met, that they feel comfortable, and that they feel loved.
To everyone reading this who is a skinny partner to a fat person, thank you for taking the time to read this post.
-dont go to the emergency room with dental problems. go to the dentist
-bagged greens are cheaper than pre-made salads
-taco bell is NOT worth the money anymore. 1/4 cup mayo, 1/4 cup sour cream, 3 tblspoons pickled jalapenos+2tblspoons of the jar liquid, 2 tsp paprika 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp garlic powder 1 tsp onion powder salt+pepper. all in your blender. creamy jalapeno sauce
-dont quit your job unless you have a bunch of job interviews lined up immediately after
-use resources. food bank, unemployment, housing assistance, financial aid, etc. yes there will be paperwork. but Do It
-dont stay awake longer than 20 hours. you Will start to become impulsive and cranky. resting for 20 minutes is better than trying to stay awake
-for every 2 hours you spend looking up close at screens, spend 20 minutes looking at something far away from you. stretch your wrists a lot
-dont do that yoga stretch where you roll your head around your shoulders. youre grinding down the joints in your neck
-be nice to your friends, bullying them as a joke gets old. if you need a ride somewhere at least offer them gas money
-brush your teeth at any time of the day but especially before you sleep. dont snack in bed if you can help it. make your bed the Clean Teeth Zone. keep floss picks by your bed
-dont tell your boss youre adhd/autism/depression/suicidal. dont trust your coworkers with that. you NEVER know how people will take it and its none of their business
-train your pets to go to the front door when they hear a fire alarm
this stems from the same source as people who say trans or gay people "aren't family-friendly", or who accuse black people of "making everything about race". not everyone is a middle-class white able-bodied neurotypical american with two loving alive biological parents, a standard schooling experience, and an office job. you will have to learn to accept that sometimes other people's neutral description of their lived experience will make you uncomfortable.
saw someone ask "why are trans people always skinnier in the after image of transition timelines" and the responses were pissing me the fuck off
literally the only answer is that transition timelines are meant to visually justify the necessity of transitioning to a cis audience. people won't believe you if you just say you're happier, but if you're more attractive aka a more morally righteous person, then you're allowed. a massive part of this is weight loss. fat people are hated, fat women even more, and being a fat trans woman is utter misery. transition timelines where the woman became or stayed fat don't get popular or are never posted at all. that's why you don't see them.
also every fucking answer in the comments that basically just kept repeating "fat = depressed and miserable and ugly and gross but thin = happy and active and social so transitioning just makes your life better so you get thinner because good people are thin and fat people are evil :)))))))))" fucking straight to jail. I'm done with all of you
You are not a bother. You are not a burden. You are not a waste of space. You are not annoying every person you talk to. Your existence matters. Your presence makes a good difference.
You know that tidbit about how "if you want to be a girl/boy, but you don't want to consider yourself transgender or commit to any form of transition because 'I'd make an ugly girl/boy!', then you are already transgender and a girl/boy"? The same is true for non-binary people. If what's stopping you from thinking of yourself as non-binary is a fear that you'll turn out ugly or like a caricature of a non-binary person, or that no-one will ever view you as worthy of love if you're non-binary, you are non-binary and expressing gender dysphoria and imposter syndrome. Just thought I'd let you know.
I do sometimes wonder how many non-binary people there are out there who think they can't be non-binary because that would make them ugly. That they can't be non-binary because they're not [insert insulting stereotype of non-binary people here], and they don't want to be [stereotype], so clearly they must just be a little GNC.
It is oft-repeated that non-binary people don't owe anyone androgyny, but not nearly as often is it repeated that non-binary people don't owe anyone conventional attractiveness. I believe this needs stating because people do not believe non-binary people can be attractive, or anything other than [insert insulting stereotype here], at all. Or, if someone believes we can be attractive, then they often believe we must be perfectly androgynous and near-angelic and viewed as a total bombshell by everyone of all genders all the time. In essence, we are defined out of conventional attractiveness almost entirely, with a small handful of people allowing narrow exceptions to people who are very, very lucky and willing to conform to a specific look. This pairs poorly with the number of people who have been told their whole life that their worth is defined entirely by how beautiful they are and how well they conform to a gender. Of course there are a ton of people who are not willing to give up the thing that everyone values them for, in favour of choosing something that everyone thinks is ugly.
For the record, I think non-binary people are beautiful. Non-binary people need to be told they are beautiful more often, especially those who are told that their choice to transition is a downgrade that will make them ugly and revolting and mutilated and therefore unlovable. But non-binary people are often not conventionally attractive, because the conventions in question are decided by the patriarchal sex-binary, which will always prefer that non-binary people stop being non-binary in any visible way. So this is why I must repeat that non-binary people do not owe anyone attractiveness-- because, in many cases, a prerequisite for conventional attractiveness includes not being non-binary. So non-binary people need to be told that they are worth more than what patriarchal dipshits assume about their character based off of their body. It is more important for you to like your body than for others to like it, and the point of transition is to make you like your body. This is the #1 reason why you should transition.
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