Used him. Like some puppet.
None of these words were ones that could be denied; all painful, and true. Selfishly, though, he found himself feeling grateful as well. Alexei was sure that saying so would only anger the mage further, but it was clear how much she cared for Raven. It made him happy to know he had such good friends. Friends who took care of him when Alexei could not.
“I know what I did. Better than anyone. …And yet he saved me, all the same.” That was the truth, and Alexei saw no reason to lie about it now and dig a hole any deeper for himself and for Raven. Alexei shook his head, a downcast gaze trailing the ground.
“I must have asked why over a thousand times.”
And yet each time, his answer changed.
One moment, Raven claimed that he saved him to make him take accountability, yet in the next, he contradicted himself, proclaiming he wouldn’t let him die no matter what, everyone else be damned. A bit difficult to claim he was doing it for everyone else while damning them in the same breath, Alexei thought, but that still wasn’t a proper answer, when an answer was what Alexei so desperately wanted. An answer to why Raven would go behind his friends backs for him. An answer to why he’d kill a man for him… and one day it would finally come out; what Alexei believed to be his truth.
He didn’t want to lose the last friend he had left from back then. No matter how far Alexei fell… it wouldn’t change how he felt. Raven would continue to hold on for dear life in a desperate attempt to cling to what little of his past remained. That was it. That had to be the reason why that man could still bear to call him a friend. He was simply tricking himself.
“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this in his place, but… for reasons not even I understand, he himself called me his friend.”
"That idiot..."
Rita shook her head, gritting her teeth. How could Raven just help someone who'd hurt him the way Alexei had? The teenager couldn't wrap her head around it. Forgiveness wasn't something she thought should just be handed out all willy nilly. Not without a good cause! People like Alexei didn't deserve it! And yet...
And yet. Rita knew she had eventually forgiven Raven for what he had done, too. He probably hadn't deserved it, either, but his situation was different, wasn't it? He'd been turned against them because his boss had told him to. Raven wasn't the same as Alexei. The man was irritating as hell, and yet he was someone that had some good qualities. Alexei? As far as Rita was concerned he didn't have any. So why in the name of the goddesses did Raven feel like he'd needed to help the former commandant?
She wasn't getting any answers. Information, sure, as Rita was at least able to start piecing things together in her mind. Things had been chaotic as hell in the aftermath of fighting Alexei. Yuri had disappeared, that apathaea had fallen, and as far as she and anyone else had been concerned Alexei was dead. But Raven, the damn idiot, had risked his life for Alexei's sake.
And he called him a friend??
"But why the hell would he call you a friend?!" Rita couldn't stop the question from bursting out. She didn't get it. Maybe that was a her problem. After all, she only had the grasps of friendship that she had because of the bonds she had with Yuri and the others. Complicated, strange, unexpected friendships. Imagining Raven thinking of Alexei that way? No. It wasn't possible.
But apparently it was. Why else would he have risked his life? Why else would he have saved a man so awful? Rita mulled the thoughts over and found no further answers. Only further frustration.
"I get he felt like he probably owed you. It's because of you that he's not six feet under because of the Great War," she huffed. That much she hated to admit. It was still an accomplishment that she had to acknowledge, though. Not just anyone could bring someone back from the brink.
"But I can't imagine you two being friends. Colleagues, sure. You were his superior and all that crap. What the hell kind of things could have led to friendship?" Actually... should they be talking out in the open? They were in a secluded little spot of Dahngrest, sure, but she wasn't exactly being quiet.
Maybe luck would continue to hold out and things would be fine. She shoved the thought back. Just keep him talking. Figure out what to do from there.
The young mage was asking all the same questions Alexei harbored himself, when all of this was still fresh… and even now. Funny, how they could relate in this sense, at least, both in agreement only in their worry for Raven.
“That too, I questioned again and again.” Alexei would admit with a soft shake of his head. He never felt he’d earned the right to be called his friend. He couldn’t imagine that he ever would.
“I believe that if there were others left from back then, he wouldn’t still choose to cling to me, of all people.” He explained earnestly. “But I’m all that’s left from his past. Those were his words.”
He paused for a beat, gaze settling on the girl.
“…If your intention is to turn me in, I’m afraid I can’t allow that.” His words were not a threat. Not in the least. But he was adamant.
“Raven’s involvement has grown impossible to overlook. It’s better if the world simply goes on believing I’m dead. …As I should be.” And perhaps a part of him had died. Not quite in the same sense that Raven had… but a more inner piece of himself.
“I’m quite aware that my words mean nothing to you. But I truly have no intention to cause any more harm than I already have.”















