Why you should take control of all your partners diaper checks and changes
Alongside making my baby wear diapers 24/7 the other big step we took which proved to be highly beneficial was me taking control of all his diaper checks and changes.
Before making this switch I’d change him maybe once a day but he’d often change himself out of convenience or embarrassment. I wasn’t checking him so he’d almost always be asking for a change. The big problem with this is he felt scared to ask for a change if I was busy or if he was 💩 which resulted in me changing less diapers over time and contributed to a feeling of isolation on his side that I wasn’t involved.
We tried to increase the amount I changed him by me assuring him it was ok to ask me any time but always after a few days we quickly fell back into the same routine.
Then I decided to try taking full control which I knew would be a lot of work for me but I hoped would help solve the feeling of shame he was suffering with at the time.
It was a huge success and actually wasn’t as much work as I had thought it would be.
He wasn’t allowed to ask for a change or change himself if I was around. Including at home, in public or on vacation.
I’d check his diaper regularly and decide when to change it
I’d change all his diapers where possible
If I wasn’t around, he’d have to ask for permission to change himself with a safety net of if I didn’t respond in 30 mins he could proceed.
From my side getting into the routine of diaper checks was hard initially but what worked in the end was setting a 2-hourly alarm/reminder on my phone prompting me to check him.
Checks are super easy and only take a minute so it doesn’t add up to much time each day. I also think checks are as important as changes in making your partner feel loved and accepted.
There are lots of ways to do it, but at home I like to get him to stand up and drop his pants exposing his diaper, where I can visually check it but also do a quick squeeze to make him blush. Comment on the state of it to add a little embarrassment but weave in encouragement to use it as well. For example “Good boy for using your diaper, it’s held your accidents well but I think it can hold for another hour or so yet”
Dry and wet changes are very easy and quick. I’d highly recommend having a changing area always setup (changing table is ideal but not required) with a mat, range of fresh diapers, power, adult sized wipes and disposable gloves. Messy changes are more work but with some disposable gloves and adult sized wipes it’s still easy to take care of these in less than 5 minutes.
Like the benefits of making him wear 24/7, being responsible for his checks and changes is actually easier for me as I’m not always worried about what I should be doing for him and when. There is a lot of benefits to just knowing he always wears diapers now and I’m responsible for keeping him clean.
In the first few weeks expect some leaks as you get used to the capacity of the different diapers and it’s ok to ask after checking them if they think it will last another hour to two etc. Once you’re up to speed though, they should have no say. Also try avoid changing them too often, they should be in diapers until they’re full and as diapers are expensive you don’t want to waste them.
From my partners perspective this change in routine really helped him feel accepted, loved and much happier overall. Checks and changes are now an enjoyable part of my day where we get some intimate and caring time together throughout the day.
Try be as strict as you can be with taking over all checks and changes but there can be exceptions, for example in certain public scenarios there might not be an option for you to change them so give them permission to go change themselves.
I’d love to hear how do other partners find doing diaper checks and changes? And who else has taken the step to fully take control of it 🚼
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