[WP] You jokingly pick up a banana and talk into it as if it's a phone, but as you laugh at your stupidity, you hear a voice answer back.
"...hello? Is this thing on?"
"Wrong end, dumbass."
Ralph did a double take.
"...uh..."
"The mouth piece is the long skinny part. The stem. I can't hear a damn word you're saying when you hold it like that."
Ralph looked at the yellow shaft of the fruit between his fingers, his eyes drawn down to the brown banana-butt opposite the stem.
"Huh?"
"Jesus Christ kid. FLIP. THE BANANA. OVER."
The muffled anguish of the voice had enough ire to force Ralph to turn the banana in his hand and hold the stem up to his mouth - the brown banana-butt hovering cautiously by his ear.
"...hello?"
"Hi kid. That's better." A raspy, tired sounding voice emitted from the banana-earpiece.
"Who... who is this?" Ralph had no better question to ask.
"That's not important right now," the banana replied. "I need you to follow my instructions very, VERY carefully. Can you do that, kid?"
Ralph's stomach rumbled. He had been planning on having his noontime snack in between classes, but caught himself posing with the fruit in his beat up Civic.
"I don't know... I'm pretty hungry, and I really have this midterm I need the potassium for..."
"Ha ha. Shut up. This won't take long, then you can eat this one. It's a burner anyway. Less than desirable area code. Just make sure to pull the Dole sticker off and they won't be able to trace this peel."
Ralph pulled the bananaphone away from his ear and squinted at it - then held it back up to his face. Somehow, the idea of how this was all possible had failed to cross his mind until that instant.
"Hey, uh, how..."
"Kid I really need you to focus for me. Seriously. This is really important. They'll be coming any second and you need to be prepared-"
"Wait." Ralph responded more urgently now. "WHO's coming? Who's they? And what's going on here? How are you talking to me?"
"Alright kid, forget it. They're outside. We need to cut this line and I'll find a way to reach out to you later. Remember: pull off the Dole sticker. Good luck."
*click*
The line went dead. "Hey!" Ralph raised his voice into the stem, but there was no answer. The voice was gone.
Sitting in the parking lot, he held the fruit-communicator at arms length. Aside from the obvious, something had seemed off about the urgency of the situation. He looked back at the stem, realizing that he had better follow the instructions in case some kind of trouble should find him.
Ralph turned the banana over one last time, then realized what was troubling him.
The banana had a Chiquita sticker. Ralph shrugged and took a bite.














